| | I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing upPage 1 of 1 | I can hardly believe I'm posting this because I'm 39 years old and I should probably know better. Unfortunately, I haven't been playing "the dating game" for many, many years and I honestly haven't got a clue what I'm doing. From what I've read in these forums, I seem to have a problem other guys wish they had.
I met a terrific lady on POF last week. We went out for lunch last weekend and it went fantastic. She caught me by surprise afterward with a very nice (somewhat passionate) kiss just before we left. We've either texted and/or talked daily since then. I called her and we made a date for tomorrow. Excellent!
The problem is, I'm starting to get responses to messages from other ladies I messaged last week and I'm getting more responses than I'm used to getting. I upgraded my membership and I'm getting more "________ wants to meet you!" messages (yes, paid membership does have it's advantages). But NOW what am I supposed to do? I was starving for responses and now I'm getting more than I know what to do with.
I'm not a player. I'm not looking for hook-ups. In fact, I'm not even comfortable dating more than one at a time. I'm not under the illusion that she wants to be "exclusive" (we've only met once so far) but if she were to bring up the subject, I'd gladly say yes. I'm not saying I'm in love (I know the difference) but when I'm dating someone, I have my sights set on her and her alone. If it works out, great! If not, I put fresh bait on my proverbial hook and go back to fishing.
But what am I to do with all these nice ladies who have messaged me back? I don't want to ignore them. After all, I messaged them first and if things don't work out with the lady I'm seeing now, I'd hate to have missed out on meeting someone else. I could always engage them in email chat for a couple of weeks (if they even tolerate that). If things start to look promising with the lady I'm seeing now, I can let the other ladies know that "this fish has been caught" and all will be well.
I had one lady tell me that she would consider meeting me but she has just started seeing someone and prefers to see how things work out with him. She basically said that if it doesn't work out, and if I were still interested later, she would consider it. I thought this was very thoughtful of her and I'm wondering if it would be appropriate for me to send a similar message to these other ladies who are showing an interest. Am I onto something here?
Perhaps I've answered my own question. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Who knows, I could feel totally different about this after seeing her again tomorrow. Hell I've even thought about talking to her about this but I think that would be suicide :o)
Any feedback (especially from a lady's point of view) would be greatly appreciated.
- Clueless | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/24/2012 10:38:35 PM | Yes, you kind of answered your question. Depends on you... You can just meet someone else and compare, you never know.
And yes, don't talk to her about it... it is still early... you are not seriously dating her yet... | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 12:39:24 AM | Op,a lot of women wouldn't appreciate being told that you want to see where it goes with someone (else) but if it doesn't work out,you'll get back to them.
On the other hand,ive never been one to put all my eggs in one basket!
So,i dont really have a solution for you......but,hope it all works out for you.
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 3:07:04 AM | I met a terrific lady on POF last week. We went out for lunch last weekend and it went fantastic. She caught me by surprise afterward with a very nice (somewhat passionate) kiss just before we left. We've either texted and/or talked daily since then. I called her and we made a date for tomorrow. Excellent! OP you have had one lunch date. I wouldnt fold up shop just yet. Dont keep making new meets if you dont want to but... keep conversations open at this point. You dont need to explain anything to anyone. You had one good POF meeting. Thats it.
For now if you want change your POF status to "not single/not looking" and hide your profile. Your choice but I would not offer explanations to existing contacts that do not ask.
Cowboy | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 3:22:20 AM | You certainly do qualify as "clueless," if you are doing anything but deleting all those "_________ wants to meet you!" messages. Read up on the "Meet Me" feature. It has almost nothing to do with your upgraded status, and almost nothing to do with women ACTUALLY wanting to meet you.
As for your sudden sense of popularity, congratulations. However, I would tend to suspect that it wont last, and thus will resolve itself shortly. The world of online dating is notorious for seeing surges of activity, driven by proximity to holidays, or the occurrence of local stressful times and such.
Any reason you can't converse with the other women as you date this one? | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 3:34:28 AM | Sounds to me like you've already decided....you're not comfortable with dating more than one at a time.
Keep seeing this new lady and I really hope things work out between you guys. Congratulations.
