| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/1/2005 8:47:49 AM | I consider myself to be a gentleman; I still hold doors open for women of all ages. one of the things i enjoy most when going out with a woman (especially if I like them) is giving their hand a gentle kiss at the end of the date. My question is this ( and if it is a dumb question I'm very sorry) is gentlmany behavior and chivilry still important? I'm asking just to get you thoughts on this but must add that it usually (in my experience) gets a good response.
[subject fixed to help Searches /xander] | |
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Posted: 8/3/2005 11:54:31 AM | | Yes! Unless you want one of those ultra-independent, women-power, don't-you-dare-do-anything-for-me kind of women. I've met several of those. Assuming you don't, or you likely wouldn't be asking, an important thing to remember is that it shouldn't stop after you're in a committed, long-term relationship. If you don't think you would continue such behaviors after you've "got her" then don't do it now. Don't have her thinking it is part of your personality if it isn't. Relationships do take work, of course, and it might take a little effort to keep doing those things, but if you can, i think it will help to keep your relationship alive in the tough times. | |
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Posted: 8/4/2005 9:14:00 PM | My mother repeats this story many times: A few years ago she gets on an elevator. Immediately, an older gentlemen already on the elevator removes his hat upon her entry and nods to her. She thought this was the greatest example of chivilry in our current times!
And with my mother, any gentlemen I bring home to her place for supper better not be wearing a baseball cap or any hat at the table! She couldn't care less about the "hat hair head" excuse either - "get it off!" she snaps, in her very british accent! LOL
But yes, I love it when a gent opens the door for me, etc., chivilry in my book gives my date extra marks!  Excellent question/thread! | |
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Posted: 8/5/2005 9:01:15 AM | Then I do wish you and I lived closer to gether because I would open the door for you all the time! LOL seriously though, I just sometimes wonder about this whole chiviry thing for one thing because you just don't see it alot anymore. For me, treating a woman prperly is just part of who I am and it makes me feel good too. I know I'm only average in terms of being handsome but at least by being a gentleman i have something to walk tall about. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
I have one other question too: when you get an email from someone you don't think would be a good match with you, do you return that email ad respectfully tell them so or do you just delete the message and not respond? And why? Thank you. | |
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Posted: 8/5/2005 2:40:58 PM | | I would also like some feedback on that question! I have answered every e-mail that i have received simply to be polite, but when i sent a message to one guy and told him "thanks for the e-mail" but that i wasn't interested (*very* politely), he replied with an extremely rude message all about how he was too good for me anyway and that i was so stupid and such. So i don't know if i did the wrong thing and should have just not e-mailed back at all, or if it was just *him*. So now i have hidden my profile so i don't get any new contacts. I'm just conversing with the contacts i have already. I'll be checking in to read responses to this thread. Good questions, Desert Serenade! ...and chivalry is wonderful and all too rare. You're one of the last of the true knights. | |
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Posted: 8/5/2005 6:32:24 PM | Thank you fair maiden!
I just feel that I've written alot of emails but get very few responses and I just think that is rude because if you don't respond it's like saying that who ever sent the message is unimportant. If it where me, I'd hate to make someone feel like that so I do respond to every letter I do get. They guy you wrote about might have some issues with his ego or something. You did the proper thing in responding to him politely. It shows good manners on your part. That man should have handled your rejection with a great deal more decorum and taken his rejection like an adult. You are not stupid and I would say that you are too good for him! He might have said the things he said to protect his own established, and perhaps inaccurate, sense of self. See alot of men got on these things to get a one night stand. I am not that way. I want to fall in love again not just with a womans body but with her mind and personality as well because I know that with age the physical beauty fades but the beauty within a person never fades with age; It only gets better. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? | |
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Posted: 8/8/2005 12:50:41 AM | DS: Thanks for opening more than my door. This is an excellent question/reply from a real gentlemen.
