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| | If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them differentPage 1 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | A long time ago my X threw hot water on me. It left marks on my chest. Not on my breasts, but right on my chest and a little on my shoulders. I can't wear the clothes I want to and it really effects my sex life. I don't want a man seeing it because I think he will look at me different. I know a man wants a perfect looking woman. One with no marks. I am a good woman but these marks make me less confident about myself. Should these marks, or any marks make a difference when two people really care about each other? I don't think so, but I know some men do.
I am trying to get over the fact that they are there and you'll just have to except me for who I am,but when I get a man that wants to go to the beach.......well I can't even wear a bathing suit. It just hurts. | |
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ascar
| | Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 2 | |
| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 3:32:52 PM | hey shimmerfree,
i personally don't think it should and in my case it would not!
any guy or person for that matter that judges you by physical appearance alone is not worth the time of day!
too many people go by looks alone!
be strong, hold your head high and be the person you are inside!
good luck and be happy!
Ax | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 3:38:56 PM | There are alot of 'imperfect people' out in the world....well...actually, 'all' of them! Just to one degree or another.
When I was little, I ran into a combine blade with my left leg. It left an interesting scar on my thigh. Since it seems like it's been there forever....I don't really notice it, though sometimes people still ask me what it was from.
When I was 12, I ran into a barbed wire fence with a motorcycle. I caught my right hand in the barbs, and again, I have a scar across the edge of my left hand from it.
When I was 21, I gave birth to a beautiful 8lb 8oz baby boy. I blew up like a balloon and gained a total of 55 lbs during the pregnancy. I lost all of the weight shortly thereafter, but realized that those fine silver scars all across my stomach were not going anywhere. I lost the weight, but kept the marks.
The first time I was ever intimately involved with anyone aside from my son's father, I was TERRIFIED. Terrified that he would see these marks and RUN. I felt hideous in some respects....
As it happens, I have not had ONE. That's right...not ONE...man ever turn away from me, reject me, or even *hint* that he was unattracted to me, because of it.
I, like you, refuse to wear certain items of clothing. I won't wear a bikini or anything that shows my abdomen to the world. I have difficulty walking across the room unclothed. It's something that I've been concious about for the last 10 years......almost obsessively so....
Perhaps one day (after another child) I'll get it all 'fixed'...but the part that bothers me the most, is my own attitude and insecurity about it.
I'm really "spilling" alot, by sharing all of this...but I want you to understand that physically speaking, there are alot of us that can relate.
It's your 'emotional' wounds that I would be more conscious of. You most likely feel 'violated' all over again, every time you look at yourself in the mirror, feeling as though you're being made to pay continously for something that was 'done' to you.....
Have you gotten in touch with that? Have you been to speak to someone about it?
Sometimes the scars we wear on the inside, are far greater than those we wear on the outside....
Big hugs to you,
CH | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 3:41:53 PM | | Personally I don't have a problem with girls with scar or marks as long as they are not right on their face. I know it makes them no different of a person as its something that they just can do nothing about. I have been with some girls that have had scars from surgeries and the most common of all women that have had kids. They were great people and I was never bothered by the scars. I have actually known some women that have had a great tatoo cover up a scar and you had to look really close to see the scar. Anyways thats just my feelings on it. | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 3:51:51 PM | Thankyou CH. Your response is very well thought over. I appreciate you sharing your insecurities with me. I am glad to know that I am not alone in the world. As like you I have the little silver marks as well. You'd think I've had 4 kids and I only have one. Like you said it has to do with emotional scars on the inside as well. Thanks for your input.
Much respect to you.
Shim | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 4:17:06 PM | It wouldn't change the way I'd look at them in even the slightest way. Any man who would look at you different for that is not anyone you need to be with. I think most men would be blinded by your beauty and would never be able to see anything else anyway. Having a scar doesn't make you any less pretty than a scarless woman. You may have a difficult time dealing with the mental insecurities of having a scar but I couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to be with someone like you because you had a bad situation in your life that caused a physical scar.
I think you need to not even think about it. It's part of you and thats that. Don't let what you think others will think or say. I know it might be hard but you have too much going for you in the looks department a scar couldn't even begin to detract from that.
If anyone ever asks you about how it happened just tell them thats what happens when you break a chain email. That should shut them up.
