| | Why would he do that?Page 1 of 1 | I'm pretty new to this site.. I made it for fun, not really thinking I would meet anyone but I ended up meeting & talking to, what seemed like, a really nice guy. We texted back & forth for about a week.. we seemed to really hit it off & get each others sense of humor. We decided to meet tonight for drinks. We ended last night texting & him telling me how much he was looking forward to tonight. When I texted him earlier today asking what time he wanted to meet at the restaurant... NOTHING. Never heard from him all day. I'm just wondering if anything similar to this has ever happened to you ladies?
I know I have no reason to be mad, we had never actually met in person. But we had such great conversations & I really was looking forward to meeting him, so it was a let down. & nothing like this has everrr happened to me. | |
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Bezoa
| | Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 2 | |
| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:49:47 PM | | Call it cold feet I guess. People post stories like this quite often so, I'm guessing you're not the first person this happened to. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:00:31 PM | There's a small chance something legitimately came up, or he got too nervous, and he didn't contact you for whatever reason. If that's the case, he'll let you know what happened.
Unfortunately, the more likely thing is that he's just a jerk who was playing around by flirting with you. Best to move on to somebody who will actually care enough to show up to a date. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:17:55 PM | I read it in the threads a lot. It seems to happen more frequently with the younger crowd IMO.
I personally wouldn't text anyone. I'd arrange a phone call and see how they sound and conduct themselves on the phone. I might exchange another email and then meet them. I wouldn't invest a lot of time up front other than getting a feel for them and seeing if we have common interests, etc.
Don't be concerned with it. You're a beautiful young woman and you will have a lot of men interested in you. Be discerning and take your time getting to know someone a bit before going out with them.
It might help to spend some time reading threads about things that will help someone new to the site. The ask a guy questions are always enlightening. There are a lot of new guys in the ask a girl forum and you will see that they experience the same thing. Best wishes.
Edit: You may want to exercise caution and remove your name from your profile and user name. I believe there are some things on safety to read on site- if not I'm sure you can google it. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:45:35 PM |
When I texted him earlier today asking what time he wanted to meet at the restaurant... NOTHING. Never heard from him all day. I'm just wondering if anything similar to this has ever happened to you
We all have to learn that there are some time-wasters online here.
Many times those who fail to meetup IRL even when time/place has been set,
do so because they are NOT whatever they claimed to be in their profile or in those many chats/texts.
The person may have been 14yrs old and excited to be chatting/cybering with a real live adult.
Or maybe 50yrs old and using his sons pictures online, or any fake picture, sometimes because of extreme obesity.
That type of time-waster will obviously NEVER be able to "first meet" you anywhere IRL so will come up with a string of excuses or just stand you up and disappear. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:46:20 PM | Texting is an important form of communication, but using it as a primary way of communication is a big, big mistake. Many young adults, and teenagers don't understand this point, but they eventually learn.
If you are interested in a guy pick up the phone and call him. Flirty texts here and there doesn't do much, especially if they are annoying. He either was turned off by the texts, or he lost interest because of the texting.
I find those that are "time wasters" like to text and email, but when it comes to real phone conversations or meeting in person a lot of times they are unwilling to do so. This is how you find out if a man is interested or not in you.
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:55:01 PM | | It could be a number of things, none of them probably had anything to do with his thoughts on you. His girlfriend/wife made him stay home, he pussed out, he double booked, is on here just to stroke his ego and had no intention of meeting or it could be something legitimate. A death in the family, jail. It happens all the time that's why you meet ASAP so no one wastes your time with endless texts. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:55:29 PM | | You never know who you're talking to online. And when you only text who knows - he could have been a 60 yr old married man. He could have been a little troll who knew you'd never like him in person. There are a lot of flakes and fakes here - don't let it get you down. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:32:35 PM | Yep, talking on the phone. If you listen you can tell a lot. I would find it scary to meet a guy I only did texting with. I would have no idea who I was meeting. I have had several pleasant e-mail exchanges with men and then when we had a phone conversation there was a lot missing (with him upstairs)
One POF man told me that there are women who pretend they are men and will text woman they know as a prank. It could be someone you know as well so talking on the phone first is always a good idea. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:50:57 PM | | What are you so surprised about? You actually found someone just like yourself - not serious and this site is filled with your kind. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:53:32 AM | It's well proven that what people say they want in one moment can change at a different time. Coca cola had a disaster of epic proportions when people in market research said they liked and would buy new coke but people in shops didn't want to.
Additionally online the guilt of doing a disappearing act is practically non existent. There's no peer disapproval, their mothers won't find out, etc. Although there's bound to be guys who simply have no intention of meeting and will just lead you on.
The only way to guard against the long term effects of disappointment (cynicism) is to understand you can't be sure of anything till real actions back it up. In real life words only account for 7% of communication. The other 93%, body language, tone of voice is missing online. These are the things which lead to trust and create deeper connections. You have a better chance from talking on the phone before deciding to meet. Breaking out of the confines of digital communication forces people to reveal more of themselves (an additional 50% of communication) whereas the scourge of txting allows people to maintain a shallow guilt free connections. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:58:05 AM | This site is full of all different types of people. In a perfect world everyone would be honest, good looking, polite, and rich. There are to many reasons to list the why did he/she not contact me.
