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 PDLover2013
Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 1
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Is There a Gender Population DisparityPage 1 of 1    
If you look at how many message responses men and women are getting on PoF, you would have thought there must be a huge gender population disparity among registered PoF users. There must be a high male to female ratio.

Why is that?

The general census on US population says there are slightly more females in the USA than males.

Is it because the average lady has a better chance to find a male for relationship in real life. So there are more frustrated males who have to go online to find some one?

But then, you know for every female who successfully find some one for relationship, her male partner also successded in finding some one. So there really should not be a disparity either. If a lot of males are frustrated in finding some one, there has got to be a lot of frustrated females, as well.

So why is there is disparity in the first place?

Can the ladies tell your experience on PoF?
 jjoenyc73
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 2
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 6:02:38 PM
Shouldn't the question be "ask a guy?" since 10 guys for every girl? Guys all flock to what they perceive will be a ground ball and takes least amount of effort. Little do they know it takes more here.Dude ,are you new here? Real life is much easier for guys.Those same guys online probably still go out looking in clubs/bars.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 3
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 6:15:55 PM
Ask any woman and she will tell you that the problem is not numbers or quantity.

The problem is quality.

We are all seeking what we are seeking.

And when it matches up -- Yippeeeeeee

It can take a long time to find your match.

In my experience many women try things like bars and the internet and give up.
I can name quite a few from real life.

Sadly there are lots of people both men and women who tell fibs on the internet.
And women after a few hundred fibbers one after the other - give up.

Some of us have a very thick skin and delusions of hope.
So are still here.

Does that answer your question?

 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 4
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 6:28:39 PM
Aussiesealady, as usual, makes good points.

There's also a selection problem. Several attractive, accomplished women of my acquaintance on here, who meet men and get approached regularly as do most of us in person, report receiving very few messages here. As in, maybe five a week. Online is tougher for most women, as well. The very most gorgeous, on the other hand, are inundated and would happily share some of that attention if they could.

It's understandable men would think, "Well, what the hell, I have nothing to lose by writing to the extraordinarily beautiful," because you don't. But why more male would-be online daters don't spread the love to the more ordinarily good-looking women, as well, is a mystery to me, 'cause in person, they sure do.
 jjoenyc73
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 5
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 6:37:41 PM

It's understandable men would think, "Well, what the hell, I have nothing to lose by writing to the extraordinarily beautiful," because you don't. But why more male would-be online daters don't spread the love to the more ordinarily good-looking women, as well, is a mystery to me, 'cause in person, they sure do.

Because in my experience(others also I assume) the rejection/ignore rate seems to be equal or more from such women. I am not a women so I can't explain why but seriously some guy should make a thread whining about why when they get replies(few that they do) its only from the more beautiful ones. Of course that's subjective but none the less what happens. Maybe I just live in the wrong place.
I am still waiting for some guy to make a thread saying how he never gets replies to" hi sexy", etc. A few of us been joking that those lines must work since guys never whine about them not working.Its always a whiner who writes Charles****ns paragraphs to each women. Makes you wonder;)
 PDLover2013
Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 6
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:02:29 PM
You said: "Real life is much easier for guys.Those same guys online probably still go out looking in clubs/bars."

The problem is you don't have much of a real life to begin with, thus the whole idea of getting online to get to hooked up with some one. In the real life, you have an 8-9 hour day time job, a two hour commute to and back from work, 8 hours for sleeping, three hours relaxing at your little room you call home, cooking yourself a dinner, or reading some stuff on a computer. How much time do you get living in the "real life" after all that. Not much I guess. When you are out living the "real life", you can't put a tag on you saying: "Hey I am single, come meet me" can you?

Some guy would directly walk up to a random pretty woman he saw and try to warm up and ask for a phone number or so. I think I could never have the face skin thick enough to do that. What do you know about that woman other than that she may look pretty? It's probably a waste of time, or worse.

Going to a bar? Why should a guy like me who doesn't drink aocohol go to a place dedicated to aocohol drinking? Besides if you want to find a woman who doesn't drink, you will unlikely find her in a bar. Vice versa.

Online dating does not mean the guy or gal does not have a real life. I thought the whole point of online dating is to get two people interested enough in each other to arrange for a meet up over a cup of coffee. If the two clicks, the story continues in real life. If not then no big deal, just move on. Why is it so hard to even start the first step?

