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 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 1
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Am I trying too hard?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am doing my best on these dating websites, but I don't feel like I am really getting anywhere. I don't want the women on here or on any other site to think I am desperate. It is more than just sex, I do want a relationship, unlike some of these other guys. I message a few girls here and there, but not much luck. The ratio appears to be every 10 girls that I message, I get a response. A few have given me their number, talk a little, but don't seem too interested. Why would they bother then? I know there may be several men messaging the same girl that I have an interest for. Sometimes, I don't feel like writing long thoughtful emails, because of the lack of responses and end up writing breif ones instead. I am just frusturated. I need some pointers to catch the attention of women on here, without looking like a desperate man.
 ABritInBurnaby
Joined: 8/31/2012
Msg: 2
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/18/2013 10:44:41 PM
10:1 response ratio isn't that bad to be honest, so don't be disparaged.

If anything, you are giving up too easily, rather than trying too hard. How can it seem desperate when all you are doing is messaging girls and getting their numbers etc? Desperation normally starts once you have been on a date or a couple of dates and you become clingy and needy while the girl doesn't.

You're not doing anything wrong from what I can see, you just seem to be frustrated easily. If a girl doesn't make much effort when messaging you, then she just likes the attention and isn't really interested. You will know if they are interested by the effort they put in their messages (normally they ask questions and try to carry on a conversation).

Don't give up too easily and don't feel desperate for messaging tons of girls and not hearing back a lot, it's just the way it is for guys I'm afraid.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 3
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/18/2013 11:33:58 PM
You have to realize that many women are unwilling to date a military man because you can be stationed far away for months, even years at a time.
 DotComMaverick
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 4
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 1:02:42 AM
Find some GREAT man friends. Period. Ignore everything else.

Hit me up if you want. You are doing it wrong.
 freya37
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 5
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 4:02:32 AM
You can get posted overseas either to another country or sent into a war zone. This is a major put off for women along with the gaming part, they believe there is life outside of the game box.

Get some better pics as most are fuzzy at best. If you dont want to write long emails, write short ones, something about what you saw in their profile to keep it simple. Make each one individual instead of the cut and paste job most people do on here.

Someone will look at you and club you over the head and drag you off :D
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 5:11:54 AM

. The ratio appears to be every 10 girls that I message, I get a response. A few have given me their number, talk a little, but don't seem too interested. Why would they bother then


As someone has already pointed out, 1 outta 10 isn't bad. And for "why would they bother????" Well, people have to get to "know" you before "falling" for you. That takes time and communication,which exposes qualities some are, and some are not looking for. It's a process, one that you must accept, or somehow change. You ain't gonna speed it up,just because you wish it so.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 7
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 7:52:19 AM
I'm getting out of the Air Force in about 8 months. I'm most likely not going anywhere during this time. When I get out, I haven't decided if I am going to stay in Florida for a little bit or go back to Boston. I do read the profiles and message what I like and so on. I started to think is it the way I look, how I approach them, profile not good enough, I really don't know what is the problem. Do I simply have to be patient?
 m_a_y_a
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 8
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 4:50:57 PM

Do I simply have to be patient?


patience always helps.

i don't think you're doing as badly as you seem to think you are doing, either.

reality has a tendency to fall short of expectations but in your case it's hardly bad when you are having a level of success regardless.
check out the threads where people are getting nil back.

so possibly a bit more patience if you can, OP - and keep plugging away.

:)
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 9
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 5:02:22 PM

I'm getting out of the Air Force in about 8 months. I'm most likely not going anywhere during this time.

I recommend putting that in your profile!

When I get out, I haven't decided if I am going to stay in Florida for a little bit or go back to Boston.

Might want to figure that out before getting a girlfriend anyway. Could be pretty messy either way. Like, if you stay, would you be staying because that's really where you want to live or because of the girlfriend? If you go back to Boston, would it be too soon to ask her to go with you? Would she even want to? Could either of you deal with the long-distance thing?

