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|I had an experience a while back in which a young lady informed me, prior to any sexual activity, that she had genital herpes. She told me what she knows about it and suggested I do some research and educate myself. I did. |
Question: How would YOU view a prospective sexual partner informing you of their issue, and how would you handle the situation?
Posted: 8/22/2005 9:39:27 PM
|wow that would be a tuff call .......but first thing i would do is appreciate and applaud them fer their honesty in telling me......as for what i would do then......well, i havent been in that situation before so i dont really know how i would handle it..........|
Posted: 8/22/2005 10:24:06 PM
|well, my best friend was getting married to her so called man of her dreams....he was sleeping around on her from a girl he met at a bar...he then caught herpes and passed it on to my friend....this situation is a little far from yours....but all I can do is be her friend because she was the victim....In this case she did not deserve this to happen to her...so I stand by her and support her the best I can. It's just a shame...She is beautiful, young, and at the top of her modeling career, the only thing that upsets her now is who is gonna want her??? I just tell her somebody.....|
Posted: 8/22/2005 10:33:47 PM
|You see, that's the attitude I was expecting. I did a LOT of reading on the issue. You'd be surprised how many people have misconceptions about genital herpes. Did you know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men have it? About 20% of the women don't even know they have it because they've never had an outbreak.|
In general, you're not contagious unless you're shedding, which is usually accompanied by an outbreak. With treatment, your occurance of outbreaks can be limited significantly or eliminated altogether.
It's quite possible to engage in sexual activity with someone infected with genital herpes and never contract it yourself.
On the downside, condoms do not significantly reduce the risk of infection as the contagious areas (areas where the virus is shedding; usually around the outbreak area) is not coverd by the condom.
To say her life is over or who'd want her because she has the genital equivilent of a coldsore seems a bit melodramatic. Maybe your friend should educate herself on the virus. She might feel a little better once she knows what she's dealing with.
Her worst enemy is really ignorance.
Posted: 8/22/2005 10:41:49 PM
|you see I agree with you....Herpes is one of your least bit worries when it comes to STDs there are so many worst ones out there...but you tell that to her...a model who is so stuck on herself and body..lol..You just gotta know her....|
Posted: 8/23/2005 12:05:07 AM
|Well, if she can take the treatment, she's the only one who has to know. It's definitely not something you'd want to get volutarily, but it's also not the end of the world.|
Posted: 8/23/2005 3:00:07 AM
|They say 1 out of every 4 people have Genital Herpes.|
Posted: 8/23/2005 3:39:09 AM
Posted By: Refuse2GrowUp on 8/22/2005 10
Subject: Genital Herpes
Question: How would YOU view a prospective sexual partner informing you of their issue, and how would you handle the situation?
Well they would no longer be a prospective make-out partner let alone sexual partner
I don't care about misconceptions and the fact that it won't kill you like other STDs can, I still think it is nasty and wouldn't want to catch a case of it... even coldsores creep me out
I remember seeing the pictures in some of my mom's medical nursing books (I used to try and gross out my friends with the pictures as a kid)and then again when I was in college and was taking some anatomy/physiology and other bio related courses I got to see some more of the outbreaks... sure the books I saw pictures of had rather bad cases, not everyone gets it that bad and outbreaks aren't usually all that often but if there is that chance.. I certainly would not be interested anymore...
I'd say.. friends.. ok.. but nothing more
The closest I would have come to that was when I was a teenager and got chickenpox.. that was enough for me.. I don't want something similar in the more sensitive areas among the other things the virus does... I like the fact I never get sick and would hate to catch something like that that can spring up on you at any time.. catch a little too much sun.. have a stressful week at work.. etc... and pow there it is again..
