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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/5/2005 4:17:42 PM | | Never know with the human race what one thinks when they come up with the excuses. You literally have to be in the person's head or walk in their shoes. The excuse may or may not be valid. OLD it appears to be more rampant and rightfully so because remember, millions of people from all over the world have access to this site. The volume is more than say if we meet at McDonalds on 5th Avenue in NY. Can you imagine a million + people squeezing in there. You get game players in church, at work, in sports, on line. As long as people are around, there will be game players. Like everything else, you have to weed through it all. | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/8/2005 11:21:43 AM | | maybe they arent quite ready,,,,maybe too shy? afraid cuz they arent self-confident? its one thing to be open and have fun and be yourself in chat,,emails,,,but when its time to meet in person,,,for some ppl its scary and they fear rejection. | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/8/2005 2:12:54 PM | rather than trying to figure out what the reason is behind the excuses, why not just ask? A simple "Do you really want to meet in person or is this just and online thing for you?" type of question will weed out the players pretty quickly.
Personally I think you can solve most of the dating mysteries by just being up front and honest about your doubts. If you don't feel confident enough to ask the questions how on earth are you going to be able to develop any type of real relationship?
Just my thoughts...
Pam | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/8/2005 3:19:16 PM | I've seen that happen often with people even once you get chatting with them on another type of communication method like MSN or Yahoo.
I find that sometimes a lot of people find it easier to hide behind their monitors and lie about themselves instead of being upfront and honest about themselves. It's exactly like Skylar said. | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/8/2005 8:53:48 PM | | I agree with what everyone's posted so far. Perhaps just really keeping it light & simple is the best way to go. I mean, if you're talking sex and what you're going to do to each other over the IM's...then that may be the reason one or the other doesn't want to meet...everyone's drawing from expectation, there's no mystery, but if it's just fun chat and conversation, and talking about being apprehensive or nervous, then meeting up isn't such a big deal. | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/9/2005 8:50:59 AM | I've never met anyone for real. Are you telling me the people on these sites are real? I wish I would have known that earlier. I thought I was just interacting with another computer.
Seriously, when is it time to date? I've had guys talk to me and the second sentence is let’s meet for a drink, they have a blank profile, I know nothing about them, and they want to meet. For me, that is definitely not the time to meet. I always trust my instincts and I have to feel comfortable.
I've never really gone through the "time to actually meet stage". I just don't click with men on here that easily. If I did, I'd meet them. Or when I do click they conveniently live thousands of miles away. Hmmm maybe I'm afraid of a real relationship. Wow, I think I've just analyzed myself!!!! | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 9:18:31 AM | Insecurity. Inertia. It's a sudden jolt from the convenience and fantasy of online chat to the blunt reality of facing someone who is still basically a stranger in the outside world.
Extroverts are still at the pub crawls. Introverts and the wounded dominate chat rooms.
I don't agree that everyone gets scared when it's time to meet for real, though. Nervous, of course. That's normal. Regardless of what it's called, many seem to react to The Big First Meeting as a blind date of sorts. You call it a half hour get together for coffee, and they've filtered it through their imagination to mean Casual Job Interview, or worse.
It also likely feels awkward, if they've recently re-entered single life after ten or twenty years of being in what they thought would be a long term relationship. Being scared probably enters into it, in those situations. Maybe dating again feels like failure, along with the scary possibility that they'll face rejection.
I also don't happen to agree that these people are playing games, if you both have bothered to initiate and sustain thoughtful, honest, mutually enjoyable conversations over a week or two leading up to considering meeting in person. The ones who play games don't bother with that. U kant tyyp th much 2 B REEL... | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 9:41:34 AM |
If you do not meet within a week of the initial contact - it's probably not going to happen.
I have no clue why, but that seems to be the case for me.
Add a week for me.
I've only ever backed out once and that was because while the guy was nice to talk to online, at first, once we got onto the phone he was subtley insulting and bossy.
When I told him I was busy with school on the first day he threw at me to get together, I got chapter and verse on how I "should not be scared to meet him, and if I had no intention of meeting him, I should just speak up" - nevermind that I did throw an alternate day back at him for meeting.
I meet within 2 weeks, unless as above, the guy does something that sets off warning alarms. . | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 11:26:09 AM | A few months ago, I read a news paper article about on line dating. It suggested that if two people have mutual interests and you like chatting with each other, you shouldn't wait more than a few weeks to meet. If you wait longer than that, some people start to build a fantasy about the person, and most times, they won't measure up.
Damn it!! I like my fantasies. | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 12:34:01 PM | Ive met a few ppl off of here and IT was fine,I think for the most part the ones that get cold feet ,werent honest about there appearence or how they really act and like some are saying ,liveing out a fantasy,but were on here to actually meet ppl not just talk about it,this is a dateing service ,not a chat line.So if your honest and true to yourself there should be no reason you cant meet someone and feel comfortable about it. | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 1:17:09 PM | I like to meet people in the real world after chatting here for a short while - you can't get emotional tones, eye contact or body language from the written word and I would rather meet the real person.
I am not saying I am not nervous - I am, but I pick some public place safe to meet - where we can chat in person and I meet with the attitude that I am meeting a possible new friend not the love of my life - tends to put less pressure on the whole coffee date thing. Big lesson here - if you don't click - it is neither person's fault - it just is. I have met men who were afraid if they said I wasn't their type - I would become a raving lunatic as they had other women freak out on them. Imagine their relief when I didn't! LOL
If a man had talked to me for several weeks and still didn't feel comfortable meeting, I am afraid I would have to question him as to why not (and he better have a good answer). | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 4:56:06 PM | @arlie;
maybe they don't have cold feet, maybe they just aren't that interested in meeting the other person. I'd like to meet someone, but I'm not going to bother unless I'm really interested. Why waste his time, and my time? When I say I have to be in my comfort zone, it has nothing to do with me being true to myself, it's about having a bad vib from the other person. | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 5:28:23 PM | With some people, it's probably self-esteem. Either they've misrepresented themselves or they might just feel that they won't live up to their prospective date's expectations.
For me, it's experience. When I first started, I was excited to meet new people. After going out on a few dates and finding that maybe 1 out of 3 was actually honest with me, I became apprehensive, wondering "What's going to be wrong with THIS one?" Once I got to that point, I took a break from the online dating scene for about a year. I recently got back in and am being much more selective with the women I choose to meet IRL. In fact, I have yet to meet with ANYONE during this stint. *sigh* | |
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| why do people on these dating sites get scared when its time to meet for real
Posted: 8/21/2005 6:11:47 PM | Well, as most of the posts already on here...I agree to some extent. After a couple of weeks...it's probably not going to happen.
I've done it twice, but before each meeting...there was IM chatting then phone conversation. But, then some people on these sites do not represent their "true selves" and then when you meet in person...find out how fooled you really were...doesn't make the prospect for "next time" so easy to look forward too. 
However, if you don't ever take a chance....you may miss "the one".
Keep Fishing! | |
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