| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:16:02 PM | | Ok....I am actually starting to think that I will be single for even longer than I actually thought.. I believed that I just might find someone decent on here...and I've talked to a few guys..but they seem to just want to have sex...I'm tired of people e-mailing me wanting only sex when my profile specifies that I'm looking for a long term relationship... Yeah...I have two kids...well almost...I am pregnant...and I can understand that there are a lot of guys out there who think it would be cool to "hook up" with a pregnant chic...but that's not what I'm looking for...I'm looking for someone who I can spend a lot of my time with...someone who I'm not afraid to tell my deepest darkest secrets to...someone who isn't going to expect sex right off the bat...I am looking for a long term relationship that might end up getting to the married state...I am definately ready to get married...and I believe so strongly in the old values of marriage...I don't believe in divorce... | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:23:34 PM |
and I believe so strongly in the old values of marriage...I don't believe in divorce..
hmm, why dont believe strongly in the old values of having children after the marriage? marriage should be first, then the kids. but...since you did things backwards...why are you worrying about a b/f or husband now. you should be more concerned about the next child you are about to bring into this world. why not enroll in school. A b/f should be your last worry right now.
to your question they probably think thats all you want, since you have one child, one on the way, and your out looking already for another boyfriend. whats your big rush, you are only 22 years old?
MM | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:26:52 PM | | MM: That`s a little harsh, don`t you think???? We`re not here to pass judgement on people!!!!!! | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:34:01 PM | talitha no i dont think that was harsh, i answered her question. i am not judging at all, i have also done silly things or mistakes in my life....
i pointed out to her that her statement was false according to how she thinks.
soooo dont judge me talitha.
by the way, you didnt answer her question, are you here only to bash me???
MM | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:34:38 PM | | talitha Harsh? She's single and has a child and another one on the way. Her profile says single NOT divorced, so it can only be assumed she's never been married. Meow only pointed out that she believes in marriage, I don't think that was judgement, but just an honest question. She's single and pregnant on a dating site, that I have no problem with. But single never been married, assumed, and espousing the virtues of marriage? C'mon who wouldn't question that? MM was just asking a question that yeah, go ahead and judge me, but okay popped into my mind too? You calling her harsh, frankling I think you're being more judgemantal than she is. Ever heard pot kettle black? | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 8:38:05 PM | | I would wonder where are the fathers of the children. They left, or were sent away, so what else is going on here? It's not like all that doesn't matter. | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:40:20 PM | [marriage should be first, then the kids. but...since you did things backwards...]
well...i never said i was perfect...and i thought i wanted to marry them...but they didn't...then i realized i didn't want to marry them...and i didn't want to marry them just b/c i had kids with them...
[why are you worrying about a b/f or husband now. you should be more concerned about the next child you are about to bring into this world. ]
I'm not entirely worried about it...it's just a very nice thing to have...i dearly miss the great things relationships offer...and i'm not all that worried about my next child...i know that i'm more than capable of taking care of him...the only thing i worry about is how it will affect my daughter..but that's something i can't handle until after he is born...
[why not enroll in school.]
I'm not enrolled in school yet b/c i haven't found the best one that suits my needs and has the kind of classes i'm really interested in...but that doesn't mean that my FAFSA isn't already turned in...or that i haven't checked out several colleges...it's something i'm not going to rush into...
[to your question they probably think thats all you want, since you have one child, one on the way, and your out looking already for another boyfriend. whats your big rush, you are only 22 years old?]
Well...then they assumed wrong...just because i have kids doesn't make me a slut ready and willing to do anything that crosses my path...hmmm...wonder if you have kids...if ya do...then what are you saying about yourself and every other woman out there that has kids...and just b/c i'm 22 doesn't mean anything...i believe age doesn't show how wise you are...it's just a number...i've known several people a lot older than me...who were idiots...it was quite funny...and like i said...i'm in no rush...it's just a very nice thing to have...so thank you very much.... | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 8:40:24 PM | | MM and bucs.....`I may not agree with what you say, but I defend to the end your right to say it`...Have yourself a great night!!!! | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:45:48 PM | xxaventuraxx...
Here's some completely unsolicited advice :)
Don't worry about a man right now, sweetie. Yes, marriage is a great thing, and having a partner that you love is a wonderful experience. So, however, is being a mom. You're expecting right now and have another little one at home. Focus on those precious kids right now. Men come and go, but your kids are with you forever (hopefully!... moreso if you do a good job raising them!) Trust me, kids grow up WAY too fast. My oldest son turns 9 this week (where have the years gone?!?!) Spend a few years focusing on the kids, building them up, strengthening your own little family before bringing someone new into the picture. Your kids will thank you later.
