| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 6:20:30 PM | | Alright, heres the thing.... I'm dating a guy (whom I absoultly love) that is only recently divorced. He and his (X) wife were big swingers, they used to couple swap. I'm really worried that he may expect me to participate in something similar. I have no interest whatsoever in "swinging" and I've made that clear to him. He hasn't exactally said that he understands but he hasn't asked me to do anything yet either. He believes that sex is sex and that love is an entirely seperate thing (his X was psycho and I dunno if he loved her or not). I'm just scared that even if he thinks that it's ok for me to not be into this kinda thing that in time he may have trouble with it. He's a very sexual person and I don't know if I'm going to be enough for him for very long. I know he loves me as much as I love him but.... I'm still worried. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 6:33:44 PM | RUN! Seriously. You damn straight should be worried. God gave you a noggin' for a reason. If you aren't comfortable with swinging, don't even try the wait and see approach. That's his kink... and people don't usually change their kinks. If you stay with him, he's going to try to convince you to live the type of lifestyle that he wants. He's an adult, he can do what he wants, preferably without you.
The longer you wait, the more it's going to hurt. If you don't participate ... chances are that he'll go elsewhere anyhow ... or he'll dump you for someone who wants to live his lifestyle. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 8:17:16 PM | | Biggest lesson you will learn #1: People don't change! He has accepted swinging in the past as part of his life style. He has grown accustomed to viewing and having sex causally where sex partners are thrown away like yesturdays underwear. Even if it is ok for right now I suspect that the past will be haunting him soon to begin again. He probably believes there is nothing wrong with his activities. (scary) I can tell that you are a very smart person as you clearly understand what you do and do not want. This type of lifestyle is rooted is darkness and bondage of which I am sure you want no part of. Please reconsider your choices and try to find someone who fits your ideals of a normal healthy relationship. | |
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w82b
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Joined: 5/9/2005
Msg: 10 | |
| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 10:11:17 PM | If you are with a guy that disassociates sex with love... expect infidelity in your relationship. Eventually, he probably expects you to change rather than him.
 <--- for mental and physical health reasons | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 10:29:09 PM | | Purity...Are ya crazy, girl???? It`s only gonna be a matter of time when he`s going to expect you to step up to the plate and take part in his nasty lifestyle!!! Have you had any conversations about it???? You really need to talk to him before making any decisions... | |
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SANDE1
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Joined: 2/11/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 11:12:10 PM | He wont expect you to step up to the plate. He will have someone else as his partner for the swinging thing, head into four somes, three somes, orgies and even cunnilations during the afternoon one on one.
How do I know this? cause I have a friend of a friend who nearly got involved with such a man.
I raised my own son with these words. "Honey, if you have to think about what right or wrong, then dont do it." If there is any question at all, which you have by posting this, you already know the answer. You just wanted confirmation of it, which you now have. So.....dont write a thread in the future that your man has done you wrong, since you choose him regarless of the warnings.
The choice is yours now to take the chance or not. You at least had the warning ahead of time where most dont. Your a lucky girl at this stage of the game. choose not to play. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 11:34:47 PM | | In my vocabulary swinger = sexual addict. Trust me, it will not be long before he is gooming you to his pursuits. If you don't join, he will be swinging alone. If this is not what you want, don't waste another minute on this man. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/16/2005 11:47:45 PM | Oh for heaven's sake Purity....everyone here has already said it all....with any potential relationship we are taught to watch out for red flags...this isn't a red flag...it's sickening. I wouldn't let him near the children either....who knows what other pervertions he has. The fact that he even told you that he was into this is scary....RUN and take your kids with u girl..and don't
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 16 | |
| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 1:49:58 AM | | Yeppers you've got plenty to be worried about. His past is a good predictor of his future, and if you join up with him, expect to have a swingin good ol time at some point. You can't change this guy, if this is his lifestyle, RUN! | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 6:48:53 AM | | purity... you're a young, single mother with enough forethought to know you might end up in the same position his ex was and you should be focusing on raising your children, not on a man who will ultimately drag you down the wrong path because you're desperate to find love. let him go before you get hurt. have enough respect for yourself and your children to make more responsible choices in partners. you do deserve a man that will be faithful to you and he is out there, just have patience. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 6:52:12 AM | | how do you live with a man who is 'making love' to you, but having sex with your neighbour's wife...you shouldn't mind though, it's just sex right? Give me a break, you better mind! It's not easy to put up with is it? Just like it won't be easy to leave him. No one can tell you how to leave him, or that you should. You have to decide that for yourself. We're giving you suggestions and enforcing things to take seriously...will he leave you once he realizes you won't break down, will he turn to others behind your back seeing as it's just sex, etc...think about things before it gets any more serious. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 7:35:54 AM | “How do you run from a man that you love more than the world though?”
Do you love to get burnt? You asked for opinions…none of them suggested that this is a good man or good relationship. As adult you are entitle to make your own decisions, at the same time, people you don’t know care about you and are giving you very good advices … LISTEN to them. “Cross the river when water still below your knees, don’t wait till it reaches your neck because the river’s current will take you with.” | |
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Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 7:41:04 AM | Purity555, if he's a swinger and you're not, you don't belong together. There's nothing wrong with swinging, as long as both partners equally want to do this. But if one is into it and the other isn't, the relationship is not going to work.
Ninki | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 8:47:55 AM | | I don't know if I accidentally gave the impression that hes cheated on me but he hasn't.... I dunno if that changes anyones thoughts on this. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:16:33 AM | | Atleast for me I do understand that he has not cheated on you YET! Yet is the key word. The best indicator of the future is the past. History does repeat itself. I just really feel like that people once they have experiences like these they can only hold out so long before they 1) seek help to change or 2) they revert back to what they know. And what he knows is that having sex with random partners while pretending to be in a committed relationship are acceptable ideas for him. I don't think I need to remind you of which day in age you live in. Aids and disease are no longer whispers in the dark they are reality. It happens all the time to unsuspecting people who think that their partner is being monogomous when they really are not. SOmetimes love is just not worth the risk. You are playing with fire here. Again find someone who shares your ideals of what a relationship means. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:39:41 AM | Two things Purity:
1) he is a swinger he will not change this for you or anyone...he might reform his lifestyle for a "while"for a woman he likes but will not abandon the idea. The only way you are going to be happy with this man is if you end up going against your own wishes just to please him. You might even convince yourself that you can get into the lifestyle too just to please him and in the end you will be very unhappy for doing something you don't want to do just to keep a man. He will crave more once the novelty wares off it happens in monogamous rels imagine with someone who has tried that option and enjoys it, he will crave it and you alone will not be enough for him. I know that sounds harsh but you have to be realistic here.
2) I would take caution to men who describe their Xs as "psychos", I am a firm believer that it takes one to know one. A lot of men describe their X's as psycho and you find out they were together for years...what does that say about the men?
Be true to who you are. You should not have to change your lifestyle choices and go against your own inclinations to please another human being no matter how in love you are. You will love again and it will be with someone who is better suited for you. We are not talking about a couple of people where one is extroverted and social butterfly and the other quiet and reserved we are talking about a sexual preference and lifestyle choice. It's a huge difference that would prove too hard to overcome in the longrun. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 10:23:12 AM | Purity- it sounds like he is grooming you for Fun and Games. I am going to wonder if he went after you because you ARE innocent. You would believe almost anything he says..
find someone else who loves you for you, and won't play with you. It may take time and many more tears but do it!! | |
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