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 BBW_LOVE
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 1
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Communicating by phone before meeting PersonallyPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I've been communicating with someone on POF for the last few weeks. We 1st chatted before on POF about a couple of years ago, nothing came out of it. We exchange numbers again. When I call him, it goes straight to voicemail...no greeting, just his #. I leave a message but he doesn't return my calls. He continues to message me on POF wanting to get together with me.
It seems that he wants to meet personally without first speaking by phone. He wants to text, I really don't like to text unless its for quick messages. I wrote him on POF stating that I would like to meet but I would like to hear how his voice sounds 1st at least and speak briefly before getting together. I think this is an important part of the 'Dating' process. It all seems 'Fishy' to me & could be Dangerous because he knows what I look like but he could be putting up false pics of himself, probably not him. Don't want to be "Catfished". He might be married, involved, playing games, or worse.

Thoughts anyone?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:12:58 PM
Being completely unwilling to hop on the telephone to chat is peculiar.
Does he think he would date you long-term without telephone discussions?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 3
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:16:53 PM

We 1st chatted before on POF about a couple of years ago, nothing came out of it.


If nothing came of it before, what makes you think anything will come of it now?


I leave a message but he doesn't return my calls.


Does that sound encouraging to you?


Don't want to be "Catfished".


Thoughts anyone? .


We'll watch for your episode of the show.

Unless you decide to end this nonsense pronto.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 4
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:23:27 PM
We could speculate for days, but, you already know for certain that his behavior is unusual and that it's making you uncomfortable.

Seems to me like a good reason to stop what little contact he does allow.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 5
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:43:49 PM
Op,he sounds like a classic time waster to me.........that,or he has a voice like Minnie Mouse.

Either way,if someone's not interested enough to even have a proper phone chat with you,what does your instinct tell you
 BBW_LOVE
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 6
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/4/2013 10:54:18 PM
I have already ended communication with him. Wanted to share and read others opinion on the situation.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 7
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 3:29:37 AM
Follow your gut. If something makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. You have made your wishes clear and they are perfectly reasonable. If this was 'the one' even if he didn't agree with your reasons, I'm sure he could understand your concerns. It's a phone call, that's all. If he's not willing to accommodate this request, then how flexible is he going to be in real life?
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 8
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 4:22:34 AM
Follow your intuition & blow him off. We go through the motions for safety sake & if he's alouf to that then yes something is fishy about him.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 9
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 5:23:04 AM
I'm so out of the loop: I don't have MTV...I don't even own a television, anymore (I gave it away), and before I hadn't heard of the phrased before I "googled" the definition of being "catfished. Is it even applicable, here or in this situation?

Anyway, chances are pretty damned good that he, she, it, or shit is playing a game with you or more seriously, wants to injure you. There should never be a question in your mind when such a situation presents itself, as to the very danger even considering this may pose. Block him on PoF immediately, too -- expurgate this stranger's fasled words from your life, now.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 10
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 5:44:34 AM
My rule is 3 emails plus a phone call to set up a non alcohol meet
if they can't deal- i delete...develop some boundaries w/ your online interactions or u will keep repeating this pattern...
 12thour
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 11
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:49:47 AM
Have you ever heard the phrase "Once you know you can't pretend you don't know?"

People tend to reveal themselves rather clearly but you have to be willing to see them and pay attention to their behavior. If YOU continue to let IT continue then it is you who has a problem inviting people into you life who enjoy playing with your head.

Basically it means YOU enjoy the game and the drama that comes with it.

Me? I like simplicity and easy goingness (?) in relationships and the excitement that comes from what we do while we are together...like rock climbing:)
 demux21
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 12
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:54:47 AM
He is in a relationship and see has access to emails and phone. Move on. He may not be dangerous and reaching out for help but I bet she is.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 13
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:08:56 AM

I wrote him on POF stating that I would like to meet but I would like to hear how his voice sounds 1st at least and speak briefly before getting together. I think this is an important part of the 'Dating' process. It all seems 'Fishy' to me & could be Dangerous because he knows what I look like but he could be putting up false pics of himself, probably not him. Don't want to be "Catfished". He might be married, involved, playing games, or worse.
I don't understand how talking to him on the phone would prevent you from getting catfished.. ?

