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 Tnsweetheart68
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 1
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am a single mom of 3 children, 2 live at home. The ages of my children are 21,16 and 7. I let the gentleman know right up front that I have them and they are my life. I have so much love to give. After they find out that I still have children at home they all the sudden want to meet but just for sex no relationship. I don't sleep around. So here I am will be 44 in a few days and have been divorced for a very long time. Any suggestions on meeting the right gentleman?
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:33:05 AM
Maybe you should be looking for a man who is a dad w/ custody and also has kids at home.
If you open your options to lets say, guys with infants, you should have more to choose from.

maybe its your perameters that are making things hard... maybe you are looking for the wrong kind of guy
in a situation wrong for you.
I say look to dads w./ custody and open to kids much younger than yours.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 3
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:35:29 AM
Put yourself into a "target-rich" environment. If you don't find anyone your age and serious at that college, try your local church socials or local special interest/family fun meetup groups.

Also check out all the local classic car clubs and race enthusiast groups. You can take your kids to many of those group events.

And if you can get down to Franklin sometime, visit the Search and Restore facility there. Those middle-aged car guys are so busy with fixing up older cars, some of them may actually be single /single dads and looking to settle down instead of just playing around.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 4
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:40:38 AM
After reading your profile, its hard to see the equal comparison between your benefit factor and your liability factor. Why mention your low income if its none of their business? Why mention not to contact you for sex when you know it won't stop them? Men who want sex look at that line and think "im different; she'll let me hit it"(assuming they read it at all), and message you anyway. Guys who don't want sex look at the same line and think "she's a prude; those are no fun", and possibly avoid you...the line has no practical use other than to make women feel better.

There's no magic wand answer for this. From a man's perspective though; if someone who brings to the table a miniscule monetary contribution (again, I wouldn't mention it), 2 birds in the nest (one quite young) and only as much time as she can spare between the job, the offspring and a bachelor's degree program wants to date me at 44 or 45...it'd better be one hell of a sales pitch.

Your profile unfortunately doesn't look to be getting the job done.

EDIT: Having all current pics helps attract the right gentleman as well by virtue of not repulsing them with perceived trickery. If I caught it, I'm sure they will too.
 382838382838
Joined: 7/15/2012
Msg: 5
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:43:31 AM
I think your profile sounds harsh. It may be scaring a good guy away. I would tone it down. When you tell a guy that your kids are your life, the only way they think they can fit in is for sex. You work, go to school, have to study and have kids at home.
 redhead00507
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 6
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:46:52 AM
I feel for you cause I have the same issue. I bet any single mom on here does no matter the ages of the children. You having a 16yr old would make me think you have a chance at free time cause that child can watch the 7yr old if you wanted to go on a date. The thought that men just assume we don't have time to date so they think we are only good for sex is silly in some instances. Because no matter how many times I've tried to reassure men that I DO have time to date they still do the same thing and just want sex or FWB. I think when it comes down to it, they find you attractive..but don't want to get involved with someone with kids. It has nothing to do with thinking you don't have time to date. That's just an excuse widely used. They don't want to date a single mom, but hey...they think you are hot so you are worth a one nighter.

I wish I actually had suggestions for you...if I knew how to get past this issue I would be going on dates as well! All I can say is keep being picky...you deserve better. Go with your gut when chatting with a guy and pay attention to those signals that may show what they are really going for. Make sure they know you DO have time to date.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 7
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:51:43 AM
Being a single mom lowers your relationship potential for a lot of guys, especially with multiple kids, but that doesn't mean they still aren't sexually attracted to you. So -you- become useful for fun, only, because your children take away the chance of anything else in your eyes unless you're just -that- awesome to override all the work and effort you're throwing in on top of dating you.

It's the harsh truth, but that's how it is - it's harder for some people to be relationship material than others, and that's part of the choice you make when you decide to have kids; cutting off a good chunk of potential suitors.
 redhead00507
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 8
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:51:45 AM
Now that I read your profile, take out the part about what you make. That is none of their business and all they see is low pay and 3 kids. Let them get to know first.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 9
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 6:52:16 AM
OP... I notice on your profile you have oodles of sports interests. I can't even begin to tell you how many men I met when I joined a softball league and entered golf tournaments for charities. I was even meeting other single parents at my son's football games and my daughter's soccer games.

Volunteer at their fundraisers for school or any other groups you have them enrolled.

Get out there, strike up conversations with anyone and everyone. You'll find that you're expanding your social circles just by partaking of events.

And of course let's not dismiss places like grocery stores or shopping malls... when you're out doing anything, rather than being rushed and harried, take a bit more time and smile at strangers in stores. Being pleasant and assisting someone with reaching for an item from the shelf or something similar shows everyone around that you're an approachable person. Approachable people get approached...