You may be better off staying single for the moment.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 10
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 5:18:37 PM
I am just really fixed on the idea of meeting a new, young lady in my life. Is the idea of being in the Air Force bad? I think about it now, I never really wanted it as a career. The majority of relationships in the military do not last very long these days, because of the constant being far away from each other. Last time I even deployed was back in 2009. I am in the process of separating from the Air Force. I am willing to take the time to meet a girl here. My plan for when I get out is to continue college, where I am at now or go back to Boston. I really do want a gf right now. It sucks being single; lonely.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 11
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 6:33:40 PM
Probably 99% of the time people say you are trying too hard, it's complete BS. We've all tried every combination of not trying, trying. Trying is usually much more effective, in my experience. At least when I try, I get dates, usually, unsuccessful ones, but dates. When I don't try, I get nothing.

Just don't think in terms of one girl. Think in terms of getting to 1,00o. that's what I do. I don't even make it my goal to get dates or get a girlfriend because my odds are so low, it's too depressing to think of it that way. Sure, it still sucks when you have a close call with a girl you start getting into. I don't think you can ignore that altogether. When you suffer a loss, you suffer a loss. But, as much as I can, I just think of it as a game where my goal is to make the moves on some astronomical number of girls. Don't think in terms of puny numbers, like 10. You have to think in terms of numbers like 1,000 or even 10, 000. Doesn't mean you can't be picky and have low standards. You can still be selective and think in these terms. Just don't look at your failures. My only concern is racking up those numbers. If I achieve my goal of 10, 000, then I will go cry about it or something, but I think if I can achieve something like that, success is inevitable. The more you focus on getting numbers, the more likely it is that you will be able to find someone who just likes you as you are and that you don't have to play some ridiculous mind-games with in order to attract them. Better to avoid BS than to overcome BS, in my book.
 takemetoasgard
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 12
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 9:54:45 PM
If you "want a gf for right now", you're being pretty selfish. What if you do find someone here in FL and they end up falling for you, but then you're like, 'Okay. Bye. Peacing out to Boston." That's not fair. It would be okay if you DIDN'T put on your profile that you're looking for "Long Term". If you just put "No Commitment/Casual Dating", it would be totally okay and much more accurate to what you're looking for. It just seem like you're looking for a decent girl to hang out with and get laid.

If you're getting out of the Air Force in the next 8 months, say so on your profile. Also, a lot women around your (our) age are put off by army guys, I know I am. It wouldn't hurt to take some better photos, or at least take off the ones that are blurry, the drunken beerpong ones, and the group photos where we can't tell which one you are from your friends.

On a side note, being single is fvcking awesome. Just because you're unhappy being single doesn't mean you should get into a relationship. That actually the worst reason, in my opinion, to get into a relationship. I don't feel that anyone is ready to be in a relationship until they're totally content being single.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 13
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/19/2013 11:22:57 PM
I was totally content being single for a long time. Being single for a long period of time sucks! Yeah, it is great, when you are happy with everything else, but it is really nice to have that significant other to share life with. I'm not being selfish and not being unfair in any way. Don't categorize me to be just like every guy on here to get laid. I'm actually desiring a relationship, and I am willing to work things out with her, not just get up and leave someone. If I need better pictures, fine, that's why I am asking for advice in the first place, getting attention. I didn't realize how being a miltary member, serving his country was such a turn off for women.
 Nardo28
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 14
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/20/2013 10:43:29 PM
Don't worry about women that are put off by military men. Those type of women sound immature, ungrateful and spoiled. Trust me. You want to be miles away from those types of women. There are plenty of women out there that have more of an adult mindset. Remember, be patient!!! Finding someone you truly connect with takes time. Don't give up. Don't change. Be the great guy that you are. There is a nice young lady somewhere waiting for a guy like you. Good luck, and thank you for your service for our country.
 clc1952
Joined: 12/27/2012
Msg: 15
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/21/2013 11:43:08 AM
I agree your response ratio isn't that bad. Everones personality is different. You may be a little inpatient or hate being alone. Surround yourself with happy good friends. No drama that way. Enjoy living by yourself. I love this dating site because Im very patient and enjoyed the company of some really great ladies. I have not been on the online thing very long and my response is not much better than yours. My advice to you is be happy with yourself and be patient. Charlie
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 16
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/21/2013 12:43:20 PM

On a side note, being single is fvcking awesome.


Okay, I agree that it is awesome, just because it's awesome to be alive (unless you are doing a math PhD, like I am, in which case, you should just shoot yourself). But why is it awesome compared to not being single? Casual sex? That's not everyone's cup of tea.





Just because you're unhappy being single doesn't mean you should get into a relationship. That actually the worst reason, in my opinion, to get into a relationship.


