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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?      Home login  
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 JDH1120
Joined: 8/5/2012
Msg: 1
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Okay, I have several guy friends who are very skilled at getting women. They all say the same thing, telling me, "Just ignore her" or "Act like she doesnt exist" etc etc. This makes absolutely no sense to me. How are you supposed to show interest, and get interest in return if you treat a female like she isnt even there?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:31:58 AM
An attractive girl may be soo used to being the center of most every man's attention,
that the few smarter men with enough game to NOT pay her all that "expected" attention,
may actually get more of her attention... She thinks "why isn't HE all over me like the other guys?"

Especially if you pay normal attention to other girls instead of her.. It's all in the "game" that some men have learned with much experience may actually work on some very attractive young girls...
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 3
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:01:11 AM
While there is truth to the the expression that some women just want what they can't have ( a guy who ignores them ) it is more likely that women find guys unattractive who behave as if they are desperate, are fawning all over them and have put them up on a pedastal long before they know them.

Be yourself show genuine interest but don't be a stalker or a lost puppy about it.
 mjk3937
Joined: 5/17/2012
Msg: 4
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:17:47 AM
Maybe what they mean is that when you're just starting to date someone, don't let it consume too much of your attention or prevent you from carrying on with your life like normal. Give her enough space for her to take the initiative to contact you sometimes. Don't put much more effort into it than she is. That sort of thing.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 5
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:40:38 AM
Your friends must all be 12 years old.

Nothing wins over a woman more than being honest and letting her know she is is special...the most special woman in the Universe. This doesn't mean being clingy or smothering but making her your priority.

This 'ignoring' stuff and other games belong in the school yard.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 6
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:56:31 AM
Your friends must all be 12 years old.

Nothing wins over a woman more than being honest and letting her know she is is special...the most special woman in the Universe. This doesn't mean being clingy or smothering but making her your priority.

This 'ignoring' stuff and other games belong in the school yard.


Actually the more sophisticated approach is doing both: Being honest and showing very little interest.

Why does this work?

Women like men that are mysterious, elusive but very candid (honest) when necessary. If you are constantly honest, but follow her around like a Puppy dog spilling the beans about your life..it doesn't matter how "honest" you are that is very unattractive to any woman. No sense of build up or anticipation of seeing you again when you are around her and so clingy. This is a sure fire way to end up in the friend zone.

Likewise, if you are hard to find, and when she finally reaches a line of communication and you can't express yourself with the truth, she will assume that you are a player for the lack of honest communication.

The key is balance.


Okay, I have several guy friends who are very skilled at getting women. They all say the same thing, telling me, "Just ignore her" or "Act like she doesnt exist" etc etc. This makes absolutely no sense to me. How are you supposed to show interest, and get interest in return if you treat a female like she isnt even there?


You show interest, but not too much. If you are asked a direct question be honest, but concise in answering it. Don't blab too much or else you have shifted the attention from her to you. Genuine interest is good, but not to the point you show desperation.




 helpmeahhh
Joined: 10/25/2011
Msg: 7
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 11:26:10 AM
What the first guy said is how it is. Just keep in mind you are playing mind games with someone who is probably very conceited and immature so even if you win you'll just end up with a headache.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 1:58:13 PM
What they should mean to say is that you should be able to be engaging but not too intense. You should want to know her but still have a life. Interest and flirting is fine, but too much attention isn't attractive. There should be some balance to your personality and your interaction. Unfortunately some women are either clueless or have very low self esteem and can see unavailability as confidence and are drawn to that, so that may be where your friends are making their version of this work.

Show interest but don't let it consume you. You can be open to adding her to your life without making her your life. If you don't have a full life to add someone to, get one - women will be more drawn to someone who has stuff going on and respects that than they will to men who have nothing going on - or who will quickly forego everything to spend time with her.