Posted: 8/23/2005 6:53:58 AM
|Agrees with ^^^. All I've got is my health, right? Nothing else matters...|
Posted: 8/23/2005 7:02:43 AM
|One out of four people have genital herpes ? That seems way too high but I'd agree it's probably more prevalent than we'd expect. Anyway, this very thing happened to me. I was seeing a woman and she informed me that she had it. Well...I appreciated her honesty and all but that killed it for me. Had I been more attracted to her I might have taken the risk but even then it's unlikely. Perhaps if I was somehow %100 certain that I'd end up marrying her at some point I would have gone that extra mile but casually dating someone isn't reason enough for me unfortunately.|
Posted: 8/23/2005 4:34:36 PM
|dated a lady for a while that was afraid she had picked up the virus from a former partner. she is pre-disposed to cold sores and it scared her to think it was possible she had it. we abstained till she was checked out and split before the results came in. i studied up on it and found there are shields available to prevent infection. imagine that, a female condom. supposedly they work but i still would be leary of it. my biggest question was, what else is possible. unprotected sex in our times is def a no-no. one's life could depend on it. beware of the legacy left by your predecessors. enough cannot be said for the need to be careful with yourself and your partners. you owe it to each other and the whole world.|
Posted: 8/23/2005 5:53:18 PM
|It's a tough call. You can rationalize it all day long, but there's always some risk involved. If the worst happens, then you're the one having to explain to your partner what you have, what the risks are, etc., etc. Then, of course, there are those who don't bother telling anyone.|
This young lady contracted it from her partner during what she thought was a 3 year monogomous relationship. Apparently he was doing a little sleeping around and brought home someone else's luggage. Surprise!!!
Posted: 8/23/2005 6:35:06 PM
|So do all of you take your partner down to the clinic and get tested before having sex? If not you have a chance of getting herpes...|
Posted: 8/23/2005 7:38:13 PM
|don't think the prevalence is as high as 1 in4, although it might be that within a large city...but even so, if a person is nice enuff to disclose it then its up to the other partner as to what the next step should be.|
not having this infection, i would have to decline and probably end the relationship as much as it may hurt!....why, because it is an incurable condition, and eventually it can be passed over!!!........you can choose to take the risk but then what if your relationship fails for whatever other reason, all you will be left with is an unpleasant reminder of what you reaped.
each one will have to decide how valuable one's state of health is!
Posted: 8/23/2005 8:14:28 PM
|Wear a condom....|
Best question: "I can't feel you if you make me wear a condom"
Best Answer: "You'll feel less if you dont wear a condom!"
Posted: 8/23/2005 8:17:26 PM
|I would research it and then make a decision based on my feeling about it.|
Posted: 8/23/2005 8:25:18 PM
condoms don't fully protect you against contracting the herps during the shedding phase!!..the parts not covered by the condom can become ports of entry!
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:14:09 PM
|Key phrase here: "dont fully protect" (thanks btw) ---- nothing can totally protect you against herpes or hiv or other stds. Knowing who you sleep with is probably the best idea :)|
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:53:58 PM
|I think that was totally responsible of her to inform you of her "situation".I would immediatly respect the person for telling me,and go from there....................|
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:54:22 PM
|can you do anything with someone who has herpes? and not get it.|
the hell with it why risk it
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:05:45 PM
|Of course it is responsible for one to let the other know if you have Herpes and to discuss all the pro's and con's of what you have and what you can or can not do. It is a disease like many others and not one that if you touch a doorknob that a person with herpes touched that you will get it....for gods sake!!!! |
If you care about yourself and the one you want to be with....you will both be tested for everything....and talk about all you know and have and be respectful towards each other. The only true way not to get anything is to never have sex on any level at any time.....and does that not seem a little backwards and stupid?
Since one in four women have herpes and one in five men have it, it seems only natural that you would discuss it and your choices as you would with any other disease that your partner could or could not receive by sharing body fluids with you on all levels in all places and at all times.....
Just my opinion.....and I respect each woman who has shared that with me first and let me make that decision on my end.....