I'm not sure that's why people who are unhappy being single actually get into relationships. Maybe they don't get into them because they are unhappy being single. Maybe they get into them because they just like the person. If it makes you choose or stay with the wrong person, that's when it's bad.





I don't feel that anyone is ready to be in a relationship until they're totally content being single.


Typical dating forum BS. There is no evidence to support this. I wasn't that content with being single, but my last relationship was fine. There's some BS stereotype that you'll be needy or somehow deficient in the relationship, but that is complete unsubstantiated nonsense. In fact, I had a relationship where I was the one wanting all the time to myself and lways having to push my girlfriend away because she was too needy and wanted to spend an excessive amount of time together. Relationships have health benefits, assuming they are good relationships, so actually, being TOTALLY content with not being a relationship is like being TOTALLY content with eating junk food. It's not healthy or at least not as healthy as being in a relationship. Some people say they have gotten out of a depression because of a relationship. You don't have to be happy to get into a relationship. All you need is two things. You have to want to treat the other person well and actually be able to treat them well in practice. Secondly, you need to make sure that the other person treats you well, too, know how and when to compromise and be able to call it quits if the relationship is bad. That's it. Everything else is irrelevant if those two conditions are met.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 17
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/21/2013 5:59:30 PM
I finally got a response. Hopefully, I can keep this girl interested in me. She is a few a years older than me, so, I expect her to be mature for her age. Unlike my last relationship, that girl was younger than me; definitely was not mature. I am actually a bit happy right now.:)
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 18
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/21/2013 6:10:17 PM
Well done so far. Good luck!
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 19
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:57:43 PM
OP
thats common. some guys will message 20 women and only get 1 reply. You just have to keep at it. or get off and try your luck at a bar or mall haha. Its hard dude I send out alot and most replys i get are from overweight single mothers! theres too many hooks in the water Get better bait!
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 20
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/22/2013 5:06:53 AM
10:1 is about average..but DON'T use these sites as the ONLY way to meet chicks..get out & enjoy yourself....
 helpmeahhh
Joined: 10/25/2011
Msg: 21
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/22/2013 5:49:12 PM
"Find some GREAT man friends. Period. Ignore everything else.

Hit me up if you want. You are doing it wrong."

Yeap.

If you aren't capable of going out and flirting with girls on your own (don't feel bad, only about one in twenty guys can really pull it off) make friends with guys who are good at going out, partying, and meeting girls. Those guys will have girlfriends, their girlfriends will have girlfriends, and you'll be meeting girls in no time.
 logicalman1111
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 22
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/23/2013 10:31:08 PM
I honestly don't know what you are worried about. I would say have a lot more patience because getting out of the airforce is a major thing. For most people that means a really good job. If you are some kind of pilot you will end up fighting off flight attendants. Anyone whom has a good job these days with such a high rate of unemployment would be a magnet for women and you probably won't need a dating site at all. Most of the men on here have the same results, about one out of ten responses. I'm sure a lot of women here get a lot of messages and are pickier because it's so easy to be picky behind a screen. I think it is much easier to meet women anyplace other than a dating site, this is just for extra contacts.
 JeffSch2011
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 23
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Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:35:59 PM
Someone please explain this bs. I will talk to the girls on here, try to strike up a date, and then nothing. Some I have been talking through text messaging, all of a sudden stop talking. Are these girls on here just to play games and just want attention? This is pissing me off, when I am genuinely interested in them. I really want to get to know tbem, not just base them on their looks for who they are. I am being serious.
 Deltah3avy
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 24
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/26/2013 4:47:17 PM
Lol don't sweat it dude. You're slightly overanxious but it's understandable. Yes people flake on here often . It's the norm. It's their way of saying they either aren't interested, loss interest, or more likely met someone else they're more interested in. That's just the way it goes. Messaging more women for more opportunities is the only way!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 25
Am I trying too hard?
Posted: 1/26/2013 5:27:45 PM
OP: i understand your frustration. heres the deal: when youre talking to some girl you met on POF and youre trying to get to know her, she has about 5 other guys all doing the same thing you are. odds are, she will find one of them more interesting than you, and date him instead. most of the ladies here get so many messages from men that it becomes difficult to get their attention. i say dont bother. meet women in the real world. i wouldnt put much effort into pof at all. it aint worth it man.
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