Don't be a douche - but don't be a doormat either. It's a tricky formula but once you get it, you'll be good to go.
 helpmeahhh
Joined: 10/25/2011
Msg: 9
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:19:59 PM
"Personally, I've NEVER been more "attractive" to women than when I have a girlfriend. "

Same here I get tons of tail whenever I go out with my gf or a female friend. Same women who turn up their noses at you will suddenly get interested quick especially if your girl is hot.
 oakdan
Joined: 7/29/2012
Msg: 10
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:29:45 PM
It is a little hot and cold. Cmon women do this all the time..no reason men cant. When it comes down to it there is a little game that is needed in dating, unless you are just an uber natuarlly attractive person with the right personality. Balance is key.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 11
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:50:00 PM
Whenever a guy ignores me, especially if I met him online, I block them right away. I have learned that after I ignore them for oh, about 3,4 months they always come back.

Email/Text/Phone calls whatever,,,they always come back and I always ignore them. Of course, this isn't a game to me, it's reality. Treat me like sh*t and I leave, which is why I think they always try to come back. I find their attempts to "ignore me" very strange.

I like a guy who shows interest by calling a few times a week, an occasional text during the work day if possible a date once a week, etc.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:51:16 PM
There's some truth to that. But if you completely ignore a woman, she just simply will ignore you back. What they may really mean is that you take two steps forward, and one back. If she doesn't respond, wait, wait for her to respond, if she is not doing anything, then contact other women and sort of move on. You will be surprised how often then the woman responds. That way it's not a one way street, or you coming across as overwhelming and boring. Like someone said, people covet what they can't have, so if suddenly you are not doing what the 100 other guys are doing, then will remember you and wander what they did wrong.

So I would say, that to some degree it works.
 pinkkpeony
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 13
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 2:58:16 PM

She thinks "why isn't HE all over me like the other guys?"


Or more like, it's nice that he isn't bombarding me with unwanted attention and not pushing himself on me, I like his self control, I find that intriguing and maybe I will speak to him because he's showing some respect for my boundaries and space.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 14
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 3:12:59 PM

Whenever a guy ignores me, especially if I met him online, I block them right away. I have learned that after I ignore them for oh, about 3,4 months they always come back.


How long does a 'block' last on a dating site; 90 days? Forever? I think it's a long time on POF.

I left for six months, and came back with a new personality and nickname - and I get messages from ladies who blocked me the first time around, and wondered why I never tried contacting them again. Duh! A block is a BLOCK. I would still not be able to contact them if I was still trying to use the old personality that I deleted six months ago.

I have a friend who blocked me in Facebook, but I'm still FB friends with her son, her mom, and a bunch of her friends. Heck, I still run into her every so often and we talk face to face for a bit - she couldn't figure out why I didn't know what had been going on in her life for the last couple of years because she put everything on Facebook. Duh. STILL blocked!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 3:42:16 PM
Ignoring a girl to get her attention is for cowards and really bad advice.


"Personally, I've NEVER been more "attractive" to women than when I have a girlfriend."



Same here I get tons of tail whenever I go out with my gf or a female friend. Same women who turn up their noses at you will suddenly get interested quick especially if your girl is hot.


When women seem more interested in men in the above mentioned scenarios it is not the fact that you have a girl friend that makes you more attractive and interesting. Many women are attracted to men who are not trying to get in their pants. That is super hot to many many women.
So don’t misunderstand where the attraction is coming from.
 r00tzzzz
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 16
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 4:24:59 PM

When women seem more interested in men in the above mentioned scenarios it is not the fact that you have a girl friend that makes you more attractive and interesting. Many women are attracted to men who are not trying to get in their pants. That is super hot to many many women.

So don’t misunderstand where the attraction is coming from.

