| | Vanilla Sites vs. Adult SitesPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I am not going to lie. I had a blog on an adult site. I was an avid blogger, and I used the experience to work through a lot of my own issues after my divorce. A mid-life crisis, if you will ... or as I like to refer to it ... a re-evaluation period. Anyhow, I was in the top 10 female bloggers on the site, and I loved the interaction with the people; but, I got really bored with men telling me what they wanted to do to me. After a while, there's nothing you haven't heard before. After gaining almost 800 readers in a 8 month period, I cancelled my blog and my account after I realized I was done with my interaction with the "adult world of entertainment". It gave me a lot of practice for the book I am working on as well, and that was one of my main intentions. My question is ... why did I get so much attention on an adult site; but, seem to have a problem meeting someone that really wants an actual relationship on this type of site? Is a physical relationship all men are interested in at my age? It seemed the men on the other site took a chance at getting to know the real me instead of judging a book by its cover, which is what men on here seem to do. Thanks for any input you may have. I am curious if anyone else has had the same experience regarding the difference in sites. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:35:44 AM |
why did I get so much attention on an adult site
Maybe the ratio of men to women on adult sites is even more skewed than on dating sites. For example, the adult dating sites have something like a ratio of 99:1 men to women | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:46:34 AM | | Not only is the gender ratio way skewed on those sites, but many women post profiles and then abandon them for whatever reason, leaving those sites littered with 'dead' profiles. So there is, I think, an even greater tendency on those sites for guys to be extra blunt about what it is they're looking for, because they seldom get any replies no matter what kind of messages they send. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:53:04 AM |
My question is ... why did I get so much attention on an adult site; but, seem to have a problem meeting someone that really wants an actual relationship on this type of site? Some people want sex more than they want a relationship. The adult site implies sex while the dating site implies relationships.
Perhaps being on the adult site and allowing men to tell you what they wanted to do to you made them assume they might actually get to do it, or just expressing it was enough for them to get off on. You probably wouldn't allow them to behave that way in real life. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:54:17 AM |
why did I get so much attention on an adult site; but, seem to have a problem meeting someone that really wants an actual relationship on this type of site? Most likely because on an adult site it's about sex and on here you are seeking a relationship. The sex industry has a reputation of easy, unattached sex. It doesn't have a reputation of undying love and meeting a life partner. It's completely different. The attention you got from your blog on an adult site came from those who were approaching your interactions with a completely different goal.
In your blogging days you responded and interacted with those who sent these messages, here, because your intent is different, you most likely will only respond to those who interest you personally.
If you want to make a true comparison about your popularity on the adult site vs here, then play into the sex reputation you were previously working under and change your profile accordingly. I imagine your 'success' will increase and at least the circumstances will be somewhat comparable but it rather defeats the point as that's not what you are seeking.
It seemed the men on the other site took a chance at getting to know the real me instead of judging a book by its cover, which is what men on here seem to do. Again, you are trying to compare apples and pears. When you were blogging, the purpose of that is not to actually move from the internet into the real world. You were essentially an anonymous person. They could say anything they wanted, however they wanted, because they could hide behind their screen. It was a safe environment where they could be honest with you and not have to consider you judging them in any way.
This is different. Here, people want you do judge them positively in their interactions with you. They want to create a good impression and are less likely to confide in you their deeper thoughts until they are sure there will be a real world connection. You are no longer a safe and anonymous person but the polar opposite - someone hoping to meet them. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:54:22 AM | | That is a VERY good point. While I felt like prime rib on there, I kinda feel like chopped liver on here. LOL Thanks for your input. Makes perfect sense, and I was always reminded of that by the men. So few REAL women on there as well, they always said. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:56:53 AM | | That is absolutely the truth as well ... they are anonymous on the sex site, and I am "the unattainable" ... safe zone. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:59:52 AM | | I'm guessing, you got so much attention because you were open to talk about sex and it didn't offend you like it does to a lot of women on "vanilla" site. Plenty of threads about first messages, a lot of women will get upset if a man writes them and says "Hi sexy" and get offended like they've been violated. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:00:10 PM | | That is MOST definitely the truth. A lot of women on the sex sites would just ignore the guys and their emails. We would receive so many that it just got redundant. I, on the other hand, tried to at least offer a instant reply that I wasn't interested .. thanks anyway. It's the least we can do when they take the time to email us. Common courtesty, no matter the site. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:04:03 PM | | I am a VERY sexual person, and I find no harm in talking about it openly. Does that open the door for them to take advantage of me? NO!! I decide who I would like to be with; but, I was open and honest and kept things real. You have to watch what you put on this profile because they will grab that little hint of sex and run with it. Yikes!! | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:38:35 PM | | I've read a few articles about swingers starting posts on pof forums as a venue in looking for new action by asking silly questions in reference to alternative sexual practices. The numbers are considered quite high in the swinger looking for random sex vs. your average run of the mill dater. A little confusing for the uninformed perhaps. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:46:01 PM | You are a relative newbie in the POF world. Live and learn, it takes time to settle in with the creeps and pigs. I suggest hiding your profile and contacting only the people you want, or make it impossible for people to contact you.
