| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 5:54:18 AM | | I know this sounds stupid, but I’m having a problem. I met Don almost two weeks ago and every day his X calls here first thing in the morning. At first, when she found out about me she was furious and said she wouldn’t talk to him again or accept emails. The phone calls in the mornings began right after that, daily. Now her kitchen taps have blown up, and I’ve gotten up to find Don has gone to her place to help her fix them. Should I be worried? He says it’s innocent, that I have nothing to worry about. But I can’t get this thought out of my head I do need to worry. The night she told him never to call or email again he was so hurt and upset he got drunk over it. Am I worrying about nothing, or do you think something is going on? | |
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w8in4u
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Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 2 | |
| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 6:21:22 AM | Georgie,
I'm surprised to read a thread like this from you, having read so many of your post - I look to you for advice.
If it were me, YES, I'd worry. He gets upset by her behavior = he still cares about her feelings. He's fixing her taps - hell, call a plumber (or whatever is needed); if she can't afford that - call another friend.
Sounds like she's keeping her hooks in him anyway she can. Now being the Damsel in Distress.
Seems like they're still playing a game and YOU (of all people) don't need any part of it.
Good luck. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 6:36:36 AM | | YES!!!! You need to worry. If he's a nice guy she is trying to trap him back with her maybe after seeing him happy without her it dawned on her what she lost. Been there. If he's not just a nice guy he will continue to see the ex and prbably a little more until you discover it at which point he will tuck tail and run to the same comfortable mistake he has always made. Either way you need to define in plain and unmistakable terms and guidelines (after some thought and discussion) where a comfort level is for you in this relationship and if he is unwilling to agree to it, as fun or charming or whatever he may be, let him go. May G-d bless you and keep you, Georgie. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 6:53:31 AM | It sound that she has a plan to get him back and that he is following it right.
You do not have to leave him yet nor to fight, just be yourself and be prepared to heard sh*t like = I hook up with my ex again. | |
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dae
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Joined: 6/2/2004
Msg: 5 | |
| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 6:58:56 AM | | georgie, I know what you are going through, I have been there a few times, feelings never lie, talk to him, it's better to know the truth now, as painful as it may be, it will be much worse later, I know. This is what makes it hard to trust anyone, so we are afraid to try. I wish you all the best, you truly deserve it. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 7:16:19 AM | This is the letter I left on his table when I packed and came home:
Don:
I feel I have little choice but to write this to you. I awoke this morning to hear the truck starting as were leaving, and I know you’ve gone to fix Raymonde’s sink. This isn’t right Don. Every day starts with Raymonde. She calls, emails, or something is broken. Every morning when I get up, wanting to be greeted as your woman, the first thing I hear about is Raymonde called. I’m not a jealous woman by nature, but this is making me feel sick. I didn’t want to say anything to you about this, as I didn’t want you to feel I was playing games with you, because I’m not. But being in daily contact with Raymonde, your ex lover, just isn’t comfortable for me. I know you can’t stand making enemies, but most ex’s remain in sporadic contact not daily contact. Few new women in men’s lives would not feel upset by what is happening here between you and Raymonde. It makes me feel worried and upset.
I cannot tell you what to do. You are a grown man. But this is hurting me, Don, deeply. I know you say it is harmless, but it is not harmless when it causes someone else worry or pain. Where we go from here is your choice, but I just can’t wake up every day knowing Raymonde has planted herself in your head every day before I awaken and is almost the first thing I have to face every day when I get up.
I love you more than words can tell, Don. That is something I thought I’d never be able to say to a man again, and I want to be with you more than I need air, but I just can’t remain silent about the pain this is causing me any longer.
I’ve gone to my apartment. Call me there, or come over. I’m going to try to fix my bed.
** Guess I'll know his decision later today ;( | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 7:22:18 AM | | I tried to be so careful. I waited 16 years without sex thinking I'd meet the right man one day. Now I've made love with him, and I'm more than half in love with this man. But if he can't say goodbye to Raymonde, I'm history. | |
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dae
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Joined: 6/2/2004
Msg: 9 | |
| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 7:33:35 AM | | It happened to me to, not with his ex, but if a new woman said that she wanted to meet him, then he dumped me, then when it didn't work with her, he wanted me back, when he did that the second time, I no longer had any feelings for him, when you get that first shock of hurt, then it is never the same again. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 8:19:20 AM | get ride of him!!!!!! an ex like that is bad news and who knows what hes telling her.. i know!!
been there done that the best thing is too stay away and if hes to much to let go then think of it as you deserve someone better! i dont now you guys but sounds like exacly what i went throuygh many times!! so let him go if he really likes you he'll come back and tell the other one in front of you.. to scram or he'll get someone to take care of her! and he will protect you .. if not dont waste your tears or time!! | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 8:20:57 AM | | oh and sweetheart! hes got to be cheating.. thats what a women likes when her ex is with another women it makes her feel good when he runs back! | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 9:09:32 AM | Well, I have my answer. I listened to the people of this forum who told me that being old fashioned and making sure I took the time to get to know and trust the man before allowing my emotions to get the best of me or to allow sex into a relationship early and guess what—I should have stuck to my old fashioned morals, values, and plan.
