| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/15/2004 6:37:58 AM | Hello...
Well, I met a guy from a dating site a while ago. We have been seeing each other a couple times a week ever since. This is getting serious.
I deleted my profile from that site. I don't want to appear to be available when I am not.
I got curious and went back to that site and did a search, and found his profile...listed as "active in the last 24 hours". I have checked back a couple of times over the last week, and each time his profile shows that he is 'active in the last 24 hours' on the site. I know that that site is good about keeping this information acurate.
Should I say something to him or just stop communications. I am hurt by this...I am unjustified? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/15/2004 6:50:48 AM | | Keeping, I had that happen to me once too. Turned out the guy was still looking for something better. IN the same breath he tried to tell me he had friends there he still liked to say hello to. I told him I'm not meat on a butchers table, nor was I willing to be his choice of the moment until a better slice of meat became available. Can't tell you what to do, sweetie. But, if it were me, I'd tell him I was aware of it and ask him to be honest with me. Some men are players. You never know unless you ask. Even then you'll have to use your gut to descern if he's lying or leading you on. It all comes down to what you are feeling, what your gut tells you, and if you feel safe and secure. Do you? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/15/2004 8:46:30 AM | It may be that he's a player... but it maybe that he's just not sure about where things are going with you two and keeping his profile up is his way of being cautious.
Personally I am not a player myself and am looking for a serious relationship... but based on past experiences I would not remove my dating profiles unless I was at the point when I was ready to commit to that person... and that isn't going to happen in the first month or so. However I would not be leading others on at the same time, I would answer responces but if any interest developed I would not date two women at the same time. I would be honest and say I have another interest at this time.
Best thing to do is ask him how he feels about you two and if he's anything of an honest person he'll tell you how he feels. If he won't be honest then it's time to move on. If he does tell you that he's not sure yet... there is not reason to stop dating him but also accept that he might keep his profile up until you two are commited. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/15/2004 9:08:55 AM | Unless you talk to him about this you could be jumping to all the wrong conclusions. It's quite possible he has made some good friends from that dating site and is just keeping in touch with them, after all here you are on a dating site too right? We can see what you're doing here but does he know?
My suggestion would be to sit down with him and talk to him about it, tell him how you feel before you jump to any conclusions. You might also asked if he would mind if you sat with him at a computer while he chatted or answered emails. His reaction to a question like that might disclose a great deal to you.... | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/15/2004 9:09:42 AM | hmmm here is my opinion for what it's worth...
A fear or awarness that I have is this: IF I do meet a man I'm interested in in this type of avenue...I am also noticing that many people be it men or women are addicted or "hooked" on this sort of thing.
If being in a relationship...he feels the need to still flirt with others or spend his time out here rather than with me.... well I think there's bigger issues there.
This type of thing can be fun..... but if it's aloud to get in between a relationship.... then I feel the relationship is already in big trouble.
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/15/2004 9:52:27 AM | Ok first of I do really know what you are saying, I too have that problem....Or rather hadthat problem.....
HAD because I talked to him about us seeing each other, what I thought was going somewhere, I found out he did not....He didnt see me as the type of woman he could have that long-term relationship with, yes it hurt like hell for him to tell me that, I am now better, and we are able to be friends....
Perhaps you and he should discuss what you both think is going on in the relationship. It may be that he isnt feeling the same way you are, or perhaps he is the kind of man who keeps you hanging on while he looks for something better...Either way, not a good thing, but at least you will know and be able to get out before to much heart ache comes your way...
I hope that all works out for you.... | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/16/2004 3:54:36 AM | | I agree with Sundog. Unless I came to the point where I was sure I was going to be with that person for a very long time, I would keep my profile. It's proved in the past to be warranted. However I would not be active really. I have had it happen before that I have started dating a woman from a dating site, and went on to see if she was still active. After several days of checking and seeing that she was still active, it dawned on me that maybe she was doing the same thing. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/16/2004 5:10:39 AM | | WEll, obviously if the man is up front about it. YOu know the score. It's all a game in many instances. I said I'm married, and my mailbox is empty. Age, marriage, responsibilities I owe my small family of 3 commit me to take care of them. NO, I stated in all the guidelines that I could never meet, and dating is out of the question. It is a player's game for me. I admit that. Flirting is no commitment. If you have no interest in that, then, of course, don't contact me. I didn't really expect much when I signed onto this forum. But some list their interests as "talking/e-mail". That is possible without giving your life to the person. Its a friendship relation only, and I see no problem with that. You can rest assured I would never date, nor meet you. This may seem like a severe limitation of no interest to you. But chat and e-mail can be fun. Just don't get too carried away. In these Talk ONLY forums and any contacts, the rules are clear. I don't know how to say it more frankly than that. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/16/2004 5:30:33 AM | | I met a guy from here and we seen each other for a month or so and it just kinda dwindled away with him not showing much interest after a while. He still had his profile up on here and a few other datin sites as well as me. About a month later his gf emailed me asking about our relationship, and had been seeing him long before we even met up, so I would sit down and talk to him, and really pay attention to his reactions more so than his words and u should get ur answers. Good luck!! | |
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Loopa
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Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 13 | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/16/2004 8:18:27 AM | hey keeping, i been wondering this same thing myself... not happened to me yet as the "victim," so to speak... however, i was on another dating site the other day, and just sort of got a wild hair - i did a search and located about 8 or 9 compatible prospects (all had been active within the last 24 hours) and just sent them intro e-mails. half of them sent me notes back saying "sorry, i've met someone and i want to see how this pans out..."
great, i appreciate their honesty. but it begs the question... "well then, what the heck are you doing on a dating site?" and like you say... since they're still active (i.e. checking in every day) how devoted are they to playing that other relationship out?
all sounds kind of like game-laying to me... and i'm probably like you, don't have time for that anymore. hope it works out for you... and i'd just be straight with him... ask him straight out... why are you still active on that dating site? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/14/2004 6:09:26 AM | First, I like to come to this site because I read the forums all the time. Sometimes I add something to the forums too. This is the reason I come here.
Well... I decided to tell you all the end of this story.
We continued to see each other very often. Phone calls nearly every night. I was out of town on the business trip, and didn't hear from him for a couple nights...so
Finally I sent him and email and asked straight out:
"I deleted my profile from the site, but was curious so I went looking and I have seen that your profile is still active and every time I have looked at it, it shows that your have been active in the last 24 hours". "I feel like this means that you are only keeping me around while you keep looking for something better". "Is this right?"
No response. No phone calls. No contact whatsoever.
So, now I know that answer to my question. | |
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lsmith
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Joined: 10/31/2004
Msg: 23 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/14/2004 1:29:43 PM | keepingstep: It's good you finally came out and asked him.. but I can't help but wonder if you didn't jump too far too soon? I'm thinking it might have been good to find out what committment level you were at 'before' coming clean and admitting that you had been 'checking up on him'. Though to you it harmlessly appears as curiousity; perhaps to a guy that's on the fence about whether or not to date you exclusively..it might seem psycho. And by that.. I certainly do NOT think you're psycho  YOU know you just needed more information - but.. sleuthwork makes most of the guys I know feel like you are 'all up in their business'. ??? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/14/2004 1:35:57 PM | Well... I can understand all of the points made here. I will certainly take all of them to heart.
btw... we were constantly in each others company for more than 3 months. I probably saw this as more serious than he.... well, that's obvious now.
The dating site was yahoo.... there are no chat rooms or forums. His profile is looking for long term relationship. I hope he finds it. I hope he recognizes it if he finds it.
Live and learn. | |
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lsmith
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Joined: 10/31/2004
Msg: 25 | |
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