| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/9/2004 3:04:43 PM | I dated a guy for a 1 1/2. In Jan 04, he left for Iraq. I saw him for a week in June 04. and he went back to Iraq. August 04 he breaks up with me via email. We talked briefly on and off. I ignored him because I was trying to get over it but he emailed me. saying that it means alot for him to talk to me. and that he loves me and never excluded me from his future. I ask him where is this going? I ask him if we are talking as friends or what? He says that he is too messed up to uphold a relationship with me, he cannot be what I want him to be, and he wants to stay another year in Iraq. He doesnt want to come to the states or all the money he has worked for will be taxed. etc. He says that he never excluded me from a relationship with him but he feels that now is not the time. Later he says.
I am so hurt. After this tour he is going to Germany for a few weeks then back to Iraq. The thought of him hooking up before taking another tour drives me insane. That, coupled with the fact that this is coming from a person who went to stabalize our future in the first place. It is just hard to be strong and move on. any thoughts? | |
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| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/9/2004 4:00:32 PM | Oh wow, that is so awful....
Ok well my thoughts are this, while the typical saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and of course, dont know what you got till its gone.....Yeah well think about it hun???? He is over in Iraq and has been working doing his job out there...Praise be to the Army on that one....Well anyhow, I think that in your case letting him go seems to be the only thing left for you to do....Dont hold onto someone like this....He is not gonna change his mind if you keep pretending all is fine....First off, let him know in detail how you feel, how hurt you are, and confused by his emails...Secondly, tell him you think for a bit it is best for you two not to talk, that given enough time you could likely be friends, but right now it hurts to much, cause you are still holding out hope for him and you....
You are a lovely lady, and likely have no shortage of men asking you out...So I think maybe you should try moving on, but always remember there is a serious issue of REBOUND and you will have to watch out....
I guess if enough time passes there could be hope for a new life for both of you... | |
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| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/9/2004 4:15:16 PM | | Thanks sumting. I think you touched on it point blank. Its hard to get over. It was a long and emotional relationship. I just have so much negative energy in me right now and I feel it when I associate myself with other people. I just want to be happy again. What that entails. I dont know. | |
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| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/10/2004 7:13:03 PM | I had something close to that happen to me recently, not in the sense of the overseas type deal, but with the ( I wanna be with you but now is not the time) kinda thing. My ex had been going back and forth for a few months, not sure if she wanted me back ( but putting on like she did every minute) even though she was in a relationship with another guy.
Finally, after killing myself inside for 4 months I said enough was enough and I stopped talking to her and 'making' time to see her in my life. I'm not mean to her, and I am very nice and kind when I do see her, but I learned you just gotta move on.
I know somewwere in her mind she still thinks that in a few years when she is all straightened out she will come back to me, get married and have the kids she wanted but I know I won't let it happen.
Do what I have been doing, use this time to IMPROVE yourself. Take up something you have never had the courage to before. I started weight lifting and became more dedicated to my martial art as well as began to learn japanese.
As for your emotional energy, FIND A WAY TO VENT IT! I had a hard time getting mine out and it really wreacked havoc on my insides. Get it and and keep it out, otherwise you'll find yourself succumbing to the pangs of your heart rather than the sound sage advise of your mind. | |
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| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/11/2004 9:40:16 AM | yah..its hard because those feelings always find a way of "creeping" up on you.
I went clubbling last nite. This guy started talking about this club and it so reminded me of my ex and how we used to go out together and stuff. | |
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| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/11/2004 9:48:20 AM | Awww sweetie, it takes time, getting over a broken heart...It will happen though, the pain, and memories fade away....
I know its hard, it for me takes a long time to let go of it...I guess we all are like that so it seems...
But yes it goes away, and you learn to live again....Love again, and have fun again..
Keep it up girl, you are doing it right, going out will help, grab a friend and get out and live...You are too young to stay in and mourn, and you are much to attractive for you to lock yourself away, and deprive the men around town of seeing you...GET out and enjoy life again.... | |
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| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/11/2004 11:24:01 AM | This is a real tough call. I have had military personnel in my family and my ex-wife had a sister who had met an air force sergeant. But he was able to take her along with him when he stationed overseas. I'm not certain if he had that opportunity to do so. Iraq? I certainly would not have wanted you to go there due to the danger if I were in his shoes. Germany? Different story. You seem like a great girl and if there was a lot of love there, I would have waited for you. I can't say what he is feeling because I am not him. Maybe he really does feel it isn't the right time, or maybe he just wants to start over. I know I'm not helping you in the least.........just know that let time heal the wounds, and they WILL heal.
Better now than being married with kids and THEN he decided to do this. You can still move on to bigger & better things. I wish you luck and sorry you have to go through this. | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 8 | |
| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/13/2004 10:43:14 PM | Hmmm...he doesn't think he can "be what YOU want him to be..." Well...why try to change him? Why not accept him the way he IS? No wonder he ran....
Ah well....if he wasn't for you, there may well be someone in your future who is more to your liking...someone you won't have to "change"...or at least too much. Good luck. | |
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| HeartBroken
Posted: 11/14/2004 10:22:24 AM | | HEY HOW YA DOING I DONT REALLY LIKE TO GIVE ADVICE ON LOVE OR ANYTHING ANYMORE BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY LISTENS TO ME BUT I WAS GOOFING OFF ON PLENTY AND I READ WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY NOW MY REPLY SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU MAY HAVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO YOU THINK WILL BE COMPATIBLE WITH YOU FOR LIFE A LIFE MATE BUT AS MUCH AS WAR CAN MESS A PERSON UP AND DOING CONSTRUCTION WORK I SEE ALOT OF GUYS COME AND GO WHO HAVE SEEN SOME STUFF THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE LOVE IS A SEPERATE THING PERIOD THE WOMEN YOU LOVE WELL I THINK FOR THAT WOMEN IF YOU DIG THAT CHICK YOU WOULDNT HAVE EVEN GONE I THINK HES LEAVING HIS OPTIONS OPEN THINK ABOUT IT HES GOING OVER SEAS THE WOMEN OVER SEAS ARE A MYSTERY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS NEVER BEEN AROUND A WOMEN OVER SEAS THATS NOT FAIR TO YOU GIRL I SAW YOUR PIC YOU CAN BE # 1 NOT # 2 TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT BUT IM RITE IM NICK LATER | |
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