| Women 40+
Posted: 8/12/2005 11:17:37 PM | | Are women over 40 afraid of falling in love? | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 8/12/2005 11:33:01 PM | I don't think we are afraid of falling in Love. I know I'm not. I am however afraid of loosing my freedom, my individuality, my sanity, and my independence.
When I was 20 I was looking for a man who would be a good father, good provider, and great lover.
Now in my 40's my list has changed - Of course I still want a great lover, but my children are grown and I can provide for myself. I guess the rest of my list includes finding someone who I like who is willing to put up with my crap.
I'm not into changing or fixing him and I don't want to be fixed. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:04:49 PM | Right on!!!!  I agree with you 100%!! I feel the same way about all that. While in my 2nd and third marriages I was not allowed to work. I was told that I needed to be there for the kids. Now that I am on my own with my daughter I am afraid of giving up all those things and do not really want to change myself as I would not change them. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:09:41 PM | | Once you are over 40, you have probably made mistakes and know what you DON'T want. So, you are much more cautious. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:12:53 PM | You ladies hit the nail on the head!
It's not a matter of not wanting to be in love...
It's a matter of being accepted for who we are!
After spending years raising kids,we learned more about ourselves,and our needs,
and might be more choosy about sharing our time with someone.
It might sound selfish,but it's better to know what you want than to settle. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:58:20 PM | | Why would fear loosing your freedom,individuality, sanity or independence? Is that what is being asked of you? I certainly wouldn't ask a potential mate to give up any of these, nor would I expect her to ask me to give them up either, but both people can and should be able to retain all those and share a sucessful relationship. If not something is wrong and it's not going to work then. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 7:01:55 PM |
Why would fear loosing your freedom,individuality, sanity or independence?
Things that have become important to indivduals over the years of being on their own, may be very low on the list of things that are important to a potential match or even on their negative list.
For example, I have my farm and animals. For someone who is at an age where they want the freedom to be able to pick up and travel on a moments notice - my animals are a liability.
For me, I won't move back into the city, or even into a town, so I need to find someone willing to take up a rural lifestyle.
Having things that you know you can't change about yourself limits your choices of available partners. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 7:06:08 PM | Why would fear loosing your freedom,individuality, sanity or independence?
simple...because we've given them up in the past.
afraid? no. absolutely not. in fact, looking forward to it, but as leafslady said i'm looking for someone to love me for me...not for who i was in the past, not for who they want me to be, just for the person i've grown to be. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 7:39:03 PM | Not me - I think loving and being in love are wonderful and I look forward to that time again.
I am more discriminating in my tastes; am very self sufficient; love to travel; am secure with myself; and most of all know what I want in my life. I'm willing to compromise but won't take crap from anyone. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:52:46 PM | | Nope I lookin forward to it | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/7/2005 9:20:25 PM | mcbobly
I have found men tell me they would not make me give up any of those things.....until I am in any sort of relationship with them. The degree of independence is viewed from two different perspectives...therefore, there will be disagreement. Spending time away from your SI is just as important as spending time with them. At least, in my eyes it is. And this does not include time spent at work...it is social time spent with others....but I think many men find that they fear the woman will be messing around or looking for something better. Trust is an important part of a relationship as well.
Squeak | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 4:28:27 PM | Afraid of it? Hell no.
Desperate to have it happen? Definitely not.
Confident it could happen? God no | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 4:51:25 PM | | The are not afraid of love, only of enjoying it. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:02:13 PM | i agree with you on that but we as men need step back and take a long look and under stand women just want to be heard
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:42:32 PM |
The are not afraid of love, only of enjoying it.
definitely not true! looking forward to finding it and enjoying it! | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 5:48:20 PM | okay, I believe in love.. I've seen it before..
But in reality a woman over 40 is more likely to be hijacked by terrorists than to find love again!!! I don't know where I heard that.. but it seemed good at the time.
Am I afraid.???? Hell no, I lived most of my adult life afraid. I am now free to choose..!!!
But would i give up my freedom for love, probably not. I would much rather meet a man who allowed me to be who I am and to love me that way.
Do I want to fall madly in love, introduce him to my kids etc to find out later that it doesn't work out? Nah,,.not really. But casual dating with excellent sex would be just fine with me..
Go home to your own house after some mind blowing sex ... see him later than week.
I don't need someone in every facet of my life.. Just well pretty much what I said up there.. LOL | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 6:11:44 PM | I think women over 40 are much more confident and know what they want. Many have lived their lives for their kids and now it's THEIR turn to live. I know I've made mistakes which I'll never, ever make again when it comes to a man. I'll never again depend on a man for my future or my happiness.
I don't need a man to support me, be a father to my child, take my garbage out, fix my car, etc.
Women of the 2000 era don't NEED to have a man in their life - they CHOOSE to.
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 6:57:18 PM | | dagnabbit Hardly!! Well I can only speak for myself but afraid of enjoying something?? What do you know about women that you speak with such supposed women? I didn't look at your profile, only assuming by your post that you're a male, but are men afraid of something they could enjoy?? Just asking. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 7:14:58 PM | | what women what is to finally be accepted as they are and loved for who they have become. Being treated like a real person with a brain and having my opinion respected is what i require and i expect nothing less. I am looking forward to falling in love and loving someone again, my problem is most of the guys i have been seeing say that don't want a girlfriend. I think guys are more afraid of falling in love than us women. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/8/2005 9:59:59 PM | Are men over 50 confident rhetorical questions can shamelessly promote themselves? | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/9/2005 6:55:11 AM | They are not or they wouldn't need to ask, would be the reply had it not been a rhetorical question.
I am puzzled by this post:
dagnabbit Hardly!! Well I can only speak for myself but afraid of enjoying something?? What do you know about women that you speak with such supposed women? I didn't look at your profile, only assuming by your post that you're a male, but are men afraid of something they could enjoy?? Just asking.
What do I know about women that I speak with such supposed women? Hmm, well now, I know about them they supposed to use all the words in a sentence for it to sense.
You know what they say about assuming: it adds an assum to ing.
But to answer your doubly punctuated question: Many men are very afraid of something they could enjoy. It's called being homophobic. In many cases that's not just an honorific.
Returning to the topic I will say only that much has been made of and written about the fears women have of enjoying love's pleasures; about their need from guilt to sabotage sexual happiness; the way many women spend their time serving their pessimistic dread, on guard against the self-fulfilling prophecies that taint their romances, and so turn what might otherwise be a good day into the dramatic punishment they know is theirs for having dared to surrender to desires. It's all left over from puritanical fanaticism about sex.
Oddly, women 50+ have reconciled with nature and no longer harbor such fears. It (40+) is a decade of crisis on the uphill climb towards post menopausal freedom. | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/9/2005 9:48:57 AM | They're not afraid of love.
But spiders......they'll scare 'em every time.
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/9/2005 10:00:04 AM | | No, women 40+ are not afraid of falling in love. They're just afraid of falling in love with a lying jerk who has misrepresented himself as a decent guy to get into her good graces only to have him use and disgard her. Nobody wants to make a mistake, especially one that revolves around our emotions! | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/9/2005 1:08:27 PM | | Afraid of spiders??? I think not. Leap into the 21st century...... | |
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| Women 40+
Posted: 9/9/2005 7:00:05 PM | | How 'bout big ol' waterbugs, LOL! | |
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