| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 6:48:32 PM | I left my relationship of 22 years about 9 months ago,,, I did not want to end it but I could not see it going anywhere... my guy made it very clear he was not interested in me especially the past few years... I thought it was his work... his studies... or what ever else was bothering him for that day... he always seem to be angry with me and just not sexual with me any more and yelled alot at me... I thought when I ended the relationship that he would snap out of it,,, He only ran with the idea... and I have tried very hard to ask him back.. I have cryed a ocean full of tears, my heart is so broken... I am on the chatting sites but really have had no offers.. I just feel so lost and sometimes like a real idiot... I have sent him letters begging him to forgive me and to take me back.. He says No!!! he is not sure that he wants me back he has alot of searching to do right now... he just went to Europe for three weeks and has done alot of stuff the past year.. I have to struggle with two jobs just to pay my mortage... He was fair when we broke up he gave me a fair settlement, but I think he just paid me off so he could leave without guilt... I still cry and I am crying right now... when does it stop hurting... Please let me know how to move forward.
Justnuff | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 6:56:45 PM | | Just, would he ever actually talk to you, and put some honesty into what the problem was? Or did he just evade it? If he did, after 22 years, something is wrong with him. The only way you could ever find out what the hell was going on in his mind would be to tell him to be truthful and honest straight up, no matter how bad it sounded. At least then you could move on, and tell him to go to hell. He deserves that much, and you deserve better. I think you got a man who decided the grass might be greener. That usually is a big mistake, but lots of men, (and women) make it. It's all about devotion and unswerving love forever, or there was never anything at all, and the whole thing went sour when the going got tough for some reason. True love doesn't permit that. | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 7:11:26 PM | 22 years? wow.. That's a long time to have something. Moving on is definitly a hard thing to do at this point. But the fine line between pain and happiness isn't that long. The point your trying to reach is almost unattainable because you just can't forget 22 year of your life, either way how it transpired to end. The things that you experienced during that time are harder to deal with because of the frame of reference...
to me how do you forget? just look at those moments that you had during that time and enjoy them as memories of you life.. your own life.. who was there was not the point, just enjoy them as you felt them... that's kind of vague, but that's all I can think of that I did to get over relationships that didn't even last as long as yours. | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 7:56:10 PM |  There'll be no sniffling here! Now dry your eyes get all dolled up and go out somewhere!
For the record, I just rated you a 10, so, that ought to give you a boost. Everyone on the forums will tell you I'm not nice.  | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 8:03:24 PM | Oh Just,
I'm so sorry for your pain and tears. A break up is never easy.
Think about it though, there had to been a reason you ended it. If being around this fella made you feel lousy, and he didn't bring out the best in you, then clearly in the long run, you knew what is best for you and gave this guy the boot. A man who is angry with you and yells at you a lot, he has issues, and if he lost interest in you the past few years ago, hunches are good it showed in your relationship. Apparently, he no longer sees you as his crown jewel.
You'll have to go thru the following emotions in order for your heart to heal: anger, sadness, fear, and sorrow. Your head may heal before your heart will. The best way to get through this rough period in your life is a day at a time and go with the flow. If one night you feel like crying buckets of tears, then do so. Find a good friend who will do nothing but listen to you.
It stops hurting when your memories of this fella and your relationship are no longer painful, you feel gratitude for the good times. Most of all, the best time to get involved with another man is when you feel as if you don't have to. | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 8:17:51 PM | Allow yourself to grieve. Dont try to rush it. This is huge. The end of significant relationship can give us emotions equivalent to that of someone dying. Cry as much as you want, no can tell you when you will get over it or when the pain stop but some things that can help
go through the house and pack up all his things. All reminders. Dont throw out [ one day you WILL get over it and be able to look at them again - ] Put them in a box and put them away in the attic, cupboard
Change your bedroom that you used to share. Move furniture around. Get a new sheet set - anything to help remove memories for now.
Get in touch with your friends. Cry on their shoulders, rotate this so they dont get sick of you crying on the shirts, but good friends will give you support and unbias feel-good feedback
Keep BUSY. do you work, or not, can you geta part time job if not. Can you take a hobby..get out and do different things
When it gets too much to bear??? Write long purging letters with a glass of red wine. Everything adn anything is allowed, scream swear, insult. You are NOT going to send these letters. Do it til you pass out from sheer emotional exhaustion. You will feel slightly better when you wake
Forgive yourself for any relapses
Dont blame yourself [should you be tempted]- blame both of you
Go away for a weekend with a g/f
Every break-upee is entitled to one night of drowning sorrows, make sure you have good trustworthy friends around for this specific purpose of when you get "messy and begin to purge" this should happen naturally after your 10th shot of tequila.
After grief, anger will kick in. Board up your windows and dont leave the house [ just kidding]
Seriously, try to vent to others rather than him. Try to avoid him at this time. Try not to call. If he wants to talk, he can contact you. He is the one who sounds like he drew away from you
Give him space and see what happens, but dont chase him anymore. Keep busy
After Anger comes acceptance. One day, everyone has their own timetable, you WILL wake up and go, its another day, everythign will be ok
PS only about now your reward for enduring these hard phases is to bump into a cutey who will smile at the post office and healing is complete
PS avoid the temptation to cut hair short or change your look drastically. Thats a grief thing...do something subtle to start off with, spoil yourself at the beauticians even if its just a pedicure or manicure
buy youreslf somethng s*xy, just feeling good about something will automatically radiate your face...and self esteem
Good luck...you WILL survive.... | |
|
r324
|
Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 7 | |
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 8:28:58 PM | when it comes to women...I give up easily. So many mixed signals.
