| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/9/2005 7:29:54 PM | I'm not here to illicit sympathy. I'm just looking for sound advice. I have been using online services like this for about 2 years now, and not one single response from anyone intersted. This is on top of 2 dates in 7 years. I've had my heart ripped out and stomped flat recently by someone I thought was right. Should I just quit? I've never been popular, most definitely with women. It's getting real hard to even try anymore. Pride is gone, and I'm not sure I have enough anything left to try anymore. I've come to the end of hope. It seems no woman is interested in me?
Deo Vindice,
-Paladin | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/9/2005 7:47:19 PM | That or you could get a noose to hang yourself with.
Why don't you get off this site and get on with asking someone out?! | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/9/2005 8:08:32 PM | Pay no attention to her. She gets her thrills abusing people.
After that long with no success, it is likely there is something in your premise working against you. Things like this can be difficult for us to see in ourselves, but may be quite easy for others to spot. If you have a friend to confide in or would consider visiting with a counselor, you might get some valuable insights that way.
In general this online stuff won't work for men who sit back and expect responses from their ads. The women are sitting back waiting for the men to approach them, which is traditional. Your own profile is just for them to check out once you have contacted them.
There are quite a few places online with advice for writing a good profile. People here will help you with yours. There is a forum here for profile reviews.
Meeting women may not be the main problem, though, if there is something in your outlook that is basically pessimistic. I have this problem myself. When I expect failure, I fail. The times I can muster some enthusiasm and act as if I have every right to succeed, the results improve.
There will be someone for you. Sometimes the search has to take us on a detour where we find out something about ourselves, before we are ready to find someone else. I wouldn't give up, but it does sound like your game plan needs work. | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/9/2005 8:25:15 PM | Why don't you get off this site and get on with asking someone out?!
This ^^ is called helpful advice.
Never feel sorry for yourself. And never take advice from someone who is afraid to show you who they are. | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/9/2005 8:35:39 PM | I think you should give up. for now. It sounds to me like you need to find some peace in your life, and within yourself first.....before trying again. It's hard to 'give' to others, or even to accept, if your heart is not open to it....
All the best,
CH | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/9/2005 9:29:44 PM | quote I've come to the end of hope. It seems no woman is interested in me? /quote
Don't throw in the towel just yet! You need to re-examine why you are not attracting QUALITY women. Hmmm... Is there such a thing? Somehow I associate quality with expensive. Maybe your approach is wrong. Not enough mystery, too much information, or you just scare the hell out of any normal woman. I am guilty of that last one. But I am not a normal guy so it don't matter.
UB | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 7 | |
| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 2:55:59 AM | I would totally agree with getting out in the real world to look
Cyberspace is a Very Strange place
A Huge number of people here either do not want to, or refuse to, or will not, meet people
The real world is much easier to navigate in
There you can hear tones of voices and facial expressions
Perhaps you do need to tone up your approach a bit
But the best approach
Is no approach
Desperation seems to give off a highly repellant scent
,,
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 4:20:45 AM | | Women like to "meet" me...but thats as far as it ever goes. I've given up. Women complain about men being players and head games...but women are just as taunting as the boys are. | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 7:20:57 AM | Can i give you my two cents worth?
I read your profile and saw a few things that you should look into. Change that whole About Me paragraph. Focus on your strengths and avoid words like unrepentent and lonely. Those are negatives. Clean up that goatee thing on your face, i know you live in Missouri but you look like a good ole boy from the stix. Lose the ballcap and get a better photo. And lose the oh woe is me attitude! Chicks don't dig that shit at all. They want confidence. If you feel good about yourself, it comes through in your look, the way you walk, talk, everything.
Another thing, online dating is very humbling and cruel. Its no different than the bar scene in that you are sized up right off the bat in most cases by your pic. Men or women, it doesn't matter, we all do it. At least online, you can send a mail and hopefully they will take a moment to read it and if you worded it well and offered something interesting like a sense of humour or a great compliment, maybe they will respond.
I hope you don't mind my comments and i wish you all the luck in the world! | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 7:49:16 AM | Nothing wrong with the good ole boy from the sticks look if you are after the good ole girl across the holler. I've seen some really nice looking ladies with some guys that I thought needed a good cleaning up, so beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder. The acceptable look for where you live may not be so appealing to someone from somewhere else. Overalls and a mouth full of Beechnut doesn't do much for a lot of ladies.