Don was just here. He brought everything of mine back that was at his place, and said he was a **** up, and that he needed a few days to himself to think things through. That to me is the end. If he needs that time because of Raymonde, he can have her. I’m nobody’s doormat to come running to when they are bored or upset with someone else.
The **stard stood in my hallway holding his gut like he was dying because things like this upset him so badly. Not one word was said about how this makes me feel. When I tried he changed the subject, immediately.
It will be a very long time before I give my heart to someone again. I feel so stupid and wounded. I need a good cry. It’s my fault. I should have looked before I leapt. Stupid. Stupid! STUPID!
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w8in4u
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Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 13 | |
| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 9:19:27 AM | Georgie,
I'm so sorry. It really sucks what you're going through. The only thing I can suggest is to treat yourself as you would treat your bestfriend in the same situation. Take a warm bath, make a cup of tea, have a good cry, curl up and remind yourself - it wasn't you. You didn't do anything wrong - nothing; because you are a good person you let him into your life and cared for him.
Holler if you need a friend, I be here to listen. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 10:32:49 AM | | Thanks Win, I've been crying all afternoon. I really loved that ***hole. Time will heal. For now I just need to get on with life, take a day to grieve and pick up where I left off. Lucky thing is I had a great and fulfilling life before he came along, and I've still got that once I'm through crying over the creep. | |
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Bcgray
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Joined: 8/14/2004
Msg: 15 | |
| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 11:17:53 AM | Sorry Georgie to hear of your pain, and all I can say my POF friend, is to simply find the child inside you and rise again. When were are young and scrape and bruise our knee, we cry that day, and forget the scare the next. However as we age we tend to carry the wounds for way too long, it’s hard I know but we just have to look inside and find our pure soul. If we do not it tends to cloud the rest of our lives, and reduces our possibilities, of finding our LOVE that does lie inside. Once again, I am truly sorry you are hurting, but your light is there Sharon, it’s just right now a little to dark to see. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 11:39:31 AM | | stop being old fashion and maybye you will find a better man.. its now 2004 old fashon is out of style.. with all the men i now anyway so good luck. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 11:40:49 AM | | No, they broke up last April, and had only spend three months together. She threw a fit when she realized he'd met me, then the phone calls and demands began rolling in every day. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 11:42:48 AM | | Thanks BCgray, I'm a hardy woman. Once I've spent today feeling this pain, I'll be on the right track. It hurts so much to be used and betrayed. I'll get over it. He said he was so grateful I was not a game player as this other woman was a "Control Freak" and found fault with everything he did. Can't understand it myself... but then I didn't play this very smart. Should have taken the time to find out all this before letting him near my heart. Lesson learned. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 11:47:33 AM | Ok I am gonna have to say YES worry, been where you are, and found out I had alot to worry about...See by nature i am a foolishly trusting person...So when he told me that she needed help with her car, or he needed to go over and help her with the washer...I took his word for it....WHOA....Pretty soon she was like always calling, and well sometimes when I was at work she would come over to see him...
Ok well I found out [after his death] that most everyone knew he was sleeping with her, his friends, his co-workers...Hell I am blind as well as stupid...What got me, i mean really, was during the time that he laid dying in the hospital, she was like nice to me, telling me how much he said he loved me...SICK really sick...
There were signs, there always are.....At first very subtle, but if not noticed they become like big red flags...
You seem from your other posts to be a smart lady, and from your pic a lovely one too...I would hope this man isnt falling into her traps...
Is he a nice man, wanting to help others, easily taken advantage of?????If so remember she is an EX, thus meaning she knows how to work him to her own advantage...
I wish you the best with this... | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 22 | |
| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 12:24:00 PM | I took another look at this post.....and thought "HEY.....she "should have" done what she wanted to do! And you did! Good for you! you gave it a shot, it didn't work...MOVE on! You are an adult...make the decision in your life TO BE HAPPY.