As for the others.....let them wait ;) or say that you'vwe jsut started dating a new lady. It'll make them want you even more :p | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 3:46:05 AM | Are you exclusive after * one * meeting? Date whoever you want until you and someone decide you both do not want to see anyone else. How do you know all these nice ladies have messaged you if you have not even met them to say how nice they really are? It is a bunch of e mails ~ that is all.
Maybe see this person a few more times until you decide this is a big deal. | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 5:35:43 AM | Enjoy the attention while it lasts. Because it won't last forever. This is only a phase, you'll soon go back to no responses.
...but I wouldn't cut off all potentials until your 'exclusive' (boy do I hate that word..lol).
..and get use to multi-dating ..It's the new rage :p
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 5:54:07 AM |
I'm not a player. I'm not looking for hook-ups. In fact, I'm not even comfortable dating more than one at a time. I'm not under the illusion that she wants to be "exclusive" (we've only met once so far) but if she were to bring up the subject, I'd gladly say yes. I'm not saying I'm in love (I know the difference) but when I'm dating someone, I have my sights set on her and her alone. If it works out, great! If not, I put fresh bait on my proverbial hook and go back to fishing.
This question should totally be in the ask a guy section lol. You should still engage in talking with the other women as you only meet this women like what? once and there is no harm in chatting with other people. | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 6:20:48 AM | I'm currently in the "seeing where this goes" stage of things with a guy.
When I get emails from men that I was talking to prior to meeting him, I simply email them back and explain that out of respect for the guy I'm tentatively "seeing", I don't talk to other men when I'm currently going on multiple dates with him.
Most men are really cool about it and actually tell me "Well if it doesn't work out with him, email me". I've said the same thing to a guy who let me know he was "seeing where things go" with one woman in particular. It would be odd to be offended about this kind of thing, in my opinion. Aren't we all emailing/meeting/conversing with multiple people on here until we find one that clicks?
OP, if you really like the woman that you had lunch with, pursue it. If it doesn't work out, then contact these women at a later time. Just because you're hungry doesn't mean you eat everything in the pantry lol. | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:07:53 AM |
OP you have had one lunch date. I wouldnt fold up shop just yet.
Agreed!
If your onslaught of emails is overwhelming you, decide to hide your profile for the next weeks or whatever until you figure out what's going on with current quest.
You can always come back and pick up where you left off... no need to reply to anyone just yet.
Have patience.
I promise you no one is just waiting at their in box for your reply. | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:24:20 AM | I would not like hearing from a guy that if it didn't work out I will hear from them. Who wants to be second best? Women like to feel special. I would not date him after that RUDE remark.
You had one date. It takes a few dates to start to know someone. You should date the other women as well a few times and when you are sure there is one you want an exclusive relationship with then only date her. A r gentleman does not discuss the other women with each other. You don't have to text each woman 20 times a day either letting them know where you are. I don't understand this. | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:40:34 AM | | Here's how I look at it. Your trying to be the stand up guy in all this cause you are out for something real. I can almost bet you money she is still on here talking and maybe even going out with more guys. Don't stop anything till you 2 are something exclusive. As a wise man once told me hold your horses | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 11:46:16 AM | Now they know you have a credit card due to your upgrade.
Set age restrictions 98-99 until you give yourself and this lady a chance to see whats going on.
OR just play the field.
How difficult can life get for people?
You suddenly out of the BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO get some attention and now your head is blowing up?
As Igor said if these are" want to meet yous"..means nothing.
If you suddenly get actual e mails after upgrading.Hmmmmmmmmmmm
Geez, I feel like a love-struck teenager sometimes yet here I am, pushing 40!
^^^^^^^^^^Oh gawd, just wait til you discover special "spots" after 50.lol | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 7:43:12 PM | | While back, I was hit back to back with a pair of serious contenders. I *could* not decide. I had to keep reminding myself that emails were NOT dating. . . . Nevertheless, one of the most uncomfortable months I've evah spent. You have my sympathy, OP. . . . | |
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| I met someone on POF and now my mailbox is blowing up
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:16:40 PM | Unless the women your seeing is the same way and doesn't want to talk or meet others while seeing someone. Then keep on fishing, as chances are she is.
Nothing wrong with sticking to one women at one time to see where it goes. Just hide your profile until you know either way. | |
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