| | From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | My ex and I were in a relationship for 7 years. He used to throw tantrums ie did not like dried pasta it had to be fresh, I could not always get fresh, or he would lie about himself to boost up his image. My children could see my upset and consequently were not happy with him coming to my house. So last year when my daughter was doing her exams and my son came back from university, my ex was not happy about coming to my house. I have since spoken to my kids who are okay with him coming to the house, but my ex does not wish to be reminded of the past.
He regularly phones, and until just recently we were seeing each other. Now he wishes not to see me but wants to remain in contact by phone. He asks about where I am going and who I am going out with. I was not happy with this arrangement and find it weird, and am now trying to pull away from him as I don't want to be a phone buddy.
Has anyone else expereinced this and why does a man want this? | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:10:52 AM | I guess my question is why you would even consider it.
Who knows his reasoning, but as I can see it is effecting you in a negative way I would stop all contact.
What would you hope to gain by having him come to your home? | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:12:08 AM | He asks about where I am going and who I am going out with. I was not happy with this arrangement and find it weird, and am now trying to pull away from him
After seven (7) years you both ought to know enough about each other that you could decide to either remain friends or move on.
Your "Ex" is asking natural questions about what you are up to, if you choose not to remain friends and talk about things that is your choice.
He used to throw tantrums ie did not like dried pasta it had to be fresh
That part sounds like immaturity or control issues, and maybe you were feeding those with co-dependency.
If you need to distance yourself from your "Ex" so that you can feel free to get out and seek a more mature man for a new relationship, then do it.
VVV
I'm still waiting on the new York times best seller novel by one of these utter geniuses who manage to keep a woman around for over half a decade without nuptials.
Mine will be out in about a year, meantime you can learn more of the "I'm ok- you're ok" mindset whereby you don't feel as much pressure to "make a better offer" to the ladies for them to stick around.
Keep em guessing about your long-term possibilities by being fun to be with, relaxed and very sociable and not making false promises. | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:13:42 AM | | Why were you seeing him for 7 years, when he acted like a bratty child, he upset your children, what was the point of having this man in your life, and so in their life? And now you want him back....I don't get it. | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:20:37 AM | @ dayndaze - he believes he has changed since his childish days, and I have seen a change in him too. I love him enough to give him a second chance and my children are now older, out with friends more and are acceptant of him coming to the house as long as he has changed.
The phonecalls and texts are my only contact and it is not helping | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:30:32 AM | sounds like you just wasted 7 good years on a douchebag... phone buddies really? i dont see the point in talking to someone on the phone, if we dont meet in person once in a while.
Has anyone else expereinced this and why does a man want this?
no, i have not experienced this, and i wouldnt tolerate it. he's just being a major DB, you should find someone who wants to spend time with you and your kids. | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 10:00:29 AM | | I agree.........leaving someone you are still in love with to find someone else is not such a quick and easy thing to do. Just wondered if not answering his calls would make him realise he was a DB and want some contact? | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 10:04:54 AM | | Its affecting me in a negative way because it hurts, just phone contact makes me feel unworthy of meeting face to face. Why I would consider having in my home again? Because I feel he has learnt from him mistakes and has changed..... | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 10:13:30 AM |
Because I feel he has learnt from him mistakes and has changed.....
But obviously you haven't because you're just as gullible and willing to overlook the obvious as you've always been.
Sorry, but that's how I see it.
You need to choose better for yourself. | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 10:25:07 AM |
Now he wishes not to see me but wants to remain in contact by phone. He asks about where I am going and who I am going out with. I was not happy with this arrangement and find it weird, and am now trying to pull away from him as I don't want to be a phone buddy.
Has anyone else expereinced this and why does a man want this?
THIS man wants to maintain contact because he's a controller. He's offering you nothing, but still wants you to be accountable for your time. pfft
As stated in your first sentence...he is your EX. This is what he wanted, so cut the cord....umbilical or telephone.
Allow yourself to be available to meet a man who wants a mutually rewarding relationship with you, and a respectful relationship with your children.
MrsF | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 1:36:36 PM | | Halcyonhun - Thank you for your advice, it may help to explain things. At the age of 47 he is still living with his parents so believes he has nothing to offer in a relationship. He spends a lot of time in his bedroom whilst his parents are in their lounge and a lot of time working on his model helicopters, so has a vast amount of time with his isolated hobby. Maybe keeping the contact with me helps him cope with his lonely lifestyle? | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 2:06:39 PM | So you are always making the excuses for him aswell why he is such a brat????
