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 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 1
My turn to face the firing squad...:)Page 1 of 1    
Give me a second to grab a blindfold and a cigarette. Okay, so I've been on POF for about a year now. Prior to that, I'd never done the online dating thing, I'd been in a long-term relationship that ended very badly and local prospects aren't very promising for me. I see a ton of profiles by girls on this site saying something to the effect of "all guys are dbags / I'm giving up / are there any REAL men?" et cetera and naturally I kind of bristle at it, but I try to be realistic about my approach as well. I'm conflicted on how to actually write a great profile, and also how to write great messages. I would venture a guess that it is obvious that approaching a random, unknown woman is not one of my strong points. I've always built relationships in the past over social situations where I had the opportunity to grow on a woman, and vice versa, so quite honestly the more direct approach of introducing myself to a random woman and striking up conversation is by my standards a daredevil move...that isn't to say I see anything wrong with it, it's just that for the most part I've always been very reserved with how I socialized with women. It also means incidentally that most of my "successful" relationships (I use that term lightly, lol) revolved around me getting involved with women that would seek me out. Being 6 months shy of 28, I realize I'd rather stick my neck out a bit more; rejection isn't the worst thing in the world.

I guess I just have trouble really defining and expressing myself in my profile, I already know that things like being unemployed are a major strike against me. I'm also unwilling to lie about a thing as important than that. Were my intentions less than savory it could be a different story, but ultimately I've never been okay about lying with regards to relationships. I've never once misrepresented myself as being a different person, nor have I cheated. I also realize the wide range of interpretations to which I am open -- that my priorities in life are messed up, going nowhere, looking for a "sugar momma" and so on. I can't do much about those interpretations when I present the facts, so the best I can hope for is that maybe some criticism can help me present the more positive parts about me. I don't try to present an exceedingly macho appearance, and once again I don't see anything necessarily wrong with guys that do, it's just not what I'm all about. I'm confident enough in myself, but I feel like I give out an unusual, almost alien vibe to a lot of girls.

I have to admit I'm very much lacking in introduction emails...I tend to try to start conversations with things such as "Hello, how is life?" or "How's your day / evening / morning going?" For some girls that is okay, but the overwhelming majority don't respond, and I can understand that perfectly. I read most of the profiles of the girls I message, I very seldom contact one just based on pictures alone, so I'm well aware of the boring message disclaimers usually appended to the profiles. Occasionally I'll get a wild hair and send jokes or pickup lines if I feel the humor is conveyed, and that has had patchy success too. I've never been the type of guy to try bold, raunchy pickup lines on women in person because I've never felt comfortable talking to random women like that. I realize that there are also some women that find them humorous if they're something they haven't heard, and oddly enough I know quite a few outrageous lines, since I have a tendency to pick up on really raunchy humor.

I'm going to end the OP with that for now, I'd like to ask for input from both guys and girls based on my profile and the information I posted, and would even encourage folks to chat with me on POF if they are feeling a bit chatty, I'm always happy to talk with someone and hear what they have to say. Thanks guys. :)
 Netghost56
Joined: 2/16/2013
Msg: 2
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/6/2013 10:13:10 PM
Dude... Are you even trying??
 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 3
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/6/2013 10:40:05 PM
That is why I'm here. What I've been doing has not been altogether successful. What I do know is that while I could do a whole lot worse, I could also do a whole lot better!
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 4
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/6/2013 11:16:05 PM
All you need to say about your job situation is something like "Another victim of the economy, I'm presently looking for work in my field and am eager to get back to the cubicle grind." We don't really care about the car, insurance, blah blah blah. Are you happy to be unemployed? Enjoy doing nothing? Or are you bored out of your mind and anxious to get back on track? Work ethic is important, too.

Replace all of the photos with clear smiling shots. Closeup head shots, full length casual, variety, outdoors in daylight is preferred. Let your kid take your photos - you will be smiling and they can't be worse than what you have, now. You definitely need to remove the child's face from this site. Seriously.

For what it's worth, I'm going to cut-and-paste some notes I made from another thread on sending first messages. The guy had "Fishing" as an Interest:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Try this template which may help you get over the 'writer's block' for first messages:

Message: 3-4 sentence at most, light humoured, including 1 question only so she has an easy way to respond. Sign only your first name.

Do not say:

- Hi, Hey, Hello or How are you (wastes time)
- I read your profile (should be obvious)
- you're cute/pretty/beautiful (creepy in a first message)
- let's meet up for .... (again, creepy/pushy in a first message)
- check me out and email me back ( they know what to do already)
- hope to hear from you soon (sounds like begging/desperate)

Don't blather on about yourself - your profile is supposed to give information about you.

