| Nice guys finish last. (locked)
Posted: 7/31/2005 6:34:11 PM | Have you ever talked with someone that you thought was just so special you had to know all you could about them? And do what ever you could to be a part of their life? And maybe you learned so much about them you started to have feelings for them even though you had never met them? And then had them slap you in the face after kicking you in the groin?
Well it happened to me a couple days ago. This woman I had been talking to for several months did just that. And believe me it tore me apart to know someone would do that. I guess I too gullable and wanted to believe that she was a good person.
Anyway we had been talking for a while and I asked what she thought about if there might be the possibility of a relationship some time down the road. I let her know I wasn't pushing or wanteing to rush into anything. Just a question. She said that she didn't feel a spark. But she really wanted to keep talking and writing to me. As time progresed I started to have some deeper feelings about her. But I would give up the chance to be a part of this very special womans life. And the more I " learned" about her the deeper I went. Then she told me she had just met someone else and was going to give HIM the chance I had asked for and had been waiting all this time for. I thought about it for a while and could not figure out what I had done wrong with her. I had neber been angry with her, when she was down I always tried to cheer her up, and when she needed advice about something I did my best to help. So one night I asked her why, what did I do? She started saying how sorry she was and that she never wanted anyone to get hurt. And then topped it off with saying she DID feel that spark she was talking about. So why?The only answer she could give was the age difference. I happen to a few years older than her. But she had never said anything about it before. In fact she told me that age didn't matter. As long as two people care for each other.Anyway we talked for a while longer and then nothing. For three weeks I heard nothing from her. Then when I heard from her again she told me she had come out from Arizona to Colorado where I live to meet this other guy. Who happens to live 30 miles away from me. And proceeded to tell me that if she knew where I lived she would have come to see me. But keep in mind she knew my phone number, e-mail, and where I worked. But she said she didn't know how to find me. Yes I was a little upset. But I let it go until a few nights ago. I was a little bummed while we talked and she kept saying how sorry she was. Then told me that maybe she should give me a chance and see what happens before she made any REAL choice.
Needless to say That really made my day. But the next night we were talking and I told her how I felt and I would more than happy to have a chance to be with someone so special. Someone I trusted with all my heart. Now keep in mind I'm divorced. I was married for over 12 years to a woman that lied to me all the time and used me as a paycheck. Anyway that's when it happened. She unloaded on me. The part about her being a caring person with a heart? I found out the hard way it was a game to her. She started telling me how when she started talking to this other guy she should have stopped talking to me. But she felt sorry for me. HA! The one thing about me that she knew was I wanted sympathy from NOONE. I have my own mind, and I happen to somewhat strong willed and stuborn. Then when I asked about the spark and about giving me a chance she again said she felt sorry for me and wanted to cheer me up. Then proceeded to tell me what she thought. And after all the months we had been talking, Just about everyday, she was actually liing about everything. She had been leading me on for all this time. Playing her head games. And of course the headline on her bio..... No More Players. Then when she was done tearing out my heart and doing the tango on it she said she had to go because she had a wedding to plan. And one thing she told me about herself was that she felt all marraige was for was to stay in a bad relationship longer. BUL****.
But enough whining. The moral of this, what I've learned from this, Nice Guys really do finish last. And that's me. Mr. Nice guy.
Anyway if you read this I'd really like to here what you think. And please be honest. And don't feel sorry for me. Be rude if you must. Tell me to get a life or say that sucks. And if youd like to chat sometime I guess I'm still up for it. Guys and gals, it don't matter to me.
[Locked. We've got lots of "nice guy" threads, some use paragraphs. /Forum_Moderator] | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 7/31/2005 8:20:01 PM | | Sounds like you got caught in trap of allowing yourself to invest more emotions into someone who told you upfront they weren't interested. One way attraction is hard on the heart, and perhaps next time you'll move on before you get hurt. Been there, and I know how much it sucks. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 7/31/2005 8:23:53 PM | Reap...this really sucks Man...Sorry You have been through all of that.....
Some People Just need help.....there are many female players on this site also...for as many Men.......If anything You learned a very good lesson in not dropping Your gaurd to soon.....
