Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Is he inlove with me?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 1
Is he inlove with me?Page 1 of 1    
We've been going out for a couple of months and we've spent a lot of time together and we communicate a lot everyday. He has met my parents (which is a big deal to me - only 3 other guys have met my parents over more than 15 years) and we will be introducing our kids to each other in the next couple of weeks. I've told him I love him, but he says he can't say it to me yet. He tells me he's happiest with me, and that I can't even fathom how much he cares for me and how he feels for me. He says that he will never leave me - that if we ever split up, it will have to be me. I don't understand - isn't that love?
 CasOliii
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 7:23:55 PM
He may not just be ready, give him another month or two and if he still cant say it then id be looking elsewhere
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 8:03:50 PM
Some guys just can't and don't say the L word. This is really more for woman and their reassurance.

Actions speak louder than words. At the end of the day it's just a word and everyone can say it but few can live it.

Do you feel he loves you? Is his actions speaking to you that he loves you? If the answer is yes then he loves you.

I was with a man for 8 years who probably said "I love you" a handful of times, mainly because I forced him to. Later on I stopped forcing him to say it because I realized the verb of love is much more powerful and real than just the word.
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 8:42:54 PM
He says that he will never leave me - that if we ever split up, it will have to be me. I don't understand - isn't that love?


that's not love... that's irish.


. He tells me he's happiest with me, and that I can't even fathom how much he cares for me and how he feels for me.

why isn't this good? maybe he doesn't like the "L" word... this seems like a big issue for some.
seems to me you're splitting hairs and possibly jumping over dollars to pick up dimes.


Buddy of mine says "gratitude is not a fvcking emotion"
I think love could be included in that...
so many say I love you while doing something they know is going to hurt the other...
 QT3.18
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 5
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 8:58:10 PM

He says that he will never leave me - that if we ever split up, it will have to be me. I don't understand - isn't that love?


that's not love... that's irish.


HAHAHAHAHA!!! So true! I was married to an Irish guy.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 9:28:12 PM
You asked him and he said he isn't ready which I understand given it has only been three months. Ask him again three months later, because if he doesn't reciprocate something similar then be concerned. Right now just go with the flow and observe his actions.
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 10:39:43 PM
so impatient. obsessing over semantic trivialities as you grope blindly and desperately for the prize.

be honest now: is there any part of you, even the teenist tiniest part, that played the 'i love you card' as a manipulation aimed at slaking your emotional thirst? as in, ' i gave you a token, something of value, my precious declaration of love. now you OWE me.' and maybe he's honest enough not to fall for it, but not quite secure enough to keep from hedging with the 'i'll never leave you' stuff.

it's the endorphins talking, both of you. at only a few months in, that powerful magical thing you feel is the infatuation of the discovery process. and you've discovered so little. you're not even close to the point where you're both settled in and the warts start showing up.

there's a big difference between being loved and hearing 'i love you.' it behooves you figure out what it is.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 8
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 11:00:07 PM
Op,stop asking him else he'll feel obligated to reciprocate in the affirmative and maybe he's not "there" yet.

If he treats you well and you're happy,surely that's worth more .........?

One day,he'll hopefully say it and it'll be said voluntarily
 stephenlikesto
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/11/2013 11:44:57 PM
I think you are putting too much weight on the words. The first time I fell in love after some months I plucked up the courage to tell her one night after making love and told her that I loved her. She simply said "I know." and fell asleep. I didn't worry about her not saying the words back - after all she was sleeping peacefully in my arms.

Actions do speak louder than words. She did say she loved me in time but I don't remember the moment - it didn't really matter because I also knew.

Be happy that you love him. You seem to think that in some way this obliges him to reciprocate. He has to do this in his own time and it seems clear that you are pressuring him to say the words. That is a mistake.

Enjoy what you have and stop over-thinking this. I used to hate it when another girlfriend used to wake up at 3am and then wake me up and demand that we discuss where our relationship was going. I would (and did) say pretty much anything just to be allowed to go back to sleep.
 HTM
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 10
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 6:47:44 AM
Either he needs more time to get to 'that' point, or he wants to wait until he is SURE before he goes saying something like that.

I also agree with what Stephenlikesto said.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 6:52:12 AM

We've been going out for a couple of months and we've spent a lot of time together and we communicate a lot everyday.

And the saga continues...sigh.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 7:22:43 AM

And the saga continues...sigh


Kinda what I was thinking, though, I'm a little foggy this morning,so my thinking could have been off.