I think you're wrong. I had numerous instances where I didn't give much or any attention yet these women were flirting with me or trying to pick me up.
Of course I didn't do it purposely I was riding my bike. Women do usually wonder when a guy doesn't seem that interested.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 17
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:02:50 PM
That's because when you're not interested naturally you wouldn't want to get in their pants. I'm a woman and I don't think I am wrong. What you experienced is a fact. What we are disagreeing on is the reasoning behind it.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 18
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:17:50 PM

Ignoring a girl to get her attention is for cowards and really bad advice


It is such bad advice that it works a lot more than you realize. You are a woman, so maybe you can't understand it from a guy's point of view. :P

"Bad boys' take this to the extreme of course, by not only ignoring women, but treating them badly. This is where low self esteem women fall all over themselves to be with these guys. But what these "bad boys" understand is that women do want a man that is elusive, and it generates anticipation when they see them again.

So, either a guy can be quickly labeled by a woman as clingy,desperate, and obnoxious.... or mysterious, distant, with a stoic, quiet demeanor.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 19
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:41:43 PM
for really attractive women this sometimes works. like some other people have said, theyre just so used to getting attention that you may draw attention to yourself by being the one guy NOT trying to hard to be with her. it may intrigue her as to why youre not smitten with her long shapely legs and beatiful smile. she may start trying to make you pay attention to her just because you arent. whatever you do, dont fall for this. once you start paying attention to her, she will most likely lose interest. i especially like it when they start to fish for compliments with you. saying things like "my hair didnt want to cooperate with me today" at this point youre thinking to yourself that her hair looks perfect...dont tell her that. some something like "theres always tomorrow" to avoid sounding like a jerk, say it with a smile.

look at all the women complaining about men sending them messages telling them how hot and beautiful they are. it doesnt work. in person its even worse. once you start telling a woman shes beautiful right away, she owns you. dont be that guy.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 20
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:07:29 PM
Ugh, I really had hoped that all the mind game advice from the PUA handbooks, classes, seminars, etc. for guys had died out. But sadly, I guess not.

This type of "pick up" technique seems to only work in certain situations and on certain personalities. It also seems only a certain type of male is successful with it too. But I guess it does persist because for someone somewhere it is successful.

As to the original question the OP appears to be asking, the advice you have been given is great if your only looking for casual flings or one night stands. If you are looking for something more long term, sooner or later the PUA techniques are discovered, and not respected. So the best advice would be for you to decide what type of relationship and person you want, then seek that out without coming off as desperate/needy/clingy.
 babyfiireflii
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 21
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:21:02 PM
Ewww games dont get sucked in. If a guy ignores me i think its becuz he doesnt like me. Plain and simple. I move on to someone who is willing. Not somebody i gotta convnce or chase around.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 22
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You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:26:07 PM
The great thing about forums and posts like this is that you can actually find out how women feel, think, and say. If you want to date a woman (as opposed to a man) I would pay attention to what women here are saying about this issue. Playing psychology and childish games gets you no where.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 23
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:51:03 PM
happysinglespirit: the advice i gave is the exact method i used to attract the most attractive woman ive been with, ever. im just an average looking guy and she had worked as a bikini model for a motorcycle magazine. we were in a LTR for 4 years. when i was with her, my friends used to ask me dating advice all the time and id say pretty much what i posted in this thread earlier. my then GF would argue not to listen to me, that it wouldnt work. all i would say was "well, it worked on you, dear" she couldnt say much after that.

fact is, a beautiful woman, especially a friendly one, gets a ton of attention from guys. if i start giving her attention and telling her shes beautiful, ill blend right in with those other guys. as a man, our biggest challenge is finding a way to stand out amongst all the others vying for the same woman.

i love you ladies, i do. its just really hard to get an honest answer out of you lol. the things you ladies say you want, are never what you actually want.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 24
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 11:36:26 PM
ignoring a woman to get her interested only truly works when she is attracted to you.

ie ... she thinks you are good looking and/or thinks you, the man SHOULD be attracted to her and she is interested...



otherwise...


why would she waste her time with YOU?
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 25
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 8/9/2012 11:41:29 PM
boondock: if she doesnt think youre attractive, paying attention to her wont help either. at least by ignoring her somewhat, you will draw attention to yourself.
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