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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Does having "Actively seeking a relationship" make you seem desperate?      Home login  
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 northlondonlee
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 1
Does having "Actively seeking a relationship" make you seem desperate?Page 1 of 1    
Hi,

On my profile I currently have it set to looking for a relationship but would changing it to actively seeking a relationship make me look desperate? Or would it show that i'm actually serious about finding someone?

Thanks
 m_a_y_a
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 2
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 2:24:17 PM
is this a trick question, OP?

i'm really not sure why stating you are actively seeking would make you look desperate.

just say what it is you want, i'd have thought. after all, better to be up-front, no?

:)
 northlondonlee
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 3
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 2:30:35 PM
Lol no it's not a trick question.

The reason I ask is because even though i'm not desperate to find someone, after all what will be will be, but I do perhaps try to give myself the best possible opportunity to find someone. For example i'm on a few dating sites to broaden my horizons (only free one's though, paid for match.com once and had zero results) and also i've read a few self help books in order to increase confidence, find inner peace, increase communication skills etc in order to increase my confidence in approaching women in social situations.

So my point is that I am doing everything I can to give myself the best possible chance of meeting someone, so this may fall under actively seeking a relationship. I just don't want to change it to that if it may come across as a little desperate but also I want to show that i'm serious about meeting someone. I just don't know how most women would view either option that I choose.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 4
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 2:40:22 PM
No, I don't think it makes you seem desperate. I think it makes you seem like you're honestly looking for a relationship. Now, whether your really honestly seeking a relationship remains to be seen. A lot of men put such things on their profiles to make them seem sincere ... that they really want to settle down. But in reality they're just trying to suck women in with fake sincerity.
 northlondonlee
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 5
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 2:44:38 PM
Thanks phoenix_55,

I agree that there does seem to be a lot of guys out there who put up a load of baloney on their profiles to fake sincerity, but in my case I can confirm that I am actually serious about finding a long term relationship. I don't do casual encouters and the like, I have more respect for myself and others than to do things like that.

Thanks for your reply.
 jjoenyc73
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 6
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 2:52:37 PM
um... by being on POF , and having a profile, that makes you actively searching. Otherwise you are not serious.
 northlondonlee
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 7
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 2:55:34 PM
Good point jjoenyc73, I didn't even consider that, thanks.
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 8
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 2:59:45 PM
No it doesn't make you look desperate but makes you honest.
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 3:12:54 PM
It tells me that you are interested in being in a relationship.
 bibliophile1
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 10
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 3:13:15 PM
It'd make you more honest than most I come across. Women wanting the same thing as you will appreciate it. Too many dishonest men on this site.
 northlondonlee
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 11
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 3:17:40 PM
Thanks for your responses guys and gals, they are very much appreciated. I have changed it to actively seeking a relationship, i'm not sure whether it will make any difference but you can only try I guess.

Thanks again.

Lee
 brad29483
Joined: 8/7/2012
Msg: 12
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Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 3:22:07 PM
Being on POF, makes you look desperate!!!

...unless you are here only for the forums and then you are just bitter.
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 13
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Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 6:27:10 PM
No more than wearing a pink shirt and tie would make you appear gay.
 msemeraldeyes73
Joined: 9/11/2012
Msg: 14
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/19/2012 6:44:32 PM
No more than wearing a pink shirt and tie would make you appear gay.



OP - the shirt, tie, vest.... Very attractive regardless of color. Takes a real man to be comfortable wearing a color that other men avoid due to stupid old fashioned rules about sexuality.
 RiversMeeting83
Joined: 12/14/2012
Msg: 15
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/20/2012 1:55:28 AM
No I don't think so, for me it kind of sets someone apart who is serious about finding their special person and isn't just looking for a fling, booty call or FWB. It's kind of refreshing to see someone is serious and not just here for the party so to speak.
 kja71
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 16
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/20/2012 2:43:18 AM
No I don't think it means you're desperate at all. I think it makes you look honest, and honesty is refreshing. A lot of people have forgotten the meaning of the word.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 17
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Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/20/2012 3:30:13 AM

Takes a real man to be comfortable wearing a color that other men avoid due to stupid old fashioned rules about sexuality
+100
 The_Curvy_Doll
Joined: 12/14/2012
Msg: 18
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/20/2012 8:33:37 AM
Who cares how it looks to other people? Select the option that is authentic to YOU. And then you will attract people to you who are on your wavelength and who are genuinely interested in the REAL you, not the inauthentic perception of you that is based on manipulative tactics.
 enjoyinlife83
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 19
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Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/20/2012 1:16:37 PM
I think for it to say that, you have to put that you would like to get married? no? i've seen women that put that at age 21 and it's little strange to me.
 northlondonlee
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 20
Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/20/2012 1:18:50 PM
Nah, there is another option that says I want to meet someone and get married, don't get me wrong one day that might be nice but I wouldn't be spending a first date planning our wedding LOL. I'm in no rush, I want to meet the right person first before i'd even consider it.
 AprilChild101
Joined: 5/18/2010
Msg: 21
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Does having Actively seeking a relationship make you seem desperate?
Posted: 12/20/2012 3:56:28 PM
OP, it does not make you seem desperate i don't think but it communicates something slightly different and actively seeking a relationship will probably get you less replies or less first contacts as it naturally reduces your target group on here i would say.

the difference for me would be that looking for a relationship means you are open for a relationship and this is what you would like but you may not be putting all the energy and time in that may be needed to find someone you can and want to be in a relationship with. it's a bit like yes you want it when it happens. whereas actively seeking a relationship to me means you are putting more time and energy into finding someone to be in a reltationship with. you don't want to wait for it to happen, you want to make it happen and you are doing what you can.

hope this helps.
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