Hopefully in this case it is a legitimate excuse. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 7:20:09 AM | Don't make an emotional investment in a person until you meet them in real life.
You never really know who you are talking to until you actually meet them. It could be a 600lb old man or a 11 year old little boy. Obviously they wouldn't face up when it came time to meeting you. When initial interest is shown online the quicker you make it real the better. Of course be safe about it.
I'm out in a social atmosphere all of the time. If someone asks to meet me I just point them to where I'm going to be one night and tell them to stop by and say hello. I'm going to be there anyway so if no one shows up or they aren't who they say they are, then I don't feel put out. Once we've established that we are what we say we are, then we can discuss a date.
Maybe the #1 rule in online dating. " It isn't real until you meet in person. " | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:28:31 AM | I think Tall-iq2 nailed it, people who can't/won't meet IRL are not who they say they are.
Everyone else nailed it, don't invest too much time, energy or effort in the emails and text messages. Get to the phone call fairly quickly and then to face-to-face. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:29:45 AM |
I'm pretty new to this site.. I made it for fun, not really thinking I would meet anyone but I ended up meeting & talking to, what seemed like, a really nice guy. We texted back & forth for about a week.. we seemed to really hit it off & get each others sense of humor. We decided to meet tonight for drinks. We ended last night texting & him telling me how much he was looking forward to tonight. When I texted him earlier today asking what time he wanted to meet at the restaurant... NOTHING. Never heard from him all day. I'm just wondering if anything similar to this has ever happened to you ladies?
I know I have no reason to be mad, we had never actually met in person. But we had such great conversations & I really was looking forward to meeting him, so it was a let down. & nothing like this has everrr happened to me.
So you made this profile for fun, not really thinking you'd meet someone and it happened and you got burned. Not a nice feeling isn't it? Welcome to the world of online dating. And it's not only in your age group, it happens to many of us. Don't invest too much emotionally before meeting because it raises expectations. Take it slow, don't let one idjit spoil it for you.
And to answer your question on why would he do that? Because he can. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:37:11 AM | | Those sort of Men JUST NEVER GROW-UP!!!!!!!!! Im a happy 55 year old who knows what shes talking about!!! I think this on-line site should be called Plenty of FREAKS! Just to think that... There is an OCEAN FULL of THEM!!! UGH!!! | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:48:24 AM | | Some people have issues they are to embarrassed to reveal even online. For instance I don't have a car. To some that would sound like I'm a bum, but I've been employed full time everyday for the past 4 years. I just don't have a drivers License because I missed out on getting one when I was a teenager and now that I'm a little older with a learners permit I 'm freaked out I'm going to kill someone. If I cared what others thought I wouldn't tell you this. There for if I had to meet you anywhere I wouldn't show up. But I'm not an a-hole. You could have just found a dude who didn't have a job, or a car. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 10:02:42 AM | OP: I like your name, very pretty. From what I could tell from your profile (loved the picture with you and your dog), you seem to be a person of good character. The fact this guy just dropped all communication with you tells me he is not. I think it was probably a blessing this happened now. Maybe it was cold feet on his part, maybe he's married, maybe all kinds of things... but the reason doesn't really matter, and no "why" question will ever be answered in a way that will satisfy you. The whole thing sucks, I know, but I'm confident the right fellow will find you (or you him) eventually. Take your dog for a walk, go eat some chocolate, and watch a funny movie. Go for a drive, clear your head, go feed some geese. Just put this situation into your "past" and move on. (Did I mention chocolate?) :-)
Hang in there, young miss. Godspeed. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 1:26:08 PM | | Sorry that happened to you, but the fact is that your guess is as good as anyone else's why he didn't reply. Anything could have happened, from the cowardly to the absurd to the tragic. Because I'm a hopeless cynic I would be willing to bet this person never had any intention of meeting you, but that also might be very unfair. I tend to agree with those who said that you should move on from the texting stage fairly quick so you find out before too much of your time and emotional investment can be wasted. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 4:23:19 PM |
If you are interested in a guy pick up the phone and call him. Flirty texts here and there doesn't do much, especially if they are annoying. He either was turned off by the texts, or he lost interest because of the texting.
Oh if a person is generally flaky and/or fake a phone conversation isn't going to change much. I have been stood up once by someone who I did talk on the phone a couple of times prior to alleged meet-up. The worst part is that I drove for an hour to meet him half way and he never showed up, nor answered my phone call or text. And nope, he didn't suddenly die. When I got back home and checked if there was a message from him on POF perhaps, I realized that he blocked me... What a moron!
So to answer the OP. Don't try to find a reason. It is all a part of selection. Even is the guy was real, he would be so unreliable that eventually you'd have to give up on him anyhow. | |
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| Why would he do that?
Posted: 7/28/2012 5:17:39 PM | It's the Pof "poof!" Usually because they are not who/ how they represent themselves to be: marital status, age, weight, etc.
Don't take it personally. Try again!  | |
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