If I were writing to you, I'd use the specific interest of Fishing. Actually, that is the exact interest I used when I first wrote to my (now) husband.

Message: I just learned how to fly fish, but haven't actually caught anything yet. I much prefer spincast river fishing - fewer casualties! Have you been out yet this season? (first name only)

See? No pressure, obviously I read your profile, open a conversation, easy way to respond if you choose.
 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 5
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/6/2013 11:32:53 PM
I made some changes based on what you said. I'll see about getting some better pictures up in the next few days. Thanks for the feedback!
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 6
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/7/2013 9:01:57 AM
Delete ALL of your photos.

Go outside and have someone else, NOT you, take some new photos of you.
 de1guy
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 7
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/7/2013 9:24:34 AM
Your headline misses the mark. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

The About Me section is way too long. Cut it in half. It's just too much and nine times out of ten I won't read one that long. I couldn't even read your initial forum post. Save the huge tracts of text for close friends. Hopefully your messages to women are much, much, much shorter.
 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 8
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/7/2013 11:00:57 AM
The Soviet Russia thing? It was a Yakov Smirnoff joke...you know, in Soviet Russia, bank robs you...yes I know they're cheesy. I have a tendency to be a bit too verbose when it comes to typing off my thoughts but I am kind of obsessive about not omitting details. Honestly I save the super long messages for conversations...my first messages are usually no more than a few sentences tops.

I'll work on the pictures. Thanks for the input.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 9
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/7/2013 4:02:31 PM
profile looks ok now BUT the photos need to go, they need to be clear and of you at your best, not slouched in front of the tv.
 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 10
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/10/2013 8:19:47 AM
Thanks guys, I appreciate the input. Getting some better pictures will take some time since it really is mostly myself taking them -- digital camera with a tripod or smartphone lol. The profile rework seems to be an improvement though! I do very much appreciate the criticism.
 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 11
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/14/2013 6:51:33 PM
Well, I uploaded some new photos...yea? Nay?
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 12
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/14/2013 9:22:35 PM
Make photo 3 your main.

Delete the creepy photo of your teeth as quick as you can!
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 13
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 8:28:43 AM
Or make it your Main :0 J/king, get rid of it NOW!!
I agree, 3 and lose the other taken same time with all the glare
 y0uandi
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 14
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:39:12 AM
Everyone's got opinions, but no one has the answers.
 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 15
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 12:51:38 PM
Done...I kinda expected some flak for the teeth photo but apparently having profiles without a big shit-eating grin photo somewhere within implies I am missing teeth.../shrug

Still working on getting some better pictures.
 AdventurousDan99
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 16
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 1:52:26 PM
Good job ~ Without better photos though.........................

Stay persistent - there are about 10 guys to every girl out there in Northern MN................it will work though....trust me.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 17
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 1:55:00 PM
I don't care for the toothy grin. Figure that's what the axe murderer looks like right before he gets the neighbour ( I plan to send him over to her house she bakes :) )
There was a man here who advocated having only 1 picture up - one excellent photo.
 scottbomb72
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 18
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My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 1:56:13 PM
Just keep at it, bro. Send messages, LOTS of messages. Frankly, I don't know how anyone who doesn't live in a metro area meets anyone on here. When I was living in Dallas, I messaged about 300 different women and ended up actually meeting about 7 or 8 of them. Then I found out that was par for the course! A lot of women get so many messages that they only respond to a few. Some of them are already seeing someone and keeping a POF profile up "just in case". I've actually had a couple tell me this. And then there are the ones who seem to be looking for pen pals. They create a profile but all they want to do is chat online. Long story short... don't give up.
 ryuoki
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 19
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/15/2013 2:03:34 PM
Need I say more about photo 3? So many profile reviews the photo people are told to go with for their main is #3.



Make photo 3 your main.

Delete the creepy photo of your teeth as quick as you can!


Also, I have seen it stated in the forums (or maybe a few profiles) that the ladies readily prefer to see the mans teeth. After all what woman wants to mate with a man who genetically has weak teeth and low hygiene? I think he was just accommodating the ladies in their requirements.
 JohanGambolputty
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 20
My turn to face the firing squad...:)
Posted: 5/16/2013 5:54:14 AM
Ryuoki hits the nail on the head. I'm not a huge fan of faking a smile for a picture -- I can't do it very well. I've come across quite a few profiles that suggest if you're always "mean-mugging" the camera it is because you're some sort of deviant and/or don't have all your teeth. The fact is though that minus some slight staining from my excessive coffee consumption and nicotine intake, I have in my opinion a pretty flawless set of teeth!
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