Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 RollTideBrandi
Joined: 4/5/2013
Msg: 1
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Long story short, I was married to the same guy for 14 years..never had sex with another man in the 15 years total we were together. Not that I am wanting to have sex now, but I honestly wouldn't know what to do and what not to do, if it came to it. What if what my previous guy liked, another one doesn't? What if he thinks I am some freak and flips out? I guess I am just so used to the same routine that I'm afraid it won't be enough or too much and I am not sure how to get out of that way of thinking. Maybe I just don't want to be embarrassed. It's like doing it the first time all over again, the jitters, the wonders....except at 31 it sucks trying to figure it all out when the chance of you being with a virgin is zero and everyone already knows what they are doing lol. What are men looking for in sex these days and I don't mean one night stand kind of sex either. Do they expect their partners to wear matching underwear, lingerie, shave their nether region completely? LOL
My apologies if this has been discussed I didn't see it, still new to the site.
 Gracizdad
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 5:43:48 PM
Well RTB the answer to your question goes like this: DONT WORRY ABOUT IT!

one of the great things about intimacy is that its always changing.....If a man loves you and wants you it wouldnt matter to him if you eat crackers in bed....

Stop stressing out and realize that most everyone with a brain has NO expectations when it comes to intimacy!

So...get out there and have fun!!
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 3
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 5:46:38 PM
it sucks trying to figure it all out when the chance of you being with a virgin is zero and everyone already knows what they are doing lol.

You know what you’re doing. You’re not expected to know someone’s individual preferences any more than you’d expect them to know yours. Don’t worry. One step at a time. You’ll talk. You’ll kiss. You’ll talk some more. You’ll be fine.

What are men looking for in sex these days and I don't mean one night stand kind of sex either.

We’re all a little different. Sex hasn’t changed that much in fourteen years. Maybe people talk a little bit more freely than they used to. Oral and anal isn’t taboo, certainly. We're more g-spot aware. And who knew the clitoris had legs? But don’t overthink it. People still range from the very conservative to downright kinky.

Do they expect their partners to wear matching underwear, lingerie, shave their nether region completely? LOL

Trimming customs have changed somewhat. The bush is out, a little ‘management’ is in. Some gals have adopted the landing strip. Others prefer to go hairless. Go with the midde road or consult your aesthetician. Few guys would be disappointed to find a neat trim.

We are not some mighty club of single men out here who have reached a consensus about these things. Check out the forum and ask questions if you like. You’ll see we hardly agree on anything. But I like plain white cotton.
 Freshprince8484
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 4
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 5:56:05 PM
If a girl has a full bush I'd be upset, unless we're living in Antarctica.

I don't care about underwear or lingerie.

DO NOT talk about gang bangs and double penetration, that makes me run the other way
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 6:07:03 PM
I don't know what other men are looking for, but if a woman says 'yes', that's about enough for me.

BTW, men don't know what the hell we are doing either, we just go for it and hope for the best.
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 6
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 6:15:51 PM
Wear a bra and underwear that make YOU feel sexy; don't worry about matching. Give a landing strip a try to keep things neat and tidy... again, it's about you and what you find easy to maintain until you're in a relationship and are willing to explore your guy's preferences.

As for the sex itself, try not to stress to much about it ahead of time. I know it can feel overwhelming to start over with someone new after so long - I was with my ex for 18 years and then didn't date for a couple of years after we split - but once you're in the moment and hormones are raging, you'll be just fine.
 playnyourgame
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 7
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 6:29:41 PM
I was in the same situation....never been with anyone else but the ex for over 17 years.

My thing is...and will always be; if it's right, and you have feelings for this person it will flow naturally. If the both of you have that same likes of each other, I don't think you should worry much.
However...........if your just trying to get some to get some...........then hummm don't know what to tell ya....cause I'm not that type.
 Hanoverfella
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 8
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 9:12:32 PM
I understand completely how you are feeling, after my divorce, being married 14 years, and together 4 before that, first and only partner at the time, was so scared of whether I would be any good with someone else, how to even talk about sex with another, let alone do it, whether my size was small, normal or large, all kinds of things went through my head, and when the time did come to date, and innitiate sex, she was 25 and I was 37, it felt so weird to be naked with another woman, let alone have sex with her, but everything worked out fine, as it will for you, good luck in meeting your match ! :)
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 9
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/10/2013 9:53:43 PM
When I did it for the first time in my life I think I was less stressed out than you OP.

What I am saying is, you are over-thinking this. Half your worries are just that, your worries.

But if you really don't want to "screw up" why not just communicate your concern to your partner (to-be)? .... I think a large part of good sex is just plain old communication. .. I mean if yer willing to get into your birthday suit in front of one another, why aren't ya willing to talk to each other openly about it?

Not all guys prefer the same thing, just as not all women prefer the same thing. No one, not even the sexperts can give you a universal answer that "if you do this, your man will be flying to the moon" ...... Only way to know what the-person-you-are-with likes and dislikes is to ASK them.

 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 2:48:38 AM

What if what my previous guy liked, another one doesn't? What if he thinks I am some freak and flips out? I guess I am just so used to the same routine that I'm afraid it won't be enough or too much and I am not sure how to get out of that way of thinking. Maybe I just don't want to be embarrassed. It's like doing it the first time all over again, the jitters, the wonders...


KEEP CALM and CARRY ON!