I myself have gone straight from texting to meeting someone, and it went perfectly fine. He looked better than his pics in fact. Not everyone likes to talk on the phone. But hey, it seems very important to you (enough to write him off).. and to each their own.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 14
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 10:09:19 AM

I've been communicating with someone on POF for the last few weeks.

I will be forever amazed that people waste time doing that.


I would like to meet but I would like to hear how his voice sounds

I've heard this line a lot and while I am all for exchanging numbers ahead of a meet, I really don't like to talk on the phone beforehand. The reason is because the woman will generally want to conduct the first date over the phone which don't find very appealing. I always concede if she insists but it isn't something I enjoy doing before we actually meet.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 15
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 2:23:51 PM
As the woman...
It is your prerogative to decide
how you'd like to be contacted, met, and/or dated .

If he doesn't work within your parameters starting out...
something is off.

A single and truly available guy is not mysterious
as to phones.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 16
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 7:10:36 PM

I wrote him on POF stating that I would like to meet but I would like to hear how his voice sounds 1st at least and speak briefly before getting together.


For me, the voice and feeling for our ability to converse is essential before meeting in person. If he ignored your request, chances are he'll continue to be insensitive. Drop it.
 CaptainAmericaOO7
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 17
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 7:24:48 PM
I had a wacko on another dating site...

Woman with one photo and no description...

Excuse... yes - this is my phone number but my plan only allows text but no talk.
Ran the number through an online checker... It's VOIP so probably Google Voice.

Never able to meet. Then arranges a meet and breaks off a day before saying she's been called off on a business trip to... "Africa". Red flag... If she had then she would state a city or country not a continent.

At that point, I broke it off and blocked her.

A week or two later some guy left a message on my answerphone saying "you suck d**k" from an anonymous number. Maybe connected, maybe not.

I don't meet people who won't talk over the phone. I prefer to Skype with cams too - just to make sure. It's harder to hide things from Skype cameras.
 Brantguy46
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 18
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 8:19:54 PM
sounds like good advise
 BicyclingGal
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 19
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 8:36:16 PM
Only once did I meet with a guy without talking to him on the phone first -- mistake. He was a conversational dud, couldn't string two words together. Never again. It's now my rule to phone before meeting, works very well.

Like others said, if it's your preference to chat on the phone before you meet, then this guy wasn't for you. Next!
 QuirkyButReal
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 20
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 8:44:47 PM
He's married or hiding something. Run.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 21
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:29:31 PM
OP, you did right thing. When people only want to text and not talk on the phone, that is normally a sign to stay away. There are no good reasons at all to text and not talk on phone.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 22
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:45:49 PM
OP, you did right thing. When people only want to text and not talk on the phone, that is normally a sign to stay away. There are no good reasons at all to text and not talk on phone.


I can think of several. Being hard of hearing is one reason. Simply not enjoying phone conversation is another. Phone calls can also be intrusive if you're working, eating, entertaining company, or are doing a myriad of other things where receiving a call can be an inconvenience.
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 23
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/6/2013 4:45:35 PM
how is texting different from writing e mails on POF?
its not really advancing....
it is still only reading letters with no voice behind them.
I do not text people who I have never met although I get requests from men on POF to text.
I tell them that I do not want to text them.
 sunsunsun4
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 24
Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 12:49:10 AM
Whatever you're comfortable with.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 25
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Communicating by phone before meeting Personally
Posted: 2/7/2013 6:55:23 AM
Msg 22, I would think it would be obvious that being deaf wouldn't work on a phone conversation. That goes without anyone disputing that. Also, inconvienent times are a no brainer as far as calling someone. Let's say one more strange thing, a phone conversation is not appropriate when one person isn't by the phone to hear it ringing.
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