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:27:46 PM
|I don't think I could chance being sexual with someone who has any kind of disease. I would be curious as to how they got it, then the situation may be different but still, I have a feeling I couldn't. Yes they were brave enough to tell me and I would thank them that they did, but I would most likely be honest and say nothing would happen because of it. I'm a very clean healthy person and would expect the same of whoever a potential partner may be.|
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:44:46 PM
|Here is a response from one of the last herpes threads and what Babs said then and I responded to her.....by the way...she is one of the best on here with thinking and saying her mind and I respect her much....|
What gets me is that people are so frikkin worried about genital herpes and post lewd and disgusting posts on a thread where their opinions aren't appreciated.
Thank God that has been erased.
Remember too that oral herpes is just one different strain from gential herpes and if your partner has HSV-1 on their mouth, you CAN VERY WELL get it yourself - even genitally.
I've had cold sores since I was about 7. That was the earliest I remember. I know that this can happen to my partner if I'm not careful and feel that 'tingling' on the corner of my mouth. Do I expect to be dumped for it? Noooo. So why still the stigma about genital herpes?
I know THREE PEOPLE who got genitlal herpes by their selfish prick-of-a-person partner who never gave them the chance to DECIDE how they would safeguard themselves from it.
I know TWO PEOPLE who got it from oral-genital stimulation (and no, I never gave it to anyone, lol).
Did you also know that HSV-1 genitally is the most prevalent way of getting genital herpes these days?
Remember that when you are dating someone with a cold sore. And if you want to cut out your dating prospects of people who carry either strain (BTW, you can also get HSV-2 orally), you're looking at removing over 85% of the total population who either has oral OR genital cold sores from your dating pool.
One more thing, up to 40% of those who have gential herpes (either hSV-1 or 2) do not know they even have it. So it isn't always a case of withholding information from a partner.
It's time we wake up and stop with the puritan attitudes and discuss these things openly.
Way to go girl.....you are the best......
Maybe if we all would just take the time to talk and go slow enough to let our minds rule and not our genitals.....that we could control more of this.
Instead of getting upset and mad about being asked to share and getting a blood test......we should all make it just one more thing to do when dating and wanting a relationship that involves sex. I know that having oral sex can transmit many things too, both for males and females, yet many do it without thinking at all. I do not want it to get to the point in my life that I have to wear a condom for oral sex and vaginal sex, and kissing condoms, and and and!!!! What I want is open communications and honesty and then having a relationship that continues that way with just that one person......is that asking too much?
I am one of the lucky ones who is STD free and it has been both education and honesty and yes some caring and luck too...but it can be done and your partner is just that....yours....so treat them with respect and the honesty that you would want and deserve.....
Posted: 8/25/2005 12:21:17 AM
|I'd most definately meet the person. There are so many ways of dealing with a pesky STD... why give up the chance of a beautiful relationship over something so small ? They are an awesome person right off the bat for being honest with you and telling you up front. Not alot of ppl would have done that... statistics show 1 in 5 men and 1 in 4 women have this disease. It's a very common STD... ask your Dr. for more information as well.|
They would know their situation best, know their body... ask them questions about it rather than getting all your information from the net, as they tend to pin point the worst of everything lol.... Every person handles STD's in a different way (affecting their body) just because one person has horrible outbreaks or whatever, doesn't mean the next one will.
It's also a known fact that more men spread this disease than women. More men than women are silent carriers and don't even know they have it, thus why this particular disease is so common.
The best way to sum this up (whether its sex related or personal problem etc) in my opinion.. is I always thought about their situation.... I gather information, ask questions, whatever... then I put myself in their shoes and wonder what it would be like to have to deal with that situation on a daily basis... scared to tell a 'possible partner' etc... and what it would feel like to be rejected for something beyond their control.
This persons personality and the whole package made you like them.. not this disease... it did not make them, it will not break them/you.. give them a chance and just use precaution ! The next person you meet, might not be so honest.