| | What Am I Doing Wrong?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I swear this is not a self-pity thread.
I just genuinely want to know what I'm doing wrong. This isn't the only website I am on and I've been a member of this one and the other one I'm on for at least 3 years, if not more.
I have sent literally HUNDREDS of messages between the two and only gotten two responses in that whole time, neither of which ever led to anything.
I've even followed the tips/advice to a T and nothing. I'll message people who I have a LOT in common with and still, nothing.
I don't come off overbearing or anything and I can't even get so much as a "no thanks, I'm not interested" back.
I'm genuinely confused as to what I'm doing wrong... | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 1:30:49 PM | | I would suggest you go to the profile review forum and request assistance. It wouldn't hurt! | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 1:41:26 PM | | You need a profile review if you want comments on your profile. If you're looking for what to write in a first message, etc. try doing a thread search. There are numerous ones out there. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 1:41:58 PM | | Frustration is the name of the game here. Get rid of the pic with the bloody nose and get a profile review per suggestion above. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 1:45:03 PM | 1) Most women who are serious about meeting in person use online dating as a last stop shop. They are looking for a guy they can connect with that will turn into a committed relationship. The first thing they see on your profile here is that you are not looking for a commitment or anything serious. So it is going to scare off most of the women you are writing to.
2) You have a pic posted with a bloody nose
3) Your headline of "Still fishing but no one is biting" says two things. One is that you are desperate and secondly it comes off like a warning telling women to stay away because women want men that are desirable to other women. They like the chase, and the challenge of keeping a man that has options. So take out the fish personality because it takes up space, and change your headline to something confident and self assured. Show that you have standards. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 1:48:33 PM | What the nice ladies above are saying is you NEED a profile review. Badly.
I'm not sure where you were getting your tips from, but I could point out a dozen mistakes with just a glance.
You are a pretty unique guy and you are looking for a unique kind of woman. It's not going to be easy, but there is somebody out there for you so don't hang your hat up. At least you are taking the step to ask for some advice. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 1:59:56 PM | Your pics are just violent.. you may not think so, another guy may not think so.. but a female of 25 will think so. ...
and online.. no reply is a response. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:09:59 PM | How are you not meeting girls at school??? I think you are a certain type... and my guess is... although you are a type.. the girls that like that type are not the ones you are hitting up... I would think that if you were in LA... you would do fine... you look like half the guys out here in your age category... good for you on advancing your education...
I don't think that pic is violent... you explain it... and any girl that was to date you would have to be fine with the MMA.... I dated a guy a while back that did that... you have to have a strong stomach for injuries... | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:14:36 PM | I've already had profile reviews before and I don't discriminate in what type I message.
I can see what you're saying with the bloody nose, but I don't think any of the rest of the pictures are violent... | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:16:24 PM | Everyone at my school is no different than the people on this site...
Really, I don't even know what kind of women would be into me, but I'm not seeing any even close to that on here or anywhere or in person... | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:22:17 PM | Well a profile review is not showing up in your history...
Which is a good thing, as you can ask for only one on the forums --
Your profile is going to turn a lot of women away,
if you can't see why, it speaks to the fact that you need the outside advice.
I really would recommend you get a review and take their advice. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:25:20 PM | Well I've already gone through all sorts of messaging advice and I'm requesting another profile review but...
I still can't see anything at all wrong with it. I have interests on there, what I currently do, what I'm into, clear photos of me, what I'm looking for...
I really can't see what's wrong with it. Should I lie and say I'm Christian and looking to get married and a "good ol' Southan boy"? | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:30:42 PM | Absolutely not...
You would be bored 'bat shite stupid' by the type of girl you would attract.
You are a creative guy, with an edge -- but your profile projects negativity and it sounds like you are trying to be incredibly safe and bland. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:34:02 PM | Well maybe yous can tell me more because I'm getting nothing in the profile review thread...
And what negativity? Most of it is neutral... also how am I being bland/safe?
I stated everything I do... I still fail to see what you're talking about. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:39:17 PM |
Really, I don't even know what kind of women would be into me, but I'm not seeing any even close to that on here or anywhere or in person...
There are a small number of women in the intersection between whom you will attract, and whom you are likely seeking. You will have to be patient.
That said - three years is a long time. If you want to be cynical about it, get into another band. Women will whip themselves into a rapturous lather of self-deception over a guy banging his head with a guitar. And pumping some iron never hurts. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:41:04 PM | I do have several bands... but they're all solo projects.
There's nobody in this area aside from two other people I know, who play the styles of music I do so forming a band that actually plays out won't work.
Also, in my experience from the one band I was in that played live, chicks don't dig guys in bands unless that guy looks like an emo/scene kid. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:42:05 PM | Well OP, you have to admit that you won't attract the majortiy with what you are showing in your profile. In saying that, the "average" guy here has to do at LEAST what you have done to get a reply or two. That's the "average" guy. You're not thinking you're "average" are ya?????
So, you have to understand that you are not gonna attract the everyday girl here. And also understand that is NOT really a bad thing. Is it????? What you could do is dress like the majority. Get a 9-5 job. Buy a house. Out with the earings and piercings.Etc,etc,etc. Nowwwwww,,,,wouldn't that bore the shiat out of ya???? Well, so would the everyday "average" girl. Quit wishing for those ones.