Like my profile :)
I would get all kinds of nasty messages and I'm a guy.
It's all good now! | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:52:30 PM | | I am definitely NOT a swinger ... been there and didn't like it. I am on a pay date site as well, and it doesn't seem to be much better. I think I am just in a really DRY area. I hate to admit this; but, I am waiting for fate to intervene. Seems the only chance I have. Thanks for your input. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/19/2012 4:43:34 PM | Getting guys who want to do you
is easy.
Getting guys to want to be with you
is much harder.
Dating for a relationship is always harder
than dating for just sex.
One requires only a warm willing body.
The other requires emotional involvement and risk.
Good luck with your book. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:28:00 AM | Never had a problem attracting men. As one friend, a Marine, put it, "you have so much****being thrown at you that your should be having sex twice a day with no repeats in the week!". That was brought on to my complaint of sexual famine.
Well, none of that *cock* was offering a relationship or even a mutually respected connection.
Often, when I do make a friend, when the sex does start, even years later, they tend to forget the friendship and coversation comes to a standstill because it becomes all about the sex.
Why? I have many theroies and speculations.
None of them matter.
These just weren't the men who were right for me, is all.
It is OK if masses of men are not right for me, I don't need a football team, I just need one man. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:39:41 AM |
My question is ... why did I get so much attention on an adult site; but, seem to have a problem meeting someone that really wants an actual relationship on this type of site? Is a physical relationship all men are interested in at my age? It seemed the men on the other site took a chance at getting to know the real me instead of judging a book by its cover, which is what men on here seem to do.
I don't understand why you stopped on the other site... if you had men on there that were willing to get the know real you? | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:47:25 AM | | The ones that I would have considered, lived miles and miles away. There were people from all over the world on those blogs. Also, a sex site isn't where I really want to be anymore. Like the other woman said, it only takes 1. It's just finding him. It gets frustrating is all. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:48:50 AM | It is OK if masses of men are not right for me, I don't need a football team, I just need one man.
You are SOOOO right about that. I posted a saying once on my blog that said: "When I met you, it soon became clear why all of my other relationships didn't work out". When we meet the right one, it will all make sense. In the meantime, we wrack our brains with what ifs or what are we doing wrong. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:53:17 PM | Yeah, adult sites can serve a higher purpose. From the retired porn producers perspective hopefully you have indeed moved on to other experiences and projects. I have a few good friends who were at one point high paying customers of a few of my sites. I was in the cam (video conferencing) business as well as owned psychic and sex phone rooms and though both women and men can have their extremes, I tried to respect that they were people.
What I get out of this is, whenever I meet women, young or older and gently explain how I can to be a web developer from my years in the adult entertainment industry, they know immediately that I won't pull punches on matters of sexuality. I never let it become an issue when forming relationships.
A great number women control top money earning sites because they have the talent to blog. Even the pretty one's are insecure about certain things and it reflects in their mobile communications as they can't really blog while on the go. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 6:34:36 AM |
I'm guessing, you got so much attention because you were open to talk about sex and it didn't offend you like it does to a lot of women on "vanilla" site. Plenty of threads about first messages, a lot of women will get upset if a man writes them and says "Hi sexy" and get offended like they've been violated.
Yep. Show an interest in what men have an interest in, and well, men will be interested in you. Talk with someone on here who is looking for an intimate encounter and you'll eliminate close to half of the rest of em by And here I thought it was 2012???? | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 7:12:26 AM | OP, no offense, but I am surprised that you would feel the need to ask this!
