| | Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interestedPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | I'm pretty sure a lot of you have dealt with this before but I've been on a couple dates that went on for 2 hours or longer and they all said they're not "confident" that a long term relationship would work. All of the dates were at bars, all 3 women were 27-28 years and ironically they all gave me notices around 10:40 pm and they said they were busy all day which is complete bs of course. The question is what makes a person decide to let a date go on for that long if he/she isn't "feeling" it? Normally a wise person would cut the date to an hour or less if they weren't interested and I think it's rude to wait late night to send someone that text especially if the person has to wake up to that. Any comments/thoughts? And by the way, I don't expect 2nd dates, just try to have fun. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/6/2012 11:45:02 PM | How do you know, OP, that these girls were not busy until 10.40pm? You can't know that.
As for conversations going on 2 and a half hours, maybe you have to ask, what were you talking about. Were you talking about yourself, getting her to talk about herself, talking about the football, the weather, politics, what? It's possible to talk for a long time without feeling "it". I talked the other week with a couple of guys for 4 hours, without "feeling it", yet enjoyed their company. I'd like to see both of them again, although have no interest in them in terms of romantic relationships. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/6/2012 11:47:16 PM | | OP was this a meet and greet or a first date? If there was no meet first and this was the first time you guys had met I don't think it is unreasonable to spend that much time together. She is probably attracted to you and wanted to get to know you better. After finding out how you interact and getting to know you better she decideds it is not what she wants long term. Sometimes it takes several dates to know if you want to go any further. Heck people are together for months or years and then are not interested anymore. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 12:33:41 AM | | Thanks for reply, they were busy but they had plenty of time to send a short message based on what they told me about their schedule. As far as time goes, why would you need 2-4 hours to see if you're connecting with the person? It just tells me you don't know what you want. I honestly don't like getting my time wasted especially if spend all that that time with them and get nothing out of it. I know what I want, I just wish there are people like that. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 12:48:15 AM | | I apologize for being rude on that one, that was unfair of me. It was the first time I met all 3 of those women when it happened. Normally if someone wasn't interested in me she would stop the date after an hour. On a side note, do you think I would better off meeting people outside of online dating? I'm good at getting messages on here but meeting someone who's interested in me seems like a long shot but I could be wrong. | |
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A881e
| | Joined: 7/11/2012
Msg: 7 | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:22:34 AM |
I've been on a couple dates that went on for 2 hours or longer and they all said they're not "confident" that a long term relationship would work.
^^^ Op,surely you dont expect a woman to realize she wants a longterm relationship with you when she's only spent a couple of hours with you?????
I admit id always cut the date short if there was absolutely no attraction from *my* perspective but maybe they were just being polite and hey,at least they had the decency to tell you that instead of doing 'The Disappearing Act ' like a lot do and leave you waiting and wondering.
Just chalk it up to experience and move on to the next one.
The more you meet,the easier it all becomes. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:09:08 AM | That happened to me once and I was sort of miffed because usually if I'm not interested I can tell by 45 minutes and I go.
I guess the women were having fun talking to you, but that wasn't quite enough to want to get into a relationship. The guy who did that to me lived a long distance away so I guess I really had to knock his socks off if I wanted a relationship with him, and while he wasn't running away screaming I guess I didn't knock them off quite all the way. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:10:24 AM | The question is what makes a person decide to let a date go on for that long if he/she isn't "feeling" it?
Not everybody makes their decision based on instant attraction or chemistry. This might sound weird to you but maybe they were giving you a chance to see if an attraction could develop. Maybe you were pleasant to hang out with but it just didn't click. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:17:53 AM | Probably because you're a really nice guy... good conversationalist, a really cool person to hang around....Just not what she was looking for ... I swear, everytime I go on a "date", it's my last time. However, to be positive, I always view my experiences as one more learning lesson on dating...what I want, don't want, or how to set up the next "date" ... in other words, give the next date a timeline, I dunno, an hour perhaps....that way you can walk away and think about it.
I guess you just learn to grow thicker skin, be positive!! Look at it as a meet instead of a date. :) | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:19:39 AM |
what makes a person decide to let a date go on for that long if he/she isn't "feeling" it?
