| | how much do you tell a guyPage 1 of 1 | okay im not the greatest of talkers
especialy when i concerns myself
there are areas of my life that i have tried very hard to put behind me
however i went on a few dates with a guy recently who told me i wasnt very tactile
and he kept asking all sorts of questions that i really stumbled over answering
i like this guy
and i think perhaps he likes me
but im a bit concerned that if the questions are raised again that im going to clam up and hes going to bolt
how much should i tell this man
would you want to know everything | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 12:14:31 PM | | If his questions feel intrusive to you then they are (to you) No one can tell by just reading this post if his questions are what most would consider normal questions in just getting to know each other or that most would find his questions inappropriate for the length of time you two know each other. The bottom line is if you are uncomfortable at the beginning you may want to think about continuing or not but on the other hand if you have a history of keeping distant then you may want to work on that. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 12:16:55 PM | First of all, from a gentleman's perspective I'll say this: Provided a woman whom I am interested in has difficulty answering questions and showed a bit of distress during this episode - I would stop asking.
Would a response such as you displayed indicate possible concern(s) to me? Yes.
However, how much you decide to explain to this man is completely dependent upon your direct feedback regarding the degree a relationship may exist.
I'd recommend you simply explain to this man you have whatever initial feelings towards a possible burgeoning relationship and you have had to place certain experiences behind you. Either this man will understand and trust you to explain when you feel more comfortable or he won't.
Regarding to what degree I'd like to know depends upon how much I feel a stable relationship may be obtainable.
Good luck. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 12:21:38 PM | If the guy seems too insistent about personal questions, you TELL HIM that you don't want to talk about it -- and he still insists - the guy is a douche for not taking 'no' for an answer. But you HAVE to TELL him to back off - being evasive does not help either one of you. Being decisive isn't going to scare a good guy off - it's a good thing. Only a$$hats get mad and threaten to leave because you won't talk.
I think as long as you can keep your identity a secret - i.e. you haven't told him your last name, where you work, or where you live - you can generally spill all the sordid details you want about your health, love life, etc... I deliberately do NOT ask for anything more than a first name and a phone number because of that very reason.
If you are already 'Friends' in Facebook, or work together, or something where he knows WHO you are; you HAVE to be a bit more tepid about what kind of information you reveal. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 12:55:21 PM | but im a bit concerned that if the questions are raised again that im going to clam up and hes going to bolt
dating is the process by which we determine the suitability of another for romance and closeness. it's a series of experiences in which we learn additional information about the other person. at any point in that series, we may learn something that renders the other person unsuitable. that's just how it works.
this is a boundary issue. determining whether someone else's boundaries are acceptable is a normal learning experience of dating. you may regard certain topics as off limits to someone you've dated only a few times. he may regard certain knowledge as necessary for trust.
the point is, you do what you have to do in accordance with your needs. he'll do what he has to do in accordance with his needs. if you both can accept what the other needs, great. that's a point of compatibility. if either of you can't, that's an incompatibility. then you determine whether you want to modify your needs for the other, or you bail. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 1:00:51 PM | | It all depends on how long you have been dating, what your relationship goals are and whether or not the two of you decide to be exclusive. If it is a casual dating relationship then, no, you should not feel pressured to tell your life story. The two of you are just sharing some fun times together with no goals other than a good time with good company. But if you are exclusive and serious then you do have to disclose more like your first kiss, how many times you've been in love, serious health or financial issues, etc... | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 1:43:23 PM | Basicly:
Tactile = touchable.
Tactful = giving bad news in a way that doesn't offend.
Neither has much to do with whether you make an open book out of your life history.
How much you tell and when you tell it is up to you and how you feel the relationship is going.
"I don't know you well enough to discuss that, yet." is a perfectly acceptable answer to a prying question. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 2:30:10 PM | You have some great input from the men already.
If you're not ready to disclose personal information, you are definitely not obligated. After all, he's a stranger until you decide that he's worthy of your confidences.
I will let you in on a little secret that I use, and taught my children to use (especially after their father passed away and people were asking nosy questions such as "how much did your father leave you in his will"... inappropriate, right?)
Here it is...When asked a question that you are not comfortable with, turn to that person, look in their eyes and say... "WHY do you ask?" If they can't qualify their question to your satisfaction (and often they will just change the subject), you've made your point without having to be rude.
If they're persistent, then they deserve a little rude....JMO
Cheers,
MrsF | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 2:44:11 PM | tac·tile
[tak-til, -tahyl]
adjective
1. of, pertaining to, endowed with, or affecting the sense of touch.
2. perceptible to the touch; tangible.
Maybe you should have responded that he was Illiterate (see definitions 2 and 3 below)
il·lit·er·ate
[ih-lit-er-it]
adjective
1.
unable to read and write: an illiterate group.
