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 jet54
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 1
The "Catfish"Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
With all this talk about "Catfish" in the media I started to wonder how many people actually fall prey to this? I have my own requirements when talking with someone on line and that is that if they don't want to meet after a period of time I move on.
My question is: Has anyone on this site dealt with a person who only wants to talk or text online and not want to meet in person? How long do you talk online before requiring a meet?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 2
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/26/2013 12:44:04 PM
I am having "Flounder" tonight......smiles

OT....There are many that want to have the fantasy and not the reality of it all, and hiding behind a computer offers them what they want. I have many friends and I repeat, many friends on line that I have never met in person, and some that I have met but no romantic connection existed, so we are just friends and nothing more.

Meeting is a multiple part question that both must answer the same way to solve it.......distance, time, family, friends, jobs, and financial ability all weigh into the equation, so meeting and making it work for both, far surpasses just a day on the calendar.

May I suggest that location is the primary factor, and then "mutual" desire to make it happen the secondary one. When someone asks me to go for a ride.....I look at the time, the temperature, the weather, and my calendar of events, to see if it is possible or not, and if all is in place, I say why not, and if not in place, I say another time......go figure

cd
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 3
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/26/2013 1:09:49 PM
I think the "catfish" term is more about setting up false identities ... so the
"victim" thinks they're talking to some hot young thing when it's really only
their cousin ... like the situation that young footballer fell prey to ... (if we're
to believe that's what happened) ... I have no idea why anyone would want to
do this other than to feel superior to someone ... as a gag or whatever ...

but people are always going to have different agendas ... some people may
be quite happy with an online "relationship" ... shrug ... I prefer to meet
sooner than some are comfortable meeting ... but I want to see who I'm really
talking to ... if I don't meet in person, I form opinions that may or may not be
valid without the additional body language clues ...
 jet54
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 4
The Catfish
Posted: 1/26/2013 1:35:24 PM
Molly I agree with you! It is so hard to know if the person you are talking with is really who they say they are. The greater the distance the harder it is to meet in person and that is why I prefer to date people that live close enough for us to meet but that is just my preference... Not saying that a online relationship is good or bad...each person decides what they kind of relationship is good for them.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/26/2013 1:42:00 PM
Never heard of this term "catfish" perhaps a new slogan for an old game. I would try to meet in person within a week ... no chit chat for endless hours before meeting. I found it better to handl eit like a business transaction until after meeting because of the fact it is not wise to get your hopes up before meeting in person.
Just ask some basic questions, see how they are on the phone. Men would often ( not always) even give me a fulk name and I could google them. There are sickos out there and you need to avoid them.

If this term catfish means to dupe someone... that has been going on a long time, even before online dating.

I have met people wanting to only be online or phone friends... time to move on if thats not ok with you. It would not be ok with me... just a waste of time in my eyes.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 6
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/26/2013 2:39:16 PM
I've got online "friends" ... there's a man maybe 1.5 hours' drive from me who I
initially tried to meet in person ... but there was always some excuse ... so we've
been e-mailing in here for years, it seems like ... I don't even WANT to meet him
at this point ... he sounds like a cave dweller who's probably comfortable in his house ...

I was "friends" with an 80-year-plus gentleman in the northern parts of Canada a
while ago ... he'd tell me his grandson was coming to do this, that or another chore
around the house ... like cutting and bringing in wood to keep him warm ... but last
winter, he suddenly stopped writing ...

I'm currently "friends" with a REALLY NICE man in Seattle ... but I don't get up
to Seattle often and he's never been down here ... it's ok ... it's nice to have someone
to chat with sometimes ...

I'd PREFER to be friends in real life but ... these people are nice to have around, too !!!
 letthesunshinein
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 7
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:20:18 PM
So I guess photo vs. no photo doesn't factor into the equation these days.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 8
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/26/2013 3:40:23 PM
if you have not watched episodes of Catfish the TV Show, you would be amazed at what people do and how long they communicate and say they have fallen in love. Then they meet one another.......very interesting look at online relationships, the reasons behind all this, and how vulnerable some are. it is on mtv. i watch episodes on my computer.

makes me more dedicated to meet soon, and if one puts it off, move on, because they probably have something they are trying to hide.