Why is it so hard for the ladies to even have the decency to respond and just say no, if she is not interested after receiving my message? Most of time, the message is just ignored, discarded, as if the person I try to contact simply does not exist. Maybe that's why. Maybe many of the PoF accounts are simply faked, or have long expired.
 arctichorse90
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 7
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:30:44 PM

Going to a bar? Why should a guy like me who doesn't drink aocohol go to a place dedicated to aocohol drinking? Besides if you want to find a woman who doesn't drink, you will unlikely find her in a bar. Vice versa.


Boy I agree with you there.

I see where you're coming from on all this, but what I realised on this whole internet dating thing, make a decent, well structured section on the "About me." put up some decent pictures, and just wait, I don't send out messages due to the fact that most woman I seem interested in must receive a few on a daily basis. I just wait for them to come to me, if I get a message then I know there interested, that's how I do it, it works for me and I have no problem with that, I know others would disagree and say "I need to be sending out messages." but the above seems to work for me, I still enjoy the site.

If you're getting frustrated over this, take a break from internet dating, it can be a daunting process. I usually delete my profile and give it a few weeks or months until I feel like giving it another shot, I have fun creating the profile, choosing pictures and redoing my about me section, sometimes you remember stuff that you did not write on the last one and really refining it. Like I said, this works for me, you have to find the process that works for you, no need to get frustrated over or on the internet.

After All the internet was created to share cat pictures and argue with strangers. ;)
 colinjr23
Joined: 10/23/2012
Msg: 8
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:37:15 PM


There's also a selection problem. Several attractive, accomplished women of my acquaintance on here, who meet men and get approached regularly as do most of us in person, report receiving very few messages here. As in, maybe five a week.

As opposed to five a month for equivalent men.


Online is tougher for most women, as well.

No it isn't.


It's understandable men would think, "Well, what the hell, I have nothing to lose by writing to the extraordinarily beautiful," because you don't.

Change that to "I have nothing to lose by writing to the extraordinarily average" and you've got it right for average looking males on here.

But why more male would-be online daters don't spread the love to the more ordinarily good-looking women, as well, is a mystery to me, 'cause in person, they sure do.


I'm assuming this is because you're older, where the dynamic has shifted a bit, but in the lower age bracket, it's pretty much everything with a pulse, vagina and that doesn't look like it crawled out of a swamp gets tons of messages.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 9
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:48:27 PM
Do a search in your area for both men and women.. Then voila you will see exactly how different the male to female population is.
As I understand for America its mostly males on these sites. Australia being mostly females for some reason.

For my location there is 162 females and 552 males within 50 miles ages 18-46. Almost 5 to 1 odds.
 Reach_er
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 10
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/17/2013 11:50:17 PM
I thought the whole point of online dating is to get two people interested enough in each other to arrange for a meet up over a cup of coffee.

I am pretty sure the point of most on line dating sites is to make someone a lot of money.If you have ever went to a site that charges to be on it you will get a ton of emails from gorgeous ladies.Problem is that as soon as you pay so that you can message them back the emails stop and you get no response back from any of them.I assume the free sites are not much different.
These dating sites are just like people trying to lose weight. People running these [businesses] things are able to take advantage of people like us that are wanting to change their lives and make money from it.
We all know that good looking women sell thus they only need a few ladies to make this work.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 11
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/18/2013 2:21:16 AM
For my location there is 162 females and 552 males within 50 miles ages 18-46. Almost 5 to 1 odds.
Yeah well you also included the 12 to 25 year olds. Try YOUR AGE. Mid 30's. It will look better by filtering our all the teens and 20's you are not going to be dating.

The population disparity gets a LOT better with age. Lots of stats on this actually. For FREE sites like POF

10+ to one in young 20's

6-8 late 20's early thirty

3 or 4 to 1 30's

2 or 3 by early 40's

almost equal by 50.

No idea why but it gets much better at late 40's to 50.

I have lived in 10 cities in 6 states on POF so far. (ky, tn, de, ca, tx, co) In every case when I lowered the search radius close enough to get real numbers the males to females were almost always right at 50/50 and a couple times favored the females. OBVIOUSLY this will vary by location.

Dating here for 20 year old males is just brutal. It gets much better as you age trust me. You are 44 its NOT that bad. Thats NOT why you do not get replies.

I actually think many of the young women bail off here quickly due to the immense early crush of pathetic messages from pathetic guys. POF probably does not seem a good option to find quality men. Hot 20 year old women on here get bombarded with messages and chat requests. Most from guys they would not touch with a 10 foot pole. Guys on here message women they would never dream of even speaking to in real life.

