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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?      Home login  
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 mingogo4
Joined: 7/1/2012
Msg: 1
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Went on a first date, it went pretty well. However there was one pretty annoying tick about the guy that keeps looming over me.

He would ask me something... like "Whats your favorite band"
I would answer.. "My favorite band is blah"
Then instead of continuing the conversation, he would simply just repeat what I had said "Oh, so your favorite band is blah, huh?"

Everything else about this guy seems cool, just he had the tendency to do this, a lot. Enough for me to notice and then almost expect it to happen. It almost makes me feel like he was trying super hard to pretend he was interested in what I was saying, but it came off as "if i just repeat it, she'll think i'm listening when I really don't have to."

He has asked me out again, and it got on my nerves so much I'm not sure if I should accept. Anyone wanna help pull for this guy and explain his reasoning for doing this? Because at the moment I am not thinking it means anything good.
 xane_111
Joined: 7/1/2012
Msg: 2
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:12:37 AM
Its because he's trying something that he's read somewhere that he thinks will help. Its called active listening.
(He thinks that by repeating what you say in some way or another, it shows that he's really listening and taking an interest)

He probably just got it out of a magazine or something, so just subtly tell him next time that he doesn't need to repeat and that you know (positively) that hes listening and trying hard to make a good impression.
He'll stop eventually.
 PiratePetal
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 3
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:15:07 AM
Maybe it's his way of remembering what you are telling him. It's proven that when a person says something out loud or repeats what they hear there is a higher chance to remember it. Maybe he was just nervous also. Give him another chance if you like everything else.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 4
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:18:31 AM
You are both young with limited
communication skills at this point.
Looks like to me, You are the one
who started repeating his questions
in your answer...??
I say if you like each other just suck face
and make out to start with!
 MyNameWasTaken2
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 5
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:47:15 AM
Maybe he was nervous. Did he try to kiss you after the date? Go for date #2 and see if things are smoother.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 6
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:01:22 AM
It's a quirk that I've observed in some speach patterns. Women also have annoying quirks like this. I once dated a woman that no matter what I told her, she would come back with, "That is sooooooooo funny!" She would say this thirty or forty times over the course of an evening.

It's a lot like people that frequently interject the words, "Um," or, "You know," into a sentence.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:06:11 AM
And after he says "Oh, so your favorite band is blah, huh?" how do YOU continue the conversation?

If it were ME, I would actively participate in the conversation rather than sitting there getting annoyed:
He would ask me something... like "Whats your favorite band"
I would answer.. "My favorite band is blah. I really like Joe Blow's lead guitar. What's your favorite band?"
 mingogo4
Joined: 7/1/2012
Msg: 8
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:17:38 AM
Perhaps I could have explained it a little bit better. Normally I would continue on the conversation, not allow him to repeat, and in most cases conversation with him, that is what I did. It was the moments where I was the second one to be asked, after already hearing about his favorite band. Some of the conversation could have went:

Me:So what music do you listen to?
Him: Oh I like this type of music. What about you?
Me: Well I'm into this genre of music. I usually go to a bunch of shows by my favorite band blah. Have you ever heard of them?
Him: Ohhh so you you are a show gower, huh?
Me: Uhh, yeah. I go to shows. Do you?
Him: Yeah. So blah is your favorite band?
Me: Yeah, I like blah, have you heard of them?
Him: So you like the band blah, huh?

The conversation just seemed to be like 70% of him repeating what I previously said. Perhaps I could have explained this better in the OP, I just figured it was assumed.
The favorite band thing was really just an example as well, and perhaps a bad one.

And after he has already repeated what I say, I usually am thrown off guard, and can't think of much else to say other than "yes" (I just told you this...).
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:35:15 PM
That very thing that you find annoying is something that people that have a hard time communicating with each other are told to do. Yes, to repeat what the other person has said. It's active listening. You may find it annoying, but you should try it yourself.

The problem is that most people while the other person is talking, they are not listening, but formulating in their head what they are going to say next. So instead of listening they are chewing in their mind information.

What the guy did was actually good.
 TheLongSpring
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 10
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:21:31 PM
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 11
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:27:10 PM
He has read a book either about 'how to remeber things people say' or an active listening book. Neither are a bad thing. If he wasnt interested, he would not bother.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 12
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:44:09 PM

He has read a book either about 'how to remeber things people say' or an active listening book. Neither are a bad thing. If he wasnt interested, he would not bother.


I agree. Believe it or not...listening to a woman talk about herself is usually NOT on the top of most men's hobby list. It isn't unrealistic to believe that he may not be particularly good at it.

One quick way to help with this is to get him talking about himself instead. Men are much better at that and you can innately teach him how to properly communicate with you through the nature of your own responses.
 Choporis
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 13
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:00:34 PM
To OP,

I think your date had read a self help conversation book and it's backfiring. He probably took some tips like, "Always repeat what your date says, that shows them interest!", hahaha.
Or it's just his personality.
For me, if I am repeating something twice, then it means I am in doubt. I never repeat more than twice though, so can't really relate a reason for that kind of behavior.

