| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/30/2005 10:44:56 AM | I dont know what to make of this...
My son is 2 1/2 and last night he spent his first night away from me, and his first night with his dad. He came home and he was wheezing (he's severly asthmatic due to prematurity). Dad had all of the medications and instructions and didnt give him a treatment at all. Dad smokes, and they have cats... so I was very clear about which meds did what, dosage, symptoms, etc...But, none of the vials of his meds had been used (I sent a new pack which came back unopened). Dad has also been told not to smoke around him, but I have no way of knowing if he listens.
I asked him where he slept out of curiosity (he sleeps with me and I was wondering if his dad was able to get him to sleep in a bed alone) And he told me he slept on the floor. And I asked where daddy slept and he said daddy slept on the floor. I asked where T (his gf) slept and he said she slept in the big bed (what he calls adult beds). I dont know what to make of this. He is only 2.5, but his communication is well beyond his age (verified by his developmental therapist) and he is very clear when he talks. However, he does sometimes say the wrong thing. So, should I even worry about this? Afterall, he might have just mixed it up and said the wrong thing. Also... if he did in fact sleep on the floor, am I overreacting to it? I dont know, it just really bothers me that he slept on a floor, am I making an issue over nothing?
Dad and I are on good terms, but he is VERY easily offended, so I am hesitant to call and ask bc I worry that he wont take him overnight again. I know my son loves seeing his dad and he had a lot of fun last night sleeping there- so I dont want to risk messing that up over nothing. Not to mention it is good for my son and I to have some time apart, since he has attachment issues as a result of his early health issues keeping him pretty isolated.
I dont know what to think/do?
Any input? | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/30/2005 3:22:01 PM | | it is perfectly ok to worry about your son when not in your care if you didnt than maybe you would have a problem i believe that your son sleeping on the floor with his dad shows his dad cares enough to give up the bed and sleep down with your son as for the medication that should be dissucsed with your ex maybe he doesnt really understand how it works and is just nervous about giving it to him if you havent already maybe you should try showing him how it all works and explain to him without making him feel stupid how important it is ...the one thing i would worry about your son sleeping on the floor is i have cats and the closer to the ground the more hair i dont think this is something to get really upset about but there is nothing wrond with calmly talking to your ex and know that being away from your son even when you know its best will always get the best of you even when hes a teenager but you do have to trust the person you leave your child with but at the same time know that they arent you and may do things differently as long as he is safe and happy thats what matters | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/30/2005 4:37:17 PM | | i think you should talk to his father and get the answers to all of your questions before you react in any way. for all you know... dad and son made a fort on the floor and pretended to camp out, which would be fun. but you've gotta talk to his father if you're going to find the answers to your questions. you don't have to respond to his answers at that moment, but i'd at least ask him about everything, think about what he's told you and then sit down and have a reasonable discussion with him about any issues you may have with the way he cares for your son. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/30/2005 9:22:14 PM | as a student nurse i would say that you need to stress to the father on how series your sons condition is. also go over verbarly on what he needs to give the boy also write it down to and give it him. with the smoking and the cats around it could set off a bad reaction and cause a problem with your sons health also give the father impotent numbers to call in case of an emergancy.
im not trying to get you up set just letting you know the facts on it | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/30/2005 9:44:48 PM | HI I AM A SINGLE MOTHER OF TWO BOYZ AND I WOULD BE VERY CONCERNED IF MY KIDS SLEPT ON THE FLOOR. SHOULD U QUESTION IT?? DARN RIGHT YOU SHOULD !!WE R TALKIN ABOUT YOUR SON -I DON'T THINK ANY CHILD DESERVES TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR AND MISSY GIRLFRIEND SLEPT ON THE BED.SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!! FURTHERMORE WHY IS DADDY SMOKIN AROUND HIS SON WHEN HE KNOWS DAMN WELL IT IN HIS SON'S BEST INTEREST NOT TO?? I KNOW YOU MENTIONED THAT HIS DAD GETS EASILY OFFENDED BUT ASK URSELF THIS WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT HERE- YOUR SON'S WELL BEING? OR POSSIBLY OFFENDING HIS DAD? WE NEED TO KEEP OUR CHILDREN SAFE AT ALL TIMES AT ALL COSTS, BEFORE SOMETHING TRAGIC HAPPENS NOT AFTERWARDS. I HOPE THIS HELPED YOU IN SOME WAY OR OTHER!!!