The OP's constant "scenarios" give me great satisfaction knowing that my placement of "dating" of my list of things to do is exactley where it should be. Holy moly macaroni.

OP, you can't "make" anyone say (or feel) what they don't want to. Orrrrrr, he could just say it, so that you can sleep at night???? Honestly, I have to keep checking your age when you post your questions. You are one very confusing young lady.
 Bluegold007
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 13
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 8:58:29 AM
Ahh I think ur meeting model types of guys. Women tend to aim way way higher than their league. Maybe give normal guys a shot?
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 14
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 9:01:44 AM
"OP, you can't "make" anyone say (or feel) what they don't want to. Orrrrrr, he could just say it, so that you can sleep at night???? Honestly, I have to keep checking your age when you post your questions. You are one very confusing young lady."

I guess at my age I'm supposed to ask more "mature" questions? And WHY do you have to check my age when you read my questions?

Although, I agree with you, he should just freaking say it so I can sleep better at night lol He's a great guy and regardless of whether he does or doesn't love me, I thoroughly enjoy his company so I'll be satisfied with that for now. There are worse things than having a man find you gorgeous after hiking in the heat and sweating for hours smelling like god-knows-what. lol
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 15
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 9:12:35 AM
hahaha omg, model type of guys?

I'm going to tell him that. And if he should happen to choke and die from laughter, it will be your fault. I do have high standards, as everyone should. But "model" oh my gawwwd! lmao That's like calling me a freaking model. Thanks for the mother's day laugh :)
 Bluegold007
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 16
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 10:47:31 AM
I know I'm right bout ur guy being a model or having those looks. Women are so picky that its very very hard for men to date. Expand ur mind, ur very very average looking too.
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 17
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 11:43:55 AM
^^ lol thanks, what's average to one is extraordinary to another. I agree, I am average. I pretty much wash my hair and put on eyeliner and lipstick and call it a day, running out the door looking like a wet dog with eyeliner and lipstick. My profile said as much.

LOOKS my dear are secondary - they only get u through the door. I think it's common interests that make or break a relationship. I love the fact that he can backpack and stand not being able to shower for days and thinks I still smell good after hours of sweating buckets, that he can check out my backpack and sleeping bag and go "oh man", and when he compliments me with "we can talk about shoes and you actually know what you're talking about" (about hiking boots). And then when we talk careers, guns or fishing for trout, while at the same time about clubbing and going VIP in LA the next week, it's my dream come true. We're both dirty and then clean up nicely :) And we're both average.

BTW, I think it's guys that go for the "model" look and try to aim too high for their own good.
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 18
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 4:54:47 PM
It's too soon to tell. When two people meet their bodies start releasing chemicals which make them feel great. This goes on for about three months. Then the body stops releasing the chemicals and reality sets in. A lot of people split up after the three months. So wait and see.

The theory is that humans are so infertile they need to stay togther for about three months to raise the probability of fertilization. Other mamals do it half a dozen times and the female is pregnant. Not humans. We need to do it many times on average before the female is pregnant. It' s just how we've evloved. The chemicals make us feel really nice so just enjoy them and wait for him to ask you to mary him or at least move in together before you assume he's serious. Actions speak louder than words.
 miker1122
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 5:34:10 PM
It's way too soon to start obsessing about the L word, 2 months is nothing, you have a strong attraction and are increasingly close, that doesn't mean you two are really in love. Have you guys even had an argument yet? have you found out the things about him that bother you ?- trust me, there will be things. If you two had been going out for a year or more, I could maybe see your point, go out, have fun, and see where it goes.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 20
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 6:42:40 PM

I don't understand - isn't that love?

You know what love is?
Love is when it never even occurs to you to go to internet strangers for opinion advice when you have a problem in your relationship.

Other than that, based on what you wrote in the OP my opinion is you simply set up a bunch of benchmark measurements to tell you that you were in love and now you are trying to convince yourself you are. All you need is someone else to validate it, and if you could just get him to tell you, then you think you'd believe it too.
IOW you are trying really hard to delude yourself.

Good luck with that.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Is he inlove with me?
Posted: 5/12/2013 7:17:39 PM
No, that's not love, that's like, that's lust, that's that new feeling of a fresh relationship that makes one all giddy. Give it time, what will you have gained if you run him off with your clinginess or force him to tell you something he doesn't feel yet?
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Is he inlove with me?