It was a hell of a way to learn it But now You Know.....Best thing You can Do is end all comunication with Her and Move On....take it easy reaper..Good luck... | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 7/31/2005 10:09:08 PM | | like u i've been caught in those situations many of times. people using u, having a shoulder to cry on and then beating ur face to a pulp just to make them happy. there is two things u can do, u can tell her straight out hey listen b**** get the f*** out, which will make her want u more than ever because shes going to loose her pillar of trust, or u can keep talking to her hoping for her to come around, which she probably wont because she views u as a nice guy that cant protect her. either way someone is going to have to move on. the most important thing to remember is to keep on trying because eventually ur going to find someone special, that isnt going to use, isnt going to lie to u, and isnt going to treat u like a rag doll. no matter what ur going to find about 1/4 of all girls are like that. the best way to keep away from this, is u have to be a jerk, im sorry to say, u have to be more disciplened in how to treat a woman like a woman, women want someone that is always going to be there, always going to see thier point of view, and most importantly who they can fall back on if in desperation. if u keep women from using u like that, u will find more women that will love u for who u are, and not for a fall back guy. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 7/31/2005 11:34:20 PM | elcajondude...You are wise beyond your years...You will go far...very good post....well said.. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 12:39:59 AM | Ya it sucks.
Shake it off brother and move on.
Some sick people are online.
Get them on a telephone and listen to what they say.
Soon you will be able to smell the bs within a few minutes and run like hell lol.
Don't let anyone waste countless hours of your time.
Get it offline asap and get them to meet you in person.
If distance is invloved fly them in or go to them.
No long winded chat sessions.
Give it a week or two and if it's not moving beyond chat/email it most likely won't so don't fantasize it will.
Good luck dude.
Brett Sabre | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 12:40:55 AM | Ya it sucks.
Shake it off brother and move on.
Some sick people are online.
Get them on a telephone and listen to what they say.
Soon you will be able to smell the bs within a few minutes and run like hell lol.
Don't let anyone waste countless hours of your time.
Get it offline asap and get them to meet you in person.
If distance is invloved fly them in or go to them.
No long winded chat sessions.
Give it a week or two and if it's not moving beyond chat/email it most likely won't so don't fantasize it will.
Good luck dude.
Brett Sabre | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 1:03:36 AM | Well, my friend....Lessons learned .... But always remember it is not fair to make others pay for what another has done to you. Yes, I have been there and I'm sure I will be again.... The next time a door opens...walk more slowly through it but walk through it just the same.
The road to happiness is not an easy one. There are many curves, bumps and detours. I try to find solace in the fact that there is another for all of us. The more bad ones we go through, the more we will certianly appreciate the good one when we find her. Best of luck to you my friend, Wraith.... | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 1:18:06 AM | Another Good way of going about it ..is go by instinct...think with a clear Mind and Do not build this person up into somthing They are not...Our Minds have a way of fooling Us sometimes..We So want that person to be what they are not...And we end up learning a hard lesson...
Great post Angel.... | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 7:00:48 AM | | yeah your right when you meet a women online you shouldnt chat for overly too long otherwise youll never get to know if its real or just bull.good advice to the guy man! | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 7:29:39 AM | we all always finish last and that sucks.... Sad but true it sucks being a nice guy | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 8:15:14 AM | Hey reaper i am sure a lot of guys out there reading this know how you feel.use to be maybe 20 years ago that women would be complaining how evil some men were to them.but guess what?today (somes) women can be just as bad as (somes) guys are.i know i have met lots of them and just dated one 2 days ago from a site like this.but, you always learn from it evry time.and makes you better at picking out miss right from miss wrong.the biggest problem nowadays is the f***ing friends-with-benefits thing.some women now have a f**k friend on the side so it gives them more power to jerk other guys around cause they dont care if they lose the other guy they still get what they need right?
