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 JBH91
Joined: 4/19/2010
Msg: 1
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A question about depression and dating.Page 1 of 1    
Hello ladies, I have an issue that I'd like some female perspective on.

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, I've got medication and see a councilor but while these things help, my medical professionals say they don't see the issue disappearing anytime soon.

I understand there's a stigma and a lot of people think instantly that I'd be a total downer, which isn't true. I can be fun to be around and don't take my personal feelings out on others. Since this isn't something that's going to be fixed overnight, I'm not keen on the idea of staying single until I'm "Healthy" in fact my lack of romance these few past years has if anything; contributed to the problem.

My question is this; what are your opinions on dating a man with mental health problems? & How can I be upfront with women about it without instantly putting them off?
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 2
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:20:38 AM
Forum search is your friend here

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts3721835.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14955435.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts7432948.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13321688.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts8798472.aspx

This forum is topped at 21 replies. I think you have 4 or 5 hundred replies in those threads.

My search was "depression dating" Just a search for "depression" finds MANY more relevant threads btw..

Cowboy
 JBH91
Joined: 4/19/2010
Msg: 3
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:22:41 AM
Thanks cowboy, My bad for not searching first.
 ^campfires^
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 4
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:23:50 AM
Discuss it openly and early, but don't mention it on your profile.

Be positive and upbeat about it. Focus 20% on the negatives, and 80% on how it shouldn't impact the relationship.

Keep Fishing!
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 5
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:31:28 AM
Honestly I know several folks diagnosed with depression that seem perfectly normal on their meds. Unless its phucking up your daily life just dont mention it at first.

And if its jacking with your daily life that bad then try and address that BEFORE seeking a relationship versus dragging someone else into your foxhole. No one else is going to save you from your depression. Thats something for you to work on along with your counselor and meds.

Cowboy
 littlebitlit
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 6
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:34:46 AM
If you're after a relationship long term, bring up the subject of mental health during your conversations. Steer your interaction around to the topic of mental illness and use this opportunity to figure out your date's understanding and empathy towards mental ill health. I think, with the right person, then telling them about your experience of depression will be no biggy. With the wrong person, though, it might be an issue and if that's the case, I hope you wouldn't want to take it any further anyway. Look after yourself.
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:40:23 AM
I was married 20 years to a man who was ADD.
ADD and depression many times go hand in hand
As they have a very low serotonin level, which requires continuous medication.

It was NOT an easy marriage
As that type of mood disorder creates negative energy which rolls over to others in the room.

Would I consider being with another man who has depression issues.
Sorry NO.
Life is too short to be battling someone else's issues.
I want happiness and someone with a positive attitude.

Good that you are on medication , and Kudos for seeing a counsellor.
Look into meditation, and manifesting what you want in your life.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 8
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:41:34 AM
As that type of mood disorder creates negative energy which rolls over to others in the room

^^^^ been there/done that.

i will never date anyone on psychotropic medications again. *evah*. it's an immediate dealbreaker for me and it will be for *some* other people as well.

as cowboy suggested, disclose early but no need to put a lot of really personal stuff on your profile, which would be inappropriate IMO.

vvvvvv
ok ok dino! i surrender. i meant psychotropic drugs prescribed for mood disorders, depression, anxiety, etctera. clonazepam, prozac, and what have you.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 9
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 9:08:13 AM
i will never date anyone on psychotropic medications again. *evah*.


Psychoactive drug, psychopharmaceutical, or psychotropic is a chemical substance that crosses the blood–brain barrier and acts primarily upon the central nervous system where it affects brain function, resulting in alterations in perception, mood, consciousness, cognition, and behavior.

Psychotropic or Psychoactive drugs are divided into three groups according to their pharmacological effects.

Stimulants ("uppers"). This category comprises substances that wake one up, stimulate the mind, and may even cause euphoria, but do not affect perception.
Examples: coffee, tea, tobacco, coca, amphetamine, phenethylamine, cocoa, guarana, maté, ephedra and khat.

Depressants ("downers"), including sedatives, hypnotics, and narcotics. This category includes all of the calmative, sleep-inducing, anxiety-reducing, anesthetizing substances, which sometimes induce perceptual changes, such as dream images, and also often evoke feelings of euphoria.
Examples: opioids, barbiturates, benzodiazepines and alcohol.

Hallucinogens, including psychedelics, dissociatives and deliriants. This category encompasses all those substances that produce distinct alterations in perception, sensation of space and time, and emotional states.
Examples: psilocybin, LSD, Salvia divinorum and nitrous oxide. Marijuana is an example of a psychoactive drug that combines properties of each of these groups.

So Motown I guess you will not be joining anyone for a first meet over a coffee or a hot chocolate or desert with cocoa or an alcoholic beverage. Guarana is commonly used in "energy drinks" as a caffiene substitute.

