| | First date turns sourPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I went on a first date last week with a woman I met on another website.
We were having coffee together when about half an hour in she made some racist comments that just floored me. That was the deal breaker right there. I didn't even feel like commenting on what she said. I didn't think there was much point in protesting or arguing so after the drinks were done I calmly and politely ended the date. We parted and I haven't called her back.
I feel like responding to her comments. Is there any point in calling her?
Have you ever been on a first date when he/she said turned you right off? | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:38:40 PM | | seems obvious to me. if someone says something thhat offends you this much, not any big reason to call her. not like youre going to move past it and live happily ever after. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:40:45 PM | No point bud. Even if ya could change a fools mind. Is it worth the energy?
the hell with her. It always amazes me when people make racist cracks and im forced to show them pictures of my son. Hes half jamaican.
the back peddling most folks do is quite humerous. Or the rationalizing
i didnt mean assimilated negros i mean them fresh off the boat ones.
ya dont waste your time.
stupid knows no age colour creed sex or religion.
stupid is as stupid does | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:40:48 PM | | Let it go. If you do call her, you may start phone drama that may not stop. She could be a real psycho and non stop call you, text you & make life hell. Why make matters worse? Just my thoughts.... | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:43:30 PM | | If you didn't say anything when she made this remark that was offensive to you, just leave it alone. I'm sure she knows by now your interested in her. Be happy this happened on the first date. At least you got to see her true colors from the beginning! Don't judge all women on this first bad date though, and good luck to you. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:49:02 PM | Calling her to vent or otherwise respond to her comments won't really be productive and you won't really feel much better when you're done.
She probably won't listen to anything you have to say, and will argue with you.
Arguments are never good, especially when there is nothing to gain from it.
Generally speaking, people who make comments like that are pretty set in their ways and nothing you can say will change their opinion any more than what they have to say will change yours.
It's needless drama.
It's a time suck. Think of something more constructive and entertaining to do.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Let it go, but don't let there be a second date with this one. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:50:58 PM | Yes, plenty of dates like that. I had one who was in real estate. Absolutely gorgeous woman. I asked her some stupid question about real estate, and she gives me this huge racist explanation. I was floored.
I had other dates that where she would start talking about something and I realized that they were practically psycho.
But I don't let them bother me. They were interesting experiences and got me the chance to meet a huge spectrum of people. So dude, every experience makes you better, and in the mean time make the occasion fun for you.
I am a writer, so whenever a date turns bizarre, I just see it as more writing material to add to the canvas of the human experience. So I don't go home frustrated, but rather, thinking WOW. I am lucky that I don't have to live with that. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:55:49 PM | You didn't indicate to her that you'd like to see her again, did you? If not, then unless she contacts you, I don't see any point in telling her why you didn't think she was a match.
If you do hear from her again, I'd just be honest and politely tell her that you felt the two of you didn't share the same values; and that you are uncomfortable with racism. Then wish her the best of luck in her search. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 5:58:52 PM | | This is why when leaving a meeting where there is no interest from either party and saying "Nice to meet you, Good luck in your search" is all that has to be said by one or both persons. I have yet to say this to men and they did not get the hint. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:04:26 PM | your window of opportunity to say something passed..... if it bothered you ... when she said it you should have said something....
move on... not your type obviously... | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:13:11 PM | I have a friend that is like that. I tried to explain to him that he needs to not think like that if he wants to get anywhere with a woman (he always complains that he cant get a gf), but idk if I got through to him.
Its amazing that despite how far weve come there are plenty of people who are racist and just dont accept others for who they are. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:18:05 PM | | I went out with someone who showed signs of a short temper toward the end of it, and that "turned [me] right off." | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:24:17 PM | Ya tommy trouble your right
there is a time and a place for smart ass jokes
first dates usually arent the best place for them however | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:27:03 PM |
We were having coffee together when about half an hour in she made some racist comments that just floored me. That was the deal breaker right there. I didn't even feel like commenting on what she said. I didn't think there was much point in protesting or arguing so after the drinks were done I calmly and politely ended the date. We parted and I haven't called her back.