Cheers

Cowboy
 jjoenyc73
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 12
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 2/18/2013 7:57:48 AM
Lounges/bArs from an owners point of view is to sell drinks. Patrons go to socialize. No one makes you have to actually drink. Join meetup groups. For decades people work and commute same as you. Internet dating is a fairly recent in our history and has a very small success rate. Some say it has peaked already. In anycase just hang in there and I wouldn't wish an inbox of replies of non interest on my worst enemy. Well maybe for Cowboy on his birthday:). You want positive replies not BS "your not my type" generic spam.
 PDLover2013
Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 13
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 7/6/2013 12:12:55 PM
Looks to me that way that internet dating has peaked and has a very small success rate.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 14
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 7/6/2013 12:17:32 PM
Its peaked for reaons already give for MALES. Its years off from peaking for females. Anthoer like duh post.
 LeeleePhoenix
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 15
Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 7/6/2013 12:36:48 PM
Females don't have to make an effort because of cultural acceptance.

Plus, there's many males who are looking for meaningless sex here, and virtually no females doing that.
 Kentish-Man
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 16
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 7/6/2013 1:06:42 PM
For someone as intelligent as you are, it's surprising to see you ask such basic questions. Despite what some women on here will tell you, millions of years of evolution still drive our instincts, and those instincts are that men are predators and females are prey. Women don't need to go on-line to get men, they are hit on all the time. Prey just is, it never has to go out of its way to become such, however the ones that stray on-line are usually those that want to be snatched up, but (as others have already mentioned) they feel the quality they get in real life is not good enough and they mistakenly think that on-line will be better.

What a mistake.

Most men want to exercise predatory instincts, yet to do so in bars means you are in direct competition with all the other males, and if they are more desirable than you are, you go home hungry. If you are not good enough to compete with other males in real life you turn to the internet where no-one knows you’re a dog. When you hit on a girl in a bar, she lets you buy her a drink then leaves with some hunk who started chatting her up, that is a blow to the ego. On-line the fruits of your labour are never seen by you. You never see the reaction of the woman who reads your "hi sexy, wanna meet up 2nite?" message, and you don't see her go off and message the guy with the nice profile pictures instead. You can also misrepresent yourself easier on-line.

These reasons are why the internet is over-run with sub-quality, predatory men fighting over scraps of overly-fussy women.


QQ2012
Why should a guy like me who doesn't drink aocohol go to a place dedicated to aocohol drinking?

To pick up drunk chicks, they’re easier.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 7/6/2013 1:44:49 PM
The bottom line is that there is a formula that applies to you, and no one else. No amount of general information on dating or humanity or this site will give you answers as to why certain people aren't responding to you (I'm assuming your experience so far is causing you to question this stuff). If you've done the profile review and there can be no more improvement there - and you've taken into consideration the area you're in, the age group you're in, your approach, and whether or not online dating works better or worse for you than anything else, there's not much more you can do except take it less personally, and be a bit less serious about it.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 18
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 7/6/2013 1:54:08 PM
POF isn't limited to just the USA. That right there will mess with your perceived results.

You will find more men online as compared to women. As such the women can afford to be more particular in who they choose. This is stated and coming from a heterosexual point of view, where the man does the initiating and first approach/message. I do understand that not all the people here are hetero, nor do they subscribe to the "male must initiate contact" approach to life and dating.

The only thing that frustrates me is that many men behave abominably online. They're rude, crass, going for the "let's f*ck" approach. They get butthurt and defensive if a woman rejects them, even if it's done politely. Online has reduced us to looking at physical features and judging others based on those things instead of getting to know the person and judging them based on that. Many men type one-handed. If you're not sure what this means.. then consider yourself lucky.


Can the ladies tell your experience on PoF?

I've had polite messages. I've had rude messages. I've had barely legible messages. I've had novels sent to me.

I can't tell you how many I've talked to over the years. I've met some really cool people that have become friends. I've had maybe.. a half-dozen dates from here. Well, maybe more like a dozen. I've had 3 short-lived relationships with people I met on here (that's from that dozen or so dates). I've had one force himself on me after I'd clearly rejected his attempt at making a pass at me (that was pretty much the end of my interest in using online sites to find people to have a relationship with). In my time here, I've had 2 relationships with people that I did not meet here, but who were members of the site... one of those was a 5 year relationship.

I don't look at people as potential mates. Not even in real life. I look at people as, well.. people. If the connection develops into more, yay! If not, no big deal.