Good luck!
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 10
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 7:00:51 AM
On another unrelated note...its quite annoying how so many younger women let the wrong men have their way with them, rack up a load of physical, emotional and financial baggage, do everything sexually they ever wanted to try until the concept becomes unexciting to them, and THEN want a "gentleman" (by, like 25). It's kinda like confusing the land lord with the janitor; is it little wonder why we don't jump to sign on? Perhaps, men do it too...but then, we aren't out there looking for the female equivalent of a gentleman (its not a lady).

I hope that's only recently started happening in my generation.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 11
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 7:04:09 AM
profile review would be helpful & remove any pic that is not VERY recent...many good suggestions were given to you in this thread!
 3ffervescent
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 12
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 7:24:21 AM
@Surface
I don't think it is your generation, I think it is something that has been ongoing for 'some' of the folk for many generations... The 'sowing of wild oats'.
It held no appeal to me when I was younger.

OP -- 0.O
Really?
You have photos that were taken a very long time ago in your profile...

On topic:
I have dated and had relationships as a single mother.
(My kids were 12, 14 and 16 when I started dating again)
It took me about 2 months to meet a man that 'I' hoped wanted to have sex with me.

It is just a case of meeting someone that you are incredibly compatible with,
it doesn't happen all that often, but when it does...
...you are going to hope that the man in question finds you mutually attractive.

My suggestion to you, is take things slowly [don't jump into bed with anyone until you are ready]-- you haven't been on the site that long.
But, meet people as soon as you can, (it stops you or them building up false expectations)
you will know in about 5 seconds if you could see yourself kissing the man in question -
- if so, great -- if not, you search again and meet the next one.

There is no secret to meet the right person, it is just a lot of trial and error.

Oh, and take the really old pictures off your profile -- it will build an expectation that you can't live up to.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 13
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 7:52:15 AM
Take your income out of your profile. All the average person cares about is whether or not you can cover your own bills without assistance from them. Being an occasional smoker will turn a lot of men off as well.

Being a loving person is very important but you have to make yourself appear that you are available, meaning that you can juggle the job, the kids, school and a BF. To many people it would appear as if you have a lot on your plate right now so get over to profile review and fix some things. Most women around our age have a family, so your children are not what is holding you back from finding love.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 8:11:00 AM
I could not go out with a woman that things that all that men want is sex. I have found that women that have this perception of men are jaded and will polarize the progress of the relationship to sex or no sex. They tend to use sex as a weapon. Or something not that they enjoy, but that the men used them to get.

The women I prefer to go out with like and want sex. They want it as much as I do. But what they are after, more than sex, is shared intimacy, shared passion, shared friendship. They do not feel used, because they feel that they were as responsible for the outcomes as I may be. They are not victims, they are pursuers.
 Greg19899
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 15
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 8:19:46 AM
I'll be direct and to the point. There are men out there that will find you very attactive and desirable, however, Single mothers, with 3 kids, and barely making ends meet will scare off a higher percentage of men. Is it fair? maybe not, but guys (like women) are learning that compatibility often means more success than just looks. It's a huge thing to ask of a single guy to sign on and enter into a relationship with a woman with 2-3 kids, and the usual headaches that go along with the ex-spouse. Typically, if the guy wants the woman badly enough, he will move mountains.. If not, he will find another more compatible lady.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 16
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 8:22:01 AM
I'm older than you OP and my kids are younger.
I don't think that the guys just want to have sex with you without a relationship because of your kids, it's because it' very, very common to just have sex without a relationship, it's just the way it is for a lot of people.

Just keep trying and keep dating, keep your boundaries in check, not all guys are total players who want to have sex right away, but some do and make it seem like you owe it to them to have sex . You'll eventually meet someone who has simliar values but it will probably take some time :)
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 17
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 9:09:07 AM
It would make it easier for you to date single dads. I find that many single moms want to date a single no kids guys. They figure that they have enough dealing with there own kids and dont want to add to it. Single guys with no kids just dont want to deal with her kids. If you have a kids and are low income all we see is a money pit. At some point we would go out for dinner with YOUR kids and then its expected from the guy to pay not for two but five people.
On top of that most guys just rather not date single moms. Too much drama in the life of a single parent. We would rather deal with drama of our own making. As hard as its to meet and date for everyone for single parents it must me twice as hard. There realy is not magic bullet to solve it and make life easier.