2.
having or demonstrating very little or no education.
3.
showing lack of culture, especially in language and literature.
4.
displaying a marked lack of knowledge in a particular field: He is musically illiterate.
Well, unless he really did mean you were intangible. Did his hands pass through your ghostly form on your date? ;) | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 3:26:13 PM | All these grammar experts. Gotta love them. I wonder how much they charge for their all-mighty wisdom. I have 50 cents. Maybe having their ego self-stroked was the real payoff?
BTW, I understood the question. I think some great answers have been given. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 3:50:51 PM | Firstly, did you feel it was a critcism, him saying you weren't very tactile? Perhaps it is a judgement that he has no right to make when he is only just getting to know you. Many people are not very tactile when they have met someone new - it takes time to get accustomed to the person and to trust them. I think you decide how tactile you want to be and when you want it to be.
If you feel his questions are intrusive, tell him you don't feel ready to talk about such things as you hardly know him yet. I wonder if you are very reserved or if he is trying to push your boundaries just a bit too fast. Some guys use 'tactile' when what they mean is they won't wait until you are ready to start groping. Only you can judge whether what he wants is a normal progression in a relationship or if he's pressuring you physically.
If you tell him that it's too soon for you and you need to get to know him better before getting involved in more intimate questions and he doesn't take any notice of you or decides to drop you, then he's not a very nice guy. A decent guy will wait until you are comfortable with him. It might help if you let him know you need to take time to get to know him. A decent guy will understand. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 4:08:16 PM | | OP: There might be other things about dating that are uncomfortable (keeping to a meeting time, paying for things, rearranging schedules, et cetera)... but I don't think the part of the date where you're face to face and talking is supposed to be uncomfortable. If it doesn't feel right, why would you want to "make" it right? I think you're making this hard on yourself for some reason, but you're not on some "timetable" are you? Isn't the actual "dating" part supposed to be enjoyable? What you're describing sure doesn't sound enjoyable. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 4:09:49 PM | I generally try to ascertain how her life is going at this time.
I don't get nosy in how she got here.
Answer questions as to what you are doing/up to in the present.
but there is no need to answer questions about your past,
unless there are to be future dates.
Let a guy work to unwrap you one layer at a time.
There is no need to humor those not interested and just nosy.
:-P | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:51:47 PM | There's three things I want to know from a woman:
1. Do you have any STD's?
2. Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
3. Have you ever been treated for mental illness?
I believe honesty is the best policy but if you don't feel comfortable then don't tell him, if it's anything I mentioned above then you should tell him upfront. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 8:19:23 PM | I think the real question here is why do you have an issue with answering said questions?
If you've (for example) spent half your life on drugs, prostituting and trying to kill yourself, I think you would owe it to him to answer so he knows what he's getting in to.
Not saying you've done that, ofcourse, but I've had a situation where a few of those things have been the case and I would have left no matter how long we were together, so it was best that she told me on a second date, as opposed to 3 years down the line.
If its just something small, then just tell him that you'll talk about it over time. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 9:58:25 PM | | I think its acceptable to tell them enough so they can gt to know who you are. That is not to say to bring up any skeletons from the past honestly no guy really wants to hear about old history. Tell him the important info that matters now that could affect the two of you. | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 10:11:53 PM | Not all the guys are the same when it comes to questions and some they don't have a right to ask ...
however some guys behave like cops and just interrogate/grill a gal with questions that are none of their business.
I dated a fella about 4 times and then he bailed on me. He did the silent treatment for a couple of months and finally got told, he's not ready for a relationship. 2 months after that he contacts me that he misses me ... so I go see him ...
then he starts the grilling ... if I was dating anyone ... no ..... did I kiss anyone in the months we were apart ... WTF ..... the man broke my heart, wanted nothing to do with me and then thinks he has a right to interrogate me about my life after he walked out ... nooooooooooo and he thought after that grilling he could seduce me to sleep with him .... grrrrrr
I hate the question ... how many guys have you had sex with ??
My answer:
I really don't know because I try not to remember the guys that broke my heart by saying that they loved me and once I slept with them, disappeared the next day- it hurts.
And then I ask ... do you want to know how many guys broke my heart?
Nuff said .....
________________________________________________________
Great comments by everyone .... very good points ... | |
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| how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 10:21:28 PM |
how much should i tell this man
would you want to know everything
Sometimes, the things you fear to tell, are far worse in your own mind than in another's...
I once dated a woman who took the day off work to sit me down and tell me about her PAST...
She was an emotional wreck by the time she told me all her dark secrets....
And to be honest...
None of it mattered negatively to me...
I was impressed she came out and told me it all...
But it didn't affect how I saw her other than to impress me with the strength and character she had grown because of her ordeal... | |
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