I tell people here that you get out of this place what you put into it. I don't put much into it, therefore I am not disappointed by not getting much out of it. Simple, right?
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 19
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Posted: 7/6/2013 4:03:01 PM

Ask any woman and she will tell you that the problem is not numbers or quantity.

The problem is quality.


Exactly. If I was willing to settle for any self-described nice guy with a pulse, has never cracked a book and spends his weekends getting azzfaced drunk and feeling up women in a bar I'd have it made. Or averagely pudgy/hugely overweight men who believe that they have an athletic body type. I have no desire to tiptoe around the delusional.
 PDLover2013
Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 20
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Posted: 7/8/2013 12:19:11 PM
Hi Kentish-Man:

What you say is all so true. It is essentially a predator world out there. There are all sorts of predator men out there who snatch up women with easy and court them for some short relationship and some sexual fun, and move on.

But there are also those of us who really doesn't want to be a predator. Who just want to find a good quality girl to have a normal and classical relationship with. I think I am a decent man with the kind of qualities that a decent lady would like. The problem is I don't show up at predator fields and even if I do, as you said, people like me are no match for the predator-type men. So what's our best approach?

Again I do not think I am starting to go to bars to pick up drunken ladies. You can't find good ladies in a bar anyway. And I surely can not imagine myself wondering on a beach all by myself alone marveling at the sexy curves of all the half-naked women. It just feels so awful if I do that. Likewise I don't think I can wonder around in a shopping mall doing nothing but wasting my time alone, even knowing that ladies would love to go shopping. In summary I just don't feel like behaving like a predator out there when it comes to approaching a lady and trying to establish a relationship.

I guess I have no answer for myself. Any of you guys or gals feel frustrated like I do? What is your experience?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 21
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Is There a Gender Population Disparity
Posted: 7/8/2013 12:53:25 PM
"Plus, there's many males who are looking for meaningless sex here, and virtually no females doing that."

Since I was one of the original posters on this thread I come out of retirement.
LOL...who says sex is meaningless? Its a need!I can honestly say I LIKED all of them during the act. That being said... trust me the women are also looking for hook ups on here. They don't admit or mention it right away. But they actually mention it before me... because I guess I am a gentleman(shrugs)
Yes, culture also dictates man make the move first.. but I learned on-line it works out better when the women initiates. I learned my lesson after getting first messages at least half a dozen times from women who ignored my message. They didn't even realize I them first first lol. That shows me that it is better to be chosen than to choose on here.
That being said....OP it seems you still resist the cultural norm of how pick up (meeting) works. You do not have to drink. I rarely drank.
You go where women are. You talk to ones you like. Of course you avoid the ones talking to another guy...fights suck!
You get blown out..shot down and then you score ..MAYBE. That's what successful guys do.The top 5% of guys might get whomever they like but I assure you their are NOT enough of them for all the women lol.
We are animals and we are suppose to approach whom we desire. Predator is a such a bad word. You put women on pedestal be using that term. Are they prey? That would assume they have NO desire to ever meet a guy.It is a mutual thing. Its unfortunate that a lot of women go who are NOT looking, or have a BF ,or are thinking they are good enough for a 10 (yeah right).But no one is a victim!
You probably do worse than you like with women because you put them on a pedestal.You must think you are the pot of gold..not them!You make it sound like any women or male who socializes in normal venues are deficient.
Do you fish? wouldn't it be convenient if you could fish from your living room? But reality check.... you have to go to the water.
Want to know something else?? even if there was 2 women for every guy..online dating would be bad for most guys(unless you are top 10% with the latest"look" Hollywood/media has brainwashed today's women to pursue).
Reason: If there are 400 guys online..380 send messages to the same women. Men are less broad ranged in what we attract to. We mostly go for body..then hair. Most guys call girls pretty but in reality we don't prioritize face. Women on the other hand have so many variations of what attracts them. So it is harder for us to be "the one " for any particular women. This again is why I let them initiate with me. Being white guys.. I pretty much go to a pub with COWBOY and 3 other of the guys from this thread and we will ALL agree on the gals we find attractive .We might order them differently ..BUT we will agree!
GO watch women in a pub....except for the guys who have the movie star image(top 10%) the gals will almost completely disagree on their preferences. Sometimes they agree simply only to fit in with their friends views. It is an eye opener to experience. This is why you should open other avenues other than online dating. I am pretty sure the majority of girls you find attractive are being written to by 80% of the guys online.But I guarantee..most of the girls in any real life venue are NOT being hit on, unless you went to a sausage fest(means more guys than girls).
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