| | Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | On the site where I have an active dating profile, I noticed a new match and checked out his profile. We had a lot in common and he seemed witty, funny, and down to earth. However, in his "looking for," the age specified was 3 years younger than I am on the high end. I decided to move on as he obviously was not interested in anyone my age. He saw I viewed his profile, however, and sent a message saying he liked my profile and would like to get to know me. We exchanged messages, then Skyped and we had our first coffee meet this afternoon. He was charming, funny and seemed down to earth. The problem came when he said he was attracted to me and interested in having real dates. He then made a remark that this was new territory for him because he'd never dated anyone as "old" as me. The man is 56 years old. He went on to say that until he turned 51 his age cutoff was 27, but he decided to expand it to 32 after talking to a friend. I asked him if he understood that I was 35 and he said yes, and since I didn't look it that was fine but it'd be an adjustment to his thinking that he was dating a woman in her mid-30s.
I'm not sure where to go on this one. He didn't say anything foul, obscene, sexist or racist, was a gentleman and easily one of the most interesting men I've met in a while, but I can't help but look askance at a man who is 21 years older than I am implying that I am too "old" for him. Am I being too sensitive or should I take him at his word that he wants to date and get to know me? | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 5:08:43 PM | Well to be entirely honest, he sounds like a pig who'll lose interest the moment you start showing signs of aging, because for a man to call a woman 2 decades younger than him too old screams of a man who legitimately believes he can actually get 20 year old glamour models and will no doubt go looking for them.
I wouldn't take offence to the 'old' part necessarily though, if thats his perspective then him having a lack of a 'way with words' is near inevitable.
Date him if you wish, but I wouldn't expect it to last. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 5:09:59 PM | | No reason to cut bait here. He's interested in you, or else he'd stop pursuing you. Why would he message you if he wasn't interested? | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 5:15:40 PM |
I'm not sure where to go on this one. He didn't say anything foul, obscene, sexist or racist, was a gentleman and easily one of the most interesting men I've met in a while, but I can't help but look askance at a man who is 21 years older than I am implying that I am too "old" for him. Sure go for it as long as you know what you are getting into.
Lets use car terms to make this simple. He isnt buying he is leasing. You will be traded in for a newer younger model in a couple years as you will be worn out in his eyes and over the hill.
He isnt collecting older "classics" like you. He wants a newer sportier model.
Drive safely.
Cowboy | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 5:24:35 PM | Thanks, all, for the thoughtful responses. Cowboy, you have an awesome way with words, lol!
A friend, admittedly playing devil's advocate, asked why his age relative to mine made a difference, and why I wouldn't find it strange for a 26 year old to say he'd rather not date a 35 year old, but I find it to be odd that a 56 year old would say the same. Honestly, I'm not sure what the answer is to that except that a man who is technically old enough to be my father implying that I am "past it" for him is ... strange. I initially thought he wanted a much younger partner to leave open the possibility of children, but he informed me that he does not want kids and took surgical steps to ensure that it would happen. So I'm at a loss.
Maybe it's judgmental of me, but something about this sticks in my craw and I think I will pass on this one. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:20:34 PM | | He would completely turn me off if he said that to me. I agree with the PIG comment. The old guy (nearly 60) is afraid of his mortality and so dates younger women. You better have a savings account and can afford botox because if he sees a wrinkle he is out of there. He doesn't sound like the type of guy that would take care of you if you had the flu either. You would not be looking your best and may look "non youthful" to him. Like yourself more and find someone looking for a real person not a fantasy. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:29:34 PM | He then made a remark that this was new territory for him because he'd never dated anyone as "old" as me.
Whether he was being truthful or not, I think any man, regardless of how old he was, that would make such a tactless remark to a woman about her age is completely without manners, and is missing a sensitivity chip. I would take a pass on him for that reason alone. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 8:08:28 PM | Just let this sucker know that he is too old for you, and go play with someone your age.
You just cannot fix self-centered delusional stupid. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 8:59:15 PM | | If you enjoy his company and have the time to spend with him, you might have fun dating him for a little while. Just don't fall for him, because it sounds like he wants a trophy. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 10:54:09 PM |
…since I didn't look it that was fine but it'd be an adjustment to his thinking that he was dating a woman in her mid-30s.
Um, seriously? He’s delusional. And you realize that it won’t be long before you’re history for him.