kaylee
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 9
The Catfish
Posted: 1/29/2013 5:28:38 PM
My favorite is the women who test me by setting up fake profiles, then put me on the fake's favorite list to see if I'll take the bate. LOL! It's just so obvious. I remove them and sometimes write "them" to say thanks and some reasonable excuse why it would never work (distance, pet incompatibility, etc.). Then mysteriously the profile disappears or is deleted almost immediately. So OBVIOUS.
 walker1960
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 10
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/29/2013 6:57:17 PM
One of the "fun" things I do on here is look for fakes...I've been on here a few years actually......not many dates....but lots of reading......I called one "lady" on what I could tell was a fake profile....I mean...really....she was fake big time.......she wrote me back and told me that I was correct.....and she had several other fakes as well....plus a real profile as well. She was experimenting I guess.....seeing how gullible people were........and apparently some were very gullible.......she was actually a nice lady.....we had fun talking......but the point is.......yes.......online sites have fake people.............gotta be prepared for that...common sense. This is just a big ol bar.........notice the lights are always a bit dim.......and someone can tell you any name they want...........

old rule......if something sounds/looks too good to be true..........it probably ain't true.......
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 11
The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2013 6:28:04 AM
I would say if after 3 emails there is no phone # exchange/plans to meet 4 coffee, it is not going anywhere...in that case the block/delete wouldn't be a bad thing...
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 12
The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:05:09 AM
Don't be a rules girl, they're the worst.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 13
The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:10:26 AM
Just keep it simple and only talk with men who are going to meet- exchange enough email to make a decision to talk on the phone and see how that goes and set up a date. If he strings it along even once- move on.
Don't date outside of your area and that takes care of the distance issue. JMO and experience.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 14
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:40:18 AM
Lots & lot & lot & lots. The majority of those who I've chatted with or exchanged emails with are for whatever reason, flakes & don't meet. Only sure way to protect yourself & not waste time is to limit the interaction. Mine timeline is a week, sometimes 2 & I don't think it's unreasonable. It's long enough to feel someone out for safety reasons with some emails, maybe IM & a telephone conversation. Anything longer & your just asking to be taken advantage of or strung along.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 15
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2013 8:52:30 AM
With all this talk about "Catfish" in the media I started to wonder how many people actually fall prey to this? I have my own requirements when talking with someone on line and that is that if they don't want to meet after a period of time I move on.
My question is: Has anyone on this site dealt with a person who only wants to talk or text online and not want to meet in person? How long do you talk online before requiring a meet?

I would not talk to someone for years, and not meet. Not even for months.
I push for a meet ASAP, if she is open to meet me a next day at some public place, I am all for it.
So I would say in a 2 week period of time?
I understand being careful, but what kind of danger could she be in meeting at the mall or someplace like that?


"A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances."

I had to Google that, as I've never heard that terminology.

Wow, I did not know that. I always wondered why is that show called that. Now I know..


I would say if after 3 emails there is no phone # exchange/plans to meet 4 coffee, it is not going anywhere.

Well said..But...
Hm..In my experience that would mean pushy, desperate, etc.
I mean when I did all that, it seemed like that what she was thinking..
But now, I wonder if she was a catfish..Hm...
 jla787878
Joined: 12/6/2012
Msg: 16
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2013 8:58:07 AM
One sure way around it. Ask them to hold up a sign with them in the picture with a random number or name you just invented. Then you know it's them.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 17
The Catfish
Posted: 1/30/2013 10:58:20 PM

...that is why I prefer to date people that live close enough for us to meet
If you are not meeting someone face to face, you are not dating. All those other people you exchange messages and texts with - you are not dating them.

People ask "how do you deal with fakes?" You don't. End of story. If you went to the grocer's and found fake fruit in the produce department, how do you deal with that? You don't. You see it's fake, you walk away. How do you deal with empty boxes or damaged merchandise? Again - you don't "deal with it". You see it's damaged and you leave it alone. There is no "dealing". What, do you expect to repair the packaging or something? Move on.

Ditto for "fake" profiles. When you see enough that doesn't add up, you just stop answering messages, stop looking at the profile, STOP altogether. There is no "dealing". What are going to do - demand details about the REAL person behind the FAKE profile? Do you really expect to get the truth the second time around? It's ridiculous. You don't "deal" with any of that - you just STOP and leave it alone.