Someone has to buy a girl her drinks, right? Try a coffee place for your first meets, and see how long they last.
went on for 2 hours or longer and they all said they're not "confident" that a long term relationship would work. All of the dates were at bars, all 3 women were 27-28 years and ironically they all gave me notices around 10:40 pm and they said they were busy all day
I find it a little hard to believe all these exact same things happened with 3 different women. I think these women all know each other and were playing you. Dating sites are things women do as an activity with their girlfriends. They show each other the profiles and messages of the guys they talk to and compare notes, especially if they end up talking to the same guy. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:38:49 AM | Actually I think they are being polite to last 2+ hours, its fairly standard for a date. Wouldn't it be rude to cut & dash in less than an hour? It would only be worse to being stood up if someone met you out then called it quits after an hour. But ok if it is bothering you & you want to cut to the chase, why not try a lunch time date? that way both parties are restricted to an hour. Or try speed-dating? set time, and you get to meet mutiple potentials
One thing strange though, are you saying they ( all) text'd you at about 10.40pm saying not interested in a long term r/ship - why would they do that? is it unprompted or have you texted them and asked them? I just find it strange all three women are texting you after the date to say 'no go'. I think there is a step left out here, hence my question are they responding to a follow up text by you after the date is over, asking what their level of interest is? If so, just leave that part out
PS for the record 3 dates isn't a lot, wouldnt give up based on that. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:45:45 AM | Ya know, I had a second date (against my better judgment) with a guy and it lasted about two hours.
For one of those hours, I kept saying, "I need to go now," finally getting up from the table in the restaurant, making it clear that I was leaving. He walked me to my car, then stood in the opened door and talked for what seemed to be another 30 minutes, even squatting on the ground when he got tired of standing. I had my hand on my key in the ignition and kept saying, "I need to go now."
Finally, I started the car and put it in gear he understood that I NEEDED to go.
When I got home, I had an email telling me how much we had in common and the length of the "date" showed him that I agreed.
He was shocked when I responded that we had NOTHING in common and I did not see the need to meet again.
I am not saying that you were this oblivious, but sometimes, the length of a date means nothing. For me, it sometimes meant curbing my natural tendency to say, "You are boring and I am leaving" and sticking it out. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 6:29:36 AM | The question is what makes a person decide to let a date go on for that long if he/she isn't "feeling" it? Normally a wise person would cut the date to an hour or less if they weren't interested and I think it's rude to wait late night to send someone that text especially if the person has to wake up to that. Any comments/thoughts?
It's always possible that at first they were into you, and were expecting you to lean in for a good night kiss at the end of the date---and when that didn't materialize, they decided there wasn't enough chemistry for a second date. Some people do use kissing on the first date as a way to gauge interest level.
And by the way, I don't expect 2nd dates, just try to have fun.
They could be picking up on your apathy and indifference about seeing them again. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:17:36 AM | Not everybody makes their decision based on instant attraction or chemistry. This might sound weird to you but maybe they were giving you a chance to see if an attraction could develop. Maybe you were pleasant to hang out with but it just didn't click.
I largely agree with this. I don't expect an instant connection on a first date / meeting. Many times there isn't because 2 people are still virtually strangers at that point. Or one person could be a little bit nervous or shy at first. Even if I wasn't physically attracted to a woman, I still could enjoy the activity and have a cordial conversation. Even though I probably wouldn't spend 2.5 or more hours on a date in that situation. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:54:04 AM |
As far as time goes, why would you need 2-4 hours to see if you're connecting with the person? It just tells me you don't know what you want.
First of all, where you in these dates with these women? Did you spent that amount of time with them? Were they talking? Or were you talking?
I think the one that does not get it is YOU. Realize that at any time YOU could have said, I have to go and cut the date shorter. This is a better idea with first dates, even if you like the person.
Most first dates just give a feeling for what the person is all about. You get that initial chemistry. More often than not, you will get the feeling that you do not want to see that person again. But if you sort of like the person, or like it, you still have to go through Cognitive Resonance.
That is the memory of the date and how it feels afterwards. And base on that feeling, someone will determine if they will see the person again.