One of my dates who is now a dear friend waited for me under an awning in the rain while I was still in the restaurant (ladies room) outside on the passenger side until I showed up so he could open the car door for me! That, I will always remember! I was shocked but felt very pretty and like a real lady!
As for your other question on the email, yes, I do send a respecting reply to all who email me, except to the ones that do not have a photo - as I have specified that in my profile - fair is fair when it comes to posting a photo and expecting a reply - I want to see who I am communicating with - I don't want to communicate to a silouette or a ghost, right?
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Posted: 8/8/2005 11:30:32 AM | | Well I am currently dating a guy and he is a real gentleman. The thing that suprised me was when we came out of the chinese restaurant he was walking toward the passenger side of his car. I figures maybe he left something on that side and wanted to get it. No. Instead he opened the car door for me and stood there. I said "Ohhh brownie points" thinking that he was being polite just so he could get into my pants. He just gave me a weird look, laughed, and said "No. I'm just being polite" I nodded and laughed too. When he repeated this action through out the first date and the second date I was kind of amazed. So my answer is yes it still is important. And, please, don't take advantage of being polite. Some guys do it just thinking it'll lead to a one night stand but no that's why I questioned this guys motives. That and I've never had a guy actually open a door for me. | |
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Posted: 8/8/2005 12:20:10 PM |
And, please, don't take advantage of being polite
Interesting thought...a concept hardly visited.
"civility".. it's war. | |
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Posted: 8/8/2005 2:20:33 PM | | You gotta remember that in today's society SOME people are only looking to please themselves and will hide behind a polite visage before showing you what they really mean. Some guys are nice just to be nice and polite while others are polite so the girl will fall right into their lap. | |
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Posted: 8/9/2005 3:30:06 AM | On chilvary:
I wish more guys would open doors, etc while out on dates. It is a gesture of respect on their part and really makes a gal feel important. But we women also need to work (generally speaking) on our own sides of things. If he opens the car door for you, while he's walking around to the other side, unlock his door for him. Look at him while you're conversing. Don't make cell phone calls, don't take cell phone calls. While you're out with him - unless he's a complete ape - act like he's the most important thing in your world at that time. I've personally found that when I act more femanine and do these things, then the guys I'm out with afford me the same. I only take my phone with me for safety purposes. But I leave it turned off.
On returning e-mails:
There have been lots of threads about this one. Some people say that they're told not to reply at all if they're not interested, and others say that to not reply is rude. This is a no-win situation. Unless a person is clairvoyant then we don't know whether a person would rather their mail be deleted, or if they'd prefer a simple "thanks I'm not interested". Sucks, but true.  | |
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Posted: 8/9/2005 1:52:47 PM | Well, Sir Desert Serenade, thank you. You are awesome. It appears that you have been getting some good feedback on the chivalry issue. I hope you feel more assured. I think it is sad that it is now often surprising or suspicious when chivalry is expressed. But you have been knighted now. Go forth, Chivalrous One. (Too bad you live so far away.)
Thanks, Norolim, for addressing the return e-mail conundrum. It is nice to know that, even if there is no definite etiquette, more than just a couple of us are confused about it. It shows that people do want to be polite. Personally, i would rather be a little hurt by a short "sorry, not interested" message than get no response at all. But that's just me. | |
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Posted: 8/9/2005 9:29:41 PM | I just wanted to thank you all for your responses and for those yet to come. So far your answers have giving me both great understanding and great insight. And MagicLife I must thank you for knighting me. I am trully honored and yes I do feel more assured and even hopeful that i will once again find that special someone and we will fall madly in love. Norolim, you are a truly respectful Lady. I hope you ALL find the love you all so richly deserve.  | |
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Posted: 8/12/2005 10:25:56 AM | | Great answer norolim. Definitely unlock his door if you can reach it. There's nothing wrong with a woman holding a door open for a man either. It's all good. I can't imagine not having or giving courtesy on a regular basis. Female, Male or otherwise. Smiles beget smiles, respect begets respect and sometimes in very special cases Love begets Love. Now everyone smile and hold that pose while the world becomes a better place. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 7:48:00 AM | honestly to answer your question
I would say sometimes
I guess i'm too cynica | |
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Posted: 8/15/2005 7:03:11 PM | | Yes, I can open my own door but when my boyfriend does it, it means a lot to me. I don't think I have opened a door since we met! It proves to me that he is chivalrous and has manners. Maybe I am just old fashioned but I think it's the little gestures that mean the most. | |
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Posted: 8/15/2005 7:29:34 PM |
Yes, I can open my own door but when my boyfriend does it, it means a lot to me. I don't think I have opened a door since we met! It proves to me that he is chivalrous and has manners. Maybe I am just old fashioned but I think it's the little gestures that mean the most.
