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 redelman431
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 1
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?Page 1 of 1    
I understand that girls want to given time getting to know each other first before meeting and I respect that. However even after talking to a girl on this site for a couple weeks or even a month, when I ask a girl if she wants to meet in person she usually stops talking to me. When is it an appropriate time to ask a girl on this site if she wants to meet in person? I am usually afraid to ask girls out in fear of scaring them. If there is a certain time, please be sure to tell me. Also what would be the best approach for asking them?
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 2
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/22/2013 2:54:04 PM
All women are different there is no magical "best time" for everyone.

There are exceptions but I am a firm believer that most women (not all!) that are serious about meeting will meet you fairly quickly if they ever intend to meet you.

This is a progression that should always be moving forward to wards meeting. Every message you send should be moving forward to meeting not endless and useless chit chat.

I do 4 or 5 SOLID messages and if I want to meet I ask for a phone number to "hear`her voice or laugh etc.."

I make ONE CALL (dont text, dont facebook) and ask her to meet iin a public place.

This place is filled with time vampires that want to suck the life right out of you via endless texting, chatting and messaging. This is entertainment for them and they have no intention to meet you after days, weeks, months or years. Its all a game.

Nothing here is real until you MEET. Learn to sift through and identify the ones wanting to actually meet and not text forever.

Move to the phone and ask them to meet in a public place for a few minutes. Not some long intimidating date. Its just a short first meet in public.

Cowboy
 RyanohRyan
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 3
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/22/2013 3:20:20 PM
When she is finally comfortable with you, is the best time to ask.
 redelman431
Joined: 8/10/2012
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/22/2013 5:38:27 PM
How do I know if she is comfortable with me?
 BelleVintage
Joined: 11/7/2012
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/22/2013 6:08:58 PM
Every woman is different and it depends on the intent.

I for one expect to receive interest in meeting by the 2nd day we text. The plans must be to meet within a week. That gives you until that time to figure out if its a no or go depending what they say closer to meeting date. I don't even speak to them on the phone until they have expressed interest in meeting. I feel like its all a waste of time until they start talking about meeting. Then is when the conversations have meaning and are of substance, since I am at least now speaking to someone that plans to see me.

The best example of this is a guy that said something like "I think you are beautiful, intelligent, and kind. I would like to know when I can buy you lunch", he sealed the deal from a very beginning and his message let me know that he intended to see me. No song and dance about meaningless bs, he's the kind of man that cuts straight to the point is about getting to know people in person (as nothing is real till then). We went on 2 dates and they were great. The 3rd date proposal was lame and thoughtless, so I declined, don't need a man that would even think of such as a 3rd date (its as important as the first). Be the man you plan to be in her life from a very beginning, that's my philosophy.

As soon as you start feeling you want to see her in person, let her know. If they say something that agrees with you enough to want to continue that conversation in person, say so.
 Bearfish13
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 6
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/22/2013 10:22:43 PM
I agree with above,

there is no "timetable" its just you have to be the judge of where things are and then you can go from there. I would recommend a phone call first before asking the person out
 Basiate
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 7
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:32:01 PM
Just realize that the longer you wait to make face to face contact gives others that much more time to chat her up and move in. If your goal is to meet someone and get off this site, then make a meeting as soon as possible. The key word here is "meeting" not "date". Ask her if she would be willing to meet up for 20 or 30 minutes at a comfy place like a park or nearby 'public' location. Nothing is real until you meet. Say your hellos then, if there is mutual attraction either move into something more detailed like a date or make arrangements for a date before leaving. Exchanging phone numbers is nice, but I have met up without having a number from a man and, quite honestly, I was thankful that he didn't have mine after I left. It is what it is, not everyone is portraying who they really are on this site.

