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 mmissouriwoman1
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 1
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Should I ask him to marry me.Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Sorry folks, I tried this before. My phone sucks.. LOL
I am in love iwth a man, that doesnt want a relationship, sex , or love. But he spends alot of time with me. We dont do any thing sexual, I have got in his bed in a night gown very revealing. But he did nothing. We enjoy each others company, and laugh, and work together well. But I love him, and he knows it I have told him a few times. But he says we are friends. I dont know if I ask him to marry me, I am setting myself for a world of hurt, I dont know if he will remain my friends. I am scared but I need to know..but I need more than just friend. I am not just after sex I really love being with him. I just want to be with him all the time. What should I do?


SO TIRED....
 Siteseeingwme
Joined: 9/20/2012
Msg: 2
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/27/2012 10:51:57 PM
Join the boat! Been there done that! You have to move on. Believe me you can feel the same about someone else that will feel the same about you. You deserve it. It took me time to move on because I thought he needs me and I should be a good friend and be there for him. I learned that he didn't want a relationship with one person....he wanted a relationship with them all and at his beck and call.
 gentlebear22
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 3
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/27/2012 10:54:33 PM
He's told you the answer already that you are just friends. If you are not getting want you want, move on for your own good. If he was interested you would have had sex already.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 4
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/27/2012 11:49:58 PM
You already know what to do. It is too painful to love him without being loved in return.

Tell him you need to stop seeing him. Instead spend time with other people, join a meetup group, do fun activities you enjoy.
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 5
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 12:00:20 AM
Please...No, Do not ask him to marry you! Are you looking for the wedding and then the divorce soon after. Reread what you wrote and then JUST SAY NO!
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 6
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 12:09:32 AM
Why sure! I mean that's what every girl dreams of isn't it?marriage fixes everything
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 7
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 12:30:41 AM
Why would you embarrass yourself by asking him to marry you?

He "doesnt want a relationship, sex , or love"... it's a pretty safe bet that he also doesn't want marriage.. to you at least.
What should I do?
Leave him alone.
 freshstartbraveheart
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 8
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 12:38:55 AM
You want more than friendship with him and he's told you, I'm assuming countless times that he does not. If the man is not interested in FWB and not interested in dating you and being your boyfriend, then what gives you the idea that he wants to be your husband? I really hate to be so rude as to point out the obvious here but if you ask him to marry you, in all likelihood, the answer will be, "no".

I would suggest backing off from this friendship so that you can get over your feelings for this man. It seems to me that he's been very clear that he is not interested in more than friendship with you. Chasing after him is only hurting you. I think you should step back - way back if not for good, at least until your emotions reconcile with logic. Take a long breather, pursue activities that you enjoy and try to figure out what makes you crave this unavailable (at least unavailable to you) man? All of the time you spend investing wasted energy into this go-nowhere, non-relationship is time that could be spent pursuing someone that actually wants you back.
 jwf1978
Joined: 10/13/2012
Msg: 9
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 1:05:01 AM
I would really need to know more but you should just respect his wishes and be his friend. He is probably gay and still in the closet (I could be wrong but without more info that is what it seems to me).
 OrphanThing
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 10
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 1:16:14 AM
Are you in love with him, or are you in love with a dream of him? You may have dwelled in the "friend zone" long enough to where he will respect and not cross that boundry of intimacy. He has told you that you are friends. value that, and don't use tricks to corral; he'll just find ways to escape.
 hookupforu
Joined: 12/16/2012
Msg: 11
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 1:37:42 AM
I dont understand why a man would not react to you when you are in an intimate situation. He may be gay or he does not fancy you. Why do u want to marry him.I dont get it.
 Tallulah1986
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 12
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 1:39:09 AM
Is this a trick question? You clearly have the answer already - he has told you that you are friends, he also didnt try anything on with you when you were in his bed practically begging for it so what makes you think that asking him to marry you is a god idea?
 TAWT
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 13
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 4:05:40 AM

I am in love iwth a man, that doesnt want a relationship, sex , or love.

Yeeee HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, wedding bells!!!!!
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 14
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 4:43:18 AM
Yes, i'd definatly suggest you ask him to marry you.

It seems like the next step.

I mean you dont have sex, love or a relationship even.

Yes, marraige does seem like the next step.

But dont worry, i'll still be on POF when you get the divorce. I can't wait for that thread.
 tickle_me_pank
Joined: 9/6/2012
Msg: 15
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:20:03 AM
I am in love iwth a man, that doesnt want a relationship, sex , or love.

Back away from the cold, hard mattress and ask yourself this: If your best friend or god forbid your daughter were in your shoes, would you tell her to marry the guy?

Sheesh.
 organicquestionmark
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 16
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:20:35 AM
Huh? Is this for real? OP!!! You can NOT be serious...........!!? I think you had too much eggnog at the Christmas party and its led to (at least a partial) lobotomy. Why on EARTH would you want to MARRY a man that doesn't want sex, love, or a relationship with you?

I've been on my own for a long time and while it gets lonely.......there is NO way I'd put up with someone that treated me as you describe. Marry him? HELL no! Kick his ass to the curb? Yes! I guess that would depend on how big he is though.....as to whether that would be effective.

