| | Explanation required ?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | Ok, I'll cut to the quick :
I recently started communicating with a member, gave her my number, she said she'd call me at a specific time in the evening.
She didn't.
The next morning she sends a message simply saying " good morning ".
WTF ???
I responded by saying that I felt that by not calling and then simply saying " good morning " without an explanation even was disrespectful.
IMO it's common courtesy to at least offer an explanation when you say you'll do something but don't do it.
Does anyone feel the same way about this ? | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:26:53 AM | I'd also be miffed if someone told me they'd call or do whatever at a specific time and then didn't with no explanation.
But, maybe something did come up where she wasn't able to call or explain and she didn't want to bombard you the next morning without saying 'good morning' first. I picture a conversation something like.....
Her: good morning
You: good morning
Her: I'm so sorry I didn't call last night, something horrible happened blah blah blah......
.....instead of starting out with apologies and reasons. Maybe courtesy to her WAS greeting you and easing into it instead of just launching into a big explanation without feeling you out first. At least she did contact you first thing the next morning instead of letting you hang.
Personally, I think you were a little harsh.......something really bad really might have happened. I would have at least let her explain before jumping into a scolding. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:30:20 AM | lol.... doesn't seem like you gave her a chance... even if I was going to offer a explanation would of started the convo with good morning, then after you replied would of given the reason...
life gets busy, you have no clue why she didn't call the evening before nor did you give her a chance to explain.. with someone as rigid as you and set in your ways she's probably lucky. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:41:45 AM | She should have definitely called, and should have definitely opened the conversation with something like "I'm SO sorry I didn't call, but..."
That said, I'd have probably gone with "Good morning. Missed your call last night..." and then gone from there.
Your response is harsh, but not unwarranted. If nothing else, it clarifies that you are not a ****ing doormat and you expect to be treated with respect.
Obviously her interest is lukewarm at best. Go message someone that is more polite and into you instead. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:48:07 AM | Wow dude....
you didnt even give her a chance to lie to you about why she didnt call...jerk!!!!
Just kidding...
I feel ya, I just think you were a itsy bitsy tiny weenie little hard on her so soon...
but I dont hate ya... | |
|
| |
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:54:58 AM | Windchymes :
Her: good morning
You: good morning
Her: I'm so sorry I didn't call last night, something horrible happened blah blah blah......
Thanks for your mature response.
It's too bad that she didn't COMBINE her explantion WITH her good morning so as not to allow the chance of me to jump to the conclusion that she felt she didn't owe me an explanation.
I guess I'm a bit jaded as a result of being on POF too long which is the reason for my " knee jerk " reaction but I've decided that I'm just not going to put up with any crap anymore !
Freespirit :
you have no clue why she didn't call the evening before nor did you give her a chance to explain.. with someone as rigid as you and set in your ways she's probably lucky.
She had every chance to explain when she sent me her good morning message.
And if she's looking for a man without a spine who isn't capable of telling people what kind of behavior is UNACCEPTABLE to him , then yes, she dodged a bullet - LOL
Have a wonderful day ! LOL
Mistermediocre :
Your response is harsh, but not unwarranted. If nothing else, it clarifies that you are not a ****ing doormat and you expect to be treated with respect.
Obviously her interest is lukewarm at best. Go message someone that is more polite and into you instead.
Exactly - well said !
You sir are FAR from mediocre !
Boringdude :
I feel ya, I just think you were a itsy bitsy tiny weenie little hard on her so soon...
Perhaps, but like I said to Windchymes, I don't want to put up with anymore crap.
Btw, have you got bikinis on your mind this morning or something ? lol | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:56:08 AM | Yes, I agree, if someone sets up a time with you to talk and then does not follow through and then...not acknowledge their lapse it would bother me. A red flag situation for sure.
On the other hand, as others have said ..did she have a chance to explain why she did this? and does your response - which we can't gauge from your post - reflect a mature, balanced response given your extisting connection with her and the infraction she committed? What do you think, upon reflection?
