| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 1:38:42 AM | | My boyfriend and I have recently split up. We split up because of a lot of reasons. I could probably make a long list but won't. When we were together he would stay gone for 6 - 8 hours when he said he would be back in 2 or 3. But while he would be gone he wouldn't answer his cell phone which led me to believe he was cheating.Then he would come home w/crazy stories as to why he was late. That isn't the worst part, he would be verbally abusive and physically abusive. When we were together he acted like everything else was more important than me. But when I left him he says that he realized how much he loves me. And now he claims that he will do anything to get me back. He has a bad temper so he is going to anger management. He promises that he will never lay his hands on me in a violent way again. As stupid as this may sound a part of me still loves him and if there was a gaurantee that he would change I would run straight back.Should I take him back and take a chance on the same stuff happening again or should I just move on because I know that I deserve To be treated better. Thanks for all your advice. | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 2:05:38 AM | "That isn't the worst part, he would be verbally abusive and physically abusive. When we were together he acted like everything else was more important than me"
No man has a right to hit a woman. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man who thinks so little of you that he uses you as a punching bag? He doesn't love you!! If he did, he wouldn't be able to stand the idea of hurting you. It's all well and good that he's going to anger management classes but he's feeding you the same crap line all abusive men feed their women; "It'll never happen again." But newsflash, honey, IT ALWAYS DOES!!
"When we were together he would stay gone for 6 - 8 hours when he said he would be back in 2 or 3. But while he would be gone he wouldn't answer his cell phone which led me to believe he was cheating.Then he would come home w/crazy stories as to why he was late."
Yep, he's cheating. Does this spell out love to you? I don't think so.
Ask yourself this question...do you want to wake up 70 years old and realize you wasted your life on this jackass? There are better men out there who will treat you like a lady. Kick his ass to the curb!! You won't regret it. | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 4 | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 2:09:42 AM | | Oh Honey, my advice would be to let him go and move on as hard as it may be. I can relate completly with what you are going through, especially about "if you knew he would change you would take him back" but from my personal experience they do not seem to change. My ex-husband was doing alot of the same things you just described, being gone for extended periods of time with no good reason why, not being where he said he was going to be, not answering his cell phone and also being pushy and verbally abusive. When I confronted him he begged and pleaded for another chance and said he loved me enough to do anything to save things. I gave the benefit of the doubt and gave him another chance, it was fine for a few months and things gradually slipped back to the way they were before. I think a one time mistake is one thing and may be able to be fixed, but when its something they are repeatedly doing and lieing about it shows how much they care right then and there. Again this is only my advice and you have to do what you feel in YOUR heart. I wish you the best, and hope my advice helps some. | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 2:56:39 AM | | I guess love can make you crazy. I ask because I have never been through anything like this before. He swears to me that things will be different if I will come back to him. It hurts so bad when you love someone so much and you show them all the time and they never show you. Then you leave them and now all of a sudden you are their world and they are pouring their heart out to you really for the first time and now doing the things that you always wanted. | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 8 | |
| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 3:02:14 AM | Hi Babydoll
One of the reasons it hurts is because he is a control freak
He knows exactly which buttons to push to make you feel bad
That is his forte in life
It is not often that that type of personality will change
RUN
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 3:07:21 AM | Just keep walking, and don't look back.
That isn't love, it isn't anywhere near love. Love is based, first and foremost, on respect. From how you describe him he has little respect for himself - and even less for you.
No real man ever hits a woman, or abuses her verbally and mentally. There are no valid reasons for doing that - ever.
Find someone that will treat you like the wonder you really are, and don't settle for anything less than that.
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 3:09:03 AM | Uh, er,ah, this should be a no brainer here girl. Dump that sccumbag and do not ever look back. He has no idea what love is and even if he did he doesn't love you.
Not only should you move on, but he should be locked up for hitting you. Even you said there is a list of reasons of why you all spit up. So even if he never touched you before, you should still leave him.
If all you want is someone to treat you like shit, don't worry, there are a ton of guys that will do that for you. The thing is you need someone to NOT treat you like that. Nobody should ever treat anybody like that, EVER!
Get out while the gettings good. You already did the hard part of breaking it off. Find the strength to see this thing through. Now you can work on putting yourself back together and finding out what it is YOU want out of life. Now you have a blank canvas to paint your masterpiece on. It's all up to you. Make it a good one.
Best of luck to you. | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 3:11:20 AM |
Should I take him back and take a chance on the same stuff happening again or should I just move on because I know that I deserve To be treated better.
You said it exactly: you should move on because you know you deserve better.
There is *no* excuse for verbal or physical abuse, *ever*. Find a real man that honestly loves you and I feel you'll be happier in the end.
I wish you the best of luck...stay safe.