All I know is, their "go" signal is unclear, but their "stop" signal is affirmative.
If see a "stop" signal, its "game over". They normally get 1 strike with me.... | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 9:14:37 PM | okay check this out..from a guys point of veiw.first off I don't know you or of you,but 22yrs is a long time then just give in. I took a peek at your profile and seeing your age and assuming his is around the same..He probably went through some midlife thing or somthing and thinks he can find happiness somwhere else..maybe a younger gal or whatever,which is a crazy thought because by your pic you are one hot little lady and he'd be crazy to think he could find better..long term anyway like one of the ladies said..take one day at a time and take time to find yourself..not just the person he may have turned you into..anyway good luck...and if your ever in my area I would gladly take you out to dinner! | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 9:21:48 PM | OUCH, OUCH, OUCH, a breakup after a 22 year long relationship!
Justnuff, I hear you gal, that s a REAL tough one to deal with, because, to leave, and put behind you 22 years of love and happyness.
What can I say, except I feel your pain, and all the crying that you do, there is no shame in that, NONE at all.
I feel that the crying is healty, because it helps you to ease your pain and sorrow that you are going through, so that you can heal, and allow you to love again.
Until then, Justnuff, don't be afraid to cry and greive as much as you need to, and talk to some of your close friends, about how your feel about your situation, and have them listen to you.
It is going to take sometime to heal, but once you do, you will be a much better woman, for having to do so.
Once you have healed, have a look at what is important to you, in regards to relationships with a new man.
Does he share the same personality traits as you, doe he share the same interests as you, another words, does he match the same goals as you do.
I will give you an example. I have had relationships, that eventually didn't workout, and I would be heartbroken as well, and was wondering, WHY, they did not workout.
And this went on, through a few times relationships that I have had.
Now, I am starting to think what kind of woman, would I really click with.
his may sund a little goofy to some of you, however, I think that horoscope signs tell a lot about a person, and for one, what makes them what they are.
So, my horoscope sign is Aries, and I had a good look under that, and how it describes Aries charactor.
And from what I could come up with, was, that Aries did describe me, to most of the charactoristics that I am.
So then, I had a look at other horoscopes, and see what it is said about them.
Then I zeroed in on, ok, which horoscope sign, of signs would be best matched for Aries. Well, I found out, that Leo and Sagittarius, are the best matchup, for Aries.
So, I had read through their personality traits, and both did support Aries, traits, in their own way. So then, I went a little deeper, and found that Sagittarius, pound for pound, has just about IDENTICAL traits, interests, and asperations as Aries.
So, I am going, WHAT. Cannot be, however, from more and more of what I had read about Sagittarius, the more and more, I was beleiving, Sagittarius, shares a lot of Aries to a T.
And it got to a point, that I had read an even closer matchup between Aries, and Sagittarius, that they were pegged as a match made in heaven.
Talk about blow my mind.
So, I beleive that there is a lot of truth, about astrology signs, and not just a bunch of mish mash.
So, for me, in my search for a significant lady, I am going to start looking for someone who is a Sagittarius to start with, and see if her interests, and charactoristics match mine, and if so, then that is what I will go with. Anyhow, some people may think that this is a bunch of garbage, but I so happen to think that their is a lot of signicant truth behind horoscopes.
So, chinup Justnuff, you are a good woman, and you deserve to love, and be loved.
Sincerely
Neill | |
|
Viper1
|
Joined: 6/13/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 10:01:09 PM | Well not to sound redundant or cruel, but you have to let go, it is hard as hell I know the pain but you have to move forward and think about your own happiness. Life has its twists and turns and granted I myself have not been in a 22 year relationship but they all have the same dynamics when it comes to the heart, you should never have to beg for someone to love you......
We all have been through the process of heart break in our own ways and every ones story is different but it in itself is the same heart break is heart break and you have to ask yourself honestly wether you were happy or just comfortable as we sometimes become comfortable in a familar situation and it is hard to deal with change, but we must move forward and make ourselves happy before we can make others happy!!!
But that is just my thought on this!!!
A fellow Heart break! | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/9/2005 10:04:50 PM | | You did the right thing. I bet you're scared after being in a relationship for so long, but think back to the near past of being yelled at all the time and unappreciated. You have made a tremendously leap in growth in realizing you don't have to live like that. It takes guts to leap into the unknown like that and it's hard, but I think in the next few months it will turn around for you and you'll come out so far ahead you'll not regret the decision. | |
|
| |
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/10/2005 11:59:56 PM | @ justnuff:
I'm in your boat right now. May be ending a 23 year relationship (married for 20) myself. From what I can see from my bias and jaded position is that you just need to grieve until you are done grieving. You will tire from it and move on. You have a life ahead of you. It's not over. Hang in there. I wish I had more to say here but hard at the moment because of my own painful circumstance. I can only add that begging for anyone isn't realistic. A good relationship needs both parties present and willing. He is not and that is not your fault. You need to accept both ideas there in that he's not willing to make it work any longer and you are not to blame for his decision. You are only responsible for yours. I wish you the best, I sincerely do. You deserve better and it will come in the days ahead. | |
|
| How do you know when to through in the towel.
Posted: 8/11/2005 12:34:03 AM | Give yourself a chance, 9 months is not alot of time to get over a 22 year relationship. You are an extremely attractive woman. I think the others were right it does sound like a mid life crisis. And there are many that hope the other will give them a way out. Take your time to get yourself and your feelings together. It may never stop hurting altogether, but a time will come that you put it in a box somewhere in the attic of your heart. Give yourself some time.
My dad was 66 years old when he found the love of his life, a truly amazing woman. Trust me there will be someone out there looking for you. | |
|
|
Home
login 