****as your shirt says!

First things first.Make sure you are over your husband and that mean's getting divorced.
Secondly take dating slowly and let things happen naturally.Sex is sex unless you are into fethishes
or something that someone might be taken aback by and if so,just be upfront about what you are into.
Thirdly,since you've only had sex with one man since you were 16,presumably,you have all the basic's down pat I
am sure.Each man is a little different in what he wants but you also have to take into account what YOU want.

Communication,trust and care come first.The rest with just fall into place or can be fine tuned as your comfort levels and mutual needs are conveyed over time.

Try to relax though! You are over thinking it and making yourself nervous and anxious and that's not sexy!
 gofurguy
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 11
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 5:23:33 AM
years ago when i was separated i met a woman who was divorcing after 33 years of marriage and sex only one way. the good old missionary position.she was looking for direction on what oral all about and what do i do. i asked her if she ever just did what came into her mind,a sponteaneous reaction to something he did.i asked her what she had dreamed of in bed, and go for it. needless to say she did just fine.her desire to find something new came to realization. all she had to do was participate fully, and dont be afraid to ask.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 5:49:00 AM
Don't worry about what the masses might like or dislike... worry about what your partner, when you have one, likes.

Don't worry about doing something they don't like. Hopefully they will be adult enough and mature enough to communicate clearly and honestly with you. You deserve nothing less than that.
 3ffervescent
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 5:57:31 AM
^^^Nice photo No 1's Bby

OP, do what comes naturally--

It isn't rocket surgery.

You do what feels good for both of you.
 Nefcowford
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 6:15:50 AM
It isn't rocket surgery, WTF , Do you work for NASA ? LOL, Get ready to launch......................
 3ffervescent
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 6:17:44 AM
Nah, I work with folk that are smarter than rocket scientists, and a tad more compassionate...
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 9:39:37 AM
Communicate with your partner and have fun... smile and have a coke.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 12:29:15 PM


However, depending on who it is and who said what, this only applies to certain individuals and only under certain circumstances...according to the majority here...

What, what??
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 18
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 12:48:39 PM
It doesn't matter how many partners you have had everyone is different and you will need to learn about the person you are with if you care about them. It's a process. If you just want to go through the rote task of having sex you can do that too ... but it gets old quickly. Learn to relax and have fun in all things you do and don't worry about the sex...
 baldguy500
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 19
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 3:39:47 PM
OP...

i strongly suggest you give me your number so we can discuss this serious topic and duscuss other things like your legs etc......
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 20
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 9:10:16 PM
ME: Sex hasn’t changed that much in fourteen years.

On second thought, I think sex probably has changed in some ways due to the internet. Men and women can watch porn in their homes. They can browse for sex toys. They can join sites for discussing sex and meeting others.

There’s been an explosion of information about how people have sex. I think it’s becoming a more normal topic. ‘CherryTV’ is a fav of mine.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/11/2013 9:51:12 PM

Do they expect their partners to wear matching underwear, lingerie, shave their nether region completely? LOL

To be honest, you have an advantage over a lot of women...
The less partners you've had, it's less likely you'll be jaded and uninterested...
You've still got lot's to learn... so as long as you're an enthusiastic learner , you'll be fine...

I don't know about most guys...
But what I expect from a woman is...
A pulse... LOL

I don't care if she shaves or not...
I don't care if she's not perfect... a few flaws means she cant say anything about my flaws... hahaha
Matching underwear? Don't care...
Lingerie? Don't care... to me it's just wrapping paper... quickly gets sidelined and on to the treasue underneath...
Looking for in sex? Enthusiasm...
Things to remember...
Dont giggle or make size comments when you see the penis for the first time...
Don't ask, "Is it in yet?", even if you're not sure... it really deflates our ego (and the penis)
Try to avoid getting hiccups, when performing oral sex... (unless you're deep throating)
If you're going to fart when we're going down on you... please don't....

Enthusiasm and a sense of humour is all you need...
And if all else fails... get him a beer from the fridge....
(Always have beer... LOL)
 eattoplease55
Joined: 10/22/2012
Msg: 22
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/12/2013 4:04:29 AM
AAAA...things dont much change.....and as for the one night stand thing.....many here are looking for just that....woman alike....soooo......check-em out or read-em and weep!....Good luck and be safe!
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/12/2013 4:48:39 AM
Op,
based on what you`re writing i must say You`re primed and ready to explore and truthfully, maybe you should.
having been with only one man for 14 yrs and not being fully satisfied isn`t a good feeling,especially when you`re in your sexual prime.
I suggest that you start seeking another man just to see what you`ve been missing.
In your case, its probably good for your marriage...
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:00:43 AM

Not that I am wanting to have sex now, but I honestly wouldn't know what to do and what not to do, if it came to it.....

What if what my previous guy liked, another one doesn't? What if he thinks I am some freak and flips out?


If I weren't already married, I would be willing to take you under my wing and show you the ropes, so to speak, not actual ropes right away.

I wouldn't be worred about anyone thinking you are too freaky. Unless perhaps you have a dungeon built into your basement, or maybe keep a few sexy animals around, I doubt you could come off as freaky to most men.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:32:29 AM
Try to look at it like this:

With your husband it was the two of you interacting. The possibilities depended on both of your dynamics. With a new man comes new dynamics and thus different possibilities. Sex is a built in program for humans. They dont forget it and they are always looking to improve the program.
I personally think this is more about you doubting your sexiness and your desirability.
You dont need to do that.

Just go with the flow and when the time is right, YOU will do what you want , when you want and the way you want it.
It will be two people getting to know each other and differences are expected and approved of...desired even.

Have fun!
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sex after 15 years with the same man.....what do ya do?