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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do men make dates and then cancel them?      Home login  
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 JanLou_1975
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 1
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I understand that not everyone you like will be interested.
I understand that liking someone's profile and having a few pleasant emails doesn't always translate into that elusive chemistry when you meet face to face.
Heck I can even understand turning up for a date and thinking oh my god that photo was so old, they put on weight etc etc I really don't find them attractive so I won't even bother to introduce myself just disappear instead - VERY RUDE, impolite, unnecessary as one drink won't harm seeing as you have gone to the trouble of going to meet them - but okay to some extent understandable.

Why though do guys message you, chat to you on the telephone etc arrange a firm date and then cancel anything from 24 hours to an hour before the date. I find it so annoying and then guys wonder why I am not prepared to get a babysitter for a first date and just want to meet for coffee for an hour in the day first time round.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 3:34:48 PM
Flaking-out is not a situation unique to men. Women pull that same stunt, too.
It is unfortunately prevalent in the world of internet dating, so be ready for cancellations.

First meetings should ALWAYS be quick and easy meet n' greets.
If you can have a friend or family member watch your child for an hour...that is perfect.

** edit: DanBLan87 was sharing the very same feedback above. **
 JanLou_1975
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 3
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 3:41:44 PM
I know its symptomatic of internet dating - I would say this has happened to me on about 1 in 3 or definitely 1 in 4 dates that have been arranged. It's not like you are attached to the person at this stage because you dont know them but I only get one night a week where my kids are with their dad and I can go out and it is just so frustrating when they cancel last minute. I am normally more annoyed at the prospect of a nights babysitting going to waste because I don't have time to arrange anything else than worrying about the jerks who do this as I guess they are not worth dating anyway.

Its just I can never get my head around why and it bugs me a bit. The last guy claimed he was getting back with his ex and didnt want to mess me around - fair enough but why is he online at least three times in the next 24 hours available for chat on pof. Obviously lying through his teeth, what is the point? It just seems so unnecessary, if you dont want to date someone don't arrange a date.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 4
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 3:46:42 PM
JanLou_1975...that guy getting back with his ex-girlfriend was likely being truthful.
If accessing POF.com from a handheld device, it can sign-on if the person is in a location with Wi-Fi.
His personal phone could literally be in his briefcase at the office and it shows "online" to others.
Hopefully that technical reason provides you a bit of peace. It is a common topic here.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 5
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:23:38 PM
Because they changed their mind?
 barnbloo
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 6
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:37:30 PM
and why do women assume exclusivity,he had a better offer.
 DevotedExplorer
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 7
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:38:24 PM
I would say this issue is more prevalent to men seeing as women have the ability to start more conversations with men due to the number messaging they can chat to us blokes and say yes to a date to only go back on their word when another man messages them who they would rather see.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 8
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:39:54 PM
Hmm. Hardly the exclusive province of men. Would you prefer to be stuck alone waiting at a coffee shop or restaurant and have him not show up without so much as a "by your leave"?
 JanLou_1975
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 9
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:49:43 PM
No granted I would rather they cancel than just not show up but why bother to make the date in the first place if not interest -

Fair point they may have had a better offer but still who knows what a better offer is til you have met both people

And not assuming exclusivity but I normally wait for the guy to suggest a meet so why bother if he is going to cancel if he has another girl he is messaging and its only a first date there too he could meet both girls at different times days whatever
 1Vicki1
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 10
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 4:58:41 PM
I have had several of those. I just assumed they met someone younger and/or prettier. I was actually warned that it happens quite a bit with online dating.

My philosophy: Next!
 sunnyside72
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 11
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 5:55:00 PM
Dating online is tricky- I believe people (both men and women) are constantly inundated with messages, emails, etc. If he finds someone he is interested in, he may arrange a meeting. However, another woman comes along and he becomes smitten and wants to meet her, cancelling the date. Men tend to have actions that speak louder than words. If he cancels, life goes on! I think you also need to realize there are a lot of men seeking intimate contacts. I believe men scheduling a meeting quickly, changing plans, cancelling, etc. is a red flag that he is sowing his oats and is trying to experience as much sex as possible. Therefore, beware of this behavior!
 ScientificExperiment
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 12
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 6:08:20 PM
Changing their mind or something better coming up is not a valid excuse. OMG has our world become so rude? Do manners no longer exist? A no show would be worse but still, if someone has agreed to meet you, you show up unless a true emergency or illness happens.

I am sure the OP is not saying only men do this either but I am guessing she only dates men, and therefore is writing from her experience and perspective.

I really hope the online dating world is not a true reflection of society as a whole. If so, we are in more trouble than I thought.

Hang in there OP. I would just stick to quick meet and greets for now, where you don't require a babysitter if that is possible.
 MsLisa77
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 13
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 6:41:08 PM
I've had the same thing happen to me.

What I don't understand is, I was dating a guy I met here. We talked on the phone for a while and then we met. We've talked everyday but 2 and still texted those days since we exchanged numbers. We had a great date on date #3 he even mentioned going out again the next day even called me later to tell me he made it home safely. Next day he changed/disconnected his phone number!!!! What's up with that? At least be man enough to say I've changed my mind! Any ideas on this one?
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 14
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 7:17:50 PM
I understand your circumstances and being disappointed. I have also read in the forums that this happens a lot to men also. I think some of you ladies think that the guy got a better offer. Could be, But keep in mind this pond is not that large. After the guy flakes out on some ladies and there limited ladies in his area... He will be back hitting you up again. Keep track who was a no show or flaked out. For some reason they get pissed when you turn them down because of their past actions. Which is bewildering to me.

