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 Llmuscleman79
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 1
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This is 1 of those things that come up for us single peolple sometimes when dating. It's the issue when you're dating someone but nothing official then they ask if you are seeing anyone else. Sometimes the person may ask if you're just seeing anyone else sometimes they'll ask if you're having sex with someone else. It's 1 of those topics that really don't have any real set of rules on how you should answer. The person asking the question is not someone you've commited to. But on the other hand there may be potential for a serious relationship with the person in the future. So the question is if you're dating someone but no official commitment has been made should you tell them if you're seeing/sleeping with someone else or not? Or is it none of their business? I would be interested in knowing others think about this matter.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 2
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:37:38 PM

It's 1 of those topics that really don't have any real set of rules on how you should answer.


Really? You tell the truth. How else would one answer?
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 3
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:42:19 PM
You'll get a bunch of different responses to this question.
Some will say it's nobody's business since you're not committed others will say to be honest up front or not have sex with other person.

I'd like someone to be honest with me if I asked, I've asked before and have been lied to.
The way I look at it, if someone lies to me and I find out later, I'll leave, simple as that.
 Sticks70
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 4
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:45:46 PM

Sometimes the person may ask if you're just seeing anyone else sometimes they'll ask if you're having sex with someone else.


If I am having sex with someone, I sure as hell am not dating others. I guess I am just old fashioned that way.
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 5
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:48:48 PM

So the question is if you're dating someone but no official commitment has been made should you tell them if you're seeing/sleeping with someone else or not?


Do you really want to be with a woman that is sleeping around while dating you?

I really doubt that a woman would want to be with you if she finds out that you're sleeping around.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:52:30 PM

It's 1 of those topics that really don't have any real set of rules on how you should answer


Flat out false. There very much IS a real set of rules on how you should answer. They are your own rules, written by you, whether you are aware of them or not.

They are your personal code of honor. Even if you have no sense of personal honor at all, and believe in pleasing yourself without any regard for the other person's sensibilities or desires, that is STILL your personal code of behavior, which you must follow and accept the consequences of.

If you believe in lying to get what you want, then when someone asks, you can say whatever serves your desires. If you DON'T believe in lying, then you must answer truthfully. You see? It's a matter of who YOU are that decides this sort of thing, not social constructs and externally applied "rules."
 elzaza
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 7
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 6:53:25 PM
When this question is asked, this is one of those "moments of truth" in every relationship. When you'll have to decide then and there how you feel about that person.
Answer #1:
Yes, I'm seeing other people but I would like to stop and be with you only (if you like this woman enough).
Answer #2:
Yes, I'm seeing other people and I would like to keep my options open (if she is not good enough for you).

And than you have owe your decision.
 Zermatt
Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 8
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 7:01:27 PM
Honor and all else aside--in the old days, sleeping around was no big deal. STDs could be cured with antibiotics.

But today there are a few nasty bugs going around that can be fatal/and/or incurable that even condoms cannot entirely prevent. Herpes, HIV/AIDS, venereal warts (HPV) etc etc. A temporary lapse in judgement should not result in a death sentence.

All these people you have no commitment with--well, they have no commitment with you, either. So, are you willing to risk your own health the way you are risking theirs? Just curious. Sleep well tonight.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 9
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 7:14:14 PM
Looking to have your cake and eat it, too, perhaps? Sex with one woman, dating another? And NOW you're confused on how to behave?
If you have a FWB, and are dating a 'potential' I would think the logic is clear. If you are interested in this 'potential' developing into a physical relationship, perhaps you should concentrate on the 'potential' only for a while. What is that, a whole few weeks out of your life to see if she reciprocates???
IDK, maybe you're different, but if I want to develop a long term relationship with someone I'm seeing, I won't be 'getting my fix' with another man.

However, if the question does come up the truth is the best option. Some very good advice up there ^^^ about how to go about it.
 NCnavetG8r
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 10
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 7:27:10 PM
Msg 6 pretty much nailed it. Bottom line is, you're going to respond with what matches your own core values. Personally, I'd not be caught in a situation where the honest answer was difficult or damning. But I know there's lots of folks here on POF who think it's perfectly normal to "play" multiple contacts all at the same time trying to find out which one is the bigger and better catch. I'm here looking for quality, not quantity, so I only work with one person at a time. Less exhausting that way.
 redsox322
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 11
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 7:33:24 PM
Nope if Im not serious with anyone and Im protecting myself ie condoms and the pill than there is no reason to tell anyone
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 12
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/16/2012 7:49:54 PM
I think the truth is always the right response. I know you think this will blow your chances of bagging whoever you are with (and you will) but why start a relationship with a lie?
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 13
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 4:26:10 AM
If I am having sex with someone, I sure as hell am not dating others. I guess I am just old fashioned that way.
----------------------------------------------
ditto that. I used to have fwb when I was younger and I learned the hard way from that and. I would rather be in a relationship with someone I care about than a one night stand.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 14
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 5:17:38 AM

So the question is if you're dating someone but no official commitment has been made should you tell them if you're seeing/sleeping with someone else or not? Or is it none of their business? I would be interested in knowing others think about this matter.

I am not sure what dating means when you say there no official commitment,,I am thinking that should be discussed. Then you go right in to sex, and seeing other people,, So if your not dating,, you owe no one an explanation.

