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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?      Home login  
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 BreezNby
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 1
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How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I need some input from all of you.

I met someone on this site, we had a lot in common and had been emailing a lot. He wanted to come to my home for supper. I thought he was joking so I played along with it for an hour or so and when it became evident that he was serious, I told him that I never invite a stranger into my home.

I have met several men on singles sites, there wasn't a jerk or loser in the bunch but I have always met them in a public place for coffee, dinner..conversation. I don't have anyone but myself to depend on and I'm not going to take a chance on someone knowing where I live until I know more about them.

He took offense and that was the end of that. Was I wrong?
 random4
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 2
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 7:22:36 AM
In his eyes, you were wrong.
 SICutie
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 3
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 7:24:26 AM
he's a weirdo if he got offended. you're better off
 random4
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 4
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 7:25:33 AM
I am a weirdo but I wouldn't have been offended.
 bugsybears
Joined: 10/6/2004
Msg: 5
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 7:26:26 AM
breeznby no, there was nothing wrong with what you did. most women in here will tell you the same thing. as many freaks as there are in this world today, it doesn't pay to take chances. he should have respected you for wanting to play it safe. since he didn't, he wasn't worth having any way. it was a wise decision on your part. there will be other chances and with men more understanding than he was, i'm sure. good luck.
 Dolphin8755
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 6
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 7:28:50 AM
You invite someone in to your home, when YOU are comfortable with it. Not the other way around. I've had the same problem. Men tend to want to come over right away. Could be a bad thing if your not careful. Good for you! You stood your ground.

Deb.
 single_stl_dad
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 7
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 7:40:26 AM
Breez......

Good judgement call. Trust me, there are a LOT of wackjobs out there. Maybe I seem to attract most of them.... but still, they are out there.

I'm to the point where no one comes to my home, until after several dates.

I don't even give out my cell phone # till after the 2nd date. I call from payphones, or I block the caller ID if I need to.

Sorry, but there are a LOT of really lonely people out there...... that do NOT like to be told "no"....... and will bother you till the end of the earth if you do.

You invite him when YOU feel comfortable... not before.

Good luck

Matt :)
 Doc Sage
Joined: 4/18/2005
Msg: 8
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 7:46:43 AM
__BreezNby, Good Morning,

__You are right, he is wrong to even suggest to visit you in your home before getting to meet you in puplic. What a loser, he took offense because he knows you saw right through him.
__Eh, you are doing well. Keep it up.

Doc
 nembatha
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 9
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:03:45 AM
depends on you, I get invited to a womens place of residence quite a few times , maybe because they want me to bring a coffee :) havn't run into any problems but once when while watching a movie she ( the women I was meeting at her home) took my hand and led me into her bedroom :) now i'm kinda shy at first and her doing that was the best ice breaker i ever encountered :) we had been talking a few weeks on a messanger and had mutual friends :) that was like 5 years ago and we dated for a few months after that I,m glad she invited me over :)
 pleezthelady4u
Joined: 4/29/2004
Msg: 10
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:20:59 AM
Since I travel so much, I prefer NOT to go to a woman's home, even if I'm invited, unless I have known this woman for quite a while.
Of course he thought you were serious, because you didn't put the kabosch on it from the beginning! Did you offer to meet him in a public place first...restaurant, bar, pub,...
It sounds as though he was a real jerk not to invite you to his house for dinner first or to a restaurant before inviting himself over to your house for dinner... A**HOLE!
Ok...maybe I'm old fashioned, but shouldn't it be the GUY who makes that initial move? And yep, there are some real possesive people out there, and I would be surprised if he gave up that easily. Sounds to me like you need to tell this guy to take a hike down a one-way trail!
 OnTheBus
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 11
 ~PinkLady~
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 12
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:26:14 AM
Although I love OTB and he knows I would have invited him to my home after an hour..I am going to disagree...lol

I do believe that u need to get to know a perosn real well before u invite them to your home. I mean you dont want them to turn out to be a stalker then what do you do. So I guess its a game of using your own judgement which can screw you every time..
 OnTheBus
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 13
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:27:14 AM
chicken

so does that mean you screen them in the back seat of your car first?
 ~PinkLady~
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 14
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:30:29 AM
shhhhhhh........ you! can u say not so good experience here?
 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 15
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:32:55 AM
What?!?! Your not here yet???

Hey breez, you made a good call. If he can't understand that then he's not worth it. No sense of taking a chance when you don't want to. You did nothing wrong.

Oh btw, what time you cooking supper again?
 xpxpk
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 16
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:41:05 AM
You are best to establish boundaries early in a relationship. It lets the man know that you are a person to be respected, that you stand up for what is best for you and what you are comfortable with.

If he took offense, it is an indication that he will likely attempt to take liberties with you in the future.

Speaking for myself, I like it better when a woman establishes boundaries early on. It tells me that she has self respect and is not likely to compromise herself simply for the sake of a relationship.
 OnTheBus
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 17
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:43:04 AM
Bullshoot

Take em home and have a friend call you at designated times
 xpxpk
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 18
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:52:28 AM
Yeah, you're right OTB. If a woman invites me over to her place on the first date, it's best to bring over a few gallons of wine and a box of condoms. And a few flowers just to break the ice.

Wine and condoms are a good investment. They never go bad unless they're opened and always go up in price.
 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 19
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:54:36 AM
I'm skeered now. Maybe I shouldn't let anyone come over to my house. Heck I'm not even going to give out my phone number anymore. From now on I'm only going to meet people at some cheesy ass coffee shop and look at them through the window first just to make sure they "look" ok.

Then again, y'all can come over anytime you want, just remember I do have two, thats right I said TWO, attack cats. If you try to break in they will shed all over you! So be prepared or bring a industrial size lint roller.
 biziedizie
Joined: 2/26/2005
Msg: 20
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 8:56:56 AM
I have no need to invite a woman back to my place, my truck has a canopy on it and side curtains.
 OnTheBus
Joined: 9/12/2004
Msg: 21
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 9:00:58 AM


Man, I wish I was single back when I had my van
 biziedizie
Joined: 2/26/2005
Msg: 22
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 9:14:26 AM
Yeppers the good old days when we all owned shagging wagons.
 evanism
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 23
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 9:24:09 AM
LMAO!! I remember back when this girls mom wouldn't let her go out with me because I drove a van, LOL. So she allowed us to go out but only in her car. Yea that worked out good. That car had as much space in the backseat as the average golf course. I swear, I never laid a hand on her.
 BreezNby
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 24
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How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 10:10:21 AM
Thanks everyone, I do appreciate the advice and your thoughts.

I think if I had just known someone who knew him I would have felt a little easier about it. And sometimes that doesn't even give you a good take on someone. He just seemed a little reluctant to talk on the phone or tell me a lot about himself, personally. Just little red flags that didn't seem quiet right.

I am not sure that we ever really know someone because we only know what they allow us to see.
 *BumbleBee*
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 25
How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?
Posted: 8/4/2005 10:13:41 AM

How long do you know someone before you invite them to your home?


As long as it takes. Until I'm comfortable doing so.

If someone won't meet in public, think married.
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