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 blueyes_master
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 1
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BDSM: Dom/Sub RelationshipPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
In the BDSM the relationship is really clear:
The Master is the dominant, the active role, who drive the game. The "slave" is the submissive, the passive role, who follow the Master.
Maybe many ppl like bdsm because this roles are natural in the sex, but in this age nothing in clear in the relationship...

Master Max
 poshrat
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 2
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 7:08:25 AM
Hmmm..depends on your view of BDSM..the one portrayed by the media and the internet, or or the reality as applied to those who practice it.

Certainly, in most cases, one is the Dominant (male of female) one is the submissive,..or they may switch roles from time to time... and the relationship is based on clear rules of behaviour of each involved.

There is also..in a well-established relationship, a great deal more commitment to each other, a deeper understanding of each other's needs, and a greater amount of time spent in satisfying those needs...and in many cases that goes far beyond merely the sexual..in fact I know some 'pairings' where there is NO sexual activity between them at all.

Nor is it all about whips, leather, pain, sadism etc...as the internet is making people think it is.

The reality is more about control...some people have the ability to do this to others, who have the need to be controlled..and I think the increasing number of people seeking out this lifestyle reflects the fact that the past few decades have seen 'crime and punishment' become a farce, rules and guidelines that were firmly entrenched and observered have now become things to break and try and get away with without being caught

The rights of an individual are now more important than the collective rights of the society around them and discipline is practically non-existant at home or in schools, as to 'traumatise' a child that way is likely to have you locked up!

As a result..many people these days feel 'lost' in a Sea with no direction or purpose to their lives..just look at some of the forums heading on POF to see what I mean.

The BDSM lifestyle can offer this to poeple who need it, and it doesn't HAVE to be the brutalistic system it is made out to be...nor does a 'slave' have to submit to it in order to be a part of it. Some, like myself, prefer tone of voice, and restraint control, to accomplish the Master/slave status.

It is a journey and an exploration for both in the relationship..and there are many paths to travel..but BOTH have to be willing to embark on it, and TRUST is the key factor..which is sadly lacking in many 'normal' involvements nowadays..along with COMMITMENT of course.
 jaymtheprogressive
Joined: 2/9/2005
Msg: 3
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 7:41:33 AM
Well girls are naturally submissive and this is a good thing for us men as we get to call the shots. But on the downside we have to pay for everything so it kind of evens out (I pay so I make the rules in this relationship is my attitude).
 Toad4U
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 4
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 8:30:53 AM
Where's My Sub?
 ~Songbird~
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 5
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 8:33:21 AM
If men call the shots, what's with all the little whiners running around here trying to get some? Women aren't naturally submissive...if you think that's true, whoa boy get out into the real world and meet some real women. lol Any one who is a push over is just that, a push over. A woman stands up for herself to anybody, even her lover, if he tries to shove her down...anyhoo! lol As far as the bdsm lifestyle or whatever it was...wait, was there a question here?
 Toad4U
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 6
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 8:45:42 AM
Women are dominant??? Tell me about it. I had a psycho, emotional sadist of a mother who was jealous of men and probably wanted to be one and pretty much resented all men, probably all stemming from the resentment of her own cold father. She married a wuss of a man, my father and dominated his life, his emotions, his thoughts, and probably the sex life between them. She sure treated me like crap too. All you men who have nice women in your lives don't know how lucky you have it in your lives. Maybe that is why I am looking for a "nice" woman but nice women are so very rare nowadays and already taken and surely not where I am looking at the present. Pfft. Yes, men really call the shots.
 louispointe
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 7
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BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 11:22:19 AM
BDSM is so passe.

I like playing Little Bo Peep. That's all the rage now.