ALL THE BEST OF LUCK TO U AND UR SON-PRINCESS- | |
|
amiev
|
Joined: 6/3/2005
Msg: 6 | |
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/30/2005 11:30:37 PM | | Does dad smoke inside even when the child is not there? All those chemicals from smoking sink straight too the floor, if so sleeping in the worst spot! Not to mention all the other things that can trigger asthma that are found on floors. My boys are 3.5, were premature, and have asthma. What if you just tell him he needs to take the meds on a specific schedule when staying the night? Not sure what he takes, but I believe some of it's safe to take as preventative? Check back with your Dr, and see what they say. Ours told me to go for it if I know they will be around something that triggers them, and it really seems to help being a step ahead! Can dad go with you to dr appts, and would your dr be willing to sit him down to explain it all? If not call the NICU he was in, and ask them if they have any ideas/resources. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 5:43:58 AM | Thank you for all of the input.
Yes, dad is given written and verbal instructions about the meds, everytime, even if he has given them before. I write out what symptoms are ok and what are not, when to give treatments, when to call.... and always say "if you arent sure, CALL ME" I am very clear bc I know he isnt used to these things like I am.
He wont come to docs appointments bc he lives 45 min away. I think he knows the severity bc he was around for the 6 weeks my son was in the NICU, I guess maybe he thinks its not as serious since hes older.
What needs to happen I think is a phone call, like whosyourbadkitty said. I doubt dad and gf will come up and sit and have a talk, but maybe I can work on that. Its not that I really care that he slept on a floor, its that hes that much closer to the cat dander, smoke residue, dust, etc... If in fact he did sleep on the floor (my 2.5 yr old isnt always the most reliable source, altho he has said this many times now, on separate occassions) then maybe dad doesnt have bed space for him? His gfs daughter was at her dads the night my son slept there, so I just assumed that hed be sleeping in her bed. Maybe I can talk to dad about going in halves on a toddler bed for his house? I definetly think I will send our air purifier next time and have it right by him , esp. when hes sleeping. Dad did give his 3 preventative meds, but did not give his reactive meds-- altho amiev suggested giving him the reactive meds anyways just in case and I think I will do that next time. Put him on the albuterol every 4 no matter what while he is there since there is such a likelyhood that he will have a reaction anyways. He came home wheezing, he wasnt in distress, but he was wheezing enough to say "mommy I need take my medicine" and grab his machine. He knows the drill, lol. What that tells me is that despite my instructions dad doesnt pay close enough attention to these things. Reactive meds would cover this anyways.
My first priority is to protect my son, but I am very careful not to make things so difficult on his father that its no longer worthwhile to come around. He needs to make sure that my son is stable and his needs are met, but not everything has to be done exactly my way. He hasnt been around up until a few months ago (we split when my son was 8 weeks old) and he doesnt fully understand the ongoing health problems he had. He knows of them, but he didnt spend the weeks in the hospital like I did. But, I try not to hold that against him. Right now, he is stepping up and showing interest and trying to be involved. I give him the respect for his efforts and dont bash him for his earlier lack of involvement- that will get all of us nowhere. However, that means he may have to respect that he doesnt fully understand masons conditions and that he will need to be a little cooperative with me.
