| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:16:20 AM | Hello everyone!!!
I have a friend that I was talking to and he asked me for advice...
His Wife has a 7 year old daughter from a previous marriage. They have their own child together.. a 2 year old girl. We were talking and he told me that everytime they go to a party, or any social event he always has a tendency to introduce his wife then his daughter and last his "Wife's Daughter". In that particular order. His wife does not get offended by this and these moments haven't even caught her attention. It was until one night another friend of ours asked him if his wife wasn't bothered by the fact that he always introduced his step daughter last and as his "Wife's Daughter". Our friend asked him if it wasn't better to introduce her as his own daughter. That's when my friend started to think and still has that on his mind.... so ppl please help us out
Should my friend introduce his step daughter as his "wife's daughter" or his daughter??? Strangers aren't going to know the thruth
And should she be last in being introduced?? | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:18:29 AM | | I've always introduced my stepkids as "my stepdaughter, (her name) and my stepson (his name)" It always worked for me. | |
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xine
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Joined: 8/12/2004
Msg: 3 | |
| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:23:24 AM | | My ex-husband accepted my daughter from a previous relationship right away. She was five when we met. When she was nine, we had a son together. My ex always did and still does introduce her as his daughter and even went so far as to insist that he receive visitation rights written into the divorce decree. She is his daughter. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:30:14 AM | | I think he should go with whatever makes him feel comfortable. Although, if her father is in the picture, I don't think it's right for him to even introduce her as anything but his stepdaughter. Just a man's POV. I would be insulted if someone my ex was with started introducing my son as his. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:14:53 AM | | Changing the intro to " these are OUR daughters" and then the kids names. I think its on a need to know basis...if the people being introduced to the kids, are not close i would go with Our daughters. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:17:59 AM | Why not just say, "This is my wife (name), and this is (name) and (name). ??
I'd be insulted if someone I was in a LTR with always made a point of introducing one child last and pointing out that the child isn't his.
Even if the mother doesn't seem bothered by it, I'd be willing to bet that the child he singles out notices every time. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:20:00 AM | | i do not think that introducing "step-daughter" or "step-son" is a good idea ... i think that is very rude. i would introduce my husbands kids as "OUR kids" not step, even though step is what they are ... i would take offence to it if i had childen and my husband introduced my kids to his friends as his "step children" i would also think the kids would not feel very happy either. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:22:10 AM | | I think that it's presumptive and insulting to the biological parent to introduce your stepkids as my son or daughter unless the other parent isn't in the picture anymore. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 11:36:59 AM |
Even if the mother doesn't seem bothered by it, I'd be willing to bet that the child he singles out notices every time.
I see your bet and raise you 100! I am a stepchild and I would notice if my stepdad introduced me that way~
Maybe the stepdaughter should introduce him to her friends as "my mother's husband" and see how he feels about that. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 11:55:49 AM | | How about..these are OUR CHILDREN...Brittany Angelina and Cameron or whatever :P | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 1:39:00 PM | | actually if I was in my friend's position I won't mind if my step child introduced me as her mother's husband... but that's just me. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 1:41:44 PM | | They're a family. There's no need to point out the different ways each of them came to be a part of each other's lives. Just use names when introducing the children. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 1:46:05 PM | | As for the step child introducing him, the child should refer to him however they address him at home. "This is my Dad" or "This is Bob". I like the name Ashton Kutcher's step children have given him. They call him M.O.D. ... meaning My Other Dad. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 1:59:53 PM | He should say, "this is my daughter____". Not my "wife's daughter"!!! That sounds cruel, man!! How do you think the child might feel when she gets older?? "Hey, my new daddy really doesn't want me"??
Jody | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 2:10:22 PM | When I was young and bitter about my blended family, I introduced my stepmom and stepbrother as, "My father's wife, and her son." I stuck with that for years.
Nowadays, thanks to maturity and some serious bonding, I stick with "Mom and Bro"...
I agree with the others that stated, "Our daughters" it doesn't mean that they're both his.....and nosy need to know's can simply ask if they feel the need too.
When I was in a LTR with a man with children, I introduced the children by name, but never specified whom belonged to whom..... | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 2:13:11 PM | | My step father always introduced me by name, and when I became a step-father I introduced my step daughter as Danielle, thats all that needs to be said, unless someone asks for more information. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 2:20:48 PM | | I agree with passion unlimited..."i'll bet the wife's daughter notices"...poor kid. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 3:26:03 PM | | Introducing by name won't raise any eyebrows or cause anyone to ask questions. The step child definitely won't feel he or she is the odd person out. Most people upon seeing a child with you as a couple will presume he or she is yours and no more likely will be said. "Win-win" for all concerned. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 4:10:22 PM | | He should say `This is my wife, and daughters.......Pretty simple... | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 5:32:46 PM | | it depends. is her biological father in the picture? she is 7..old enough to know if she wants to be called his daughter. if he takes care of her, and is a father figure in her life, he should introduce her as his daughter. from experience....my stepdad used to call me his daughter, and I would cringe. But every family is different...he needs to discuss it w/his wife and the little girl in question. but...being the older of the two children, she should naturally be introduced first. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 5:43:11 PM | In my case it's kind of hard. My step daughter is 11 and when I introduce her with my children I always introduce them from oldest to youngest. She's the oldest. I just say this is ...... The thing is if I don't tell people she's my stepdaughter she promptly tells people. She has a strong feeling about not wanting to betray her father. Which I respect. She is as important to me as my children are. The only diffence between her dad and I is, I never took part in making her.
At times when strangers have said stuff like "oh your out with you dad today", she quickly informs whoever has said the comment that, he's not my father. Don't get me wrong, her and I actually have a very good relationship. She's just very strong minded and has conviction about maintaining her identity. In fact when there was a time at the begining when I did not correct a fore mentioned offender, she later asked me why I never told him/her that she wasn't my daughter? My response was I'm sorry I didn't know it bothered you. Since then we have had a mutual understanding. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 6:15:41 PM | I have always referred to my step-daughter and son as my "daughter and son". They have always called me Dad. Thier real Dad came back into the picture a few years ago, but he isn't much of one.
I think it depends on whatever works for the family. Some blended families constantly use "step-xxx" and "half-xxx" and don't have a problem with it. Me and my ex decided not to use those terms, but sometimes I have to, to explain my "Brady Bunch"! 
Go with whatever is comfortable. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 6:19:09 PM | I was a step child myself.
I was never beaten like a redheaded step child.
I was beaten as a redhead step child. For real no joke.
I hear that saying all the time. I'll smack you like a redhead step child this and your an ugly redheaded step child that. I used to wonder what was so fun about being a redheaded step child. I personally found that it totally sucked.
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 6:53:14 PM | | I'm the product of a split family. My dad never introduced me to anyone, I always did the introducing. Also, does your step child call this friend of yours dad, or does she call him by his real name? I'd say that if she calls her step-dad, dad, then he should introduce her as 'this is my daughter so and so', or keep it simple and introduce both kids by their names, just don't single one out over the other (like call one by their name, and the other my song or daughter etc), cuz I recall getting a little bit upset at one point in my life cuz my little brother got the whole 'dad' attention, when I rarely got a few words. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 6:54:53 PM | Arggg I can't type. OMIT "does your step child" and replace that with "does your friends step child call him dad" and whatever other stupid mistakes I've made  | |
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