Anyone who says they " need a cup of coffee" and is not themselves or thier day does not go smoothly without it could be considered to be reliant on a psychotropic drug that is not without it's negative side effects
 littlebitlit
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 10
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 9:11:22 AM
Oh, by the way, I would never be put off dating a man who had depression or any other mental illness/disorder (although maybe I draw the line at Psychopathy) . :)
 GenJayne
Joined: 10/17/2012
Msg: 11
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 9:24:24 AM
I take lorezapam when I have anxiety. It has never gotten in the way of a man wanting to get to know me. No one has ever rejected me because of it. If your medication makes you stable then why do you consider it a problem. The problem would be untreated mental depression. You are treating and hopefully learning how to cope with it in therapy.
I think if you were upfront about it you may be surprised that a lot of women are on medication as well. These are hard times and some people need the help of some medications.
If you had heart disease and someone rejected you for taking Lipitor it would be the same thing. You have a diagnosis that requires medication. There is no shame in that.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 12
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 9:44:30 AM
As someone who's surrounded by mental health issues in the people she loves.. just be honest. I would fall over if my guy actually told me he was going to do something about his depression issues, rather than ignore them or self-medicate with alcohol. By the way, drinking while depressed doesn't make the depression any better... not even for short term.

Just tell them the truth... you're on medication and seeing a counsellor about the depression and are working on it actively. That tells me you're trying.
 FairOaksChick
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 13
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:12:25 PM
Not for me. Meds, counseling..... i wouldn't want that in my significant other's life. I jog for relief from stress, anxiety, and depression. Would rather my SO partake in some passion such as a physical activity or other interest, to channel his emotions.
 enjoyinlife83
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 14
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 3:01:26 PM
15 percent of people in the united states are taking anti-depressants, it's really not that unusual. Now if you have Social Anxiety Disorder, it could hamper your ability to date...
 OKgirl529
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 15
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 4:38:08 PM
I wish people weren't so judgemental and closed minded. Just because someone has a mental illness or disorder doesn't mean they aren't normal or that they can't be a good partner! Sure, it takes understanding and compassion and education on the matter, but really, who here is perfect?

I have social anxiety. And depression. I started taking medication a few years ago. I'm a normal person. I'm a good person. I'm not pyscho or crazy. I'm able to have relationships. I had a marriage. I have a child. I have a job. I may not be for everyone, but I still have hope I'm for someone and that I can and will find him someday.
 buterfly41978
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 16
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 5:46:08 PM

I was married 20 years to a man who was ADD.
ADD and depression many times go hand in hand
As they have a very low serotonin level, which requires continuous medication.


Not so much. I have ADD and have no issues with depression. ADD is about your ability to focus not serotonin level...

OP, With depression, you really should take some time and find the root cause. It could be hard for you to be happy with someone else if you are not happy with yourself. Just remember that not one person on earth is perfect. We all have imperfections. It is about how we chose to deal with them is what gets us through.
 Zamboni_Operator
Joined: 11/20/2012
Msg: 17
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:07:06 PM
Thumbs up to the comments by Cowboy, Dino57, thegurlrox57, & OKgirl529! Not so great is the stereotyped attitude towards depression, as displayed here in the comments by a couple of other people. That only helps to foster stigma. I have no problem with your personal choices & requirements for a mate for yourself, but to be honest, I think you need to be more educated about the reality of a person with clinical depression who has it under control with the proper meds, as described by OKgirl529. Someone may have had a bad experience with one partner, but maybe their partner discontinued their meds or somethin for that to happen, … Most people are fine. Clinical depression shouldn't be lumped in with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or even ADHD.

It also alarms me that someone would recommend a passion such as a physical activity (ie jogging) or other interest, to “channel” the depressed person’s emotions, instead of meds & counseling! Don’t get me wrong, physical exercise is highly recommended for people who suffer from bouts of clinical depression, to ward it off. But serious cases require meds & counseling as well . It’s not simply about “channeling” negative emotions, lol. There’s a chemical imbalance in the brains of people who suffer from clinical depression & anxiety disorder. It’s not just some “blue” period they’re going through that will pass, or that they can avoid just with a routine of exercise. It goes well beyond that.

I realize it’s hard for many people to understand this, when they haven’t experienced it themselves. The people who say things like “just pull up your boot straps” or “snap out of it” or “it’s just mind over matter” are essentially clueless about the reality of clinical depression. That’s taking it too lightly. On the other hand, it’s not as extreme as some people may think – it’s the bipolar & schizophrenic disorders where there's potential for extreme behaviors, dissociation from reality, & possibly violence.

P.S. Just to clarify, ADHD or ADD is not "common" amongst people with clinical depression, but the reverse is true - people with ADHD (as it is now called) often have depression.
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 7:57:53 PM


I was married 20 years to a man who was ADD.
ADD and depression many times go hand in hand
As they have a very low serotonin level, which requires continuous medication.



Not so much. I have ADD and have no issues with depression. ADD is about your ability to focus not serotonin level...