I say this as a single mom raising three kids. I know what I'm talking about :) | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 8:47:08 PM | I agree with Talitha here...it wasn't so much the opinion that MM has, it was the way she said it. Seemed as if she was condeming xxaventuraxx for the way she has lived her life. That is totally wrong, no matter what she said. I too, took it in a rude way.
On topic:
The right guy will come along and respect you for the person you are, kids included. Hang in there, things will get better. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 8:49:34 PM | i understand what you are saying aventura, and im happy then for you. but... reading what you said, you should be more careful when you think some guy wants to marry you, then he changes his mind. or you change your mind. by the time you are thirty, you'll have 8 kids, and im quite sure if you even have the best job and still single, thats a lot of kids to look after. i find it strange though, that you were so interested in having children with no partner, but yet you cant make up your mind about what occupation you want.
i do agree with you, that because you have 2 children and no father or boyfriend around that does not make you a slut or easy at all. but... did you think guys around your age group may think that. i do wish you all the best, and good luck in your quest. and dont be alarmed if guys do think this, just block them and move on.
MM | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:52:04 PM | [I would wonder where are the fathers of the children. They left, or were sent away, so what else is going on here? ]
my daughter's father is in her life...and the other one isn't going to be in my son's life...doesn't matter why or how...he just isn't...and it wasn't my choice...whether or not the father's are around is irrelevant...i'm not looking for fathers for my children...i'm looking someone who i can be in a relationship with...the children thing will come a little later... all the guy will know for now is that i do have kids...they won't meet them because i don't want to do that unless i know it's a serious thing...soo...the only thing a man needs to know for now is that i have kids...and that i'm a wonderful mother to them and they are my life... and i will not sacrifice their happiness for a man's happiness...everything is irrelevant until the time is right...
on another note...i know what occupation i want...and i get the 3rd degree about it all the time by my father who thinks money is more important with a job than happiness is...but ohh well...
i understand what you are all trying to say...i am focused on my kids...i love them dearly...and i can't wait until i have my son...i am ok with my little family right now...but i also have to think about other aspects of my happiness...i'm not meaning to jump into anything...i am going to take a nice loooooong time before anything gets serious because i do think about my children....right now i'm just seeing what is out there...seeing what my options are...i believe i'm ready to make that step into getting into a relationship...if i wasn't sure i was ready..i wouldn't be on this site... | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 8:56:55 PM | | talitha Thanks for that. I appreciate that. You show true class and maturity, something refreshing. I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 21, I celebrated my son's birthday, he turned 26 last week. He's married and happy and I've been totally honest with him about the whole thing, as I was with my "large" family when I knew I was pregnant. I had mostly love and support but questions and other stuff that I couldn't deal with at the time, because I was a fulltime student, carrying a child and still worked. It didn't matter to me, I was focused. Those that got it got it, those that didn't, I didn't bother with their negativity. My son knows all about this, we've talked about it here and there whenever it came up and I've been balls to the walls honest with him about everything. He understands and still loves me. No birth control measure is 100%, unplanned pregnancies happen it happened to me, so I'm far from being judgemental, but Meow brings out some good points and I think she deserves a fair shake, listne to what she says as we hopeully would anyone else. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 9:01:54 PM | @ Ventura..
as you know the baby is due soon and a newborn will take up some time......relationships also require time and effort...so first things first
you have been very thruthful in your profile about your situation and that alone says a lot about you.........
just give it a little time with the newborn to settle in.....................the right time will come
meanwhile get all the help you can from friends and family. | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 9:08:24 PM | ohh i'm going to take all the time i need...and yes i will be very busy when the new baby arrives...but things will slow down...and while it stays busy for a while i can scope out and see what's out there...then when things slow down...we then might be able to move forward a little...if it's with the right person...
another thing though...i don't blame just the man...but they knew what they were doing too... it takes two people to make a child... i know i could've tooken procautions...but like i said...i made some mistakes...doesn't mean i'm not going to learn from them...i honestly was contemplating on getting my tubes tied after this one...but then realized that if i were to meet an honestly good man...i wouldn't want to deny them a child for themselves...just because i made mistakes...i feel i shouldn't make a good decent man pay for them also... and i only wish i was married before i had any kids... but now...i really can't do anything about that...the only thing i try to do is teach my sister to hold on from having any kind of sex until she is married...and how important that is...and how i wish i would've done it...and how she'll wish the same thing if she does what i did.... | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 9:13:28 PM | i just want to add here to a few people as i have said to others, but i wont repeat it again. my words might be harsh, as i only speak the truth. some might be thinking even harsher things than what i say. i do not say my words harshly though. but they are straight forward. why should i **** foot around the truth. me asking or saying something to please you all is a lot less than what a single girl of 22 with 2 kids is going to have to go through in life. i also noticed the ones to point out my harshness has nothing to say to the OP. so in all truth here, who is the basher.