^^^^ Absolutey true Tiki... and men will always be remembered for their chivilary and for being a gentleman. I'm a very independent woman, however, I so very much appreciate a chivalrous man. | |
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Posted: 8/15/2005 7:30:39 PM | I love great manners!
I dated someone once, who opened the car door for me continuously, I loved it!
The kiss on the hand at the end of the night thing though? I'm not sure about that....I'd probably start laughing. Sorry!!! | |
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Posted: 8/15/2005 8:14:52 PM | Having been brought up in UK in by very Victorian/Edwardian style parents,there would be hell to pay if I didn't observe all the 'Gentlemanly behaviour'..in fact I swear there are times even now when I hear that quiet voice in my ear saying 'Son..that is NOT the way we do it and you know it!'
Some amusing stories for you all about manners...
My Father worked for IBM, and came over to a plant in the states to liase with a department there. On arriving the first morning, he held the door open for a lady, tipped his hat and wished her 'Good Morning'..natural for him..obviously not so for her!
NEXT morning, practically all of the office ladies were lined up waiting for him to arrive..and he did the 'honours' to each and every one of them!
Management requested he came in later in the day from then on..it was too disruptive an event for them..
My daughter arriving home in a taxi soaking wet..and furious that I had 'spoiled her'
When I asked how, she answered' YOU always open the passenger door first..THEN go round to the other side and open yours..MY DATE left me standing in the rain, until he'd started the car and THEN he opened the door..I told him to..well go learn some manners... and caught a taxi home!'
I have ALWAYS opened the passenger side first..no matter WHO it is ...male or female.
I was escorting a very 'MZZ" type , who refused to allow me to walk on the outside of the sidewalk next to traffic, open doors for her or help her put a coat on...took some getting used to, but heck..she was a fun lass to be with
She met my Father, and I could see his beginning to bristle, as I wasn't 'observing the rules'. When I explained the young lady's attitude..he went very quiet for a moment..then told me to leave whilst he had a quiet word with her alone.
To this day I have never found out what it was he said to her..but we still meet from time to time, and she doesn't seem to object any more.
As I posted in another forum, my Father's advice was 'ALWAYS treat a Lady as a Lady, even if she should prove herself otherwise..''...Then after a pause and a sly wink, added..'You may be pleasantly surprised at the result!"
Darn was he right! | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/15/2005 8:21:19 PM | | it's bad to totally never do any of that stuff, just like it's bad to constantly do it all the time to the point of it becoming annoying... girls like that stuff in "moderation", open one door for her and let her hold the next one herself, buy her a rose and wait for her to buy you an equivalent small gift, split the bill on dinner or alternate between paying, that's the kind of stuff that women like in the experiences I've had... it's always a kind gesture to buy something or give something or do something for your significant other, but when it gets to the point when you're doing ALL the giving and they're doing ALL the taking they'll feel smothered, men and women alike love to give and to receive in equal shares and it lets them show they can "do it themselves" which ALSO makes them feel better at the same time. Moderation is paramount. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/15/2005 8:43:37 PM | | most definately! I was brought up that way. opening doors, giving roses,respecting women for who they are, being honest and sincere to them! those are the values us men should hold dear to! rarely is the gentleman found anymore, and rare is the lady who would frown upon it! | |
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