Whats with the old pics??? are you trying to say that at some point you were thiner and younger then you are now.. We are going to date you now and not how you were 10- 20 years ago
 AbigailR
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 18
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 9:50:22 AM
You should revise your profile pretty much completely, don't mention sex or your income. You can probably leave out the part about the old couple melting your heart...I doubt this will do much to attract men, women will find it sweet. I would delete pictures 4, 5, & 6 and replace with others. Try to put more of an up-spin on your life. Talk about your interest or hobbies.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 19
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 10:02:11 AM
Whenever I read a profile where a woman states what she DOESN'T want in a man, my first impression is "Bytch with baggage" and I hit the Next button. I got that impression reading your profile and opening post OP. Then there's that infamous politically correct line that many single mothers use: "My kids are my life", which is basically what you said. If they are your whole life, why are you looking for a guy-especially with you taking the attitude that every man is a sex crazed monster? I don't see anything in your profile or attitude that would attract Mr. Perfect. Many guys don't date single mothers/grannies to begin with, but somebody who is obsessed with stating sex is horrible unless it meets her criteria in perfect conditions shows the woman has mental issues concerning sex. That's not attractive to guys. Guys don't want women who use their vagina as a bargaining tool to get what they want at all times.
 LGG62
Joined: 9/9/2007
Msg: 20
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 10:17:27 AM
OP, your profile is very negative. Your headline talks about games, and the first thing you say in your profile is not to message you for sex. The second thing you say is exactly how much income you have. Then you say a couple good things about yourself, then immediately back to negative again. It gives the impression of low self-esteem, which men out for sex prey on. I would suggest you tweak your profile to show the good things about you, and get rid of the negativity. Show your strength. By being a single mom to three kids, you have a lot of strength! You don't have to say you don't want to be used for sex, you can show it in your good attitude, self-esteem and actions.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 21
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 1:25:25 PM

First, she ought to make she does have time to date and have the kind of time that would make dating her attractive.


Totally agree. The problem with dating single mothers is their version of dating is going places and doing things with their kids in tow, so everything must revolve around including the kids and must be child friendly. That's not my idea of dating and getting to know someone. They might do the initial meet and maybe one real date without the kids, but after that, it's always a family outing. That's one reason why I would never date a mother.
 ragtymgal
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 22
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Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 1:31:24 PM

OP, your profile is very negative. Your headline talks about games, and the first thing you say in your profile is not to message you for sex. The second thing you say is exactly how much income you have. Then you say a couple good things about yourself, then immediately back to negative again. It gives the impression of low self-esteem, which men out for sex prey on. I would suggest you tweak your profile to show the good things about you, and get rid of the negativity. Show your strength. By being a single mom to three kids, you have a lot of strength! You don't have to say you don't want to be used for sex, you can show it in your good attitude, self-esteem and actions.


This exactly. There's more negativity than not on your profile. And the old pictures are ridiculous.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 23
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 2:30:51 PM
The women I prefer to go out with like and want sex. They want it as much as I do. But what they are after, more than sex, is shared intimacy, shared passion, shared friendship. They do not feel used, because they feel that they were as responsible for the outcomes as I may be. They are not victims, they are pursuers.


F'n gorgeous line man.

This is so true, and should be put in singles magazines everywhere.

When a woman ONLY puts sex on the table, in a positive OR negative light, she cannot POSSIBLY be upset when the relationship centres around sex. Hell; dont even MENTION sex; and let people be people, and you will notice that it is now buried among the "other" things that men and women have together.

Everytime I see that line, " I dont want a relationship based on sex" in a womans add, I am QUITE sure that sex is everything she knows how to base a relationship on. (Sure as day)

Keep it off the table; don't even focus on it.....at all

Single mothers, with 3 kids, and barely making ends meet will scare off a higher percentage of men. Is it fair?


Absolutely; 100% fair.
============================

I vote for keeping the old man and woman story though; it's pretty important. (and makes you seem sweet; and that's a good thing) Some men also want this, and very much respect it; despite what they may admit(promise).

I would, also, tell men WHY you are taking your courses, and what your plans may be WITH said courses. ;) Men love a woman with direction, and positive future visions. (Again; it's a promise)
 Choporis
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 24
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 2:31:21 PM

Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.


Am I reading this wrong, or?
The thread title is basically saying "I am looking for a guy that ONLY wants sex and nothing else."
Doesn't want anything but sex = only want sex
So.... "Having problems finding the right guy that only wants sex" ?
I think the correct way to phrase what OP meant is, "Having problems finding the right guy that doesn't only want sex."

Sorry I just can't overlook the "conflict" in the thread title, haha.

A more helpful insight to OP, you have to understand that people at all ages face this problem too. It's not because you have kids or at a more mature age, rather it's just how it works in the dating world.
Just keep on looking, meet more people, learn their goals in dating, and soon you'll find the "right guy". :)
 Indysweetpea2001_
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 25
Having problems finding the right guy that does not want anything but sex.
Posted: 8/10/2012 3:29:57 PM
I am a single parent as well and I have no problems finding dates at all. I have an inbox full of potential dates. I am not trying to sound like I am bragging, maybe there are less single men there than in Indiana. I have no clue about that. It seems the most sincere are the men in their late 40s to early 50s and the other single Dads. The hard part is finding that guy who you will be compatible with in the long term. I would suggest really targeting what qualities there that you do not want first. I have dated single men never married and no kids and they are ones you have to really watch their behavior. If he starts acting like your a booty call every 2 weeks, then kick him to curb as fast as you can. No need to stress over someone who is not worth your precious free time.
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