I really appreciate all of the input. It showed me that I have every right to be upset and concerned and I am not overreacting, but that I also have to consider that I have very minimal information and there can be so many other perfectly acceptable explanations to what I know. Thank you everyone! I will call dad in a bit and we'll go from there. I think the fact that we ended up in the ER last night makes me feel like I can call and question him without seeming like I am overreacting. I know that my concerns are legitimate, but the fact that he needed treatment will show dad this is more then me being overbearing lol. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 8:04:29 AM | melissa... when you call him... i would let him know that because you had to take him to the ER last night that you two really need to sit down and talk. this is very serious. i wouldn't scold his dad or anything like that but i would lead into the conversation with the ER so he doesn't think it's a conversation about you nagging him or telling him how to take care of his son while he's visiting him. the ultimate goal is to get him talking and to get him to understand your child's needs enough so that he begins to administer the medicine as required, doesn't smoke around him, possibly keeps the cats away from him while he's there and by all means - allows him to sleep in a proper bed. if he is not willing to cooperate in the best interests of your son... you may want to limit his visitation to daytime hours so your son is returned to you before bedtime.
keep us posted & good luck in talking to him... hopefully he'll choose to do what right. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 8:17:40 AM | Yes, that is the challenege. He always seems to take it as a question of his competence. I think that the ER visit will make him more willing to consider that we should make some adjustments.
It was his first visit overnight, so we can work on things and hopefully get to a common level where our son is in the best possible environment his father can provide, and its not too big of a disruption to the other 6 days a week when our son is not there.
While I personally would like them to not smoke in the home and not have cats... I know thats a little ridiculous to ask. I dont think he smokes around my son, but it is something I want reassurance on. The request was made, but I am not 100% sure he has complied.
Thanks for listening and giving me another perspective! | |
|
Webbum
|
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 8:48:29 AM | My son has asthma and I had about 8 years of restless sleep listening for his next attack. I almost lost him a couple times.
It was hard to get the message out to everyone about smoking and environmental issues regarding asthma.
Keep plugging away at your ex and others, stand firm!!! | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 9:28:33 AM | I agree that he should NOT be sleeping on the floor in a house where there is cats! My daughter has asthma and is allergic to pets...
On a side note...my daughter was 6 months old when she was diagnosed...she is now 8 1/2. As soon as my parents found out she was asthmatic, they STOPPED smoking in their house! And we only get there once or twice a month!!!! I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to consider smoking outside of his house if he'd like to continue night time visits...especially since your son ended up in the hospital! He needs to take his son's asthma seriously!
And, if he's taking his son for overnight visits, he needs to be able to provide a bed for him to sleep in. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 9:32:19 AM | | Yes, once I confirm if he did in fact sleep on the floor... I am going to discuss other options. Toddler beds are not too expensive and take up less room then a twin bed. Id be willing to help with the cost in order to have that piece of mind. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 11:36:19 AM | | here is another saggestion that also might help with your sons heath and your piece of mind besides the toddler bed ask if he could get a humedifire to help clean the air around his son and if he still smokes in the house at least to open a window and smoke beside it | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 7/31/2005 11:50:35 AM | Ya, I'm trying to look out for my sons best interests without being too overbearing.
We have a really good air purifier that I use here... I will be sending it next time. It rotates the air pretty quickly and can cover a fairly large amount of space. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 8/3/2005 6:13:29 AM | | so melissanicole... have you had the opportunity to talk with your son's father about this visit? update, update! :) | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 8/3/2005 7:26:33 AM | | He hasnt returned my call yet. I left a voicemail... waiting- Im going to call again today if I dont hear anything back. | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 8/7/2005 7:03:07 AM | Dad called, briefly, the other day to let me know he wouldnt be seeing our son this weekend. Apparently a friend of his passed away. I thought it was inappropriate to bring it up at that time... will talk to him when he calls to arrange visits for next weekend.
Just wanted to update! | |
|
| Not sure what to think?
Posted: 8/7/2005 9:18:10 AM | | ya... that's not cool melissa... he could at least return your call. i wouldn't allow my child to visit again until you get some answers. funeral or no funeral, it's inappropriate to allow your child to stay in a place that puts his health at risk. hopefully you'll get the opportunity to talk to him and work all this out but in the meantime... i wouldn't plan on letting my child visit. | |
|
Home
login