Are you going to repond to some of the questions you've been asked? Like......are you serious???
 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 17
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:34:39 AM
Time to tell pa to get the shot gun out...and wake up the hound dog...time to go huntin for a bo...and he will say yes...
 ironwinecoffee
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 18
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:36:51 AM
No. Do not do it. If you are comfortable keeping the friendhsip and it does not hurt you to do so fine. You should put some distance between the two of you, take some time to heal, and start the process of finding somebody who returns your feelings. This man does not love you and likely will not. Perhaps a friendship with you is ocnvenient. I see many men complaining about getting shuttled to the friendship zone and that is where you are.

Why would you want to be with somebody all the time who does not have the same feelings? Perhaps you do not think you really deserve a loving partner so you are picking people who disappiont. Move on. Being alone is far better than wasting your time with somebody who does not want you. Being alone has many other benefits inlcuding the time to take an inventory and reflect on things.
 onecoolM8
Joined: 12/1/2012
Msg: 19
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 5:58:53 AM
This is seriously frightening, Not too many things makes me shake my head in disbelief so congrats you've done the impossible.

Im going to suggest you get your head candled, Im sorry if this comes across as rude but there is something off in your thinking or your self esteem is really at a all time low.

The man has told you you are friends, you dont have sex with the guy, hes not interested in a relationship, so what makes you think he will accept your marriage proposal?

Seriously think about this? if your kids came up to you with this scenario what would you tell them?
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 20
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:04:39 AM
Op,i had to check your profile to see if you do 'Drugs' after reading this.

If you're seriously considering asking a man to marry you when he's not interested in you romantically and/or sexually,then im sorry to say but you sound very desperate to *me*.
 gage4fun2
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 21
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:12:26 AM

If you're seriously considering asking a man to marry you when he's not interested in you romantically and/or sexually,then im sorry to say but you sound very desperate to *me*.


+1
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 22
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:12:44 AM

I am setting myself for a world of hurt, I dont know if he will remain my friends. I am scared but I need to know..but I need more than just friend.


Your answer is right there.

I was reading a book called the Five love languages and one thing was very clearly stipulated in there. We all have love tanks, and what we need most, is not so much as to love someone, but to BE LOVED. When you do not feel loved, eventually you will begin to resent and regret and to feel all the pain for the lack of reciprocity that you get from that relationship.

As you have said, you are so tired, your needs are not met, and will not be met. Yet you prefer to have such company because you are used to and perhaps you are very afraid of being alone, so better to be with someone that seems like a friends, than to find someone that can possibly love you.
 Jadeite19
Joined: 11/16/2012
Msg: 23
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:36:27 AM
mmissouriwoman1, you said...


We dont do any thing sexual, I have got in his bed in a night gown very revealing. But he did nothing. We enjoy each others company, and laugh, and work together well.


He doesn't consider you anything more than a friend and is using you as an ego boost. And he is either possibly secretly gay or just does not find you physically attractive at all if you have been scantily clad in the same bed with him and he hasn't made a move. Why are you wasting your time. You also said he doesn't want a relationship, sex, or love. If he's said these things to you, why do you think he doesn't know his own mind??? When a man says I don't want a relationship, sex, or love, what you should really hear is: "I don't want a relationship, sex, or love WITH YOU." Yes, it hurts. Yes, I have been there.

Now, after reading the above, why would you think that the next step is to ask him to marry you? In what world is that a logical linear thought? You're totally wasting your time. The only saving grace about this man is that he has been honest about his intentions and a gentleman by not taking what you so freely offered when he knew strings were attached to your heart.

The best thing you could do is step back from this fiasco and start dating other men. Even men you don't like. Especially men you don't like. Then you might see where your friend is with you. See how the men you don't like totally come on to you and you're turned off about it. This is probably what this man is feeling. But because he is a man and needs someone to talk to or needs a sounding board and men don't talk to men, he wants to remain your friend.

It's great to be friends with a man. But seriously! When a man says he doesn't want anything with you and is not even tempted when you're half naked in bed with him, it's time to move on. A marriage to a man like this would be EVEN MORE pain than you're currently in but with a contract that it would cost you money to get out of before you could then move forward with you life even more scarred than you are now (especially if you think this sounds like a good idea).

And don't even get me started on the part about asking him to marry you. That is entirely out of the question EVEN IF you were in a relationship with him. It just is. Women shouldn't do the asking. If he's not pursuing you, he's just not interested and you would be miserable in the end. Period. I'm sorry to say it so harshly, but that is the way it is. Find someone who deserves your attention and get something back for all your efforts. You deserve to be loved.
 Crsdan57
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 24
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:42:33 AM
Another fairytale relationship on POF. You basically got naked, jumped him and he pushed you off. If that doesnt scream "Lets get married" I don't know what does. Move on already.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 25
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Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/28/2012 6:43:46 AM
OP: I think you're jumping the gun, so to speak. It's very painful whether you are a man or woman to feel that your partner lacks any sexual desire for you you. If this were me I would be inclined to try understand why he has no interest. One possibility, and I'm not sure if this has come up is whether or not he has ED. If your guy is a few years older than you it's a possibility. Also, if he is over weight, has sleep apnea, is diabetic..... The few men I have men who have struggled with this are often embarrassed and ashamed and are reluctant to seek medical help or discuss it with a partner. For some, they just avoid sex and any type of touch that could possibly lead to sex.

I would never settle. The hurt and pain will either fester or deaden you, neither are good options.

Getting what you want in life takes courage and risk. Short term pain for long term gain.
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