| | I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | We've been dating a few months. Things are going well and all. The other day he tells me he wants "us" to get a puppy. That we will take turns with it. He has sent me pictures of the puppy, names for the puppy, all the things he wants to do with the puppy. He tells me how happy he would be if we could get this puppy. I would do anything for him, especially to make him happy. But this is a big commitment!
Here are my reasons for not wanting to get it: A) The one he wants is a purebred and its expensive, he wants me to pay for it as a "gift". I honestly can't afford it. B) I don't like dogs. I don't like them shedding, drooling, peeing/pooping, chewing things up. C) A puppy requires alot of attention, I work and stuff and just don't have time. D) We have 8 kids between us, I don't want/need another "baby". E) My new apartment has a no pet policy, it's a $500 fine if I get caught with a dog!
It feels like a battle between emotion and logic. Has anyone got their boyfriend/girlfriend a puppy and had a great experience with it? Did it really improve your relationship and bring you closer? | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:02:07 AM |
It feels like a battle between emotion and logic. Has anyone got their boyfriend/girlfriend a puppy and had a great experience with it? Did it really improve your relationship and bring you closer?
If you feel you need a puppy to improve your relationship, then probably there isnt much of a relationship to improve in the first place.
I suggest you re-evaluate it carefully.
Also, you'd risk getting fine because your NEW boyfriend ( a few months is still new) wants you to PAY to buy HIM a puppy, even though you arent allowed and risk getting caught?
Your call, but not a very hard one to make, is it................................ | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:04:35 AM | you have listed 5 good reasons not to have a puppy so its surely a firm "no" ! Why should you pay for it? Sounds like
he likes the idea but hasnt thought it through properly. Its not about whether it brings you closer together, its about the day to day responsibilities and practicalities, and the cost. Plus you have only been dating for a few months, what if you split up then what happens? I would say definitely dont do it! | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:06:11 AM | Bottom line - you don't want a dog, you can't accommodate a dog, you have no desire for a dog. This isn't like a throw cushion, this is a living breathing animal which has the right to a permanent home. It's not a freakin' ornament which you can shove in the cupboard when you are bored of looking at it. Tell him NO. There isn't one part of your post which suggests you are either able or willing to take on this commitment. Don't be backed into a corner because when your view becomes that animals truth, it's the animal that gets the rough deal through no fault of it's own.
It takes about two years to fully train a dog - two years of constant correction and praise. It's a lot of work and although well worth the efforts, you have to be committed to doing it, and to doing it well. Let the puppy find other owners who have the time and love to train this dog properly, not needing to shuffle it between homes, not needing to hide it and keep it quiet because it shouldn't be where it is. Leave the dogs alone to find their forever homes. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:08:48 AM | It feels like a battle between emotion and logic. Has anyone got their boyfriend/girlfriend a puppy and had a great experience with it? Did it really improve your relationship
It seems more like a battle of wills, a test from him trying to determine just how far you will bend your "rules/logic" for him and how much he can manipulate you.
Best to consider your *real* kids FIRST: Show that guy that he can't manipulate you now, or (heaven forbid) later he will be running your lives, (yours and your kids). | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:10:35 AM | | Do not ever adopt from a breeder when there are thousands of shelter animals who will get killed if not adopted out!!! That being said, 8 kids sounds like enuf, adopting w/ a no pet apt is irresponsible. DUMP HIM! | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:10:53 AM | That's why we play the dating game.
It looks like you have stumbled upon your first hurdle.
If you want my opinion. I would not ask someone I cared about to buy me something that I knew she could not afford. I would never ask anything to buy me anything even if she could afford it. Gifts come from the heart. It's not something that should be asked for.
I would also not ask someone to do something that would break a law, risk their job or get them in any kind of trouble. That's what caring for someone is all about. I don't care if it's a free soda.
On top of all that it seems he likes pets and you don't care so much for them. As Capn said, that's something you should think about now before the dog comes into the picture. Sooner or later you are going to talk about more than a pet if this relationship goes anywhere.
I don't shy away from the issues. I talk about EVERYTHING right up front. Just casual conversation. That's what getting to know each other is all about. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:11:10 AM | I don't get how "emotion" is even relevant to your situation. You just listed five very good reasons for not having a dog. With a little probing, a responsible breeder wouldn't even sell a puppy to someone in your situation. Do the dog a HUGE favor and quit pretending that bringing it home going to "improve your relationship". WTF!!!!
That kind of emotional wet farting is just one reason there are so many pitiful animals in shelters hoping for a GOOD HOME before they end up gasping for air in a gas chamber. Makes me wanna go right out and volunteer at the doggy prison so that these helpless creatures can at least get a taste of genuine caring before they die alone and confused because they accidentally became a messy and neurotic inconvenience for selfish, thoughtless people. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:17:20 AM | | .. Living, breathing, and will be doing puppy things in an apt, and if you get caught with the puppy they fine u and make you get rid of the puppy... before you get a puppy why not get your divorce first your seperated.... a relationship of 2 months... So apparenty this man has already meet your children after only 2 months. o yeah and you can't afford it but buy it for him sounds like something that your kids would pull not a grown man...., I would feel very sorry for the puppy ... | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:19:06 AM | | Wow! He wants you to pay for the puppy that you don't want as a "gift" (to him, to you, to both of you?). How is this a gift? Surely he knows you don't like dogs, that you don't have time to rear a puppy, that your apartment has a no pet policy, etc? This guy sounds self obsessed and not at all aware of you. Don't do the puppy thing. It isn't worth it. I'd be questioning my relationship with a man like this. Maybe you need to, too. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:19:57 AM | A dog is not a TOY.