hey and some advice reaper i have learn the hard way just recently.when meeting the girl from the dating site.dont put too much about yourself in your profile.and even when starting to meet a girl dont tell her too much before you know her more.like example what you REALLY like and what you REALLY hate.cause i have noticed some of theses girl out there that are looking to jerk you around or use you they will look at that info and try to be the girl you really want even if they arent.they will use that info in your profile and stuff to be the one you like.i know its crazy but so are some of them lol
this girl i dated 2 days ago told me evrything i wanted to hear when we were chatting online for weeks.and by the way always trust your first gut feeling.when i met her online she did something and said stuff that didnt give me the impression she was the one for me but when she realised i wasnt impress she made up a story and from then on made her self to be exactly the girl i wanted.and she told me what i wanted to hear.then she invited me to come over to see her.she even offered to come and pick me up with her car.then once there she was totally not the same as online.we started to see we were too different .its like once she was at her place she decided o.k. now i am gonna totally be myself and if he doesnt like it too bad for him.she had this real bad attitude.absolutely no patience for no one including me and stuff.such a change from online.then we also talk and i found out stuff she told me online was different in reality.now she didnt cared so she was being herself as oppose to online she was just trying to get me to like her by being the one i described in my profile.
anyways in the end reaper i dont think nice guys really finish last.they might be further behind in the beggining but in the end i think they end up way further ahead cause of theyre good qualities.a really good guy when he finds misses right and finds happiness he ends up really being happy truelly happy cause he knows what to do to keep happiness contrary to thoses guys that are always way ahead but when they find true love they mess it up cause they are not good guys and they end up loosing true happiness cause they cheat on there girls or something.and also reaper.girls like the one you mention go for 2 types of guys.they go mainlyfor the jerks and they attract mostly that but they also want the real nice guy type like you or me that will treat them with respect and stuff.they dreaam of having a decent guy in theyre life but they crave for the bad boy type.
you dont need a girl like that. they want a bad boy cause in reality they are bad girls themselves probably.and do you want a bad girl? meanig a girl you cant trust and thats not gonna be faithfull.cause a bad girl is just that.anyways i know how you feel reaper cause i have met so many game players,wackos,psychos,lyers,deceivers, you name it.
and like one of the guys said on this .at least when you end up meeting the right one for you you willl surely appreciate her cause it seems to be a dying breed so to speak.lol
in the meantime what doesnt kill ya only makes ya stronger.right?
take care man,
and like also another guy said to ya on this.scrap that no good chick out of your life.she doesnt deserve your friendship.
and after each crappy girl you meet just say like i am starting to say:" NEXT!" LOL
yeah i am at this point.lol its getting to ridiculous how much trash theyre is out there.
hey by the way i tought i would share a funny thing i have noticed.ever seen thoses real funy profile where the girl says in her profile "i am defientely not a skank"
then you see her pretty much naked in very sugestive poses that seems to say"hey i am your toy use me" lol and also in the head line says" looking for serious long-term relationship"
When i see that i just get such a laugh. I guess some people dont know what non-verbal language means lol
and then they wonder why they meet only weirdows in the sites lol
DUHHHHHH! lol | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 8:55:07 AM | Hmm... It sounds like you need to take a break from women... Still talk to your lady friends, because if you dont they will kill you!!!  but maybe put the relationship thing on pause right now.. Im sure you have had a wonderful friend that you talked this entire thing through with, and maybe you should spend more time with them.. because Im sure when you are around them you feel very happy and you will start to forget about this ****... And maybe just maybe some women will just fall out of the sky and be your match... maybe she will be a person that you have ran into but never given the chance because you had your heart set on someone else... Have a wonderful Day!   | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 9:21:17 AM | That saying is absolutely right on the money. I have many examples to prove it, but it would be to lenghy to post. I can't & don't want to change who I am, so the ***holes of the world will continue to take advantage of my good nature. Unfortunately you got played pretty good. For years men had the market cornered on being dogs. Now, the women have learned pretty well from us and are just as bad.
Rick | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 9:46:00 AM | I Know it sounds weird But ...After all the dust is settled and everything starts becoming clear.......In a strange sort of way,You have to turn around and look at what has happened to You in a good way....Take all the positive you can out of what has happened..
It is all You can really do anyway,..like Angel said ...it will make You stronger next time.....