Huh? You didn't see a point in arguing or protesting when she was with you, but NOW you do?
If she's not someone you wish to see again, why give a shit about her reasoning or ANYTHING about her?
I don't get it. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:33:22 PM | No point in calling.
Those AHA moments we we talk to people still gets me...It's almost like in my head I'm looking around at other people thinking...'did you see that? or did you hear that?'...did he really just say that? | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 6:37:32 PM | | Funny how she had no qualms about making a racist remark in front of a stranger, sounds to me like she has no filters what so ever, and you normally can't change their minds anyway. What would the point be in correcting it now? Like others have stated the time to let someone know is when its happening... I guess you were dumbstruck with her crass behavior? | |
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tjl503
| | Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 17 | |
| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 7:44:34 PM | I love how easily offended people get, I mean really? It's so bad you don't want to repeat it? That's no fun at all for us readers.
It's easy to misinterpret words from a stranger, she could have been joking or she could be a hater. Either way I wouldn't end the date because of it, I would at least give her a chance to explain. By you not saying anything the girl probably thinks you thought her butt was too big or something. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 7:59:57 PM | If someone offends me with racist comments, I let them know how I feel about it. "I don't laugh at racist joke," I reply when asked why I'm not laughing.
Several months ago I dumped a man because he made offensive, belittling racist comments. "If black people don't like how they are treated in America they should go back to Africa," he said. I told him that was an offensive and bigoted thing to say. He didn't see anything wrong with it. "I'm not a bigot," he insisted. Yet he made belittling comments about black people, Japanese managers and gay men. I am not willing to put up with that.
A week later, he called to ask if I would go out with him again. I said no. "You know what I say about PEOPLE LIKE YOU?" he asked. "No, goodbye," I said and quickly hung up. What a stupid question! I'm sure it was mean and belittling. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/6/2012 8:07:13 PM | | Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to 1st meets. I've dealt with & heard many things. Most racist was foul mouthed black woman. I never got why she accepted an invite to meet me. Waste of time calling them out on it, protesting or arguing. Can't fix stupid & your never going to see them again anyway. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:03:26 AM | No way! You're too busy calling the rest of the awesome women you want to take out.
Be thankful she hasn't been messaging you non-stop wanting you to take her out again. Calling her would remind her of you, we want her to forget. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:12:15 AM | | The woman you went on a date with, has a post on here, wondering why she had such a wonderful date but you have not responded back to her and ceased contact... | |
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Bezoa
| | Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 22 | |
| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:42:27 AM | | I like that guy on blue collar comedy who says, "You can't fix stupid". Not much sense in trying really. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:47:29 AM | | This is the reason I prefer chatting on the phone one or two times...you may have picked up on her personality and avoided this situation. I always beleive the telephone is the best way to see if there is anything there to warrant a date and much cheaper. Sorry that happened, but don't give up. You don't want to see her again, so making a comment about what she said, would serve no purpose,other than a few choice words she may say to you...let it be. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:51:00 AM | I would have been curious to know her response, too, if I were in your shoes. Though I loath racism, sometimes a woman may hold an unfavorable opinion of a race as a whole, because she may have been sexually assaulted or abused by a partner of said race. It's hard to tell and these issues are more complex than we are willing to discuss.
After a first date with somebody whom you'll not see or speak to again, I doubt that you'll know the answer. | |
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| First date turns sour
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:55:35 AM | Also, racism does involve oppression whereas prejudices is judgement solely basis on something that which they know nothing about, hence the prefix pre. In the case of the assaulted person, they were oppressed, perhaps by threats or the abuse which has impaired their mental instability and rendered unable to work or go to school out of fear. Their fear may be reasonable and that they do not seek to oppress anybody.
But I digress.
It's so hard to know. | |
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