I was on here before 7 years ago and I would say 50% are the same people. Most with the same photos. So the pool for them is a wash unless they get lucky trying the same thing with the new people.

Hang in there op, I'm sure you will find a nice guy here. Don't let some bad apples get you down. POF has some great people here. You just had to weed out the flakes. Good luck
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 15
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 7:27:59 PM
Posted by Happy_gal2013:
"...But keep in mind this pond is not that large..."

Well, there are about 3.5 billion women and approximately the same number of guys.
If a potential date flakes-out on me, I don't sweat it too much.
There are at least another 3.4999999 billion left! LOL. ;-)
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 16
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 7:37:24 PM
True, but I was referring to ones in your area. Maybe you plan on making several trips around the US. LOL
 Love.Notes
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 17
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 8:01:52 PM
Men and women both do the same thing. Yes I agree it's rude but you can't set the standards for someone else only yourself. I met a guy once that was so opposite in what I thought I was meeting and totally NOT my type at all. I walked in and looked around and if he hadn't of called my name, I wouldn't have recognized him at all! Nothing like his pictures I wonder now if they were even his to begin with lol. He was the biker type, tattoo covered long bushy beard and his chili was all over him it was totally gross to sit and watch him eat. I stayed however and drank my coffee, but everyone was looking at us. I looked like the case worker he looked like a criminal lol. He was a pleasant guy to talk to just but just not my type I was looking for.

I think in all fairness it is important to send the right message the first time around. If you know you are posting a picture that is outdated and looks nothing like you, if you want to go through the embarrassment of having someone show up and walk out on you because you were not honest with him or her, so be it. It's really not worth pondering over when we can do nothing about people that are the walk out type. It has never happened to me thank god! But I can imagine it to be a bit hurtful for the one left sitting there wondering what happened.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 18
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 8:09:02 PM
1. Cancelling is better than standing someone up. Waiting for someone who doesn't show is much worse.
2. Chances are you might be happier with the cancellation in most cases. Some of the guys that showed up on meets for me made me wish they cancelled.
3. Make plans doing something that doesn't hinge on the person you're meeting, so that if/when they cancel, it won't interrupt your plans, or make sure you have a good plan B.
 Glasslipper42
Joined: 12/3/2012
Msg: 19
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 8:34:27 PM
Like my good friend says "rejection is Gods protection". For men and women and trust me she is all over these internet dating sites....NEXT!
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 20
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 8:53:42 PM
Last week it was trendy to bash men because they DIDN'T cancel. This week it's trendy to bash them because they DID cancel. Next week it will trendy to bash them because they SHOWED UP.

Sure - all men cancel due to a better offer, like they decided to go to Subway and get a meatball sandwich. That's sure-fire satisfaction, and you don't have to "communicate" with the saucy meat to get what you want - hand all over them buns.

CANCEL means I don't want to meet you. Maybe I'm sick. Maybe I just felt like doing yard work instead of driving across town to hear stories about your cat that you have in 5 profile photos. Maybe my Mom called and I decided to go visit Mom all day instead.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 21
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 9:20:54 PM
Posted by AintNoDeal:
"...Maybe I just felt like doing yard work instead of driving across town to hear stories about your cat that you have in 5 profile photos..."

That made my day! I am howling with laughter over here.
 Orionthehunter9
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 22
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 9:56:03 PM
I just about cancelled on a date tonite at the last second. It was just a matter of nerves. I started to tell myself that the girl was outta my league and I didn't want to feel rejection after we'd met in case I liked her. I commonly experience this and have cancelled dates in the past.
 Rattles2013
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 23
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Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 10:00:00 PM
Men like women changes their mind in an instant, so for me if they cancel...it's okay...no biggie...I'll still go out and enjoy my time out to myself...shopping...bwahahahaha.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 24
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/8/2013 10:26:51 PM
I just about cancelled on a date tonite at the last second. It was just a matter of nerves. I started to tell myself that the girl was outta my league and I didn't want to feel rejection after we'd met in case I liked her. I commonly experience this and have cancelled dates in the past.


I can relate to this. I am perfectly fine, no nerves at all, until I am waiting at the meeting point for our first date (I am always early, and the girl tends to be a little late), so many doubts run through my head and it always crosses my mind that it may be easier to just cancel it. But I could never do that to somebody, so I tend think it would actually be easier if the girl just didn't bother showing up, and I would be relieved, rather than annoyed.

But, thankfully I have never backed out and neither has the girl, and within 5 minutes of meeting the girl the nerves are gone. I can understand why some people do back out though.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 25
Why do men make dates and then cancel them?
Posted: 1/9/2013 6:28:06 AM

I can relate to this. I am perfectly fine, no nerves at all, until I am waiting at the meeting point for our first date (I am always early, and the girl tends to be a little late), so many doubts run through my head and it always crosses my mind that it may be easier to just cancel it.


I actually love that feeling you get. You have not met yet. You run through your head the conversations you've had. Sometimes I have had to look at my phone for her name. Was she Jane or Janet or Jan? Then she comes walking down the street. I am most of the time at my favorite restaurant siting outside. She more than likely texted me that she just found a parking spot. And you look and see her for the first time life.


That is an awesome moment.

Sometimes that first response is "she looks great," others is "Ouch, doesn't match the photos," to "Oh my god, pinch me."
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