Oh - but what if they ask for a date and cancel, or don't show up, or make an excuse?
What did I say? STOP and leave it alone. You don't need to write an article and publish - get out and get away from people who do such things.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 18
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/31/2013 12:51:51 AM
A young guy made a movie of his experience being ''catfished'' a few years ago. (It didn't have a name then.)
He'd met a young pretty girl online and began chatting with her - I think it was Facebook or something. Anyway, it quickly developed into a very passionate cyber-relationship. He fell for her, big time, and it seemed she felt the same way.
They organised to meet, but she disappeared. Anyway, he knew where she lived so he decided to go on a road trip with a buddy and visit her.
It turned out the pretty young girl did exist except it hadn't been her the young man had been conversing with. It was her mother.
The mother was in a terrible marriage and had a young son with a mental illness. Her life was miserable. So she escaped into fantasy by taking on her daughter's persona.
I'd say there are many out here in cyber-land like this - their lives are miserable in real life so they create a fantasy person.
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 19
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The Catfish
Posted: 1/31/2013 9:40:40 PM
It's just a game to some,see Manti Te'o or watch an episode of "Catfish" on MTV.
 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 20
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The Catfish
Posted: 2/1/2013 8:42:39 AM
I have watched the catfish show on the computer as well and I find it all so terribly sad!! Its lonely sometimes being single/older etc..but to be that far down as to make fake profiles and stuff!! why?????for the attention,something to do???Are they that bored and pitiful???how do u fall in love with words sitting behind a computer??Its an illusion, I think..so much sadness in the world there is so much more to do then mislead others !!just my humble opinion...
 SoHereGoes2
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 21
The Catfish
Posted: 2/1/2013 4:03:45 PM
Catfish - Was a term used by the woman's husband in the film, and it's a fishing terminology. This is his actual quote:

They used to tank cod from Alaska all the way to China. They'd keep them in vats in the ship. By the time the codfish reached China, the flesh was mush and tasteless. So this guy came up with the idea that if you put these cods in these big vats, put some catfish in with them and the catfish will keep the cod agile. And there are those people who are catfish in life. And they keep you on your toes. They keep you guessing, they keep you thinking, they keep you fresh. And I thank god for the catfish because we would be droll, boring and dull if we didn't have somebody nipping at our fin



I have seen both the film, and the tv shows.. as they were shown here within days of each other.
In the film the woman did not 'steal' her daughters identity - it was a female model whose pictures she had found online.
She'd been sending this young man artwork of hers - that she claimed was by her 8 year old daughter, she claimed she had a child prodigy, who regularly held art exhibitions.

She would talk to the guy as her real self 'Angela' the mother of the 8 year old, then she also had another cell where she pretended to be her 19 year old "daughter", and had another cellphone to comminicate with the guy - making out she was in a band, sent him songs (which him and his friends then found online) ... they took a road trip to meet this girl - and the mother tried to make out the 19yr old had suddenly been taken into a rehab clinic as she was an alcoholic, etc... But eventually they did get the full story from her. It's worth watching actually.

I believe people do it because in their mind there is something 'missing' from their life, maybe they want a relationship but don't feel they would attract anyone, or perhaps they only really want that emotional connection with someone, and never want to actually make it "real".. or they could be a recluse, disabled, etc.. anything. Millions of people, myself included have either been in, or are in similar situations - unfortunatly I think it all comes down to one party not being entirely honest about their intentions.. because they know if they were they would lose the person they feel they have in their life.
 sunnyway2
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 22
The Catfish
Posted: 2/3/2013 12:54:06 PM
The only fakes I've encountered are the "Nigerian scammers". I've busted, reported, and blocked so many I've lost count. If a profile interests me, I always use Google in order to find identical text posing under different names/gender/locations on other dating sites or scam alert sites. I have generally busted 2-3 a week in the two months I've been on the dating sites.

I will say that they seem to be getting more sophisticated. A naive person could be easily sucked in. A couple have strung me along until we've exchanged email or IM chat, but they still revealed themselves with duplicate text, poor grammar and punctuation, and discernable lies. They will NEVER telephone or Skype. All the dating sites are susceptible, although I've encountered more here due to the size of POF's membership.

When the last one IMed threats to me, I told him that my mission in life is to expose scammers. It's almost more fun than initial meetings.
:D
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 23
The Catfish
Posted: 2/4/2013 2:57:20 PM
I only date close to home and insist on a face to face after only a couple of emails. It is the best way to shut down fakers, marrieds, and those who are not serious. It is a "dating" site, not an "email" site.
 DDebbbie
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 24
The Catfish
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:28:26 PM
I started watching that show "Catfish", and thought it was so interesting. I still don't understand how people can fall in love with someone they have never met in person. Though, many have talked for hours on the phone, which can give the impression that you know them.
There is a balance between internet dating safety, and being strung along by someone who is not who they say they are. I like to make sure a person can communicate effectively via email, and phone before meeting in person. If someone uses too much flattery and agrees with everything I say, and/or tries to push meeting too soon it is a red flag as well. Catfish deals with deceptive identities, but there are also those that try and seduce you into falling in love with them, only to fake a tragedy to get you to give them money. I have heard of women being led on for months thinking this person was really in love with them, only to find out the entire relationship was a scam to get their money or possessions.
It's a crazy world out there, just use your gut feeling and common sense.
 karlove
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 25
The Catfish
Posted: 2/13/2013 12:33:16 PM
Your plaice or mine! Well if it goes no where then move on and tell them why.
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