My ex tried the same BS with me...and I fell for it. Felt like I was on a string. I also, have to admit, had that little ray of hope that things COULD work out between us IF I played nice, and did whatever she wanted, etc. Then I got drinking one night, and chatting on-line. I examined my motives, and the way I felt. What did I really want?? It turned out it really wan't her I wanted...but the lifestyle I had before. A family, a home, kids around, etc. She could be in the picture, or not....someone else wpould have been just as good, IF NOT BETTER. So I went looking for the better person for me. And found her. We are building a great life together.
Why should it be a long time before you give your heart to someone again? You think you get to rewind life and see it again? YOU only go around once....why are you wasting it?? Sure..it HURTS at times....that is what maturing is all about....how we handle our hurts. Now you can crawl off and lick your wounds in a self-pitying manner for a long time....OR....get BACK out there and try again. Your choice....hope you make the ADULT decision, rather than the juvenile one. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 12:39:14 PM | | Because I am a very cautious woman who knows how many players there are out there and I have taken great pride in saving myself for the right man, and the right man will be proud of me for that as well, and cherish me for it. I'm not a one night stand, nor do I go through relationships like underwear. This hurt. And to me that is all the more reason to be cautious and slow in getting to know anyone else. Had I done that this time, I would not have been hurt this way. | |
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| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 1:00:07 PM | It will be a very long time before I give my heart to someone again. I feel so stupid and wounded. I need a good cry. It’s my fault. I should have looked before I leapt. Stupid. Stupid! STUPID!
I believe some people seek relationship like shopping for cars--always keeping a spare in case of break downs. Some 'LAY A PERSON OUT RIGHT' for a NAME, PAY CHECK, or because they have an AXE TO GRIND and numerous other motivations that HAVE nothing to do with TRUE LOVE. Some SERVE TIME IN MARRIAGE as if it were jail time or self flagellation or trophy wall-hanger. Some seek a LICENSE from CLERGY or STATE as an INDULGENCE. The MOST important aspect of relationship, in my opinion, is TRUE CONNECTION OF SOUL based upon a common bIt will be a very long time before I give my heart to someone again. I feel so stupid and wounded. I need a good cry. It’s my fault. I should have looked before I leapt. Stupid. Stupid! STUPID!
I believe some people seek relationship like shopping for cars--always keeping a spare in case of break downs. Some 'LAY A PERSON OUT RIGHT' for a NAME, PAY CHECK, or because they have an AXE TO GRIND and numerous other motivations that HAVE nothing to do with TRUE LOVE. Some SERVE TIME IN MARRIAGE as if it were jail time or self flagellation or trophy wall-hanger. Some seek a LICENSE from CLERGY or STATE as an INDULGENCE. The MOST important aspect of relationship, in my opinion, is TRUE CONNECTION OF SOUL based upon a common belief in God through Christ, shared interests, hobbies, and goals-- BEST FRIENDS. ALLof that starts in our SOUL/IDENTITY. You yourself KNOW that you PURPOSED TO WRITE WELL AND SUCCEED before you ever wrote your first prose. You LIKEWISE did MUCH re-writing. RE-WRITE yourself. START OVER. One may NEVER Love without being VULNERABLE. It is OK to get BURNED-- that's how we learn. For a Christian STARTING OVER is as SIMPLE as making oneself a NEW VIRGIN through Christ, in my opinion. Like a MUSTARD SEED and in FAITH tossing BAGGAGE into the SEA. Anyone may do this. It is a FREE liberty and requires NO LICENSE from STATE or CLERGY.elief in God through Christ, shared interests, hobbies, and goals-- BEST FRIENDS. ALL of that starts in our SOUL/IDENTITY. You yourself KNOW that you PURPOSED TO WRITE WELL AND SUCCEED before you ever wrote your first prose. You LIKEWISE did MUCH re-writing. RE-WRITE yourself. START OVER. One may NEVER Love without being VULNERABLE. It is OK to get BURNED-- that's how we learn. For a Christian STARTING OVER is as SIMPLE as making oneself a NEW VIRGIN through Christ, in my opinion. Like a MUSTARD SEED and in FAITH tossing BAGGAGE into the SEA. Anyone may do this. It is a FREE liberty and requires NO LICENSE from STATE or CLERGY.
You have the CORRECT IDEA-- don't be any man's YO-YO if you seek TRUE LOVE. As a man I personally choose NOT to be anyone's YO-YO-- not a yo-yo for woman, man, or any unrighteous authority on the face of this earth no matter how much power or guns and knives they think they have. | |
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Roaul
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Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 25 | |
| Do I need to worry? Trouble in Paradise?
Posted: 11/13/2004 2:27:04 PM | | hi georgie i am so sorry to hear of your bad news. but you have had a lucky escape,it is best you found out what kind of low-life he was now rather than later | |
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