UB | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 8:43:24 AM | | Doesn't hurt to keep your profile up and check every once in awhile. You've had more dates than I in the last 7 years, if that makes you feel better. | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 11:26:20 AM | | Maybe you should widen your scope a little. I looked at your profile and it looks like a good one, but you ruled me out on the age thing. What can I say? | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 2:56:33 PM | | smitty Here's the only thing I can suggest. You have to look at the other person's interests and overall lifesytle. As an example, a lady who's a businessperson and likes the theatre may not be interested in someone who likes to hunt and fish. I know that's overly simplified, and not even talking about you, I didn't look over your profile, it's just an arbitrary example. Do you get where I'm going with this? Someone who likes jazz may not pair up with someone who likes heavy metal and has multiple piercings and tattoos. You have to consider what your compatibility factor may be. What about you might attract the ladies you're going after? Try to look for a woman who's interests and personality seem to mesh with yours. That's the best advice I can give. I do agree totally with those who say step back and take a break from it, I've done that before numerous times. If I'm feeling down or negative I know that comes across and I'm not doing myself any favors by keeping at it under those circumstances. | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 5:00:30 PM | ^^ Yes, but, is it softly, and with a song?
OP: Listen to Bucsgirl she can offer a wealth of knowledge. Me? I am just your average bum. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 17 | |
| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 5:13:47 PM | Smitty - Whoooa, there, your picture is the first thing I noticed (sorry, I'm a visual creature). You're selling yourself short for two reasons: wearing the baseball cap (don't use that for the primary photo) and standing there with your arms crossed, that's negative body language. Your pose - you look like you're about to take out the garbage and area dreading it!
I see eyes full of life and you've got mischief behind that smile (cool) which are your good points. Post 2-3 pics of yourself (including full body length), one of you dressed to the hilt (we women need to know you fellas can clean up nice), and the other where it is casual - perhaps doing your favorite activity (playing baseball). A good close up of your face, and body shots are a must.
Lonely - that is a big red flag! How are you comical? List a few examples. You're caring - how? Do you do volunteer work - if so, list it. You are a package my dear, you have to market it. You have to give women examples of what makes you rise above all the others out there! Think of yourself as a multi-million dollar package - market yourself! This "ask", criteria of yours is the easy way out of writing up your profile. Let me tell you a secret to women - you want to capture a good woman's heart? Be creative my dear - put energy and thought to your profile, its simple, period, end of story!
Hmm, I probably wouldn't list a firing range for the first date - they may think you're related to either Mr. Smith or Mr. Wesson. Think of other ways that include activities "picnics", "hikes", etc.
Now, get out your pen, write and re-write. Trust me, you'll re-write your profile as you go along. Last but not least, internet isn't the only place to meet women! | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 6:04:12 PM | | There are a lot of self-help books on dating. Try browsing your local bookstore for some interesting titles. While you're at it, check out the bookstore for potential dates. | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 8:00:05 PM | Tons of good advice above, Smitty. If you follow most of it, you're likely to increase your chances by at least 50%... depends on how important it is to you, I guess.
I'll add:
Don't just depend on this forum... there are others around too, and don't just depend on the online approach.
Don't give up entirely, just give up doing things the same way... or you'll keep getting the same results.
Don't allow yourself to believe you *have* to have a woman in your life. You can have a great life without a woman in it... and once you start loving life (and yourself) you become *very* attractive.
Cheers! | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/10/2005 8:57:22 PM | Smitty,
If you really want to meet some nice ladies, drop me a message with an email addy and I will give you some info on where to go. The rest would be up to you.
UB | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/11/2005 12:34:36 PM | Wow, lots of good solid advice. Even some tinged in arrogance, I like it.
About the photo, only one I have online, and also the only photo I've had taken of me in recent years. maybe I should have been more specific, I was wondering about giving up LOOKING online, not looking altogether. I can see where my profile isn't going to sell but then again, I was trying to be honest. I feel like a boxer thats taken too many headshots. I can't get squared to answer these replies fast enough. I'm not looking for mass apeal, thats just not me, I'm looking for that singular weirdo out there that is made just for me. I'm not trying win any popularity contests, and I'm not trying to please everyone. As I said in my profile, I'm eccentric, and I don't do well in crowds. I'm not trying to fool anyone, I'm being truthful, and the truth isn't always pretty. I will concede that I need a better online photo, I was napping when I heard, "Smile!" and I woke up to a flash. I also don't do well in person, apparently women only want me as a friend. Oh and Skylar, you're pretty, but not got enough heart baby, good day too you.
Deo Vindice,
-Smitty | |
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/11/2005 4:52:40 PM | Dont give up hope Its tough I know.Just get up dust yourself off and try again.If it doesnt work our don't take it personal. Theres more fish in the sea.
With each date you will become more confident and decide what you reallly want in a woman.Never compromise your values for anyone.Just be yourself
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| Should i just give up?
Posted: 8/11/2005 5:19:51 PM | | LOL, I've only just started looking....I'll let you all know if I decide to give up! :D | |
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