It would be a fairly safe assumption that men AND women are on adult sites because they are looking to get laid. You blogged--not only were you on the site, but called attention to yourself and "made" yourself readily available. You don't mention the content of the blog, but if it, ahem, dealt with "adult" situations, you put yourself "out there" even more. The assumption on the part of the men were that you were looking for sex and that you are sexually adventurous. Even if they never planned or knew that they were unable to meet you, the fantasy alone would be enough to sustain them coming back.
I have experimented with my profile on POF, and I wrote a short essay about breasts, including the historical view of breasts, i.e. goddesses are often shown holding their breasts as a way of saying, "I can feed the world." When I posted this, responses from men doubled. Most of them said, "I really like breasts." Even though it was NOT the point of the essay, men assumed that I was looking to have my breasts fondled by any man who offered.
I also have a Youtube account. I usually ramble about things in my life but I love shoes and I have long hair. I made a few videos where I talked about different pairs of new shoes that I just bought or my favorite shoes. I also made a couple discussing how I take care of my hair. Oh, my! These videos garnered more viewers and comments than my other videos (well, except for the ones about Bob, the 200 Year Old Man). Men started messaging me, making comments and asking for more videos of the same type.
I checked out other shoe videos and found that 99% were for foot fetishists. The comments on these videos were largely sexually overt. The amusing and ironic thing is that it did not matter if the women never showed their faces, if they showed their faces and were not pretty, or if they were quite a bit overweight: men responded the same to all of them. They had ugly feet and the responses were still the same!
It was the same for "sexy" hair videos. In both types, it wasn't the attractiveness of the woman, but the obvious "promise" of sex. The comments I received about my hair were much tamer than the ones about my shoes. Had I wanted to play up sex in displaying either shoes or hair, I could have garnered many, many more viewers.
But I soon deleted both types of videos.
As for why you are not getting the same response from men on POF or other types of dating sites--you are not "promising" sex. No offense, but your pics are almost all the same--same angle, same expression (so are mine because I take them with my webcam). You do not stand out--again, no offense--nor do you have a "gimmick" to attract attention--most men comment about my hair when they contact me (though my profile is hidden now).
Yup, a lot of men on POF are out for fantasy and sex as they are on adult dating sites, but again, on your profile, the promise is not there. Put sexy pics up and talk sex in your profile and it would change, but the men would not be looking for a relationship with you.
But surely, you knew this. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:35:45 AM | I frequent a couple of adult sites with blogs and message boards, and the general consensus in those sites is, "this is a SEX site, we're not here to talk about fashion, kitty-cats and romance. We came in here to talk about SEX."
In fact, the advice they give those who want to talk about romance is to go to sites like this one, lol. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:23:41 AM | | You want both.... A man whom you are satisfied with sexually and one who engages you emotionally. GOOD luck with that. ON line men are here just for the sex. ON adult sites and on dating sites. | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:16:55 PM |
My question is ... why did I get so much attention on an adult site; but, seem to have a problem meeting someone that really wants an actual relationship on this type of site? Is a physical relationship all men are interested in at my age? It seemed the men on the other site took a chance at getting to know the real me instead of judging a book by its cover, which is what men on here seem to do. Thanks for any input you may have. I am curious if anyone else has had the same experience regarding the difference in sites.
OP ~ here's an interesting twist for you to ponder. I've been on a BDSM site since it's conception. Oddly? My profile there is just as vanilla as it is here. More so, in fact. I REFUSE to talk sex, even though I am exceptionally sex-positive. Until I have a feel for someone and feel there is need to discuss the most intimate parts of my personal life, I don't. I often times (over there) post out and out nasty journals about being asked "do you take it up the ......" or "are you a ****-pig".....silliness. The truth of the matter as I see it? I will be treated with respect regardless of what site I'm on and if not? I won't be communicating. I have no interest in feeling like human-****-meat, nor do I allow those types of exchanges. This site is NO different than that site and there are MANY of the same members there that are here (believe it or not, tis true ~ many of these good vanilla boys are singing different tunes just a click away!) I suppose I don't/didn't have the experiences so varied between the sites (such as you noted) because I want to be treated as a person long before I want treated as the sex-positive creature I am (once I know someone.) I would guess that you had 800 followers because you attracted what you offered and you offered to fill a void for many people by being sexually open. Do that here. You'll go from no attention to having more than you can handle, I promise. It's the same thing, just a different venue. JMO  | |
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| Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 7/22/2012 7:03:40 PM |
Getting guys who want to do you
is easy.
Getting guys to want to be with you
is much harder.....
Gosh so many awesome answers to this topic but this one really stuck out. Nail hammered. | |
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