Like cacadian hottie said, inner scars are far worse than any physical scar could ever be. | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 5:11:08 PM | | Scars don't matter at all. You look at them to see what they look like, then you know. The beauty of the female is such that it makes the scars beautiful, too, at least in men's eyes. It would just be something special about you, one more thing to love. It also evokes a very dear sentiment; protective tenderness, concern and admiration. We all have things unique about us for someone else to love. | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 5:36:43 PM | | shimmer I also have scars from a brutal near fatal attack with a hunting knife and an ax. They're not really noticeable now, as it's been over 13 years, and most are covered by my clothing. The trauma unit also got a plastic surgeon to sew the slice all the way across my throat. The scar is faint, and it's a bit jagged, but I don't even notice it and I don't try to cover it with makeup. I do have a nasty scar across my left side from the knife, but I still wear a bathing suit. I also have a scar on the back of my upper arm that was stapled, s the scar is raised and if I wear a tank top, you can see it. So what, this is what I look like now. I'm lucky to be alive, and I accept this is my body as it is. My internal scars have also healed and I've become a whole stronger person again. Those scars took longer and a lot of work. Someone who survives any type of attack is a better and stronger person for going on with their life with head held high. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're less of a person or less beautiful because of an ugly thing someone did to you. You're not the only one this has happened to, although at times it feels that way. Many of us have been hurt but we've come back, lived through it and gone on. I hope by sharing this it helped somewhat. If you ever want to please feel free to email me here privately. I have no restrictions. Keep looking up and forward, and I wish you the very best. | |
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ksue44
| | Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 11 | |
| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 8:29:53 PM | Shimmer,
Those scares will not make one difference when you meet the right person. I got divorced at 31 years, two weeks after my ex hubby asked me for a divorce, I had to have surgery done, in which I have a scar from my belly button all the way down due to a tumor on my ovary and fallopian tube which was larger than a grapefruit. The first time I got naked, I was worried that my BF would not accept me and it would frighten him. Lucky for me, he had one of his "balls" removed, so he wasn't perfect either.
We don't live in a perfect world. Put on a bathing suit, grin ear to ear and walk out that door with your head held high! A true and good gentleman will love you just the way you are! | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 9:29:44 PM | I think this is an interesting topic for a couple of reasons, but before I get into that, I wanted to say that is absolutely awful towards Shimmerfree77. I hope you got that ex of yours tossed in jail for that!!
Bucsgirl, that is a horrible story.
Now the reason this is interesting to me, is my sister has a 3rd degree burn mark on her leg. She is horrified by the scar that it left, and I have tried to tell her it doesn't matter. She doesn't listen though. I can't even get her to take a vacation with me to (preferably the beach) but she won't go anywhere.
I also have a friend who is going to have a mole removed soon, and is terrified already, because it is on her neck. I try and let her know that it won't be as bad as she thinks.
Personally, I lost count at over 200 stitches on my body. I have had over 60 moles removed, starting at age 10, I was in a motorcycle wreck that rock went into my knee and broke my kneecap, scars on both hands, and R elbow. Amazingly, I've been in 3 Motorcycle wrecks, 2 car wrecks, and I only have that one scar on my knee. Every other scar, I would say around 80 are from waist up. A couple on my neck, and 1 on my head. Then as if I didn't have enough scars, at one point, I was taking 26 meds a day, and they made me gain 97lbs over about 6 months. I've adjusted to the meds, and my weight has dropped by 50lbs in 2 months, but it sure looks like I'm going to be having stretch mark scars now. I'm also due to go under the knife again, in sept, and am expecting a fairly large scar on my right chest. I actually have a section on my back, that has so many scars, it has lost a lot of nerve sensory, and can withstand extreme pain, and extreme temps without me feeling it.
How do I feel about all these scars? I feel as though each one, tells a story about me. It is some type of obstacle, or a bad experience, that I have overcome. If I get real depressed, I can look in the mirror, and I can see all these scars, see how much I have been through, and yet I'm still here. They don't make me a weaker person, or less attractive person in my mind, in fact, it's quite the opposite. I feel I am a stronger person because of it. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger right?
As far as other people, and how they view them, which is a little different, since it is a woman viewing a man, and typically a man is expected, or permitted, to have more scars etc I believe. Yeah I have been asked a lot of questions, teased a lot through school, and after I was out of school. I was always playing basketball, so almost always had my shirt off. If someone is just completely rude about them, I can lay pretty good guilt trips, as my back looks as though I was shot with a shotgun. I'm also a pretty hairy guy, which I get teased about as well, but at the same time, the hair helps to covers up the scars. So I can get teased about being hairy, or go the other route and show 60+ scars all over my upper body.
A little over 2 years ago, I became disabled. That really changed my outlook on a lot of things. I fully admit, that before I was disabled, certain physical imperfections did bother me, not to the extent that I wouldn't date someone because of it, but I found myself looking at it too much, which made the other person feel uncomfortable. In reality, I was really just wondering the story behind it. To me, it seems rude to ask (IRL example) Hey, what is the story behind that scar on your neck. Not knowing if they are sensitive about it or not, and I'm too polite to risk offending them, so I would end up staring and wondering. Now, after being disabled, I think a scar? who cares? does a scar really effect the person inside? I know that it can, but it's usually only untill something happens to them in life, that transforms thier mind, and thier perspective, on things. Once they get over the scar, usually they are a better person because of it. They would be a lot less likely to judge another in a similiar circumstance. If they are dating someone who is sensitive about his/her scars, and that person has scars as well, it really can make the sensitive person a lot more comfortable.
