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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?      Home login  
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 Wooleywiley
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 1
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?Page 1 of 1    
I met a woman on here, and we have been chatting back and forth for 2 weeks, not the instant message, but POF email I guess it would be called.

Sometimes we chat for 2-3 hours a night.

We were supposed to meet last night, and she cancelled about 3 hours ahead of time saying she got too shy, she did give me her address that morning to pick her up, and it was her idea to pick her up.

She says she is too shy to talk on the phone when I asked after a couple of days of chatting here.

She says she likes me, and I like her, we both think we click good.

When I asked, she says she is afraid I will reject her, she has only one picture, wearing sunglasses.

I did not know there were women this shy, I can see her body in her pic, she is slightly overweight, as am I, and I told her I think she has a nice body.

All my friends tell me to forget her and move on, I really like her, but was disappointed when she cancelled.

By the way, a few days ago she mentioned she was very nervous about meeting me.

What do you think? Thanks, Mike
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 2
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:04:48 PM
Lets presume for the sake of argument that she is who and what she says she is.

She may be incredibly shy, nervous and as she gave you her address not experienced at this.

Send her a message saying you understand and suggest perhaps meeting (not a date) for a coffee at a coffee shop near where she is. No pressure, no stress. Not a date. Just a meeting. No picking up just meet there.
Somewhere public with lots of people around in daylight.

If either you or she has a dog, pick a place where you can bring the dog and take it for a walk.
Talking to and about the dog will take some of the pressure off both of you and make it more relaxed.

If you do meet and there is something about her. I don't know...... perhaps she is crosseyed?
Please be polite, have the coffee and that is that. If it is a 'deal breaker' for you.
If it is not a deal breaker and you still like her and want to see her again.
Tell her you would like to see her again.
Do NOT say I don't care about you being cross eyed or whatever.

If she brings it up. You can say something preferably gentle and humorous.

On the other hand she may not be as advertised. Moreso than being crosseyed.
And she does not want to talk to you or meet you as she will be discovered.

Let your imagination run wild.
E.g. She could be male???

Edit:

You do have dogs.
Back to a daylight short meeting / outing with the dogs.

p.s. I like the fuller beard
 Wooleywiley
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 3
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:17:24 PM
Well, it was her idea to meet at a place and have dinner, she said meeting for coffee/drink is not her thing, she prefers to eat a meal on the first date.

She has flat out refused meeting simple for coffee/drink, even when I suggested maybe having dinner on the first date may be too much pressure for her.

Her response was having a glass of wine would make her feel better, at the restaurant.

She then later told me she was nervous, and thought she would feel more at ease if I come by her place, and then drive her in my car to the place to eat.

Saying "she did'nt want to walk past me in the restaurant" and "less stress of public meeting"

She has no dogs, but good idea! Maybe I could get her to meet me and my dog at the dog park.

She is 6 foot tall, I never thought about her being a male!

Thank you for the beard compliment! :-) Mike
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 4
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:33:33 PM
I'm going to be honest, there's a decent chance she's a guy. Hopefully she's not because it takes a real loser to spend this much time trolling someone. I suggest using Skype and webcam chatting with her. If she's too shy to vocally talk you can use the text chatting option.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:47:03 PM

Well, it was her idea to meet at a place and have dinner, she said meeting for coffee/drink is not her thing, she prefers to eat a meal on the first date.

She has flat out refused meeting simple for coffee/drink,


beware

she is going to be very very unattractive
and sounds to me like she is wanting free dinner, not to meet anyone.

beware

If I were you, I'd move on...... forget her, she sounds odd and more. I bet she might be a he...
or a woman so hideous, it'll give you nightmares for years.
run forest run !!!

also beware your not going to get carjacked or drugged... by her man
because this situation blows and sounds crazy and dangerous
 DanceyFace
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 6
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Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 6:09:56 PM

She then later told me she was nervous, and thought she would feel more at ease if I come by her place, and then drive her in my car to the place to eat.


This makes little sense to me.

Something sounds fishy about this woman. I would be careful.



she is going to be very very unattractive
and sounds to me like she is wanting free dinner, not to meet anyone.


I agree.
 missraven1
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 7
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 7:04:53 PM
Email chatting takes longer than talking thus your "2-3 hours a night" statement is invalid. As for thinking you clicked with her, I'd reserve judgement when a meeting has yet to happen. I speculate that this push forward (dinner instead of coffee) / pull back (cancelling) effect has, aside from there being something she is deathly afraid of, to do with, for lack of a better term, entrapping you in a situation where it is less easy for you to escape if you get a fright upon seeing her. Hence with also driving to her house..to obligate you to proceed with the meet/date..and lengthens the time you spend with her...such as when people want to keep messaging for a while as if you will like somebody better the more time and effort you spend getting to know them. But her insecurities got the better of her and she couldn't go ahead with it once it came to the crunch. All speculation of course.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 8
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Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 7:22:44 PM
Mehhhhhhh, I always have a problem with the idea of people spending hours and hours on a DATING site, chatting and emailing away, but then cowering away because they are "too shy" to date. Reminds me of the former friend who wore a flesh-colored crocheted bikini to the office pool party and then went around telling everyone not to take pictures of her because she was "shy". But that's another story in pre-social network site days so folks weren't worrying about privacy invasions, but anyway....