I can be a sheep, and you can be Little Peep.
 Hilltopper
Joined: 7/16/2005
Msg: 8
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 12:13:34 PM
I am a total male sub,call ne wimp ,i could careless,I enjoy all aspects of a (FemDom-Male Sub) Lifesytyle,It has turned me on since the early 70's ,looking at all my Dad' old mags.(I kinda new that's what i wanted in a woman and still want to this day.) To me i feel no shame in admiting this.I can still pull an engine out of a car,Play Teaxas Hold em with my buddies.and do anything else i please.But if i connect with a woman (FemDom) who's into the lifestyle then i'm with her,until she gets sick of me,lol.It's morbid i guess to ppl who don't understand it or take the time to even want to,but it's who i am,I was abused as a child (phsically and verbally,I know WAH,WAH WAH) and that might place me in ,like i say"The Wimp" category,But i like a woman who is as strong as me,if not stronger.I know other male subs in this thread would agree,Hopefully Later,HT.
 tyme_gypsy
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
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BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 1:48:49 PM
Indeed it is, but not as you describe it. That is just a fantasy playing in your head.
A good DOM takes the sub EXACTLY where the "sub" wishes to go and no more than a tiny smidgen beyond, at the most. If he goes beyond that point then it becomes "abuse" rather than D/s so in truth, the sub regulates by setting her limits and choosing whether or not she expands the envelope. At any time she can pack it in and go find another who respects her limits. As long as the DOM fulfills her need to be be submissive, she will keep him. When he breaches her trust or no longer meets her needs, she will move on to one who does.
So WHO is the "DOM" and WHO is the "sub"? In reality, the DOM is just the "sub's" trained monkey, a vibrator with arms and legs who fulfills her needs to submit, be dominated, used, whatever..... She lets him play the role as long as he behaves.
The sex of each role is unimportant. The reality works the same with the sexes reversed.
Of course I have no firsthand knowledge of this stuff. I just know people who do
 LaurenBee
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 10
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 1:49:48 PM
Ah, a new name for marriage !
 jaymtheprogressive
Joined: 2/9/2005
Msg: 11
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:18:08 PM
It's just that nature dictates that we are the leaders and I am very happy to be in charge of and influence a girls feelings, so this is why paying for dates is worth everypenny. If she demands equal power YET a man still pays for everything, its a red flag and time to move on.

Of course I would never hurt or outright control a girl, rather I like to use my power as a man to please her. Of course I'm not going to object to girls paying (if they want to make the rules, they should do this) for a date or splitting a bill (and rules are then decided on mutually), but it is human nature that dictates man leads, women follow.
 jaymtheprogressive
Joined: 2/9/2005
Msg: 12
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:21:22 PM
"A woman stands up for herself to anybody, even her lover..."

The rare girls like this tend to turn me on for some reason.
 Toad4U
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 13
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:25:18 PM
Confuscious say "Woman who stands up to her lover does not get laid"

 poshrat
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 14
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:31:38 PM


So WHO is the "DOM" and WHO is the "sub"? In reality, the DOM is just the "sub's" trained monkey, a vibrator with arms and legs who fulfills her needs to submit, be dominated, used, whatever..... She lets him play the role as long as he behaves.


THANKS! for a good belly laugh there, even if I do have to now clean the screen from an exploded coffee!



Of course I have no firsthand knowledge of this stuff. I just know people who do


And if you stick your tongue any further into your cheek, you'll need surgery to remove it? LOL!

Oh man have to take that definition to the club and pass it around *chuckles* especiall the Dom(mes) ..especially those with ego problems..*grins*

Maybe you should get involved in the BDSM circles...you might enjoy it with an attitude like that
 trvlingman
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 15
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:32:32 PM
oh come on BDSM is so 1990,s
pony play is the new rage


OT. anybody ever watch that show kink. there are some seriously ****ed up people out there
 poshrat
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 16
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:44:07 PM


BDSM lifestyle? lol

whatever happened to two people making love and playing withing a loving relationship in any way they may choose to between them?


Agreed..only in my 'younger days' is was simply considered 'kinky'..but as is the fashion with civilization, everything has to be compartmentalized, duly have a lable attached to it, so it can be defined, and a whole list of attributes assigned to it..rather along the lines of a job description..especially one connected to any government dept.



thanks for the outline,



*Tip of the hat* you're welcome ..anytime.



what would we do without you?