So my advice is simple. Keep first dates to no more than 2 hours if you are having drinks, 45 minutes to 1 hour if coffee. Realize that first dates are really not first dates, but meets. In the old days, the first date was the result of having that first real life impression and then asking the person out. So really, your first date, is more like the Second date. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:54:36 AM |
As far as time goes, why would you need 2-4 hours to see if you're connecting with the person? It just tells me you don't know what you want. I honestly don't like getting my time wasted especially if spend all that that time with them and get nothing out of it. I know what I want, I just wish there are people like that.
I think it is extremely unreasonable and a bit controlling of you to set such tight expectation regarding when and how fast a woman should know if you hit it off or not. Just because she is decent enough to spend time with you and get to know you doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she wants.
You’ve done a lot of finger pointing. Don’t become bitter and angry because you feel rejected. Focus less on their faults (after all these are complete strangers who have done nothing wrong at all) and more on yourself. Find a way of being less judgmental and a bit happier in this crazy world. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:19:04 PM | | I agree with what Gwendolyn was talking about. I've had several dates where I've told the guys ahead of time that I didn't want to be out too late, but the guys basically ignored me and kept the date going until all hours. I don't know if this was the case with any of your dates, but if so, I think it's totally rude of the guy to ignore the girl when she says she needs to be home fairly early. Some of us just aren't assertive enough to keep nagging that we need to be home, or think it sounds kind of rude, so just reluctantly go along with staying out late. This could possibly be the case with these women you're talking about. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:29:49 PM | | Thanks to everyone for the response. For the record I never expect 2nd meets/dates, I usually call and see if they're interested in meeting up again. I'll admit that I have a problem where I despise people who wasted my time and I tend to call them out because I don't believe in wasting other people's time and I don't play games either. I still feel that 2 plus hours meet up are odd and I don't like it all, I prefer brutal honesty and not the kind and polite crap. I will however give that 1-1 1/2 hour thing a try. The conversation went back and forth and I did everything to avoid awkward. I've been hearing the you're such a nice guy or you're a good conversationalist or you're a fun guy to be with stuff a lot. I hate the label, it means nothing to me. Are there any tips to get out of that label and attract a women sexually without changing yourself? | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:58:02 PM | OP you sound really negative ... 2 hours can fly by or it can drag ... if I was enjoying the conversation, even knowing that it wasn't going to lead anywhere then 2 hours wouldn't seem a long time to me. I have often met guys who I could tell within the first minute of meeting that it wouldn't go anywhere though I most times I have said that to their face so that it would give them a get out clause. Most wanted to continue the date.
Perhaps you should say to your next date that if they think it isn't going to lead anywhere they could tell you straight away as you won't be offended, so that neither of you would be wasting your time. They might appreciate that. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:59:08 PM | went on for 2 hours or longer and they all said they're not "confident" that a long term relationship would work
Wait what, you brought up "long term relationship" on a first date? Haha
I hope I am reading it wrong somehow. :)
Nope, we split the bill and just ordered drinks, thankfully
This is going to sound really shallow, and unfit for this time era.
But if you really want to expect a second date with a woman, then you have to be more generous with your spending.
It doesn't have to be a full set dinner, buying them a drink or a few show them you are interested, good thing about drinks is that they are not that costly too. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 3:04:29 PM | | I had one date that lasted 13 hours because we were having an awesome time and didn't want it to end, then the next day we talked a little and found out we were both looking for different things (as far as a relationship) so we never went out again. It happens. Be glad these women don't string you along and most women try to be "nice" and still hang out for a little while so they aren't being rude or hurting your feelings to your face. | |
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| Date goes on for 2 1/2 hours or longer and yet she's still not interested
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:03:10 PM | | You need to get better at reading body language. Most women were raised to be polite and would rather sit through a date than come off as rude. However, even though they may saying one thing with their mouths, they say another thing with their body language. If she is appearing closed off, leaning away, not touching you or responding to you breaking the touch barrier, not playing with her hair, etc., then you know that she isn't feeling it and you can call the date early. I have been on first meets where I called them 20 minutes in because I wasn't feeling it, and I knew she wasn't either. In the end, honesty is always the best policy. | |
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