Ok, I'd like to ask a little question, you don't have to answer here, but answer in your mind. Twin brothers or twin Sisters, identical in every way. Standing side by side. 1 has perfect skin, no scars, marks, bruises moles etc, the other has several smalls scars, or scrapes/brusies beauty marks etc. Without knowing anything about them, strictly judging by physical looks. You had to choose 1 to spend a week with on a road trip, so you are forced to be close to each other. Who would you choose to take that 7 day trip with?
Me, I'd go with the scars, bumps, bruises etc. Simply because if for no other reason then it is at least a conversation topic, that depending on the 2 people involved, can pass quite a lot of time. Also, from personal experience, those that are scarred up, typically have the better personality IMO. They have already been forced to understand that life is hard, it's not fair. They already know that they aren't 100% perfect, and that they know they won't find someone who is 100% perfect. They are more open to try out a relationship that may seem iffy to the perfect bodied one. In my opinion, once you understand, that you will not find a perfect woman/man, you will have more success in finding someone who won't be perfect, but they may be perfect for you.
So after all this rambling, (it's midnight, and I'm home alone and bored lol) in short. To me, No it does not make me look at them any different. Of course, there is always an exception, but thats more based upon physical disfigurement for me, and not a type, location, or amount of scars.
Don't hide your scars, be proud of them, be proud of what you have overcame.
Ben | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 9:38:52 PM | Well I agree with what everyone tells you here...BUT I also totally understand your situation. I have 2 yes 2 shattered wrists right now and have had 5 bone grafts done with bone harvested from both hips and still need 2 more surgeries. SO I have some brutal scars on both wrists, both hips and an abdominal from have cancer when I was younger. I am going to get some of the scars tattooed, but again depending on the scar it might not be able to be done.
I was told by a doctor that a good way to get over the body phobia, is to get some cool "artsy" photos taken that emphasize your scars in a cool b&w photo or something. I am sure if you were to advertise something like that on craigslist you would get a cool photographer to help you out for little or no money.
Just a suggestion. But don't stress yourself out about it, K???? | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 10:13:40 PM | All of you are so wonderful on here and giving me some great positive feedback. HonorPrestige......you are wonderful. I love what I read from you. I think you have some very in depth views on things and really life in general. I respect you and your input. You really helped me and I can't thank you enough. My scars do run deeper then the outside. I have been through some terrible things in life and I can't begin to explain them. So this sight right here is helping me to. It allows me to ask questions and vent at the same time. I want to thank everyone for their views on this and their replys. You can give as much input as you wish HonorPrestige....Thankyou | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 10:23:32 PM | | When I came home after 4 days in the hospital with tape and bandages everywhere to my parent's house, and they had taken the stitches out, that was one of those moments frozen in time. I looking in the mirror and for me it was my throat. My sister had gone shopping with me and got me a scarf to tie around my neck. Which I did, for that day, but I so remember leaning over the bathroom sink after peeling off the bandage. And yes I will admit to an aspect of vanity. I'd always worked out taken care of my body, for me. I wanted to look good for me. And I'd worked hard at it. At that time the scar has less than a week old and there were ends of stiches sticking out and honestly it was just short of hideous. I was going to church to see my friends who were just happy that I was alive. And yeah, I looked at my neck a lot in the first months or year. I'd lean over the sink and tweezer an end of a suture. Sorry not trying to gross anyone out, but the ends of stiches after they removed them across the width of my throat, there's not much skin there, so the stiches work their way out. I could feel then coming out as the new skin was growing underneath. I bought the good tweezers with the sharp point and I'd just get them and pull them out. My scar healed great, thank God for the plastic surgeon they brought in to stitch my neck and I heard it from somewhere cant remember who or where, but it was over 125 stitches inside and outside. They did a great job. If you met me and we sat down and talked you would never know. I do have other more visible scars, but I just say oh well..first time I wore my french cut bathing suit with the sides out, to where the scar above my kidney is visible. This is what my body looks like. This is the way i look after surviving and living through something beyond a nightmare. I can accept that, I got to come home to a loving family, be able to raise my children to adulthood. Before this happened, I never had a stitch EVER in my body or a broken bone. Big deal so what, something happened and this is what I look like now. It's never held me back or prevented me in any way from doing and achieving most of what I desired. The only reason I haven't done everything I desired is because my list is way too long, it would take 10 lifetimes for that. Suffice to say I've done more since the attack than I ever thought possible, not in spite of it because of it. Not a survivor, but an overcomer. I took that strength and still draw on it, that's my motivator, my quiet stream that I draw strength from to this day. | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/18/2005 11:15:22 PM | If a man has an abhorence to scars,then he not should date a woman who already has kids nor should he get someone pregnant. chances are good that if a woman has kids then she has scars. i know i do. one from having my appedix out at 16,and the other from giving birth to a 9lb 14 1/4 oz daughter whose shoulders made it possible for me to recieve over 250 stitches, not to mention the strtch marks from having 2 kids over 9lbs lol
everyone has scars,wether internal or external. if they don't bother the person who's body thier on,then it shouldn't bother anyone else. and like someone said b4, they just add charecter.
