| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 5:07:10 PM | I cannot understand the attitudes of some people in some of these threads.
like the ones who think it's ok to date and dump the other person when the other person starts to develop stronger feelings for them. if you're a non-commitable person and have
absolutely no desire to commit ever, then why not just go out with others that only want a booty call too.
I know that I can't give names here, but there are those that are lurking around
who feels it's ok to just dump someone because they thought they made it clear to them
that they are like this.
i hope i'm not being too vauge, just getting this out.
Most of us have been stabbed in the back, hurt by others, yet, we do not give up on
potential love/ companionship/relationship. Especially if you have a child because this
child is looking to us as example of how to treat others. Is it cool that they grow up thinking
that it's ok have relationships/ non-relationships like this?
No matter how hurt we were in the past, as long as there's a breath in my body,
I will never give up!
love is always a gamble, but you have to be willing to experience pain to have real joy in your life. and i believe the good outweighs the bad. That's how strong love can be. jmo | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:28:32 PM | Fearing commitment doesn't necessarily mean that you're out for 'a booty call'. Not in the least. (Granted there are some out there like that....but please don't generalize). With each relationship you live, and you learn, and you grow, and than you move forward....
Having a child has nothing to do with looking for a relationship. I preferred to be on my own for years as a single parent...not because I was bitter about relationships in general, but simply because I was enjoying my life!
Be sure not to introduce your child to people that you're dating, than they won't be any the wiser as to what's begun, or what's just ended.
Good luck! | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:47:16 PM | That's why you need to not rush into relationships. Doing that leads to disaster most times. You have to really know the person, and that takes time and effort.
Today everyone wants to put love in the micro-wave and serve it in 30 seconds. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:02:14 PM | agree w/ montreal
sometimes it takes time 4 a man to really see if a woman is rite 4 him.........regardless of whether or not she develops 'feelings' 4 him...........everybody has a rite to end a relationship and women do it all the time and many times they don't even supply men their reasons.
as fars as booty calls are concerned.......its up to you to distinguish what the nature of the relationship is about!......i say this because it is the women who ultimately decides when and who they have sex with.........if you put out too early and then he bails out then you have no one to blame but yourself! | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:09:25 PM | | Depends on what you're alluding to when you say "love," Montreal. The kind of love a parent and child share or the feelings people develop for a "significant other?" | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:10:57 PM | | Yet again, another reason why I don't date LOL! I'm sure I'll have all the threads covered on this one eventually! | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:13:30 PM | Love meaning that the person you are with is your best friend, your lover, and your biggest supporter - and someone that will be with you through anything the world can throw at both of you.
Someone who sees your soul, and everything about you - and loves you even more for it. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:14:38 PM | Montreal,
Is it fair to say you're also giving said person an incedible amount of power over your happiness and well-being? | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:20:14 PM | No.
It's a two way street. I could spend the rest of my life alone and be very happy. Actually, you could send me in a rocket to Mars alone - I would still rock.
I expect to give as much as I get. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:25:41 PM | | True, as could I. However, your description above would imply that in such a person you would be investing a great deal of your personal happiness, and probably even more. So I'll ask my question again, aren't you giving that person a great deal of power over your happiness and well being? | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:38:50 PM |
Is it fair to say you're also giving said person an incedible amount of power over your happiness and well-being?
Yes, and that's really scary when you're happy with the way your life is going.  Don't want to think about this!!! | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:43:52 PM | | With that power comes responsibility - and the ability to walk away if it's needed. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:46:22 PM | Hey, anyone who wants to go for it, by all means. There are greater risk takers in the world than me. I have very little trust for people ... plus, I'm training to be a lawyer, so, please, by all means, get married - keep me in business  Just kidding. Really, best of luck to anyone who's willing to take the risk. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:47:27 PM | is love worth it/am I worthy of love?
this is something i have struggled with my entire life.
love seemed to be very conditional in my home growing up/ i always felt that i only could earn other's love by doing things for them. there was too much anger,not enough communication. years and years of this has made me confused and lacking in healthy social skills.
I can't say that i've ever had a functional relationship with a man and I've been accused of settling for those who were not equally yolked whatever that means.
due to my lack of self worth and internal fears, I chose those two men that were both incapable of anything healthy.
I'm talking ''bottom of the barrel''
and guess what?! I knew it from day ONE! I chose them because I wouldn't have to truly be loved. My fault. It's been 2 years since I saw the last one. 2 years of celibacy.[whatever]. >>people can get over all kinds of hurt.....Someone said on another thread that it helps to forgive because then you can truly let go. I have forgiven my family, forgiven these men for all the ways they hurt me and most importantly, I have forgiven myself for making poor choices in life. After all this forgiveness, the doors to love have been blown open. I can actually see the real possibilities and now i know that i AM worthy of love.
It just irritates me when someone allows hurt to consume them to the point of just giving up on love. Then it all becomes about self gratification.
Believe me, I know about fear of commitment and I know about being consumed with thoughts of ''what THEY did to me"
I gave my love to the ones who could never reciprocate. i did this because i became comfortable with rejection and chaos. not anymore. so it irritates me because i was trapped
and i know there's a way out. but everyone's different......i wanted out of the pits of self hatred and hatred for others. what do i have now? hope. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:47:34 PM | @Montreal .. agreed, however, humans are fickle and irresponsible.
Think I'll go have a  now. I wish youns all the best of luck! | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:49:39 PM |
It just irritates me when someone allows hurt to consume them to the point of just giving up on love. Then it all becomes about self gratification.
You say that like there's something wrong with it. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:01:36 PM | well, it's not a good way for me to live because my child looks to me as a role model in so many things. how to treat others for example.
if i chose to go through life dis-trusting everyone for a couple of people who deeply wronged me, it shows my child to be the same way. and for me, it took a loooooong time and alot of work to get past all of that.
some say kids are resilient and they have their own mind, but they do look to us more than we think they do and they are like sponges. we[parents] are more influential/powerful than you think.
we can't be perfect, but we can grow and forgive and start over. | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:27:06 PM | | I think it is a good thing that love seems unattainable.....It separates the men from the boys, so to speak....Anything in life that is worth something to us...is first of all, worth the search, and second what ever bs we come across along the way....The obstacles and hoops we jump thru in our search, without losing our faith and belief that he/she is out there, speaks to our determination and committment to finding someone to love...Yes, we all get disappointed and frustrated, but it speaks volumes about our dedication and drive to find someone to share our life with....Give ourselves a `GROUP PAT ON THE BACK`.....cuz we`re still standin`.....Awesome...PS...When we find our special someone....we will hold on for dear life, because of all we went thru to find them....We will truly appreciate them and make them feel the love every second of every day...Will it be worth the wait and the search...you betcha!!! | |
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| is love worth it???
Posted: 8/6/2005 5:56:51 PM |
Anything in life that is worth something to us...is first of all, worth the search, and second what ever bs we come across along the way
I agree 100%. But I think it's also fair to say that what is "worth something to us" varies from person to person. Not everyone thinks that finding "love" is at all important. To some people, it's incredibly unimportant.
As for being role models for our children - agreed. I hope my son sees my self confidence, self esteem and the happiness I have found in my life and realizes that happiness comes from within - not from someone else. I hope I instill the self confidence and esteem in him to avoid bad relationships and ensure that he is happy regardless of where life takes him. In short, I hope he can learn from me and not make the same mistakes I made.  | |
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