Edit: Just read your reply post above. I think you nailed it - knee jerk reaction. I really can understand that. I've had to restrain myself a few times - "So, before we meet is there ANYTHING you need to tell me"... honestly, when you are here for a while you really do shift your thinking and sometimes your behaviours and doesn't always represent how you would response in typical, normal situations. Of course, I've learnt to go on fewer dates (cut out the 'maybe' dates) and do a little 'be open and wise' mantra when dating someone new. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 10:59:15 AM | I guess I'm a bit jaded as a result of being on POF too long which is the reason for my " knee jerk " reaction but I've decided that I'm just not going to put up with any crap anymore !
Soo, just where are ya goin to go, where all the men are strong, all the women are good-looking, and all the children are above average?
Lake Wobegone?
As we mature we begin to realize that not all adults (even our parents) always keep their word on everything.
The demand that unmet/unknown people keep their "word" on even simple things or we will hold our breath until we turn blue,
doesn't usually affect them more than it affects you.
Use someone's lack of keeping their "word" or lack of assumed manners,
as a teaching moment for YOU, about them.
JFYI: Online many fakers may use almost ANY ruse to get YOUR number. Once they have your number they can use it at their leisure to spam, solicit, annoy, investigate, or just add to their little black book of unused personal contact info about people "met" from online sites.
If you want a wild guess: It coulda been a 300lb gay guy from San Franciso that you were texting/cybering with.. And being too poor to have a voice-changer device he ain't nevah gonna call ya..
| |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:03:53 AM | Her morning message would have been best had it also mentioned she was unable to call last night because of....( insert excuse here ) It at least would have been more palatable.
Did she perchance offer her explanation later? Did you give her the opportunity, or cut her out of your life immediately?
I, too, would have been unhappy if someone said they would call when they didn't. | |
|
| |
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:10:23 AM | Mayormcdub :
I actually want to drop the behavior of the person rather than the person .
Flaneur :
Upon reflection I have no regrets.
Irish :
I'm a reasonable , fair man, I like to think . So, if she responds with an apology then I will be impressed. If not, then no loss IMO.
Tall :
Yes, as we go through life we realize some people don't keep their word and it's up to us as individuals whether or not we want to tolerate being treated that way. Of course, I'm less forgiving with people I just meet.
Michelle :
I think we do need to teach people how to treat us.
If someone did not apologize and offer an explanation as to why they didnt call,
I would indicate, thru words or actions, that this is not something that is acceptable to me.
Exaaaaaaaaaaaaactly !
So well said I might frame it on my wall TODAY !
Bravo ! | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:11:26 AM | I think we do need to teach people how to treat us.
If someone did not apologize and offer an explanation as to why they didnt call,
I would indicate, thru words or actions, that this is not something that is acceptable to me. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:13:38 AM | Lighten up, my goodness, life is very challenging and people get really busy. If you like her you
need to look the other way. It's not the end of the world. You need to give her a chance. | |
|
ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 15 | |
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:21:30 AM | well.....it's a think called common courtesy.........
If you tell me you are going to call me at so and so time or meet me at such and such time and place...........
and you don't.........with no explanation......et al............
THEN a few days later you try to reach out........
I am NOT real likely to return your correspondence......as it is just plain rude.
My time is valuable.......if I am NOT able to call or meet someone at an appointed time or place, I DO have the courtesy to let that other person know and make arrangements for another time.
It's just plain common courtesy. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:31:14 AM | Happy in pink :
Lighten up, my goodness, life is very challenging and people get really busy.
I understand that which is why I would have accepted whatever reasonable explanation she may have offered - but she didn't seem to think it was even necessary to offer one. So, no I'm not going to " lighten up " , so sorry.
It's not the end of the world.
LOL - really ? Are you saying this ISN'T a sign of the apocolypse ? Are you saying I should take the gun out of my mouth ? LOL
Hey, just having fun .
Ro :
I totally agree - keep " Ro-in " that boat ! | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:37:32 AM |
It's too bad that she didn't COMBINE her explantion WITH her good morning so as not to allow the chance of me to jump to the conclusion that she felt she didn't owe me an explanation.