My preference..
> Exchange a few messages over a couple of days on POF
> If there is interest, make arrangements for a meeting within a few days
> If they just want to text/chat after I have offered a few times, then I move on.
> If, after a quick meeting, I enjoyed the conversation and liked him, then I will suggest either moving the conversation to another place such as a restaurant or give him my number and say I enjoyed the meeting and would like the opportunity to spend some more time together.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 8
When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 4:12:49 AM

talking to a girl on this site for a couple weeks or even a month,

do you think a couple of weeks or even a month of chatting is really required to know whether you want to meet someone for a bagel or not? are you just emailing and texting or do you ever talk on the phone? if all you're doing is emailing and chatting for weeks, then you have temporary pen pals not people who actually want to meet you.


I am usually afraid to ask girls out in fear of scaring them.

afraid... fear... scaring... all in one sentence. it's a wonder no one has had a heart attack. ;)


How do I know if she is comfortable with me?

when you ask to meet and she says yes.
--------------------


" I would like to know when I can buy you lunch",

i think that would be a very good way to put it.... clear intent, but being open-ended and letting the other person choose the if and the when.
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 9
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 5:40:13 AM
I'd say 12.32pm is the perfect time.

As for offering to buy her lunch....don't you think that you should be aiming to date people that can buy their own lunch??
 import_from_UK
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 10
When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 7:40:57 AM

How do I know if she is comfortable with me?


Too many variables. It's not just about how you conduct yourself but also about how confident she is.

Some like to meet within a week or they think you are a time-waster, others like longer.
Some won't meet without a phone call or Sykpe call, others will.
Some will meet immediately, some won't for a predetermined amount of time.

As with anything, you cannot apply a blanket rule to one entire gender.

Decide what is acceptable to you. Set a maximum time frame if you want to as I'm sure lots of women are time wasters too. Determine if you want to talk on the phone first or if you don't care about that. Decide if you want to text (personally, I don't use text so that's a good indicator to me that I'm not a match for someone who wants a conversation this way), Figure out what you want, figure out what you are flexible about. And go from there.

Even if you stick to the same guidelines for all, some will think you move too fast and others will think you move too slow. And when you are communicating on-line vs face-to-face you don't have the unspoken communication prompts to guide you. Whatever you do will be wrong for someone, so you might as well do what suits you best, and be guided by what feels right to yourself.
 MillaMillaMilla
Joined: 11/18/2012
Msg: 11
When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 7:48:53 AM
I agree with Ryanohryan.

It can sometimes take a while to get comfortable enough with someone before taking the risk to meet them. Always remember it is a risk for both of you. Bad things have happened to both men and women who meet strangers from the internet in real life. However rare these occurrences might be, it is still a real and a possibility.

So it is a good idea to do the best you can to get to know and trust the person before you actually meet them.
 BelleVintage
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 12
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 8:37:21 AM

As for offering to buy her lunch....don't you think that you should be aiming to date people that can buy their own lunch??


I'm not sure what led you to believe it was about the actual lunch (or the value of it). It was the fact that the invitation as an introduction conveyed someone that actually wanted to meet, versus someone that wants to talk to you death before doing so or not. It allowed for the conversation to have meaning and substance as its culminating to meeting (as such intent has already been established).
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 13
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 10:17:01 AM
If you've been chatting/texting for several weeks, and the first time you insist on a real-life meet, they disconnect completely --- sorry to say this, but you've probably been chatting with a guy. Like Cowboy said, there's plenty of 'time vampires' that use these sites for cheap thrills under false pretenses.

If you're already texting on the phone, ask for a picture message with a pic of what they are doing at the time. Most gals can comply with that request fairly easily. The ones that make up excuses (broken cell phone) and such are usually a good reason to suspect a fake - or at least someone unwilling to meet for some significant reason.
 iola345
Joined: 4/28/2013
Msg: 14
When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 10:44:23 AM

When is it an appropriate time to ask a girl on this site if she wants to meet in person? I am usually afraid to ask girls out in fear of scaring them. If there is a certain time, please be sure to tell me. Also what would be the best approach for asking them?