You've most likely been chatting with someone who is married or attached, is not a female, is one of those people who are unable to maintain real life relationships so they bury themselves in online ones, or maybe has a friend or relative who started filling her head full of axe-murderer-met-online stories and she chickened out.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 9
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 7:52:41 PM
You have her address... just show up with a small bouquet of flowers and tell her you understand how hard things are when you're shy... and to call you when she's ready...

then leave.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 10
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 8:18:49 PM

She says she is too shy to talk on the phone


Op,so you havent even spoken to her on the phone ????
And she's sooooo shy she's actually given you her home address???
I'll bet if you went to that address,they wouldn't have a clue who you were,etc!

Fergeddabout this one.................all too weird.
 Iona_Bob
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 11
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 8:35:26 PM
She is 6 foot tall, I never thought about her being a male!


think again ...
One photo in sunglasses.
Six feet tall.
Won't let you hear her voice.
No genetic female in her right mind wants a stranger to know where she lives (pick her up on the first date).

Did "she" request d1ck pics? They are now posted on a gay porn site.

Probably some dude who wants to give you a BJ.
Have fun !
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 12
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 8:40:20 PM
Run, sounds like a guy trying to trick you.
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 13
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 8:54:49 PM
First thought -- she hasn't been honest with you and she is very obese and unattractive.

Second thought -- she really is shy and she is missing out by not overcoming this.

There are a lot of six foot women out there. But even six foot fake women can pull it off pretty good from what I've heard ,,,and what I've seen. It would suck to be a guy to find that out, ick.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 14
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 9:05:46 PM
What a fool to give you her address for a start and then say she is too shy to meet???. I guess everyone gets cold feet and anxious and it could be because they are not who they say they are. If she is too shy to talk on the phone, red flags waving. I dont know how you can really like someone you have not met, fantasy and imagination is what it is. If she is on a dating site to meet people why is she so reticent? I would move on. Dont like the sound of it. She may be just a teaser or a transexual.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 15
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Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/2/2012 9:41:07 PM
She is probably much bigger and much older than she has told you. Out of morbid curiosity I'd try and get a peek at her since she gave you her address.
The whole thing just sounds really weird. I'd forget her.
I mean who says they're nervous and shy yet wants to endure a longer date (food!) AND have a stranger pick her up?
Be careful whatever you do.
 Wooleywiley
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 16
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/3/2012 12:31:07 AM
I would hope she is not male or a trans sexual. In a conversation one night, I brought up children, as neither of us have them.

She mentioned she cannot get pregnant because of a hysterectomy, so I'm hoping she was born female. I did not talk to her tonight as we usually do, I actually went on a date/meet with another woman who messaged me, and invited me to a bar with her, and her older sister, both were more shy in person than on the phone!

When I came home, I had a message from the shy one, she said she had spoken to her mom and friends about her "predicament", mom told her to have me come to her house for wine and cheese, friends said for her to meet me with with them as a group (I'm not sure if it's all women, or couples) so I replied either would be fine.

Maybe she really is just a very shy woman? Maybe she could be my soulmate, I was shy when I was younger and never talked to women, even when women talked to me I would get all tense.

Someone mentioned sexual things, we have not talked about sex really (other than she said she likes a comfortable bed to sleep in, good food, and good sex), and no I have not sent any pics, I would be suspicious if she did!
 aussieblues
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 17
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Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/3/2012 1:07:41 AM
Its a bloke I reckon...
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 18
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/3/2012 1:09:54 AM

she said she had spoken to her mom and friends about her "predicament", mom told her to have me come to her house for wine and cheese, friends said for her to meet me with with them as a group


Op,you actually said,"either would be fine" to these two scenarios???
Im really shaking my head at YOU now and wondering why you're persevering with this woman??
I mean,really...................
Ps.What was the other woman like who you went out on a date with??
 Wooleywiley
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 19
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/3/2012 2:33:32 AM
The other girl was ok, I wrote her a message and hope to see her again, even though she smokes cigarettes. :-)

I guess the shy girl has got me wondering, hard to stop thinking of what she is all about!
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 20
Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/3/2012 2:43:17 AM
WHOA OP, 'she' is too shy to meet but why don't you come by 'her' place and drive?????????? Who does this? See the glaring neon sign? Trust there are other fish in the sea and this is not the last one left! Don't be desperate, ok.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 21
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Cancelled first date from being too scared/shy/anxious?
Posted: 9/3/2012 2:48:59 AM
As everyone has pointed out... shy doesn't explain her (his?) behavior at all.

Very likely to be a guy.

Do the "common sense" thing... pass... find a girl that isn't that "shy".
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