| | Now back with Ex-emailed me picturePage 1 of 1 | | Okay, so I never should have responded, but after things ended I got a really mean/condescending email, mixed in it were things tha could have been construed as nice, but mostly mean...well I sat on it for a couple days, but then felt the need to respond. We exchanged a few more emails back and forth, mine were really all nice, his mean. I just don't understand why things had to end on such bad terms. But the last email I got included a photo of him and his ex whom he is now back together with, along with her phone # (incase I don't believe him, I can call her, she will be home tonight). Now, he knows I wouldn't do that. But really?!! | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 12:22:29 PM | What's with the head games?
Why give him an audience? You gave him exactly what he wanted.
What are you getting out of all this? It must be something, otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it.
Block the numbers and cut all contact.
You claiming to be a social worker should have a head's up on such toxic behaviour. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 12:45:40 PM | | Don't let him hook you in. Already, it's messing with your head. I understand sometimes we get curious and respond to messages which we really know we should leave alone but this is not going to end well. If he's already being mean in his messages to you, your feelings are going to get hurt. He didn't communicate in a respectful manner and you know longer owe him your attention whilst he's voicing his opinion. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 1:01:58 PM | | Why did you even bother letting him have contact? He's yanking your chain because you let him. Stop ALL contact and let it go. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 1:37:44 PM | | No, that's just it. I didn't do anything. And it bothers me, because I literally get along with everyone. I have no enemies, no horrible ex-stories, nothing. The only thing I can think of is that I ended things before he had the chance. Aparently his last ex keyed his car. I can now see why. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 2:18:38 PM |
And it bothers me, because I literally get along with everyone.
Oh, okay. Now I get the clearer picture. Honey, you don't have to be nice to everyone. When someone treats you badly, you don't have to be nice and accommodate them. Being nice is likely an automatic response from you. The niceness just pops out of your mouth even when someone is being a complete a$$ but you have to learn how to protect yourself from users and jerks - and that's what this ex is being. Those people will walk all over you, given half a chance.
I'm not saying change who you are but instead learn to see when people aren't treating you how you would treat them and rather then lowering yourself to their level (which you wouldn't be able to do) protect yourself by ignoring them. Allow yourself to see that doing so, is okay. You are not being rude when you do that. You are simply not enabling them to mis-treat you. It's okay not to get along with people who don't add value to your life. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 4:12:02 PM | I've run across people who ALWAYS close any relationship which ends, with petulant anger. They strike me as essentially being emotional children, three year olds who aged, but never grew past the idea that the way to respond to anyone who says no, is revenge.
When they get discharged from a job, no matter why, they purposely break their computers and other employer-supplied items before turning them in, drive across the lawn on their way out of the parking lot, and so forth.
If they want to leave someone, they invent whatever "transgressions" they can think of, so that they can blame the other one for everything, even if the reason they are leaving, is that they are hot to chase someone else.
Sounds as though you ran across one of those too. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 4:43:24 PM | Why do you respond to and continue to be "nice" when other people are "mean" to you?
That's the question you should be asking yourself. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 4:53:51 PM |
But the last email I got included a photo of him and his ex whom he is now back together with
This is your lucky day. Delete all future emails and move forward... | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 5:41:22 PM | Should have seen some of the pictures I got from my ex wife's new boyfriend after we divorced.
I know he has a P.A, and I know what she liked to do with it, too.
Yeah, that sucked. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2012 7:21:31 PM | No, that's just it. I didn't do anything.
I hate to be a cynic, but there's no such thing as "didn't do anything".
Every relationship will fail with two people. It takes two to make a relationship toxic.
You enabling his behavior, will continue it. Plain and simple. Either you're a part of the solution, or the problem.
There's two sides to every story, and to me, it sounds like you can't let him go.
I've known women stuck in relationships like that. Trying to blur the boundaries between them and abusive exes, only to have their exes completely crush them as people.
The women were seen as too nice, but if you looked deeper, the women had deeply rooted self-esteem issues, and had guilt complexes, which made it difficult for them to hurt another, to the point of having others take advantage of them routinely. Their means of defending themselves, were through thinly veiled attempts at passive aggressive behavior.
I'm not saying you meet the above criteria, but point is that you keeping him in your life, is you accepting how he treats you. Silence is acceptance in my books.
Cut all communications, and allow yourself to move on even if he doesn't want to on his end. Become the solution. | |
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