I hate rules,, but I am old school, dating used to mean your seeing one person exclusively,., so if I am dating someone, no I don't have sex with other women. If I were asked about sleeping around I could say no.
I am not sure what dating means when you say no official commitment,,


But on the other hand there may be potential for a serious relationship with the person in the future.

See answers above,, why destroy something that might be wonderful,,as I thought dating also meant getting to know that one person Exclusively...
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 15
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 6:04:23 AM
You do not think you have no responsibility toward the person who is a potential match for a long term relationship? That has never crossed my mind; that is, sleeping around and expecting to keepmy secrets away from somebody who'd rather not get a disease or date a promiscuous human. It's why I refrain from dating such people and I do make that expectation known.

Of course, this wouldn't stop somebody from lying to get what he wants from me; but, I have been fortunate enough to get away if any such indication presents itself. It's because I _listen_ to what he tells me.
 m8t
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 16
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 6:43:48 AM
Most people really dont want to hear the truth and become offended by it.
Thats why there are so many single people on this site in my opinion.
Many want instant fidelity, and a relationship.
We can only be true to ourselves first.

I personally choose to have sex with one person at a time. I just like it that way.
That doesnt mean I wont go out on a date with someone else if there isnt a commitment.
Im always honest about it too, which isnt always easy.
 ManV2.0
Joined: 9/1/2012
Msg: 17
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 10:27:33 AM
If you're a player you don't say anything. There is no right or wrong answer here, if an exclusive situation hasn't been talked about, you can do whatever you want. If you think that there may be potential for a serious relationship, then you have to make the choice of not dating other people and seeing where it goes.
 Highflyingadored
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 18
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 10:30:06 AM
If you are already sleeping with a person and intend sleeping with someone else you should do the right thing and confess that you are. I bet the person you intend sleeping with behind the other persons back would probably give you the elbow and quite rightly so. I just hate men who are so cowardly and withhold such information purely for their selfish desires. You would be possibly putting both these person's health at risk just for your own selfish pleasure. I may be biased because i just cannot stand cheating scumbags.
 MuB_Sein_Verruckt
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 19
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 10:41:44 AM
If I haven't established yet that I want to be with him, and I have not promised him anything nor has he, my answer usually is "I think this is a very private question and none of your business".
 OKgirl529
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 20
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If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:08:04 AM

"I think this is a very private question and none of your business"


It sure as hell IS their business, if they are considering being with you, they have every right to know if you're F*#*##*#* someone else currently.

What a bunch of douchebags.
 _Leahcim_
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 21
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:14:46 AM
No one can take away your good character but you!

No ones memory is good enough to be a successful liar.
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 22
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:27:41 AM
OP: "The person asking the question is not someone you've commited to. But on the other hand there may be potential for a serious relationship with the person in the future. So the question is if you're dating someone but no official commitment has been made should you tell them if you're seeing/sleeping with someone else or not? Or is it none of their business?"

It is their business. I'm one who will not multi-date but if there is someone out there that comes along and we both share a strong enough connection that could lead to commitment, I would certainly want to know his intentions and if he is dating and screwing someone else. That's my sign to take a step back and keep looking. And that's probably why POF and any other internet dating site will probably be just a one-time meet and greet and nothing more. I'm not interested in being part of some guys rotation or stable of women.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 23
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:39:49 AM
If there's no commitment, I assume that they are seeing others. I'd rather not know, so I don't usually ask.

Back when I was dating casually, I made it clear that I was keeping my options open. I don't think anything more specific needs to be said than that. But if someone were to straight up ask, I would be honest.

And from what I have seen, the best players ARE honest. They just have the charm to keep women hanging on the line anyway. Imo it's the cowardly losers who lie about it.
 uarealoser
Joined: 9/5/2012
Msg: 24
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:40:55 AM

. It's the issue when you're dating someone but nothing official

Who decides how official it is? Are there different degrees? Do you dress up family members in NFL referee jerseys and confer?


Sometimes the person may ask if you're just seeing anyone else sometimes they'll ask if you're having sex with someone else.

Personally, last time I ever dated multiple people was when I was in my mid 20's.
Since then I have never been asked if I've been seeing someone else, or having sex with someone else.
I've always been too busy dating...or it could be I've simply only dated women that either go through the monologue in their head dealing with their own insecurities or secretly stalk me and I don't know about it.

IMO if you are seeing other people it will come out in your behavior, which actually detracts or distances you from engagement one on one with someone.
IMO if someone is asking you if you are dating/sleeping with someone then it's either a sign they are insecure and need some verbal validation from you, or they are picking up on it from you so already know in their "gut" they just want to know on a conscious level.


there may be potential for a serious relationship with the person in the future.

What about potential for a serious relationship with the other person you are dating/banging as well?
There's potential for a serious relationship with anyone, all it takes is getting out of your own way.


Or is it none of their business?

IMO the appropriate line is between "who" you are doing and "what" you are doing.
It's none of their business to know who else you are dating/banging.
It is their business to know if you are dating/banging someone else.
I see it analogous to having kids. Another (at least potentially) significant relationship in their life.
I don't need to know the kids name, what they look like, or to meet them.
I do need to know that they have a kid(s).
 Idea3
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 25
If there's no commitment do you tell if seeing/sleeping with someone else?
Posted: 9/17/2012 11:45:28 AM
Could be a good idea I think.
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