To all above ..great posts Guys ,great feedback | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 10:45:49 PM | LOL... I mean no offense to you, StoneChild... But my preference it so be referred to as "Wraith".... I may be many things, but unfortunately, I am no "angel"...lol... BTW, I do appreciate your compliments and the fact that you are very supportive of people who write these threads ( from what I have seen ) ... Good day to you my friend and I'm sure we'll cross paths many times here in the future  | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/1/2005 11:00:18 PM | | No Problem Angel...You are very wise..enjoy reading what You have to say also..thanks.. ..This is a Great thread Topic...a Good place for any Nice Guy to stop and Read...this Forum topic will help many I hope.... | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/2/2005 12:30:00 AM | | I want to thank all of you guys for your support. It's actually nice to know I'm not the only nice guy left in the world. But have you noticed something? Only ONE woman wrote something. What's wrong with that? And it happens to be someone very special to me. After that happened with this other "girl" She was the one that gave me some support And kept me sain. It may still hurt but I am moving on. I hope this DOES help other people and let them know they're not alone. Thanks a million guys and hopefully gals. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/2/2005 12:56:26 AM | | I really feel for ya having been there myself a few times, what we have to remember is that the only who gives a f*** about you is you and most people dont care if they hurt you as long as they get what they want, but to be fair we all want the same thing and is always hard when emotions are envolved | |
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| Nice guys finish last my steroy
Posted: 8/2/2005 1:04:41 AM | This same thing happen to me i meet thsi one girla t the skating rank she fell love with em went out with em then one day at the bollwing all when i was there she showed up with anouther guy asnd see caled me the outher day and like nothing had happend and said i lovoe you sweeetheart i still care for her but nothings every going to happen so all i ahev to say is keeep your ehad up and go with the flow iv had my shere of being used and thrown away but you get use to it any way she happy and that all that matters
dj
Frome colorado | |
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| Nice guys finish last my steroy
Posted: 8/2/2005 1:12:25 AM | | That sucks asssssssss, that's never really happened to me. I'm 21 though.......but it's happened to a few of my friends. Most the time the girl does feel pitty, and doesn't want to break a guys heart........to save themselves from looking like hypocrits. The thing i've learned is...sometimes it's about looks....some girls like a guy, then if another guy comes into the picture that has the personality you do*not the xact same* but like similar PLUS he's good looking....she'll still talk to you....cause if the other guy rejects her...she can always come back to you. It's all a dumb game. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/2/2005 2:19:17 AM | Ok, since you said no females were writing about this except the one you know....here goes. The same thing happened to me and yes it sucks...it sucks big time. What pisses me off more than anything is that I saw it coming and still let it happen to me. Not the exact same story as yours Reaper...but I was talking to a man on the phone every night for over a month that I met here...since my car was totalled by my ex and this guy I talked to only lives about 30 mins. from me I did expect to meet him someday. We had so much in common, knew the same people, when we exchanged pics we seem to click and liked what we saw in each other. He really opened up for a guy (sorry, no offense) and said that sometimes what he misses most is just having a big hug after a hard day at work. Real sensitive sorta person. Our conversations lasted for hours....he'd always be drinking and then started to seranade me with his guitar...you know how hard it is to listen to someone when they are drunk and you are sober. repeat repeat repeats himself. I started making excuses to get off the phone but I was still very interested in him. Then I did the bad thing. I asked him if he was ever going to stay sober long enough to come over to my end of town to meet me....he got real offended. Few days later I got THE phone call...for once he was sober and said he was very sorry if he'd hurt me but he met another woman. I got to admit it did sting a bit but I had already made up my mind that I didn't want a relationship with an alcoholic. Now I notice he's changed his profile to say he wants to meet someone who lives within 10 miles from him. LOL. I laughed at that one...so in the end I'm much better off....but yeah, I allowed myself to be taken for a ride, played like a fiddle and I really was more disappointed in myself for putting up with 2 hours of "name that tune" on the phone everynight. So yes reaper, it happens, we learn and move on and IT SUCKS BIG TIME. Better luck next time (for both of us) and I made a vow to never let this happen again...as someone above wisely mentioned....we shouldn't say too much before we meet up. When I read that it really hit home what a sucker I was. Live and learn. Good luck in the future...and remember, it's happened to all of us at one point or another.
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NORBZ1
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Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 25 | |
| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/2/2005 6:36:59 AM | I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. Yes, nice guys do finish last. You always hear that women are looking for a nice guy, but it doesn't seem to work out that way. Keep your head up guy, down the road you will find someone much more deserving of a man who has integrity and isn't a darn player. Life is too short for people's head games.
Norm | |
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