You’re probably the youngest woman he’s been able to reel in. Sounds like an aching ego to me. No way would I bother trying to stroke it for him. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/21/2012 11:34:08 PM | | You could send him an email thanking him for the date but you can't get past all those wrinkles and saggy skin of his, you've seen much better looking 56 yr old men. All in all the date was disappointing. And he's not even remotely sexy either, sorry. Have a nice day. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:21:46 AM | This is great.... LOL
A 56 year old guy telling a 35 year old woman she is too old.... I gotta hand it to this guy... he exploits reverse psychology quite well...
No 56 year old man should have to sacrifice himself, be put into "uncharted" territory and, settle for an over the hill, spent and wrinkled 35 year old woman... entering into a relationship with him could be construed as an act of cruelty on your part. :-) | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:55:05 AM | | The fact that he was 51 and engaging in relations with women who've not yet reached their majority (e.g., young enough to be his very young child), doesn't reach me as someone who is gentlemanly, polite, interesting, respectable, and the link. He's an ersatz sexual predator who should be dumped and ignored, at all costs. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:42:47 AM | | He's 56 years old and someone 21 years younger than he is is the "oldest" woman he's ever dated??? I'd be cutting that line with a machete and burying the throttle. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:50:44 AM | | Oh ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Run away. Sooner or later, this guy will trade you in for a "younger" model even as he creeps his way to qualifying for the Denny's Senior Menu. I have a real problem with men who insist on dating people the age of their kids. It just tells me that they don't accept themselves for who they are and are clinging to youth which gets progressively more pathetic as they age. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:14:44 AM | Went out with a guy old enough to be my grandfather. He was indignant when he realized I was MUCH older than he thought I was. AS if I were lying about my age DUDE I am 46, cant help it if your blind butt cant tell.
RUN RUN like your tail is on fire. YOU can do better. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:14:55 PM | | Personally, I wouldn't date someone old enough to be my mother (or father, in your case), but to each his own. But I don't a see a future with someone who considers someone young enough to be his daughter as "too old" for him. As long as he's able to to attract women younger than you, he will be looking to better-deal you. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 1:46:50 PM | | @BrookfieldGentlemanTom: I remember being in my 20's seeing 40+ year old men in the clubs and it creeped me out then too. Creeping me out doesn't mean it "irks" me. I have no interest in men like that so it's no skin off my nose if I'm not their cup of tea either. Men like that tend to have an over-inflated opinion of how desirable and "young" they are and appear to be. In my twenties, I had girlfriends who loved the older guy but not for the reasons you may think. A certain type of 20 something chick will bang and hang with the older guy if they think he's got cash and older guys tend to spend alot of cash for that kind of attention from a twenty something. It's a win-win for as long as it lasts. She gets what she wants and he gets to feel young for awhile. | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 2:26:00 PM | How funny is this.....imagine what you will be thinking the first time you get naked in front of him......am I to old and wrinkled for this man.....lol, while he will take his 50+ year old body and think nothing of it....give me a break.
Why would you want to put up with such a close minded man, that thinks he deserves much much younger, while you are lucky to have him in your life? I say, meet him again and hand him a package of Viagra, and tell him to keep if for those young 30 year old women he thinks he can only have, get up and walk out.
How shallow can one be, and why would you even consider him viable for you......age notwithstanding!!
cd | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 2:46:07 PM | I think the way he is not so subtly "putting you down" is a ham-handed attempt to be the emotional ruler of this relationship. He has already broadcasted to you that you should be grateful for any scrap of attention and acceptance he can throw your way.
He hopes to keep you off balance and dependent on him for your own self esteem. This approach can work with insecure people who may lack confidence and self awareness. Trust your gut. He is an emotional manipulator. 
P.S. Tell him you wouldn't dream of expecting him to lower his standards.
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/22/2012 2:53:27 PM | | My own father is just a couple yrs older than your date OP ...... why you would even contemplate on giving him a shot baffles me ........ | |
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| Cut bait on this one or give it a shot?
Posted: 7/23/2012 12:05:39 PM | I'll objective with this... if you're "a few extra pounds", I'm assuming you aren't some smoking-hot 35 year old (but assumed not an ugly woman either). Point being, this guy twisting his own arm for an "old" woman in her mid-30s is his way of trying to act like he's god's gift to women and that he's going to be such a Nice guy to Allow you to be in his company.
When in reality, he'll just take what he can get. He's over 55 years old. If he was god's gift to women, where 24 year olds were all over the place for him, being as old as he is (and not for cash), he wouldn't want a 30 or 35 year old plain-jane. Making it sound like you got a VIP pass makes you feel special is just a tactic that he's capitalizing on. Does he really want to get to know you? Yeah, probably. But he's got issues if he has a cut-off of 32, being 56, and saying things like that to you. | |
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