~Damian | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 4:23:40 AM | hmm- first thread i have seen where ALL posters AGREE
RUN, do not walk, away from this relationship.
you can always take him back 6 months after he has completed his `anger management' (code for i got busted beating up my partner) program and has implemented drastic changes.
very few people ever `graduate' from `anger management'.
good luck
R | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 4:38:22 AM | | hey girl of course part of you wants to take him back that's called a "heart". don't loose that "heart" but make sure you save it for the right one. if you took him back you would be closing the door for the right one to come through. this is simply OJT babygirl: on the job training and your experience with him is another stone being placed on your path to help you get to a good relationship thats up ahead. so cry a little and get it out of your system, then celebrate for whats in the future! | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 4:44:30 AM | | babydoll.....You can`t seriously be considering taking him back???? You know, we teach pepole how to treat us... You ALLOW him to physically and verbally abuse you, by putting up with his treat ment of you. The abuse will only get worse and more often...Find someone who will treat you with respect. | |
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khama
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Joined: 3/31/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 6:40:34 AM | RUUUNNNN !!! as fast as you can...
you'll be a glutton for punishment if you don't...
He'll just hack your heart to pieces and move on himself...
Beat him too it, and confront him, ask him, you deserve
to know the truth good or bad... Good Luck.. | |
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YX32
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Joined: 7/10/2005
Msg: 18 | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 6:45:33 AM | | Babydoll, if he's done it once or twice, what makes you think he won't do it again if he gets really upset with you? If a man ever hit me, he would be in jail and I would be gone in a heart beat. The verbal abuse shows he has no respect for you and doesn't think you worthy of respect, you can find someone who really loves you. But if you return to him, you will be putting yourself back in the same position, and what if it gets worse next time? All the anger management classes won't help someone who doesn't want to give up the control issue. And if he is going to these classes, really working hard to change his behavior, then he needs time alone to work out the issues. I don't think he's ready for a relationship right now while making the transition. You need to look deep inside your self and figure out what your priorities are, keep them straight! Look for what you WANT not for what you would settle with. What would happen if the two of you had children together? It maybe harder to get away from him then. Just food for thought. Best of luck to you in what ever you decide. | |
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Mr O
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Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 20 | |
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| Love is blind
Posted: 7/29/2005 6:59:12 AM | Baby
You sound like a great girl and you deserve much more than your getting.
I know how much it hurts to let someone go..especially if you love them with all your heart so
part of me wants to agree with you and say yes give him another chance.
But, don't.
Take the high road....I don't think he'll ever change...
Please don't enable this abuse any longer. Your better than that.
Just my thoughts.
Good luck B
John | |
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| Help!! Should I take him back? ............opinions please
Posted: 7/29/2005 7:18:32 AM | Hey, fly away...FAST. Sometimes our hearts make the connection without our brain being in the loop. I don't say that to be cute. You apparently have a tie to this person that's extremely destructive, and maybe even beyond you. Your email is far more telling about you than him. He's somebody's loser - the challenge to you is to keep him from being yours. I wasted 10 years with a loser/abuser/gambler. Forget the money and the abuse and the bad impact on my kids - I gave up my TIME (10 years - from 40 to 50). I initiated divorce twice and still took him back. I even took him back - after the divorce. Maybe the question of WHY is an interesting one, but that's all it's good for is curiosity.
I believe you're asking opinions NOT because you don't know IF you should dump the jerk - you're asking HOW. (I was so attached to this person that after the cops put a restraining order into his hands in the wee hours of the morn..we went upstairs and consumated.) The string is not 'merely' physical; there are probably considerable control issues intwined. I'd suggest learn how to NOT answer your cell (he knew). Even if you're desperate to maintain some lovefest with him, don't limit yourself to only him. Wean yourself off him if you can't go cold turkey. Find a f***buddy.
I got over mine, finally, with the wrong man -- which is fine (that's part of the romance drama everybody faces). It becomes emotionally strengthening to be treated properly, even if it's not the be-all and end-all. It helps your head to move on. And the great sex you had with the loser, you'll find, was good - but not so very exceptional, after all. Good Luck. | |
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jaxx4u
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Joined: 7/28/2005
Msg: 23 | |
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| Love is blind
Posted: 7/29/2005 7:42:10 AM | | hey sweet stuff... ive been done that road and i closed it a year and half ago. I was in a abusive both physicaly and mentaly.. hard times alot confusion. yourself trying to work it out. 4 years of my life going back and forth because he got anger management (a total of 6x) and I believed his words that he was a changed man, that he would never do it again.. there honey moon part when all is well, then theres the hill when its starts getting frustrating, then boom he strikes your again.. its cycle. I do believe men can change. and yes i did love him....but when theres abuse no women or man deserves it. This guy and i do bare a child together witch is the saddest part when are kids are involved. I fell better knowing that he is not around her because of his ways. IT took me along time to realize that nothing i could of done would of made it better. i was so trapped my self esteem was sooo low i gained alot of weight over 100 pounds ... but eventually most people reach the breakin point and sometimes its to late. Its esculate meaning it does get worse.. why because you let him do it the first time and u took him back.. Im done my counciling and off the meds. I fell way better, stronger even, proud of myself, and most of all my kids and i are safe! Oh and not to mention my hair was falling out*(every girls nightmare) from the stress and the dr said to the loss the stress in my life and id be lucky if it grew back, IT GREW BACK.. Its been a year and half and i do run into the guy and he tells he loves me blah blah and he wants me back.. my word nope i dont even hear it....Stay were you are.. my advice and most of the people that have wrote to this forum Dont even look back.. make the ****er regreat the days hitting you and putting you done.. His days are over!.. | |
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| Love is blind
Posted: 7/29/2005 8:46:09 AM | You've really gotta leave this man.
Everything said above is absolutely right. | |
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