| | when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone? Page 1 of 1 | so i've had a profile here for some time but never actually got a date through the site. at the moment i'm not actively seeking because right now i ave too many things that are turn offs, (no steady job) and i realize attracting a date is a stretch of the imagination.
i have been able to get replys but the conversations ususally end without warning and never start up again. sometimes it's when i send photos (i usually dont have a profile pic) i wonder if i'm focusing on the conversation too much and they lose interest because it doesn't feel like it's going somewhere. or if it's the simple explanation that my face is a big turn off.
is it ever ok to ask to meet someone in the first message (not that i have tried this)? and how many messages is too many before it looks like a waste of time. or am i just way off in thinking any of this? could eharmony be right when they said i was unmatchable?:/
i'm not looking for pity or encouragement but if you have alternate advice please share but realize my profile is not what it normally is at the moment. i'll put some effort into writing it when i have a decent job. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:11:12 AM | PROFILE REVIEWS!!!!!
Even without a job, if you have a good enough profile, you can still get dates.
Did you think about that????????
Your profile is everything.
Not enough people take POF seriously. They just think they can through up a few sentences on their profile and some crappy bathroom mirror/inside the car/webcam pics, and be done with it.
It seems like you have been here for a while, you should know better. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:12:43 AM | Not in the first message. What are you writing them about? You are supposed to be asking questions about their profile and interests looking for compatibility. What does she like to do on weekends? What music does she like? Live Music? where does he go.
You are asking questions. 4 or 5 messages and I ask for a phone number to CALL HER and ask for a meet. I have had many gals ask me sooner so some are OK after just a couple msgs if the messaging is going well. I literally write LETTERS here asking questions and talking. I use humor heavily.
This should always be moving forward towards meeting. 4 or 5 messages and a phone then meet. Some on here want to message for months. We are not a match. My goal is just meeting people. When you are just treading water not moving forward I move on.
Cowboy | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:15:31 AM | the long spring:
yeah but when the question about what i do for a living pops up it's a big awkward moment, anyway i still kinda need to figure out a few things about talking to people. that kind of thing doesn't come naturally to me. i'm not really using the dating part of the site right now. just the forums till i feel like i have a little better chance.
as far as the profile being everything, well there are people that reply to messages without ever looking in the profile. there are people in my inbox that aren't in the "viewed me" page. i also get more replys without a pic. go figure, but it's true. for me the first message seems to be the most important. but it's what to do after that has me lost. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:19:22 AM | cowboy it's appreciated, but the "letters" didn't ever work for me. they take too long to read, it always seems like a conversation killer, the people i message just aren't that into me to spend that much time reading what i want to knw about them.
i always get really dry responses to the "how do you spend your weekends" type questions. but i do ask. the thing that throws me off is i get no feedback. they rarely ever ask me questions. like i'm always leading the conversation which is not natural for me. girls haven't really offered up any thing either. no stories or tried to relate at all. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:37:53 AM | There's a setting where people can say yes or no to allowing people to see if they viewed their profile.
So, people do view your profile - they just have the option ticked to not let you see that they did.
I wouldn't ask someone to meet in a first message. Never. After a few correspondences perhaps. I'd ask for a phone number a few emails in and then ask them when you call them.
Pictures are a big thing here - maybe you should invest some time in getting some good ones. More than one pic is always good. But, I'm not sure why you're so concerned about all of this if you're not actually looking to date... plus you pretty much know your profile sucks, so fix it if you want to meet someone! | |
|
| |
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:59:37 AM | whether i'm gonna use the information now or not isn't really relevant. i sill think about these things. i see people who do well and wonder why i cant have the same types of interaction with people, in real life and on line. i know they can't be all winners. but if they're all losers i'm doing things wrong..
as far as pictures go, i dont get out much. i didn't have any current pictures at all for a long time. there are pics i have that i wouldn't put up there like me with a really thick beard, young women dont tend to like that.
i ussually look tired in photos because of my deep set eyes, my eyebrows cast a shadow on my cheeks and my eyes look really dark in pictures. so short of having a profession photographer following me around with good lighting most picture don't match the way i see myself and it's awkward for me to look at them. it's not a self esteem thing, i see an attractive person when i look in the mirror but i don't photograph well. but i will get some up there fairly soon. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:37:59 PM | This is your whole profile: "i dont think it matters what i put in here. have a conversation with me and you'll find out whatever you need to know." Of course it matters. Give a girl a reason to talk to you. The way your profile is now, why should she talk to you? Why should anyone? There's nothing here that tells a girl, "hey, I want to talk to this guy." All it says is that you are lazy (not attractive) and not really looking for someone because you can't be bothered to even try. I can only imagine what your messages are: "'Sup. Wanna meet?"