I'm glad that you have no difficulty with depression.
And yes ... I am well aware that ADD is about your ability to focus.
In some, let us also add on Learning Disabilities, OCD, Anxiety along with depression.
If you'd like more info .... check out www.additudemag.com

Most ADD is hereditary.
As my ex's family struggle big time with depression.
ALL of them.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 19
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A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:09:49 PM
If you've been diagnosed by a professional with clinical depression, then it'd be best to consult with a personal physician as to whether it would be wise for your to be dating.

I don't think dating in itself can cause depression, but there are times it can be depressing. Just saying that it could make your condition worse, but I can tell you that dating won't help.

Relationships, even good ones, have times of challenge that can bring on all types of negative issues that need to be worked through. It could be a potential risk to your well being, but ONLY a qualified professional should advise you on this.
 Zamboni_Operator
Joined: 11/20/2012
Msg: 20
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/5/2012 9:30:45 PM
If you've been diagnosed by a professional with clinical depression, then it'd be best to consult with a personal physician as to whether it would be wise for you to be dating. I can tell you that dating won't help


I don't think a doctor is going to give an opinion as to whether or not it would be wise to date. I mean sure, if the patient is having suicidal thoughts, it's not exactly a good idea to jump into a relationship. But if it's run of the mill clinical depression & it's being controlled by meds, & the person isn't in the middle of a depressive bout, then it's up to the person if they want to date. There are lots of things besides dating & relationships that can cause stress in life.

In the case of the OP, he even states "my lack of romance these few past years has if anything; contributed to the problem." Not having social interaction or love or human touch from a romantic partner can contribute to a feeling of low self-esteem, frustration, & sadness.

I do agree with you that by getting into a relationship he will have to cross some hurdles, but I think dating would help for the most part. It's not as though the OP recently came down with depression - he was diagnosed years ago, & it's likely that he's fairly stable right now if that much time has passed. It also sounds like he'll be susceptible to it possibly the rest of his life, as are many people who have more than one depressive episode. He can't be expected to avoid dating the rest of his life, lol. I speak from experience as having been diagnosed with clinical depression 12 years ago.

As someone else mentioned, to keep on top of things, the OP should exercise regularly, as well as increase his social interaction & connectedness, have a support group and / or counselling available, & not discontinue his meds if that's what his doctor has told him (many patients make the mistake of thinking they're "OK" now & go off the meds, only to have an even worse depressive episode than their first one).

You'd be surprised how many people have a diagnosis of clinical depression (people you know personally but you don't realize it), & there are also many people out there who suffer from it but aren't aware of what's happening, or don't want to approach a doctor. Many keep it to themselves because of the social stigma. Hopefully that's changing.

OP, I wouldn't worry about bringing up the subject right off the bat. If you're functioning fine at the moment, then just carry on as usual. Later on if things click, you can broach the subject. I once had a relationship with a woman & it was only a year after we split up, but remained friends, that she told me that at one point in her life she'd been on anti-depressants for a while. It didn't make any difference to me, & wasn't relevant or an issue when we were dating. Schizophrenia or bipolar disorder is a different kettle of fish, however.

Lastly, one thing that goes a long way to removing the stigma is if you're casual & comfortable with your diagnosis, then that rubs off on other people you're around. They're more comfortable as well... it "normalizes" it.

 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 21
A question about depression and dating.
Posted: 12/6/2012 4:35:31 AM
That only helps to foster stigma. I have no problem with your personal choices & requirements for a mate for yourself, but to be honest, I think you need to be more educated about the reality of a person with clinical depression who has it under control with the proper meds,

we don't need you to lecture us on the ins and outs of clinical depression. if there is any "stigma" as you say, it's not going away just because you'd rather have a different kind of stigma against anyone who would be so bold as to freely state their own opinions about dating people with clinical depression based on personal experience. to be perfectly clear since you seem to need a bit of remedial clarification, i wouldn't "stigmatize" people with clinical depression in the way that you are insinuating here. perhaps i missed it, but i didn't see anyone else here insinuating anything except for yourself. maybe because that's your brand of insinuating stands out so clearly. i have experienced depression myself, so i know what a bear it can be. i don't want to *date* anyone who has an ongoing, clinical problem with it, that's all. everyone else is free to make their own decisions about it. i'm sorry if that's a really shocking concept for you.


Clinical depression shouldn't be lumped in with bipolar disorder,

is that so. i guess you never knew anyone who was *both* bipolar and clinically depressed.


it’s the bipolar & schizophrenic disorders where there's potential for extreme behaviors, dissociation from reality, & possibly violence.

oh so now you're stigmatizing the people with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia and that's ok (ooh they are scary... they will eat your face!), but gawd leave those people with clinical depression alone. amazing!! you must be unaware that bipolar and schizophrenia exist along a wide *spectrum* of behaviors and severity of symptoms. as a matter of fact, most people who are bipolar or schizophrenic do not need straightjackets or hannibal lechter masks. who woulda thunk it. i think you need to be more educated about the reality of a person with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia who has it under control with the proper meds.
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