Probably much as before me, no doubt..continue along in your own merry little way..

Only a little wiser perhaps?

 poshrat
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 17
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:53:41 PM


oh come on BDSM is so 1990,s
pony play is the new rage


LOL! 1990's?..gee tell that to the Marquis de Sade!




OT. anybody ever watch that show kink. there are some seriously ****ed up people out there



One could say that about any of the reality/survivor/'make a fool of yourself in front of the camera and air your dirty linen in public' shows passing for entertainment these days!!
 poshrat
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 18
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 2:57:16 PM
@LaurenBee


Ah, a new name for marriage !


Touche! Well done..brings back meaning the the vows..'Love Honour and Obey'..which I gather, have now been removed from some ceremonies...
 bugsybears
Joined: 10/6/2004
Msg: 19
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 3:01:44 PM
poshrat your probably right about that and then they stand around scratching their heads wondering why the divorce rate is so high. gee let's not get married any more. let's just live together. a lot less hassle that way. not!
 dirkislove
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 20
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 3:41:01 PM
This very well may be true..........Its a little medevil to me..........its the feeling of being in charge......... and little damsel in distress is in torment of pain and pleasure of the dominator. Its a feeling like none other for both parties a women likes to be dominated and there sexual appetite tooken with force from a man not a mouse. Women will deny but they dont know this feasture they possess. Are the do know it its just and inner fantasy to asshamed to really let someone know how they feel. Its like the cave man days knock a women down and take it. It was a way of life .......not as brutal is that but women likes there bottoms slap when sex is coming from the back doggy style, slapped, is today life, but there is nothing new up under the sun.
 sami_nick86
Joined: 3/18/2005
Msg: 21
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 3:55:20 PM

Well girls are naturally submissive


I'm not.


this is a good thing for us men as we get to call the shots.


Are you one of those guys who believes that women are the "weaker sex?"


we have to pay for everything so it kind of evens out (I pay so I make the rules in this relationship is my attitude).


I find this exceedingly disgusting. And what if she paid? Then would she get to make the rules?
 Toad4U
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 22
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 3:55:43 PM
A theory I read why spanking is so sexual is that it reddens the skin that is spanked. In evolutionary theory the female primate when she was sexually excited the reddening and swelling in the pubic area was natural. Human females generally lost the outward signs of female excitation for some reason or another so the spanking may be recreating the old natural primate traits of the male primate liking to see the reddening and swelling of the buttocks areas of sexually excited females
 Sorka Spellbound
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 23
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 4:22:34 PM
I've got to wade into this one. One thing I've noticed about the more lasting D/s relationships is that there seems to be a lot more honest and open communication. Trust and the building of trust often is openly discussed and worked on. Don't let the idea that a sub is passive fool you. Passive does not equate to doormat. There are some incredibly strong submissives out there, who bring a lot into the relationship. It isn't all about just being told what to do and how to do it. A submissive can be opinionated (respectfully of course), innovative, and so many other things that don't fall under that passive umbrella. I'm glad to hear that there are others on here that do understand that it isn't all the whips, chains and other flashy trappings that the media has portrayed and the vast majority has accepted.
 angeleyes67
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 24
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 4:31:39 PM
jaymtheliberal

Little jay, I think you need a spanking LOL j/k. People it's all about balance; life is about giving and recieving. Who's your Momma!

 poshrat
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 25
BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 5:13:17 PM
@bugsybears

..and also bleat on about what happened to the 'Traditional family values',no doubt..!

I have NO problem with any woman who has a mind of her own, states her opinion, and stands her ground.
I raised two daughters who do precisely that, and the number of male egos they have shattered as a result, I gave up counting years ago...and they've bruised mine once or twice..bless 'em!

There is a subtle difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness, which has all but disappeared...and faced with an aggressive woman...most men are out the door in a flash..but an assertive one ...ahhh...they line up for more...
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