As far as your pic, you have one. One. And it's not very good. Have a friend take several and choose a few of the good ones.
As far as asking to meet someone, I ignore it in the first message to me. I like to get to know a little about a guy to be reasonably sure that even if we're not a match, it will still be an enjoyable half hour or so chatting in person with him. It's not an exact science, but I've never had a bad meet-and-greet either. And it usually gives me some things that I know I can talk with him about, so it's not as uncomfortable, no struggling to find something to say while staying a polite amount of time. But for you to ask someone to meet you the first time you send them a message, with a profile like that, what would make them want to? "Sure, this guy has no pics, nothing on his profile, I know absolutely nothing about him that I can talk with him about...yeah, that sounds like a fun time!" Would you want to instantly meet a girl with no pics and a crappy profile like this? I didn't think so.
Actually write something on your profile, go to Profile Review, and don't ask to meet someone until you've exchanged a couple emails at least. You don't need to be pen pals for months, but the first one is too soon. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:39:34 PM | When is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
In your situation after you get a job and before you have wasted too much time emailing or chatting.
Dating and relationships are a good thing in life but on a certain level you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself first.
One thing I have noticed is that those who send me their number on our second email exchange without my asking for it yet are great. No issues setting up a date or with them flaking out and cancelling as you are headed out the door to get there. Everyone is different but I try to make a meet ASAP without making it feel pushy or too rushed. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:11:46 PM | the one email question was completely hypothetical. i wouldn't try it but it might be acceptable in person so i thought i'd ask.
as far as my profile it has gone through so many versions i can't count. i've mentioned everything from my military experiences living oversees to motorcycle trips up and down the east coast to working on airplanes and manufacturing medical supplies to my hobbies of mountain biking and playing guitar to things i wanted to do/learn like rock climbing and in 3 years i was never asked a single question.
i don't have many pictures, and like i said i don't photograph well. i have circles under my eyes and with my eyes being so deep set if the exposure isn't right it brings it out and i look like a junky heroine addict, being someone that has never done drugs it's not the type of image of myself i want to put out there. it doesn't look nearly as bad in person as it does in photos. this is why for a long time i had no photo on my profile, hell it's not even supposed to show unless i send it in a message but somehow during site maintenance it got defaulted to be on my profile and i never changed it back.
anyway i'm not asking about profiles and photos. i'm asking things about conversations because i have been able to get a few replys out of girls, the problem is what happens after i break the ice. there are no connections. i'm wondering if i don't move at the proper moment or if people just find me that boreing. | |
|
| |
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:31:19 PM | | look i agree with the points on the photo, but for now that's what i have. as far as the profile, there have been time i have put a lot of effort into it and i think i can write fairly well. but the truth is this happens to me i real life too, i talk to girls when i can but it always stays platonic or they push me away. it's just how it is. it can't be the profile, it's gotta be me! lol. so stop trying to be all knowing and point at the obvious. there is something deeper going on here and you are just looking at the surface acting like i wouldn't have fixed it if it was that easy. | |
|
| when is it appropriate to ask to meet someone?
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:59:59 AM | If you've got problems relating to women, you could have the best profile in the world and still fail. But it's a bit easier if you have a profile good enough that some women will write you because they're more invested and you've got more time to work with. Confirmation bias says if someone likes something they look more favorably on subsequent information.
i always get really dry responses to the "how do you spend your weekends" type questions. but i do ask. the thing that throws me off is i get no feedback. they rarely ever ask me questions. like i'm always leading the conversation which is not natural for me. girls haven't really offered up any thing either. no stories or tried to relate at all.
That's because they're holding back their enthusiasm until you prove yourself worthy for more investment or not. This is the same as the saying "give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves". It's too much effort investing in 10 a guys a day so they'll see what guys do and act accordingly. The easiest way to break thru the barriers is with humor or challenging their weak answers with humor. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