Will she (and any other woman) be expected to anticipate your every possible response on every occasion forever and ever? Jeez. You are tightly wound, it must be exhausting. | |
|
| |
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:52:39 AM | Let me get this straight.. you only started communicating recently, she didnt call at the precise moment she said she would. And when she did send you a friendly text you jumped down her throat. Do I have that right?
This does not constitute a WTF moment. This is life, people get busy....RELAX
She doesnt owe you any courtesy, explanation or anything for that matter.
You are both only profiles and pixels to each other at this point. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 11:52:48 AM | Op I totally get what you are saying.
BUT sometimes life happens. For example the first time I was supposed to call my current boyfriend. My son decided that would be a good evening to have cluster seizures. I was stuck in the hospital with him until the wee hours. If he would have reacted to me the way you did to her I would have reacted with f-you and the horse you rode in on. We would have missed out on something special over one hick up. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:00:32 PM | Generally, I feel the same way about people keeping their word.
On the other hand, it's a phone call, not a date. And presumably with someone you haven't even met in person yet. I, for one, don't make appointments to make phone calls, so maybe she didn't realize she was swearing a solemn oath to call you at a specific time (in your mind, anyway). I think you're overreacting just a bit. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:06:26 PM | It was very disrespectful or your time for her to not follow through. There could be a myriad of reasons why she didn't call you; however, chances are good that it was not the kind where her mother was sick or she got into an accident of some kind (thank goodness).
Unfortunately, you don't have control over what a person does or doesn't do. The no show for the phone call isn't the end of the world; thank goodness it wasn't a no show ate! My suggestion is that forget it and find somebody more respect of your time. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:20:35 PM | Was she Jamaican by any chance, smile? Kidding here, but I personally do not really like that attitude either, unfortunately though I've learned that it seems to be the norm here in Jamaica.
So you learn to live with it, and don't take the "culprits" so serious anymore. It can become very annoying though if the matter is of importance, best to always have a plan B, but if it's something minor like in the OP, I just make a mental note of it, counter with some humor and see how it goes from here.
Despite really not appreciating unreliability, I find your reaction a bit harsh. I would have replied to that "good morning" txt with something like: "Oh, it's really .................. (date, time she said she'd call) yet? Time sure flies when having fun". Then played it according to the reply. | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:33:09 PM | Just to clarify, is this how it went?
Her: good morning
You: I felt that by not calling and then simply saying " good morning " without an explanation even was disrespectful. IMO it's common courtesy to at least offer an explanation when you say you'll do something but don't do it.
? | |
|
| Explanation required ?
Posted: 7/22/2012 12:53:34 PM | She didn't apologize as fast as you wanted her to or maybe she would not have at all. Doesn't matter.
You two aren't suited.
You probably BOTH will be happier without each other.
You do not need someone who doesn't respect your time.
She does need someone who jumps to conclusions based on other peoples behavior. (she might have been saving her apology for face to face).
You do not need someone who does not give explanation.
She does not need someone who she feels she must explain thing to right away.
You do not need someone who lets things go.
She does not need someone who presses for explanation.
This is not a right or wrong thing, it's differences of opinion.
If you feel the need to "teach her a lesson" or call her on her inaction, so she doesn't do it again or to someone else, or at the least, make her aware of how it feels to other people, fine, good for you, it's at least it's true to your person.
Just remember, not everyone works the same way and that's O.K.
This is not a perfect world, and sometimes we get frustrated by it, but you are the one who has to live with the consequences of not seeing her. If you'd rather be right than give her another chance, that's up to you. You have your boundaries and you are entitled to them.
But you may have missed out on a great but thoughtless at the time gal.
Or you may have avoided a thought less bitach.
So...yeah, you "win" but you did have to give up the booby prize ;). Hope you're cool with that. | |
|
Home
login 
(I call this stuff the "accountability factor" ~ if they exhibit those behaviors early on, you can expect it always.) 