You're looking for a needle in the haystack. That will take time. And at your age, you have lots of that. So,take your time, and don't "settle". Easy,peasy. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:49:25 PM | I'm not looking for anything specific... why does everyone keep thinking I'm searching for this or that when I've not even said what I've searched for?
That being said, I can find nobody on here in this area even close to being into body modification and extreme music or anything like that.
On a rare occasion, I can find some into tattoos and more extreme music or some other common interests but I can't get messages back from them either.
So far the only person really to message me is this one girl who was from Germany who is deleting her profile because she found somebody that she's "talking" to? (I guess that means dating).
Either way, she's the only one who's ever actually messaged me back more than once and pretty much the only thing we have in common is that we both were born in Germany. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 2:58:28 PM |
I'm not looking for anything specific... why does everyone keep thinking I'm searching for this or that when I've not even said what I've searched for?
You may not be looking for anything specific,but the GIRLS your age will be. When I was 25,(actually alot younger) I was defined by more than one adult as an old soul. Lots of people "liked" me, but very few "got" me. The girls????? They just thought I was nuts,and defnitely NOT someone to plan a future around. Like I said before, you're gonna have to give it time and have some patience for the rest to actually "get" you. There won't be a lot,but there will be a few, sooner or later. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 2:58:47 PM | Dude,
YOu are in a band. Or where in one. YOu are going to have better luck going to Little Five Points or some Dive in Ponce that you are going to have here. Why? People your age are not in the internet as intensely as older people. You need to be out there, playing, hanging. And don't change a thing about your look. It is who you are, it's what you will attract. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 3:01:26 PM | Yes they are.
The whole reason I'm even looking on-line is because people my age won't do anything other than social networking. They have their heads buried in the Internet.
Also, I can't afford to move to the Atlanta area. I am stuck in deep south Alabama. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 3:16:57 PM | | Hey bro. Don't be discouraged. I have been there. I have always found that being a little bit original with your profile works. Trust me, 98% of male profiles on here are relatively the same. ie; I'm a good guy, I'm responsible, good job, respectful and so on and so on. Personally myself, I have had more success with a care free profile that is a little off the wall loaded with shock value and comedy. WOMEN LIKE A GUY WHO CAN MAKE THEM LAUGH! This is the truest fact I have learned. Also, when I write my profile, I write it for me. Honestly, I do not need a womans approval to vindicate my worth to a relationship, I know I'm a good guy and I know what I can offer a woman if she is someone that I truly like. I'm not saying I get loads of messages but I get a few there and a few here. As far as messaging women I try to be as selective as possible and when I send them a message I tend to say something different and original. I must admit though,allot of this site is based on if someone finds you attractive, I mean, you can only gauge so much from reading a profile but rather you have to be able to see if you can see your self with that person. I embrace my imperfections and try to use them as a tool to help me. For example, I am only around 5'7 so I am competing with men that are usually taller than me and most women dig a bigger dude but I don;t want to be with someone who would feel awkward around me anyways so whatever! The truth is, I don't expect much from POF and I refuse to get upset about not being some ones cup of tea. Anyways, hope this helps and good luck. | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 3:31:37 PM |
WOMEN LIKE A GUY WHO CAN MAKE THEM LAUGH! This is the truest fact I have learned.
Was it the pic of OP reading a book on Hegel that made you think he was Mr. Chuckle-hut? | |
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| What Am I Doing Wrong?
Posted: 7/23/2012 3:47:53 PM | Online dating not working is usually because:
1) You're a guy and guys outnumber girls by a wide margin online
2) You don't look attractive/hot in your pics
3) Your profile doesn't fit in with whatever popular clique that your age group conforms to
After you get those figured out it is on to your first email. Something witty and funny will generally work, something unique/well-thought-out will just bore her. Don't bother reading her profile and thinking up something nice and insightful to say you won't get anywhere with that.
Once you get her talking then you push towards a phone conversation/texting and figure out a meeting place. Bar, bowling, billiards, day time I would tell them this coffee shop/book store that was nearby. Don't be surprised or discouraged if she disappears as soon as you start talking about meeting in person as lots of girls on here are just here for an ego boost. They get off on talking to you, having the fantasy that they could meet you but many will not allow it to happen in reality. | |
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Posted: 7/23/2012 3:49:27 PM |
Trust me, 98% of male profiles on here are relatively the same. ie; I'm a good guy, I'm responsible, good job, respectful and so on and so on. Personally myself, I have had more success with a care free profile that is a little off the wall loaded with shock value and comedy. WOMEN LIKE A GUY WHO CAN MAKE THEM LAUGH!
You're right. And you're headline is to die for. I laughed and that's not an easy thing to make happen. 
~OP~ I'm not a fan of profile reviews. No one is you, no one is me. If we want to be genuine in our profiles, you have to do it yourself. Yeah, suggestions are fine, but only you know you here so only you can write about you. Personally? I did view your profile and being that I prefer "edgy/unique" over any other particular type of man, I'd not be as much turned away by your profile as the fact you NEVER smile. If a man writes to me with a mediocre profile, yet his pictures show him as a seemingly happy person, I'll likely answer the email if it's not one of those cut/pastes or worse, the "Hey Sexy....." silliness. Online isn't for everyone. I don't do well meeting/dating via the net. I once did and then I realized I wanted to be more than just a sample off the human buffet. My suggestion is that you don't rely on this, and don't let it frustrate you because that is evident in how you write/respond to people.  | |
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