No one rule fits all here. Just ask her at what point she would be comfortable to meet. ... assure her you are willing to go at the pace she is comfortable with but make it known that at some point you would like to meet. after all what is the point of being on here (other than ppl who post in the forums) if you are never going to meet people? .... some women take longer to feel comfortable, some prefer meeting sooner rather than later cos that's just less time wasted trying to second guess what the other person is like from computer or phone chats alone.

If she keeps drawing it out and never even entertains the idea of meeting at some point - drop her. She could be a catfish or some other kind of shit. ... Unless distance is an issue or there is some other kind of tangible factor preventing both of you from getting off your arses to meet, there is no reason why both ppl should not look forward to meeting if the chatting and interest online is mutual.


Personally 1 -2 weeks of emails or IM's is enought for me to determine on meeting someone. any longer than that then I feel like we're just wasting time. you don't "get to know" a person from online chats alone.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 10:56:33 AM
Whenever it's the best time for you. If you are only looking to score with some women on a dating site, then by all means play the game of doing things her way and eventually getting what you want. But if you are looking to find a serious partner as your goal in dating, then be yourself at all times because you are looking to attract women who like you as you are. So if wanting to meet sooner or later turns off some women, good, that's how you weed them out and find the right ones for you.
 stephenlikesto
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 16
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/23/2013 11:12:25 PM
I agree with all those sooner rather than later. The latter tends to mean ever. When this happens get ping-pong notes, maybe some IM chatting. Without the human side could be talking with a computer. Soon both people get bored. Frequency tails off and then we get a "POOF" question here which is usually "I have been chatting with someone for some time and POOF they have gone. Why would they do this to me?"

The OP wants to know when is a good time to ask. Besides from the fact that there is always a risk (and in his case) fear that she will say "No." nothing bad can happen. It is only a rejction if they have actually met and got to know one another well. Otherwise it is just a No.

Fortunately for fearful-of-perceived-rejection OP many women do give hints that they would like to be asked out. He just needs to look out for them. If she asks "So what are you up to this weekend?". He should reply "Nothing as it happens. Would you like to meet up for a bite to eat?"

It is quite likely that she does have plans (or will say she does) but provided she doesn't atually say no in principle then he can follow up with "Well how about during the week. I've got plans for Monday but free the rest of the week." It doesn't matter if he doesn't have plans for the Monday - the aim is to translate a vague "Yes let's meet sometime next week." to a concrete "Yes let's meet at ... on ...day."
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 17
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/24/2013 12:37:11 AM
Seriously consider the advice of " Cowboy", Sweet Danimal, and Stephenlikesto.
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 18
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/24/2013 6:36:46 AM

I'm not sure what led you to believe it was about the actual lunch (or the value of it). It was the fact that the invitation as an introduction conveyed someone that actually wanted to meet, versus someone that wants to talk to you death before doing so or not. It allowed for the conversation to have meaning and substance as its culminating to meeting (as such intent has already been established).


Probably the same thing that led you to believe that I was being serious.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 19
When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 5/25/2013 12:02:35 PM
There is no general answer. A man can ask a woman after a certain time period and she might think he is too clingy, aggressive, eager etc because he asked her out too soon. The same man can ask another woman out after the same period and she might think he's not that interested because he waited too long to ask her out. Although this can vary, usually my process is about 3-5 emails each way, perhaps 1-2 phone calls, then ask her out.


Exchanging phone numbers is nice, but I have met up without having a number from a man and, quite honestly, I was thankful that he didn't have mine after I left. It is what it is, not everyone is portraying who they really are on this site.


A phone conversation is not mandatory. But I do like exchanging numbers before a date / meeting in case one of us is late due to traffic, getting lost, a previous commitment ending later than expected. Buy a cheap prepaid cell phone and just use it for internet dating if you didn't want to give your real number.
 Karma_Kid
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 20
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When is the best time to ask a girl if she wants to meet in person?
Posted: 7/4/2013 2:04:36 PM
Outstanding reply.
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