Please do not do that to a dog who can not speak for himself. Tell him you dont want a puppy, ask him if he will pay for you to adopt a child instead, see what his reaction is.
Please don't get a dog you dont want with all your heart, please please. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:32:28 AM | It feels like a battle between emotion and logic. Has anyone got their boyfriend/girlfriend a puppy and had a great experience with it?
Twisted control freak, using puppy as pawn = issues > run!  | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:35:17 AM | | It's a horrible idea, it would be cruel to the puppy, and your relationship doesn't sound the least bit good either. Don't be so desperate to hold onto a loser. He doesn't even care how bad this would be for you or for the puppy. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:37:28 AM | Don't get a puppy. All your reasons are valid and it would be irresponsible to ignore those.
In fact in your shoes, I think I'd dump the BF for his immature behavior.
This wouldn't be the kind of decision maker I'd want as a partner. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:43:22 AM | dating a few months and wants a puppy to share....
plus you live in an apt !
How do you say insane idea ? not to mention cruelty to the dog.
forget it.. bad idea. I think you need someone new to date, this guy doesn't sound responsible on any level, more a man child way of thinking. Keep dating him and he will do the same with yu and show yu just how irresponsible he is.
Thats my 2 cents
a puppy bringing people closer? what nonsense.
I do have a better idea for you both.... find a local animal shelter that allows people to visit with the dogs in an outdoor area and go visit a dog once a week... at least it will get sme human love before the lethal injection as millions of dogs are put down each year because people get dogs for all the wrong reasons. Like the idea he has.... a bad one.
struggling between emotions and logic? a dog is a living thing....
your head should be doing the thinking. A dog is a responsibility, not a toy to disgaurd when you grow tired or break up or get caught having a dog in your apt. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:50:55 AM | I am absolutely BEGGING you not to get a puppy. OMG! I can't believe you aren't seeing how totally inappropriate (and CRUEL) it would be for you to do so!
Your fabulous "boyfriend" sounds dog enough.......jeezus. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:55:02 AM | WRONG!
You don't have eight children, you have NINE.
Immature, manipulative control freak.
Why are you even considering this? Your reasons are rational and valid. It is NOT a good sign that he's trying to making you doubt yourself. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:56:46 AM | Presumably the dumb*ss knows all this
A) The one he wants is a purebred and its expensive, he wants me to pay for it as a "gift". I honestly can't afford it. B) I don't like dogs. I don't like them shedding, drooling, peeing/pooping, chewing things up. C) A puppy requires alot of attention, I work and stuff and just don't have time. D) We have 8 kids between us, I don't want/need another "baby". E) My new apartment has a no pet policy, it's a $500 fine if I get caught with a dog!
and has the audacity to ask you anyway?
The making happy part seems to be one sided.
Tell his yes, WHEN & if your ever married & with a home of your own. I'd otherwise tell the *ss wipe to piss off. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:57:40 AM | lilli has a good point.......
when you have doubts you should not be doing it.. and you have doubts, go with your first instrinct the idea is a bad one
BECAUSE: it is a bad, bad idea that speaks untold and vast selfishness and cruelty to animals.
OMG, what kind of man are you dating?
if it were me OP
I would dump him, he sounds very selfish and irresponsible !!!!!
No man ( adult) would suggest such nonsense.. only an immature man child, child... this is not even adult thinking the way he is thinking !
DUMP HIM, this is a red flag in case you aren;t catching on !!!! he is selfish and irresponsible and possibly cruel.. you may be his next victim | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:04:22 AM | I have been dating my boyfriend almost 3 months..
He hasn't met my kids yet other than a wave through the window. There is NO WAY we would even think of getting a puppy together. Despite the fact he owns his own home and so do I. Plus, I already have 3 dogs. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:09:00 AM | | He wants YOU to pay for it. He tells you as a gift. It sounds like manipulation to me. I could never be remotely interested in a man that can't pay for things himself. You pay for the dog, you pay for all the vet bills and as a animal person let me tell you it will be costly. More costly for a pedigree as they have more health issues. Also what happens when the dog barks in your apartment when you are not allowed a dog. What kind of life will it be for the dog being hidden away any maybe not going outside that much as it will be seen. Selfish if you ask me. A dog is like a child and you should have it's best interest at heart. Then in 6 months you BF breaks up with you and takes the dog after you spent now at least 1K or he decides it is no longer cute as it is not a puppy and leaves it. Your landlord finds out you now have a dog and this poor dog becomes a shelter dog. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:10:00 AM | OP, after reading your post I wholeheartedly say don't get a puppy!
If he wants the puppy, can afford it, can give it the time and attention it needs and lives in a place where pets are allowed, HE should get the puppy for himself. You don't want it, he does. You don't need it, certainly don't need the cost involved (not just purchase, but feeding, veterinary care and more), and possibly don't have time to take care of it even part-time. And there is always a possibility that he will tire of the puppy, especially after it becomes an adult dog, and then you will be stuck with it. (Except that, if the two of you break up after getting the puppy, he may insist that it is HIS dog regardless of who bought, kept and cared for it.)
If he gets upset because you don't want the puppy, tough for him. If it isn't willing to drop the idea immediately when you say no, consider dumping him too; any man who pressures you to do something you don't want and can't afford to do isn't worth your time. | |
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| I don't think I'm ready for this type of commitment...
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:37:16 AM | Tell him if he really wants a puppy that he can buy whatever he wants and taking care of it will be his sole responsibilitiy because you have no interest in having a dog or taking care of a dog. I agree that you are making him sound like a bit of control freak who is unaware of your feelings.
Your profile indicates you are still looking and your headline seems to refer to this guy you are talking about " I just met you, and this is crazy..." so let this one go and keep looking.
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