| | Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?Page 1 of 1 | My ex seemed rather tense. He was getting angry at little things. As we lay in bed he started caressing me. I said l didn't want to go further as l felt uneasy. He asked if l wanted him to stay and l said l did. I explained that he appeared rather stressed out. He got very defensive and said that there was nothing wrong. I said that perhaps l was seeing something that wasn't there. He then walked out of my flat.
The next day he said he couldn't sleep beside me knowing that l was annoyed with him. I broke up with him at this point. I wasn't annoyed with him. I was uneasy. There is a difference! I was heart broken when he left me on my own. Also why ask me if l wanted him to stay and then walk out?
I love him but l do not understand him. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:29:32 PM | I think both of you have maturity issues in the relationship. Was he right to leave?
No, but you were equally wrong to dump him on the spot without trying to work things out.
Lump this into the "you did each other a huge favor" list. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:31:58 PM | I just had a similar experience with the same results. I woke up early, around 5am, got out of bed to make coffee and start my day. My GF got all pissy that I didn't stay in bed with her. [Yes we were intimate the night before]. She got up, gathered her things, stormed out, and drove the 1 mile home. I expected an apology, but none came. She is now an ex, I was not heart broken, more perplexed. One of the strangest behaviors I've experienced in a while.
So you're not alone. Is this what they mean by getting out on the wrong side of the bed?
But it gets better, now when I go to parties or functions where she attends and I talk with some lady, the ex will wait util I go get a drink, go to the bathroom, or whatever and approach whomever I was talking with. Afterward, the women come up and tell me "she (the ex) is still into you". Arg. It's like have an anti-wingman. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:53:12 PM | Because you annoyed him. Heck, you would have annoyed me and I'm a girl! So you didn't feel like being intimate, that's fine. You don't have to be "on" all the time. You said he seemed stressed. He said no. And here's where you went wrong, sweets: you INSISTED he was stressed. No one likes to be told they're feeling something they're not. If he says he's not stressed, then as far as you are concerned, he isn't.
He probably thought you were probably acting cold toward him (oh wait, did I just insist you were feeling a certain way?), and didn't want to sleep next to your huffy backside, so he left. Then instead of talking through it, you dumped the guy immediately!
You sound rather immature. You basically managed to pick a fight with the poor guy, he didn't want to deal with your unfair crap, so he left, then you break up with him (again, unfairly) without even talking with him about it. And you have the cajones to come here and whine about how it was his fault and you were just an innocent victim? The poor guy is better off with someone more mature. And I hope you grow up some before you subject some poor other guy to this game again. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:55:13 PM | To fight over someone leaving the bed early is stupid. I have on many occasions got up, dressed, and left early the next morning without waking my guy. Just because I have something keeping me from sleeping in doesn't mean he has to get up early, too. I usually leave a note telling him how much fun I had, and to call me later. He was never once upset.
On the flip side, leaving during a fight would bother me immensely. I would not break up over it, but my feelings would be terribly hurt. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 4:22:57 PM | | Talked about mixed messages that YOU sent out. In short, you were wrong to assume there was something wrong when he clearly said there was NOTHING wrong. Stop over-analyzing things. Honestly, I think HE broke up with you and not the other way around. Real talk. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 5:03:38 PM | I've actually seen two basic versions of this dance. One version is what the bulk of the responses so far are saying, the OP is over-sensitive, causing tension by thinking she sees it, when it really isn't there.
I've also seen a version where the guy is actually already interested in another gal, and is tense because he's trying to decide who to chase, can't make up his own mind, so he ends up dumping the first gal who notices that he isn't well focused on her anymore.
As for the title question, "is it acceptable to leave Blah-blah," yes, it is acceptable to leave, whenever it seems like it's time to leave. To me, anyway. I actually hate it when people ask any "is it acceptable" questions, because they imply that there is an authority in charge of us all.
Is it okay with you, OP? Apparently not, since you dumped him already. Do you get "points" for having dumped him with his leaving as a cause? No. the next guy isn't going to want to know, nor will he care why you dumped this one.
There is really only one basic rule that applies to all this sort of thing: you do what you want to, and you accept the consequences. If you do what you want, and the other person gets mad and leaves, then that was the consequence. You made your choice, he made his. It doesn't matter what the rest of us would have done. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 8:40:39 PM | If he seemed tense, rather than try to talk to him, why not give him a massage or something?
Guys don't like to talk, they aren't really wired that way, especially when you force their hand.
Why did you stay the night if you felt uneasy? Sounds like you're putting this all on him and I think you may have over-reacted and broke up with him rather quickly, too bad you still love him. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:01:08 PM |
I said l didn't want to go further as l felt uneasy.
This is the bit i dont understand?
How could you feel "uneasy" with your boyfriend?
Maybe you should've posted this in the Relationship Forum,Op,to get more answers.
*I* wouldn't have broken up over this,either so i think there's a lot more to the story. | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:09:12 PM | | This man is not being true to you. Hes acting strange and flipping out over smal things. It seems like he is unhappy and it is leaking out through his personality. I think you did the right thing, he obviously was not willing to communicate and work things out... | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 10:10:49 PM |
My ex seemed rather tense. He was getting angry at little things. As we lay in bed he started caressing me. I said l didn't want to go further as l felt uneasy. He asked if l wanted him to stay and l said l did. I explained that he appeared rather stressed out.
IF it had been longer than a week since either of you had had sex, then that may be what was making him "rather tense" and resentful. When he tried caressing you and got "rejected" from it, then that would have built it up even higher.
Your "explanation" was likely not in the soothing tone that would have calmed him down, and likely not listening to him was what made him walk out.
Now we see that those miscommunications can break a "relationship" when one or the other feels NOT listened to..
Another example of why Finding and Maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life for all,
it REQUIRES sharing about 50% power/control with another imperfect human being like yourself... S | |
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| Is it acceptable to leave in the middle of the night?
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:11:01 PM | If my partner was uneasy with me then I would proabably leave. And why are you insisting that he is stressed.. If he was stressed then he would have told you.
This story makes me uneasy, there is something missing. | |
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