you are a very good-looking woman,don't let anyone tell you different. hold your head up high and be proud of what you have overcome.
all the best to you 
Ecb | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 12:29:32 AM | Woohoo scar comparisons! I wanna play!
I've never had a guy have any problems with any of my scars. Most people have one or two somewhere on them anyway. I even have one on my face (it's small and I've had plastic surgery to make it smaller) on my chin. I also have several on my legs, my right hand has lots from various dog bites, and my biggie is a pacemaker scar on my chest. I still wear tank tops and am perfectly open about it. Guys don't seem to have problems with these things, though at first I thought I'd be seen as "damaged goods"
For those stories I read... wear them with pride sisters!!! You survived! Badges of courage, all of them and if a guy doesn't like it, then move on. You don't want a shallow idiot who only cares about looks do you? | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 6:51:15 AM | Last year I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer. Stage 2. I was 22 when I found out, and apparently had the cancer for 15-20 years and didn't know it. I had to undergo two surgeries to removed 1/2 then finally all of my thyroid. As a result, I have a scar across my neck, that is still rather 'fresh' if you will. I had the last op in April. I am NEVER, not for ONE SECOND embaressed by my scar. I choose to look in the mirror and instead of letting it remind me of all the crap and bullshit I went thru in the last year, I let it remind me that I am a fighter. I had a baby, cancer, and lost my marriage all in the same year.....but that scar lets me know that I can do anything. Only time will tell if I am winning my 'battle' if you will. But I can say with certainty that I have already won.
I too was blessed with 'tiger stripes' as I like to call them from pregnancy. Guess what...it's a medal of honor to wear them. I don't think any women should be scared or embaressed to have them. You gave another human being life....nothing is more incrediable than that.
If someone will or has judged you on any scar....they're not worth it. Move on. You wear your scars proud....they tell the story of who you are.
~ Dana ~ | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 7:04:57 AM | I know it's different for guys to have scars, but I beleive it adds just as much character to ladies as it does men. It shows that you're real. Some people with the perfect skin, and no blemishes actually look freaky sometimes! As said before, scars are part of growing up. THey show that you've lived a little in your life, and possibly not afraid to take risks, which is majorly cool.
One of my best friends has a nasty scar on her leg but the guy she's seeing doesn't care. A personality can easily outshine any imperfections. I think that at least one scar should be mandatory! Life is full of dangers, so live life, take risks, and let the scars prove that you have.
Just my thoughts, | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 7:26:38 AM | | isn't it amazing how we can all turn something around to focus on ourselves? Not that I dont feel for everyone here, and I appreciate you sharing .I could say similar things, talk about my body scars b but somehow, I think that we have forgotten that this is about Shimmer! Shimmer, concentrate on your attributes, your love of life, the great person you know that you are ! Everyone of us on this planet has something that we dont like about ourselves and its amazing that it is always physical! Rarely will you find someone who will say, that they don't like their sense of humour , or their kindness! it is always something that THEY feel others see, Honestly, that is not what people see If you have a good and loving heart, be proud, that is the important part that makes 'Shimmer' the person.b | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 8:56:01 AM | Imperfections are only just that-minor compared to the real person inside the temple.
I have been blessed with little tiny scars here and there-not so sure if I was accident prone or not-but I have tiny scars that were inflicted. Now-if a person judges you by the cosmetic differencs or accidental or/physical abusive scars they are not much of a person now are they?
The battle wounds are well earned in our hearts..now If I were a man-I don't think like one so this is hard-I would understand that no one is flawless-but if the wounds were self inflicted/destructive that may make a diff. I once was late for work as the man I was married to had thrown hot coffee all over me-now it didn't scar physically and I had to heal emotionally and not dwell on it it had ruined my uniform- and I almost lost my job for being late=-we as people have to like a person for better reasons then appearances..don't you worry about that-if a fellow looks at you like you were an alien or scarred and refuse to acknowledge any feelings on account of this-he can go back to the rock he crawled out from under. | |
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| If a woman has a few scars..does it make you look at them different
Posted: 8/19/2005 9:14:25 AM | Shimmer,
I once knew a woman who was burned 3rd degree, when she was a child when her house coat caught fire. I though about the pain she must have had as a child, but as to the relationship, did not hurt a bit, the beauty of the person did not make me think of it a bit. | |
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