Why do you want this guy in your life, you should seriously ask yourself, better the dvil you know? Even when you know already what the outcome will be like?
Research codependant | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 2:16:27 PM | Why? Because you are allowing him to do so.
For seven years he manipulated you and you allowed it.
He is still manipulating you and you are still allowing it.
At the age of 47 he is still living with his parents so believes he has nothing to offer in a relationship. He spends a lot of time in his bedroom whilst his parents are in their lounge and a lot of time working on his model helicopters, so has a vast amount of time with his isolated hobby. Maybe keeping the contact with me helps him cope with his lonely lifestyle?
Good gosh! The man is a loser--most likely, keeping in contact with you and continuing to influence your life is a way to make him feel in control of at least something--or someone. It is obvious that he is not in control of HIS life, yet you allow him to control yours.
Of course, you want to play games with him, too:
ust wondered if not answering his calls would make him realise he was a DB and want some contact?
That's called "playing games."
Why I would consider having in my home again? Because I feel he has learnt from him mistakes and has changed.....
And if you believe this, I have some nice oceanfront property in Nevada to sell to you . . . no, wait, that is an Americanism. If you believe this, I have a nice stone circle on Salisbury Plain to sell to you.
He hasn't changed. | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 2:52:19 PM | | One demonstration of stregnth from a human is to break away from an abusive relationship and never look back. Stop looking back! :) It is causing you turmoil, so obviously it is not healthy. You gave him his sense of control during the relationship, why give him the power when you are not in one? You need to never respond to this guy, and bond with a new man...it may be hard at first, but in time as the weeks go by it will get easier and easier. | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 2:53:37 PM |
Has anyone else expereinced this and why does a man want this?
I have not experienced this.
I agree.........leaving someone you are still in love with to find someone else is not such a quick and easy thing to do. Just wondered if not answering his calls would make him realise he was a DB and want some contact?
You're so very right. Leaving someone we love and finding someone else is NOT an easy thing to do. We can find "quick fixes" or "termporary" things easy enough, but to actually go the Full Monte and fall in love again? That's a whole 'nother deal.
Halcyonhun - Thank you for your advice, it may help to explain things. At the age of 47 he is still living with his parents so believes he has nothing to offer in a relationship. He spends a lot of time in his bedroom whilst his parents are in their lounge and a lot of time working on his model helicopters, so has a vast amount of time with his isolated hobby. Maybe keeping the contact with me helps him cope with his lonely lifestyle?
OH DEAR! No offense to you OP, but reaaaally? That's not really what I'd call a "lonely life" (although it certainly would be!) That's someone who's not ready to cut the umbilical cord and that's never a good thing. Now if his parents are ailing or he is their primary care giver for some reason, that may explain things, but otherwise? Something's amiss. Hmmmm.....I don't even know what more to say......  | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 7:11:55 PM | I am wondering why a lovely woman like you doesn't value herself more and doesn't seem to think she deserves more than dregs from some loser, especially when there are children involved. You say you love him--WHY? What is attractive about this guy?
Every moment you waste pining over him is one less moment you could be having with someone who loves and values you. | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/24/2012 8:27:36 PM | | He sounds like a pathological, narciscisstic, egotistical, bloody wanker!!!! He can only be those things to you if you allow him to....sounds like you have allowed too much of it/him, 8 yrs. was that correctr?, in your life already... cut all ties & contact & move on...unless you like being controlled.... | |
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| From relationship to just phone calls and texts...why?
Posted: 7/25/2012 5:50:44 PM | | look, it's over. he is obviously plagued by indecision and conflicted in what he wants. a man like this is a waste of time. things are pretty black and white when it comes to a relationship. either you love someone or you don't. either you are with them or you are not. when ever people try to insert these qualifications (i.e., i am in love with you but i am not in love, i care about you, but i don't know what i want, i just need space, etc..) into the equation it leads to nothing but blurred and muddled results. does any of this make you happy? no, of course not. what this guy is doing is keeping you hanging around in case some other option doesn't pan out for him. if i were you, i would not talk to him anymore. just cut off all contact. he is obviously not someone that is healthy enough to have a supportive, loving, and fulfilling relationship with you. he's probably suffering from what some refer to as borderline personality disorder. you are getting the hot-cold, off-on treatment, and this is nothing but BULL SH**. | |
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