I ask my questions the way i think them. it doesnt mean im being mean, or being nasty. im just open in my questions and in my answers. dont like it? dont read my replies then. move on to another forum and bash someone else. sooner or later you will be reported by someone who wont take your trolling.
OP. all im saying here is it will be hard for you to find a boyfriend right now, a young little girl and another baby on the way, is a lot to handle for a young guy around your age. and if someone says it wont be hard, there is lots of guys out there, they are only sh!ttin ya. so they can sound nice and polite.
MM | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 9:21:17 PM | | i honestly don't take your comments as threats or anything....it's a good thing that you're truthful about it instead of trying to be nice...it's better to give the bitter more harsh truth in order to help someone...that's the only way i believe to do that...and the only way i'm actually going to have a much harder life than i already have is if i choose that path...which the decisions i have made to lead me up to things now...are decisions i will never choose to take any longer...i only see myself going up from here...i know there are going to be more and more hard times...but i know i will be able to make it through b/c of what i know and what i have learned from the life i've already led...i'm not a little girl...in fact i'm much smarter and wiser than most people tend to believe...like i said...an age is just an age...not proof of wisdom...and i'm definately not looking for someone who is all that young... but then again... age is just an age...but i know that there are plenty of men out there...good men who are willing to share a life with someone who has children...if not...then there wouldn't be a thing called step-fathers...but like i said...i'm not going to rush into anything...i'm just on the lookout right now... | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 9:23:50 PM | soo...the only thing a man needs to know for now is that i have kids...
I am just suggesting that from the man's point of view, he may well make up his own mind what he needs to know, and what it means to him.
For a man to invest himself in a relationship, it is wise of him to consider the history of the woman he is with, because it bears on what he may expect to happen. You may dismiss this or that as things about which he should not concern himself, but he will have his own ideas. I would want to know the story behind the situation. I would want to be able to reasonably imagine I would not just be the next guy to come and go. An unsaid mystery past wouldn't cut it for me. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 9:26:21 PM | [I am just suggesting that from the man's point of view, he may well make up his own mind what he needs to know, and what it means to him.
For a man to invest himself in a relationship, it is wise of him to consider the history of the woman he is with, because it bears on what he may expect to happen. You may dismiss this or that as things about which he should not concern himself, but he will have his own ideas. I would want to know the story behind the situation. I would want to be able to reasonably imagine I would not just be the next guy to come and go. An unsaid mystery past wouldn't cut it for me.]
well if he wants to know...all he has to do is ask...b/c all i'm going to tell him is that i have kids...if he wants to take it any further than that...he will have to choose that...and if he does have any questions to ask...i am more than willing to be open and honest with him...b/c i would want them to know exactly what they are getting themselves into...but how much he wants to know is entirely up to him... | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 9:29:12 PM | xxadvent....Good luck sweetie....It`s not an easy road that you are going down, but I`m proud of you that you didn`t take an easy way out and abort your children....Congrats for taking responsibility and giving them life....Some others might not have....So you are to be commended for that...Invest your time and energy in your children and raising them up, and let life take it`s course.....I don`t doubt you will meet someone, but right now your focus should be on your children... | |
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| No other way to get noticed...
Posted: 8/14/2005 9:55:41 PM | | keep your head up and DO NOT settle for anything less than what you want! the good men are still here. one of these days he will find you, or you him. until then, wait. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 9:58:07 PM | I think your doing ok already. looking into school for your future and taking your time about finding someone. I would take some things with a grain of salt. Sometimes I've found if you get some overzealous or not quite nice replies you might check their profile, this will give you a better perspective on some answers and the validity of the responses. As in anything if you want an opinion about surgery, the answer a doctor gives should be held in higher regard that that of your local mechanic. Much the same, someone who is or has been married or has had children might have a slightly better understanding of the subjects.
OT>Most people here feel the same, they are searching for someone to share their time with. Whether you are male or female, pregnant or not it is completely normal to feel you need someone. Stay your course things will be what they will. I hope they turn out for the best for you. | |
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Posted: 8/14/2005 10:09:16 PM | | You have a baby due in 2-3 weeks and you're concerned about finding an LTR? Considering how busy you are going to be in the near term, try building up a network of friends for support first! | |
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