You should give him one more chance, and this time trying mentioning your concern to him. If it still continues through out the date, then it's time to make your decision. :]
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 14
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:03:27 PM
He is trying to remember what you said. I don't think he means to be creepy.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 15
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:07:17 PM
I have no doubt he read a book called :

"If you just repeat it, she'll think you're listening when you really don't have to."
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 16
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:52:06 PM
God reading that conversation almost made me fall asleep. I swear, people have no ability to create interesting dialogue or interaction anymore. It is always forced interview style questioning. When I am on a first meet, I am teasing, flirting, dropping innuendos, and asking different style questions like - what is the craziest thing you ever did on a dare, what is the most delicious thing you have had in your mouth this week, what would you do if you won the lottery, craziest Vegas memory, if you could have one super power, what would it be and why, how would your friends describe you, etc.. Also, if he kept repeating what you are saying, maybe it is because you were not expanding on his question. He asks you what band you like and instead of saying the band, why you like them, what songs of theirs you like, etc.. you give him a one word response. My guess is that he was trying to actively engage you so that you would open up more. If he kept doing it over and over it was because you weren't offering any depth.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 17
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:55:07 PM
Has a head injury? Amnesia? Short term memory? LOL!

Or...he's just nervous and trying to figure out what to say and ask you. Dating doesn't come naturally for some. With all of the horrible things reported and dating gaffes ladies tell about here, is a guy trying (albeit maybe not in the smoothest way) to get to know you such a bad thing? Was the date/meeting otherwise OK?

Poster above.... FAIL. ^^^^ LOL! Same thing, except you don't want to know anything REAL about them.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 18
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:19:44 PM
Actually there is plenty of time to get to know a person. Why does it have to all be done on the first date? I would rather see if a woman has a good personality, can flirt, have fun, think outside the box, etc.. If I wanted to interview someone I would try to land a job at a newspaper. Obviously you will want to find out things about the person's family, how/where they grew up, their school experiences, their likes/dislikes, etc.. But there is plenty of time for that.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 19
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:36:45 PM
Is he a teacher?

This is something that teachers often do, especially in elementary school: with kids (and adults), it is a tool to clarify what has been said so that there is no misunderstanding. It also helps the person who repeats the information to remember it.

There is also a condition called "echolalia" in which people repeat what others said. Children who are learning to speak do this and is also connected to autism.

Or maybe he just doesn't have anything original to say.


Women also have annoying quirks like this. I once dated a woman that no matter what I told her, she would come back with, "That is sooooooooo funny!" She would say this thirty or forty times over the course of an evening.


Men have the same annoying habits. I once stopped communicating with a man online because he responded "kewl" to everything I wrote. At first, I thought that he was communicating with two or more women simultaneously, but he would type his thoughts--he just couldn't seem to think of suitable comments for my thoughts. My ex husband would drive me nuts when he talked on the phone (to me or to others in my presence) because he would stop every few minutes and say in a long, drawn out syllable, "Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll."
 shy2anne
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 20
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:49:39 PM
i've heard of that before..
he is trying a method where he thinks that by repeating what you're saying shows that he "heard" you - that's he's listening.
of course, it doesn't prove that he is listening at all or that he cares.
he just doesn't know how to make decent conversation. or how to care about anyone else. it's just a lame game he probably picked up from a friend or a sitcom.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 21
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:55:57 PM

I have no doubt he read a book called :

"If you just repeat it, she'll think you're listening when you really don't have to."


Hey!!!!! I just bought this book on how to BS females into thinking your the "one" that they will live happily ever after with!!!! Freaking great deal. $29.99, taxes not included. I would recommend it!!!!!Awesome buy!!!!

OT, you are two kids. He's repeating cause of numerous reasons. When you reach about 30, you'll have a list of those possible reasons. Honest.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 22
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:03:46 AM
I have an extended family friend who does this also... I think in her case she may have some kind of communication problem rather than trying to show interest, etc.

Yeah, it is annoying, but it's easier to be empathetic realizing it is a real problem she has and not some attempt to manipulate or anything.

One thing I've found that works is to end everything I say to her with a question, so she knows where to go next with her words.

So instead of saying "I like this or that band", say "I like this this or that band, and you?"



 AxeMurderer75
Joined: 6/6/2012
Msg: 23
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:27:38 AM
Okay, so it went well, but you have this thing with him.

Remember that he was maybe nervous on date#1, and his speech patterns while he is nervous may or may not reflect how he normally is.

If it's a real problem, bring it up. Communicate with him rather than making the poor guy wonder why you are losing interest.

If he responds with "so it annoys you when I repeat things, huh." then cut him loose lol
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 24
Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/21/2012 11:21:12 PM
It's already over, you can barely stand to be around him. Let it die. When a guy gets on your nerves like that right from the beginning, it's a sign that you aren't compatible.
 PeppermintPatty2
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 25
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Hey guys, what does it mean when you repeat what we say?
Posted: 7/22/2012 7:55:02 AM
sometimes we paraphrase because it shows interest.
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